Catholic women marrying non-Catholic men

[armywife]

I have dealt with the stress of not having a Catholic spouse as well. I see where those who hold strong views about marrying a non-Catholic are coming from.

For the first three years I went to Mass alone. It was very difficult and I always felt my husband and I were fully joined except on a spiritual level. That was a huge gap in our relationship, at least on my part. He then started going to mass with me on Sundays. I always led by example catechised all I could. Thankfully, he is now in the process of converting. He will not truely be the head of the household.

While we were engaged I told him I didn’t think we could work this out because he didn’t believe in anything. (Not athiest, just wasn’t raised with any religion). I was heartbroken that I wasn’t going to marry the man I loved. He looked at me and said it will be fine. Now I don’t know if that was just what I wanted to hear or “blinded by love” but I honestly felt like I was being led by the Spirit.

It is a very difficult life but I wonder if sometimes God brings people together so the seeds of conversion can be planted. I’m not saying that it’s the best situation or decision, but it can happen.

For the record I agree with those who say love is a choice. If definately is and I would also recommend to my children to find a catholic first.

 

[lizaanne]

1. Do you think a person should not convert to Church unless their spouse is converting as well?

This is a non-issue. If both were Catholic in the first place it would not matter. So I’m not sure I’m understanding your question - sorry.

1. Do you think the Church should stop allowing mixed marriages performed in the church, IOW, if both are not Catholic, then the sacrament should not take place in the Church, but in another church? (regardless of the fact that the Church considers it to be valid)

It is not my place to tell the Church what she should or should not do. She is divinely inspired, I am not.

1. Do you not think that if the Church says “No Mixed Marriages” she would come across as being cultish in nature?

I don’t care how the Church would “come across” - The One Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church that Christ left us does not have to make excuses for anything she does - to anyone. So if the Church were to say that, then as a faithful Catholic I would accept it, just as every Catholic should.

~Liza

 

[Belle10]

People who post on a *Catholic *internet forum, hopefully would expect Catholic teaching on it. And, yes, debate is part of the package.

However, your snide remarks are uncalled for. If you have something to say to someone, you should say it directly. Etiquette and forum rules both dictate such.

Yes, I do come here for Catholic teaching, Catholic fellowship. What I don’t come here for is to be made to feel bad for marrying a non-Catholic. There is a difference between pointing out church teaching and telling people they’ve gone against church teaching by marrying a non-Catholic in a Catholic ceremony performed by two priests!!!

I tried being direct with you, and all I got from you were snide and condescending comments. When I said something sarcastic, I apologized, or did you miss that post? I work hard EVERY DAY to be an example of Jesus’ love to my husband and daughter and anyone around me. I fail, and I keep trying. Maybe you need a lesson in humility, since you think you know everything. At least I can admit that I don’t.

So much for coming here to celebrate our Catholic faith.

 

[Belle10]

It is a very difficult life but I wonder if sometimes God brings people together so the seeds of conversion can be planted. I’m not saying that it’s the best situation or decision, but it can happen.

For the record I agree with those who say love is a choice. If definately is and I would also recommend to my children to find a catholic first.

Congratulations to your husband (and you) on his joining the church! :extrahappy: :extrahappy: :extrahappy:

I agree with what you said above – all of it. If we weren’t married, there wouldn’t be any Catholics in my husband’s life, and I pray that I can be a worthy enough example to point him toward Jesus through our Catholic faith.

 

[1ke]

1. Do you think a person should not convert to Church unless their spouse is converting as well?

No

1. Do you think the Church should stop allowing mixed marriages performed in the church, IOW, if both are not Catholic, then the sacrament should not take place in the Church, but in another church? (regardless of the fact that the Church considers it to be valid)

No, but I do believe they should return to the practice of not allowing it at the altar. That’s my personal opinion. I understand the Church’s pastoral approach, but it has led to people misinterpreting the allowance as approval.

1. Do you not think that if the Church says “No Mixed Marriages” she would come across as being cultish in nature?

No more so than for any other teaching. And, while I don’t *necessarily *think the Church should “forbid” mixed marriage (it should be much hard to obtain a dispensation IMHO), I definitely think something is wrong with the current mindset. Clearly the message is not getting through on the seriousness of this issue.

The Church is in a precarious position of trying to retain the Catholics and preserve their faith and that of future children and remaining true to the teachings of Christ on the Sacrament of Marriage-- while recognizing that peopl have free will and may choose unwisely. So, clearly this is a huge pastoral issue and also one of the teaching arm of the Magesterium.

1. Ike - you say that the Church tolerates mixed marriages, but doesn’t encourage it…can you explain that just a little more to me.

Tolerates-- as in, doesn’t approve of or encourage but doesn’t forbid when the person cannot be dissuaded.

I suggest you read several papal encyclicals dealing with marriage and mixed marriage. That should help clear it up.

 

[DJgang]

This is a non-issue. If both were Catholic in the first place it would not matter. So I’m not sure I’m understanding your question - sorry.

~Liza

Yes, it is an issue, when you have such strong feelings about a person not being in a mixed marriage to begin with, that’s what I meant.

Do you think one spouse should not convert unless the other spouse will as well?

Example…I am converting, my DH is not. So, I would like you opinion…should I not convert? It would result in a mixed marriage.

 

[DJgang]

Thank you 1ke, I think that’s the best post you have made in making your opinions clear.

 

[1ke]

So much for coming here to celebrate our Catholic faith.

Well, clearly we disagree. However, I think you take things way too personally. I think we need to agree to disagree.

What the Church teaches is not always easy to swallow, nor to proclaim. But, that doesn’t mean we should shirk from it.

I don’t see that I made sacrastic remarks, but I do apologize for having clearly upset you and offended you.

 

[lizaanne]

Yes, it is an issue, when you have such strong feelings about a person not being in a mixed marriage to begin with, that’s what I meant.

Do you think one spouse should not convert unless the other spouse will as well?

Example…I am converting, my DH is not. So, I would like you opinion…should I not convert? It would result in a mixed marriage.

Ah! Now I get it! Sorry - your first question was not totally clear. Of course - if one person has found the fullness of Truth in the Catholic Church, and they are in a valid marriage with a non-Catholic person, then of course they should still convert. To know the Truth and reject it is a sin against God. Once you are married the decision has been made - the closer you get to the Truth after that decision the better. But beware, it may well cause serious issues in your marriage. Evil has a way of trying to pull us away from the Truth, and making things difficult for us is one of those ways. Not saying this will happen - I have no way of telling the future - only that the possibility certainly exists.

Be strong in your Faith and hopefully one day you and your spouse will be evenly yoked.

~Liza

 

[1ke]

Thank you 1ke, I think that’s the best post you have made in making your opinions clear.

Those offended on here, IMHO, are reading into posts things that aren’t there.

Nothing I have posted is a jab at those who made their decision to marry a non-Catholic… knowingly or unknowlingly, while a Catholic or before they were Catholic, while they were not practicing or while they were. I hope their marriages are successful, happy, and long.

This is really about those who have *yet *to make such a choice. The voice of the Church must ALWAYS come first in such decisions and it’s my hope that the voice of the Church and not the culture can be more clearly heard.

The crux of Frank’s post is that by and large by the current trends and indifference people show in this area it is not being heard.

 

[Belle10]

Well, clearly we disagree. However, I think you take things way too personally. I think we need to agree to disagree.

What the Church teaches is not always easy to swallow, nor to proclaim. But, that doesn’t mean we should shirk from it.

I don’t see that I made sacrastic remarks, but I do apologize for having clearly upset you and offended you.

I agree that we shouldn’t shirk from church teaching, and I do my best to proclaim the truth of the Catholic faith!

I don’t want to keep going the way we are, but this, quoted from one of your posts on the first page, is why I’m “taking things way too personally”:

1ke: *"Frank, it is not limited to Catholic women marrying non-Catholic men. Tons of Catholic men date and marry non-Catholic women.

And, the answer is because they (men and women) have been poorly catechized and are foolishly short-sighted. Simply, they aren’t thinking straight or they wouldn’t get involved with a non-Catohlic in the first place."*

When you call people “foolishly short-sighted” and say they “simply aren’t thinking straight” that’s quite hurtful. Proclaiming the church’s teachings is good and right, but insulting people is not, especially when you don’t know their hearts.

Thank you for your apology if it was sincere, and perhaps we can pray for each other for what we think the other one needs…

 

[GhostMan]

I agree that one should not marry outside the faith. The difficult issue is when one converts during the marriage. In my opinion, a spouse should not convert if the other spouse is a) a strongpracticing Christian and b) objects to the conversion.

We are called to marriage and once we enter into it we are no longer just ourselves. That is not to say we don’t have to answer to God for our decisions, but it does say that we do need to take our spouse’s needs and spiritual state into consideration. That may mean that someone must wait longer to convert than they desire. They must spend that time praying and living a life that shows their spouse that the conversion is genuine and positive.

No one should enter into an unequally yoked marriage. In the same way, one should be very cautious about changing the nature of the marriage unilaterally. It is a selfish decision that can result in disaster for the marriage. God will respect you for your patience and prayer. He does not call us to sever our marriage ties with quick decisions. We must each consider the other’s needs and - to the best of our ability - not damage the spiritual walk of our Christian spouse.

 

[beckers]

beckers;2736887:

In my case, Jesus is the spiritual head of the household not me (thankfully). All my children have been baptised and are being taught the faith. Please pray for me and my spouse.

I think you missed my point. The husband should be the spiritual head of your household here on Earth/in your family. When a catholic women marries a non-catholic man, there is now a non-catholic person leading their faith formation. As catholic women you now have to over extend your boundries to be the leader in all aspects of your childs faith walk. You have to be their example and explain why there is such a division between both parents faiths. Go read the study that someone else posted. It talks about how much influence a father has in the formation of ones faith. When both parents are praticing catholics this formation isn’t going to have as many issues. The child isn’t going to throw it in your face “well Daddy doesn’t have to go to church so i don’t either”. You both are on the same page when it comes to faith. A mixed faith marriage CAN be successful but doesn’t mean it should be the standard.

I will pray for you and your husband. I try to pray for all married couples. Marriage today is under attack in all areas and each couple needs stength and support to make their marriage grow and stay strong.

I

 

[lizaanne]

In the same way, one should be very cautious about changing the nature of the marriage unilaterally. It is a selfish decision that can result in disaster for the marriage. God will respect you for your patience and prayer. He does not call us to sever our marriage ties with quick decisions. We must each consider the other’s needs and - to the best of our ability - not damage the spiritual walk of our Christian spouse.

I disagree with this very strongly - if one in the marriage finds and believes the fullness of Faith in the Catholic Church they are doing themselves a horrible disservice by turning their back on that - regardless of the reason or excuse. If you KNOW that the Catholic Church is Christ’s one true Church, and you deliberately reject her by not converting, you will have that sin on your soul for the rest of eternity. Sometimes we do have to sacrifice for our Faith - ask those who where pulled apart in pieces as martyrs. Just keeping peace in the home is not a valid excuse for turning your back on Christ’s Bride.

~Liza

 

[Light_Seeker]

I have dealt with the stress of not having a Catholic spouse as well. I see where those who hold strong views about marrying a non-Catholic are coming from.

For the first three years I went to Mass alone. It was very difficult and I always felt my husband and I were fully joined except on a spiritual level. …

It is a very difficult life but I wonder if sometimes God brings people together so the seeds of conversion can be planted. I’m not saying that it’s the best situation or decision, but it can happen.

ArmyWife, I had to reread your post several times - with one exception, it could have been the words of my DW.

The exception is, instead of 3 years, she stood by me for 19 years before the Holy Spirit intertwined and I found my home & converted. Never nagging, never pressuring, but leading by example as she had been taught. Little did I realize that her cross to bear was … me!

I can only thank the Lord that he has provided this wonderful woman, walking with me for so many years, on my journey.

Also, she was very very well catechized, in objection to a previous poster I took issue with.

 

[Belle10]

ArmyWife, I had to reread your post several times - with one exception, it could have been the words of my DW.

The exception is, instead of 3 years, she stood by me for 19 years before the Holy Spirit intertwined and I found my home & converted. Never nagging, never pressuring, but leading by example as she had been taught. Little did I realize that her cross to bear was … me!

I can only thank the Lord that he has provided this wonderful woman, walking with me for so many years, on my journey.

Also, she was very very well catechized, in objection to a previous poster I took issue with.

How wonderful!

I pray, pray, pray this will be my husband’s and my story one day (hopefully before 19 years, but if it takes 90, so be it!)!!

 

[GhostMan]

I disagree with this very strongly - if one in the marriage finds and believes the fullness of Faith in the Catholic Church they are doing themselves a horrible disservice by turning their back on that - regardless of the reason or excuse. If you KNOW that the Catholic Church is Christ’s one true Church, and you deliberately reject her by not converting, you will have that sin on your soul for the rest of eternity.

There is a huge difference in refusing to convert and delaying the conversion until such time as it does not tear the union apart. God does not call us to destroy our marriages with selfish decisions. He calls us to work together for one common good. If one desires to convert and the spouse stronly objects, you should endevor to change you spouses mind with prayer and by showing him/her that you only mean good by the change. If, after a reasonable period of time, it becomes clear that the other’s mind will not change, I can see making a unilateral decision. How often, however, can a short delay make the difference between acceptance and a life long alteration of a marriage?

I’m just saying that we owe the other a large degree of patience when doing things that they strongly object to. Unilateral changes done hastily are never good.

 

[imamom]

‘stress in marrying a non-catholic’?

I’ve never had any stress with my non-catholic hubby.

 

[imamom]

How wonderful!

I pray, pray, pray this will be my husband’s and my story one day (hopefully before 19 years, but if it takes 90, so be it!)!!

Me too

 

[Belle10]

‘stress in marrying a non-catholic’?

I’ve never had any stress with my non-catholic hubby.

I have, but it had nothing to do with him not being Catholic!!