Catholic women marrying non-Catholic men

[KCT]

People change. Maybe the women you see in church have Catholic husbands, married in the Church but for some reason, the husband no longer attends Mass.

Maybe they did make the ‘right’ choices at the time of marriage, but something has since happened. —KCT

 

[OSUbride0708]

My mom was Catholic and my dad wasn’t. Growing up, my dad came to church with us on holidays but on Sundays it was just me, my brother and my mom. My dad was Methodist by name but wasn’t really raised with many beliefs. For as long as I can remember, my dad has read the bible and had a great understanding of it and a great love for God. When I was about 7 or 8, my dad started attending a Methodist church. He finally became baptized Methodist in his 30s. After much prayer and long discussions with our priest, my dad decided last yr he wanted to come into the Catholic church. He became Catholic this year, after 20 years of his family being Catholic and him not, and I was his sponsor. He has not missed mass once since the Easter Vigil and is very dedicated in learning more about his faith. Tell me, what would have happened if my mom had not dated him because he was not Catholic?? I can’t even begin to imagine because i love my dad so much and he is such a good person, he and my mom are perfect for eachother.

 

[mommamia]

Simply, they aren’t thinking straight or they wouldn’t get involved with a non-Catohlic in the first place.

When I married my christian husband, that was exactly what his southern baptist pastor told him. Only in the reverse-“You need to come to your senses and leave this woman and child.” It was hurtful. The only thing that did was turn him and his younger brother from that church, and make me feel bad. Was is right? I admit we were wrong to have lived together as man and wife before being married in the church, but in retrospect I believe the word of the father who married us were better-“God is pleased you have seen your mistake and choose to make them right in his eyes. We are all His children and he rejoices everytime one of his lost sheep is found”

He is my best friend, we have been happily married for 14 years. Our children are raised catholic, and he does attend mass with us, but as he works 3 state away, it is often just me and the kids. His younger brother and his family is converting to the faith, and hopefully with time he will decide to take the final step.

He is loving and kind, and I wouldn’t trade him for anyone. He volunteers at the parish, helps out with school fundraisers, and helps the kids with their religon homework. Honestly he knows as much as most cradle catholics like me know about the church. He has definantly taught me things I had forgotten or taken for granted.

Judging, and holding yourselves above others is not what the Catholic Church is about. It’s about being an example of Christ’s love on earth, and that means reaching out to, and loving Catholics and Non-Catholics alike.

 

[Rob_s_Wife]

I agree love is a choice.
For me, I chose to love and marry my dh before I chose to love God.
I’m fairly certain the good Lord wouldn’t want me to use love of Him as a reason to stop loving my dh.

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It’s not bigoted to point out that one should marry within their faith if at all possible.

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It is however ignorant to act as though love/lust robbed you of any free will in who you date/marry.

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I was perfectly capable of deciding who I wanted to get involved with back when I started dating my dh. At the time, faith was a non-issue for both of us so it wasn’t a consideration.

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**If I had decided I didn’t want to get involved with a non-catholic guy, it would have been rather difficult to fall in love. Simple as that. Point in case, I didn’t care to date anyone very religious and avoided them like the plague. All those bible thumpin’ fellas out to save this damsel were annoying as all heck to me. **

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And yes, at least in the begining we all fall in lust. Let’s face it, my sparkling brain was not the first thing my beloved noticed about me and attracted him to cross the room. Thankfully he was able to think past the hormone haze that glazed his 16 year old eyes to the person I am and found someone he wanted to love for the rest of his life. Frankly, I remember thinking he looked rather interesting with that mullet and metalica t shirt and black boots. Not the stuff a Catholic family should be built on, but thankfully the Lord can work with anything.

 

[1ke]

This is a terrible, hurtful post.

It was not intended to be. If you think my post was a terrible, hurtful post then I’m sure you must think that the Papal Encyclical “On Mixed Marriage” is terrible and hurtful too. But, yet, it is the Truth.

Did you ever think that you can’t control who you fall in love with?

This is completely untrue. You absolutely can.

Or that perhaps, as in my case, I believe one of the purposes in my life is to be Christ’s light to my husband, to hopefully lead him to the Catholic faith someday? I am a strong Catholic (been Catholic since birth) and I am raising our daughter Catholic. My husband is a Christian man but not Catholic, and that’s tough for me, but I trust in God’s plan for my life, for our lives.

Sometimes I think about how much easier it would be if I were married to a Catholic. But easy isn’t what following Jesus is about. Perhaps this is my cross to bear, and one day it will be lifted from me. I pray that my husband will find his faith in our church, and I trust God with helping that to happen.

I’m glad it is “working” for you-- or so it appears right now-- but I am unconvinced that a mixed marriage is God’s “plan”. It is God’s permissive will.

 

[1ke]

Why do you ignore the following verses :

(1 Corinthians 7:12 - 14)

12 But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her.

13And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away.

14For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy.

Quite frankly, my husband is more of a believer/christan than my former catholic boyfriend.

My catholic sisters go to mass alone, because their catholic husbands are in a state of mortal sin.

That verse refers to *unbelieving *women who *became *believers in the early Church. It is not an exhortation to marry outside the faith nor approval of it.

Those who are Catholics should not marry non-Catholics. It’s is extremely unwise.

 

[1ke]

For a Catholic, how could a non-Catholic be the rational choice for a spouse? It is rational to marry for life someone with whom you do not share the most important thing in life? Raising children who have to decide who is right and wrong about faith?

Cannot see the rationale there.

AMEN.

 

[1ke]

If one is called to the vocation of married life, which is more rational?

Man 1: Pushes his girlfriend towards mortal sin, doesn’t go to mass, doesn’t care about the faith, sleeps around, addicted to porn. He is Catholic.

Man 2: Waits for his girlfriend, agrees to baptise and raise the children catholic, never cheats on his girlfriend. He is not Catholic.

I’m not going to argue with you.

If one is called to the vocation of marriage, then one waits for Man 3: faithful Catholic man. One does not choose Man 1 or Man 2. They are poor choices.

 

[St_Gabriel]

That verse refers to *unbelieving *women who *became *believers in the early Church. It is not an exhortation to marry outside the faith nor approval of it.

Those who are Catholics should not marry non-Catholics. It’s is extremely unwise.

Your point is well taken. Although I believe that that verse still applies today. Many husbands and wives came to know the true faith through their spouse.

It is a huge risk to take, but you know something… I’d do it again in a split second. My husband and I have been married 11 happy years.

 

[Belle10]

It was not intended to be. If you think my post was a terrible, hurtful post then I’m sure you must think that the Papal Encyclical “On Mixed Marriage” is terrible and hurtful too. But, yet, it is the Truth.

This is completely untrue. You absolutely can.

I’m glad it is “working” for you-- or so it appears right now-- but I am unconvinced that a mixed marriage is God’s “plan”. It is God’s permissive will.

Well, it appears we should have consulted YOU for pre-Cana instead of the TWO TRADITIONAL, CREDIBLE PRIESTS that we did. :doh2: Obviously you know more than they do.

I guess I’ll just have to live with the fact that I love my husband, he loves me, God loves us, God forgives us of all our sins, and you don’t. Oh well.

To all those who know what I feel everyday, thanks for the encouragement. To all those who don’t, be careful about judging and ridiculing – remember, there was only one perfect person, and it’s not you or me.

 

[St_Gabriel]

If one is called to the vocation of marriage, then one waits for Man 3: faithful Catholic man. One does not choose Man 1 or Man 2. They are poor choices.

There was no man #3.

 

[kage_ar]

Not on a “high horse”, not a bigot. I am a convert, 99.99765% of my family is non-Catholic. I love them dearly.

I have BEEN THERE, in the pew, every Sunday with a husband who did share my faith. He was and IS a good husband and father. The joy that came into our marriage when, after many years of prayer, my husband converted - to have had one Holy Communion along with him would have been enough joy to last forever.

Those of you who are already married have made your choice, you need every drop of grace to live out your married life.

When one is still dating - I’ve not seen many forced marriages in the modern US - so, most people make a choice about who they date or marry.

For the two ladies who have felt hurt, I do not mean to hurt you. Simply stated, at some point in your relationship you made a concious choice to marry this person, you decided that his not being Catholic was not important in light of some other quality, that shared faith was of lesser importance to you than sharing life with that person. You are free to make that decision.

My point, when a single person is making that decision, it is the better way to choose someone who shares the fullness of Faith. The Holy Catholic Church is not just another denomination - while we share with our non-catholic bretheren some things, we are opposed on very central beliefs.

The idea the decision was limited to a Catholic who is a bad sinful boyfriend and the non-Catholic Christian boy friend is caring and chaste is a bit of a strawman. These were not the only two single men in your city - there were good holy Catholic single men you could have dated, you choose to end your search with the non-Catholic men you married. You are free to make that choice, you did and may you be happy for the rest of your life.

May God bless you in your marriages, may you know the joy of seeing your husband convert.

 

[kage_ar]

And for the record, I know a couple of good happy mixed marriages.

 

[St_Gabriel]

For the two ladies who have felt hurt, I do not mean to hurt you. Simply stated, at some point in your relationship you made a concious choice to marry this person, you decided that his not being Catholic was not important in light of some other quality, that shared faith was of lesser importance to you than sharing life with that person. You are free to make that decision.

I am no longer offended by your other statement. Thanks for clarifying it. But please understand that I did not decide that his not being Catholic was not important. In fact it was a major factor before I married him. I almost didn’t marry him because of this. We spoke about this at length with each other and took the advice from our parents and took council with our parish priest before we married. There was a ton of questions that we had to discuss on the FOCUS questionaire provided by the church. I wouldn’t say that I was poorly catechised, but I would say that I followed my heart.

 

[Belle10]

I am no longer offended by your other statement. Thanks for clarifying it. But please understand that I did not decide that his not being Catholic was not important. In fact it was a major factor before I married him. I almost didn’t marry him because of this. We spoke about this at length with each other and took the advice from our parents and took council with our parish priest before we married. There was a ton of questions that we had to discuss on the FOCUS questionaire provided by the church. I wouldn’t say that I was poorly catechised, but I would say that I followed my heart.

I’m with St Gabriel here – I never decided his not being Catholic was not important, and it was for me as well a major issue. We also worked with a priest on this and as I said, we were married in the Catholic Church and agreed to raise our children Catholic. My husband even voluntarily read an optional prayer with me at our wedding because he is a faithful man and recognizes and respects my Catholic faith.

Here’s an important point in the CCC:

1637 In marriages with disparity of cult the Catholic spouse has a particular task: "For the unbelieving husband is consecrated through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is consecrated through her husband."140 It is a great joy for the Christian spouse and for the Church if this “consecration” should lead to the free conversion of the other spouse to the Christian faith.141 Sincere married love, the humble and patient practice of the family virtues, and perseverance in prayer can prepare the non-believing spouse to accept the grace of conversion. —>Our marriage is sincere, loving, and dedicated, and I pray that I can help my husband to come into the fullness of God’s grace through our Catholic faith.

Pax ke (I think that’s your name) I’m sorry I snapped in my other post.

 

[St_Gabriel]

I’m with St Gabriel here – I never decided his not being Catholic was not important, and it was for me as well a major issue. We also worked with a priest on this and as I said, we were married in the Catholic Church and agreed to raise our children Catholic. My husband even voluntarily read an optional prayer with me at our wedding because he is a faithful man and recognizes and respects my Catholic faith.

Here’s an important point in the CCC:

1637 In marriages with disparity of cult the Catholic spouse has a particular task: "For the unbelieving husband is consecrated through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is consecrated through her husband."140 It is a great joy for the Christian spouse and for the Church if this “consecration” should lead to the free conversion of the other spouse to the Christian faith.141 Sincere married love, the humble and patient practice of the family virtues, and perseverance in prayer can prepare the non-believing spouse to accept the grace of conversion. —>Our marriage is sincere, loving, and dedicated, and I pray that I can help my husband to come into the fullness of God’s grace through our Catholic faith.

Pax ke (I think that’s your name) I’m sorry I snapped in my other post.

Thanks Belle. I knew that quote I used was still relevant today. I should have checked my catechism.

 

[1ke]

Why do so many Catholic women marry non-Catholic men? Why are there so many Catholic women who come to Mass with their young children, yet NO HUSBAND present with them at Mass? Why do so many Catholic women ignore 2 Corinthians 6:14, and not make the fact that a man is a practicing Catholic an absolute prerequisite to even grant him a first date? Why do so many Catholic women not consider that he shares her Catholic faith to be a necessary non-negotiable personality trait in a life-time partner? I’m not here to make judgements or point fingers. I’m just seeking answers.

Well, Frank, after 30-ish posts I think you have your answer. It’s because they do not see anything wrong with doing so. And, yes, I call that a failure in catechesis.

 

[St_Gabriel]

Well, Frank, after 30-ish posts I think you have your answer. It’s because they do not see anything wrong with doing so. And, yes, I call that a failure in catechesis.

Praying for you 1ke

 

[rush176]

There was no man #3.

How do you know what God had planned for you if you had been more patient?

 

[1ke]

Praying for you 1ke

I’m not the one you should be praying for.

I stand squarely with the Church on this.