Catholicism Ruins Self-Esteem And Lives

[Dempsey1919]

A colleague of mine is a lapsed Catholic. She grew up in a devout Catholic home but stopped practising the faith when she went to University. She knows I’m a practising Catholic.

We had lunch together yesterday and ended up discussing the Catholic faith. I asked her why she stopped going to Mass and she said that Catholicism focuses too much on guilt and on suppressing natural instincts. My friend said the constant focus on her sinfulness destroyed her self-esteem and made her feel worthless - it destroyed her life. I tried to defend the faith but I didn’t do a very good job. How can I persuade her that Catholicism is a positive life-affirming religion?

 

[Todd977]

Perhaps this article will help, “Scrupulosity And How To Overcome It.”

 

[JurisPrudens]

A colleague of mine is a lapsed Catholic. She grew up in a devout Catholic home but stopped practising the faith when she went to University. She knows I’m a practising Catholic.

We had lunch together yesterday and ended up discussing the Catholic faith. I asked her why she stopped going to Mass and she said that Catholicism focuses too much on guilt and on suppressing natural instincts. My friend said the constant focus on her sinfulness destroyed her self-esteem and made her feel worthless - it destroyed her life. I tried to defend the faith but I didn’t do a very good job. How can I persuade her that Catholicism is a positive life-affirming religion?

It might be hard, but I would try to explain how good it is when a person has a unique purpose of life and gradually achieves it, following a set of strong principles. This is not only beautiful, but also may be the source of awe and envy of others.

 

[ChurchSoldier]

A colleague of mine is a lapsed Catholic. She grew up in a devout Catholic home but stopped practising the faith when she went to University. She knows I’m a practising Catholic.

We had lunch together yesterday and ended up discussing the Catholic faith. I asked her why she stopped going to Mass and she said that Catholicism focuses too much on guilt and on suppressing natural instincts. My friend said the constant focus on her sinfulness destroyed her self-esteem and made her feel worthless - it destroyed her life. I tried to defend the faith but I didn’t do a very good job. How can I persuade her that Catholicism is a positive life-affirming religion?

Probably can’t. Praying for her is most likely the best you can do.

 

[styrgwillidar]

A colleague of mine is a lapsed Catholic. She grew up in a devout Catholic home but stopped practising the faith when she went to University. She knows I’m a practising Catholic.

We had lunch together yesterday and ended up discussing the Catholic faith. I asked her why she stopped going to Mass and she said that Catholicism focuses too much on guilt and on suppressing natural instincts. My friend said the constant focus on her sinfulness destroyed her self-esteem and made her feel worthless - it destroyed her life. I tried to defend the faith but I didn’t do a very good job. How can I persuade her that Catholicism is a positive life-affirming religion?

Well, you can try emphasizing living an active faith vice focusing on sin. For example, in Christ’s account of the judgment. He refers to those who will join Him in heaven as sheep and those who won’t as goats-- He focuses on how the sheep show their love for Him by how they treat others. The goats aren’t condemned for their sins, for the evil/disobedient acts they’ve done-- they are condemned for the things they didn’t do.

Christianity isn’t about just avoiding sin, it is about loving God truly-- which according to Jesus means showing that love to others, recognizing Him in those around us. It’s about doing positive things, it’s about love.

 

[frangiuliano115]

A colleague of mine is a lapsed Catholic. She grew up in a devout Catholic home but stopped practising the faith when she went to University. She knows I’m a practising Catholic.

We had lunch together yesterday and ended up discussing the Catholic faith. I asked her why she stopped going to Mass and she said that Catholicism focuses too much on guilt and on suppressing natural instincts. My friend said the constant focus on her sinfulness destroyed her self-esteem and made her feel worthless - it destroyed her life. I tried to defend the faith but I didn’t do a very good job. How can I persuade her that Catholicism is a positive life-affirming religion?

I agree with Chruch Soldier. She’s been through the system. They practically fail you in universities if they find out you’re christian. We’re the white sheep surrounded by black sheep. Used to be the opposite back in the 1950’s.

You’re not allowed to feel guilty about anything. If you do you have to see a psychologist so he could fix you.

You must give in to your natural instincts. Isn’t that what all animals do??

I guess you just aren’t up to date!!

God bless you
hope you know I’m kidding, but not about what I said!

 

[holyrood]

I think a LOT of people, perhaps most, can’t separate the faith in which they were raised from the family who raised them. They think the faith was the problem when in truth, it is often the particular parents who didn’t actually LIVE the faith very well.

You might point this out to her, that the guilt and so on came more from her parents or certain individuals, than from the faith.

You could try–though I have my doubts how much it helps in a Do What Feels Good World–pointing out that some inclinations *should *be suppressed.

You could point out people whose lives are beautiful, and who are full of joy as a result of their Catholic faith. I would really try to not make too huge a point of it, though.

And you can live your own Catholic faith well.

 

[Lion_IRC]

“…suppressing natural instincts.” ???

Ask her if she’s seen some of the brutality that occurs in nature as a result of unsuppressed natural instincts.

“…Catholicism focuses too much on guilt” ???

Yes, and Ashley Madison says “life is short - have an affair”
And Planned Parenthood sells aborted embryo cadavers
And the LGBTQ lobby tells (underage) school kids it’s OK for them to engage in consensual homosexual behaviour.
And Wall Street says greed is good.
And Richard Dawkins says there’s no God so you may as well live like there’s no tomorrow.
And…

It seems like your work colleague believes “guilt-free” is the only way to go. So I’m not surprised she finds Christianity a turn-off. Heaven forbid that God should “ruin” the self-esteem of her happy life.

 

[mommy_k]

Like everything else-you take away what you put into it.

If your friend is not putting effort into her faith life-then she not understanding the fullness of Catholicism. She is experiencing an unbalanced viewpoint.

 

[Sarcelle]

But…just because the friend is a lapsed Catholic, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t do the above.
Many non-Catholics-to-Atheists do and live by and achieve the above.

.

My father is atheist yet if he were to turn into a devout Catholic, he would not have to change his moral code since it is already in agreement with Church teaching. So yes, I agree, most if not all of my atheist friends have high moral codes.

I was raised atheist and it was not a big change for me when I decided to become fully Catholic.

 

[pensmama87]

I actually found the opposite.

What a relief and a joy, to learn that God loved me for me, and not for worldly achievements. And I could do good out of a desire to return that love, rather than feel desperately not good enough for those whose expectations were always inexplicably shifting.

 

[fred_conty]

Low self esteem has many causes. How does she know it was just her faith that caused it. It can come from any number of reasons so maybe she is just tagging her faith as the culprit so she can pin it down to something tangible.

It could be that the poor understanding of her faith could contribute to this poor self image. Jesus was for picking up people and making them better both in body and soul. He said, “my peace I give to you, my peace I leave with you.” I think we can believe him.

You might ask if she is still christian and if so why that dosen’t bother her in the same way as the Catholic way. And what are some of the things that she feels hurt her in her self image.

It seems to me that it is easy to just fire off at the first target because it makes the answer to the problem simple. But usually a problem is a problem because it isn’t as simple as it looks…it is a puzzle with many pieces.

If it were me I wouldn’t dig too deep because she is hurting. But just enough that she understands there is much more to her problem than her faith. Try to help her to see that faith is from Jesus who cares about her. That He is one of the principles that can help her the most.

And be a friend and listen. This is what a person with low self esteem thirsts for.

 

[teeboy]

The best way to defend it is by defending the sacraments which confer grace.

 

[7_Sorrows]

My father is atheist yet if he were to turn into a devout Catholic, he would not have to change his moral code since it is already in agreement with Church teaching. So yes, I agree, most if not all of my atheist friends have high moral codes.

I was raised atheist and it was not a big change for me when I decided to become fully Catholic.

Interesting. You probably knew you had to assume responsibility for your actions at a young age.

 

[KEP1983]

My father is atheist yet if he were to turn into a devout Catholic, he would not have to change his moral code since it is already in agreement with Church teaching. So yes, I agree, most if not all of my atheist friends have high moral codes.

I was raised atheist and it was not a big change for me when I decided to become fully Catholic.

How orthodox of a Catholic are you? I’ve met very few secularists and/or atheists who don’t believe in or practice sex outside of marriage, let alone abortion, gay marriage, etc.

 

[meltzerboy]

Well, you can try emphasizing living an active faith vice focusing on sin. For example, in Christ’s account of the judgment. He refers to those who will join Him in heaven as sheep and those who won’t as goats-- He focuses on how the sheep show their love for Him by how they treat others. The goats aren’t condemned for their sins, for the evil/disobedient acts they’ve done-- they are condemned for the things they didn’t do.

Christianity isn’t about just avoiding sin, it is about loving God truly-- which according to Jesus means showing that love to others, recognizing Him in those around us. It’s about doing positive things, it’s about love.

Good answer, and similar to what Judaism teaches in terms of focusing on doing good for others rather than only on all the sinful things you are not supposed to do.

 

[Allegra]

A colleague of mine is a lapsed Catholic. She grew up in a devout Catholic home but stopped practising the faith when she went to University. She knows I’m a practising Catholic.

We had lunch together yesterday and ended up discussing the Catholic faith. I asked her why she stopped going to Mass and she said that Catholicism focuses too much on guilt and on suppressing natural instincts. My friend said the constant focus on her sinfulness destroyed her self-esteem and made her feel worthless - it destroyed her life. I tried to defend the faith but I didn’t do a very good job. How can I persuade her that Catholicism is a positive life-affirming religion?

I’ve never felt that Catholicism focused on guilt at all. In fact, compared to forms of Protestantism that I’ve witnessed, Catholicism clearly focuses on forgiveness. We go to confession and do examinations of conscience for the purpose of removing the burden of our sinfulness and shortcomings. Even taking religion completely out of the discussion, I don’t think it is rational thinking that having a standard or morality causes low self-esteem. As other posters have pointed out, even most atheists profess that some acts are evil, even intrinsically evil. Acknowledging that stealing is wrong does not ruin the self-esteem of one who has stolen, unless the person has some sort of mental defect such as narcissism that doesn’t allow them to accept that they could possibly do any wrong. Every sane person, regardless of their religious persuasion has done things they regret, but only Catholicism offers absolution that those acts can be and are, in fact, forgiven.

 

[frangiuliano115]

I hope you’re kidding about this part.

Do you know any non-Catholics? Just because someone is not Catholic, it does not mean they live the way you describe, above.

To the OP, I have many friends who had the same experiences and feelings as your friend and it’s why they stop following the Catholic faith.
If your friend feels much happier and her esteem is much healthier now, I don’t think you will be able to convince her of your perspective.
You both have had completely different experiences with the religion.

.

I’m sorry you didn’t understand my post. It was a quick, tongue in cheek way to describe how I feel.

Do I know any non-catholics? I’m a New Yorker, baby!

No, seriously. Students are given problems in universities if they debate a professor on a religious stand. This is just not accepted. This is the way things are right now… I don’t see how you could not know this. It’s one of the ways christians are so persecuted right now. They are also brain-washed. Why do you think so many catholics and christians in general come out of college atheist, abandoning their religious beliefs??

Atheists and non-believers, in general, believe in evolution. Evolution teaches that we’re decended from monkeys and have the animal instinct in us which we must try to subdue so we could reach a higher social and moral standard.

Except that is not so true anymore and children are being told that it’s okay to do whatever they want since there is no consequence to our actions if they “don’t hurt anybody”. This is not to mean that everyone is acting like an animal as your answer implies that I am saying. Do you not know what is being taught in schools nowadays?

Have you not heard of moral relativism??

And with that, I’m outta here.

God bless you

I’m hoping you just mistunderstood my post and are aware of all of the above.

 

[KEP1983]

I’m sorry you didn’t understand my post. It was a quick, tongue in cheek way to describe how I feel.

Do I know any non-catholics? I’m a New Yorker, baby!

No, seriously. Students are given problems in universities if they debate a professor on a religious stand. This is just not accepted. This is the way things are right now… I don’t see how you could not know this. It’s one of the ways christians are so persecuted right now. They are also brain-washed. Why do you think so many catholics and christians in general come out of college atheist, abandoning their religious beliefs??

Atheists and non-believers, in general, believe in evolution. Evolution teaches that we’re decended from monkeys and have the animal instinct in us which we must try to subdue so we could reach a higher social and moral standard.

Except that is not so true anymore and children are being told that it’s okay to do whatever they want since there is no consequence to our actions if they “don’t hurt anybody”. This is not to mean that everyone is acting like an animal as your answer implies that I am saying. Do you not know what is being taught in schools nowadays?

Have you not heard of moral relativism??

And with that, I’m outta here.

God bless you

I’m hoping you just mistunderstood my post and are aware of all of the above.

I live/work in NYC too.

Im not so sure they really do understand the attitude towards christians in university (let alone the culture at large). Before I was a Christian I used to think such claims were ridiculous.

Now I realize Christian’s are practically forbidden from speaking their opinion. No, they can’t be thrown in jail yet (at least not in the USA, but that has happened in Europe), but you can certainly be silenced, fired from your job, sometimes fined, lose tax exempt status, etc. Secularists are very intolerant of those who don’t accept secular orthodoxy.

But when you point this out to secularists they really do often seem incapable or unwilling to see it. I know I used to be like that and know many others who are like that now.

As far as the OP, I don’t see how it logically follows that having a moral code that can create guilt somehow proves any religion or belief system wrong? Does the secularists really want a moral code of the lowest possible denominator? What about people who feel guilty for things that secularists still discriminate against? Pederasty, incest, polygamy, prostitution, men who get sick of their wives and so abandon their families, etc. These people feel shame and guilt, even if their acts are consensual. Shouldn’t we tolerate those acts so they don’t feel guilty too?

I find many secularists have a moral problem witb the uber-rich. Shouldn’t we be tolerant of those who want to spend their lives enriching it by getting filthy rich and buying fancy cars, big houses, etc? There may be a genetic reason they want so much money and power, and that makes it justifiable. It’s their lives, let them do what they want.

 

[frangiuliano115]

I live/work in NYC too.

Im not so sure they really do understand the attitude towards christians in university (let alone the culture at large). Before I was a Christian I used to think such claims were ridiculous.

Now I realize Christian’s are practically forbidden from speaking their opinion. No, they can’t be thrown in jail yet (at least not in the USA, but that has happened in Europe), but you can certainly be silenced, fired from your job, sometimes fined, lose tax exempt status, etc. Secularists are very intolerant of those who don’t accept secular orthodoxy.

But when you point this out to secularists they really do often seem incapable or unwilling to see it. I know I used to be like that and know many others who are like that now.

As far as the OP, I don’t see how it logically follows that having a moral code that can create guilt somehow proves any religion or belief system wrong? Does the secularists really want a moral code of the lowest possible denominator? What about people who feel guilty for things that secularists still discriminate against? Pederasty, incest, polygamy, prostitution, men who get sick of their wives and so abandon their families, etc. These people feel shame and guilt, even if their acts are consensual. Shouldn’t we tolerate those acts so they don’t feel guilty too?

I find many secularists have a moral problem witb the uber-rich. Shouldn’t we be tolerant of those who want to spend their lives enriching it by getting filthy rich and buying fancy cars, big houses, etc? There may be a genetic reason they want so much money and power, and that makes it justifiable. It’s their lives, let them do what they want.

Of course I couldn’t agree with you more. It’s kind of the conversations I have with my brother who is of the left and liberal and won’t accept that most news media is leftist and media; he thinks I see conspiracy everywhere. Of course, you only see what you believe and sometimes reality becomes irrelivant.

You say:

Secularists are very intolerant of those who don’t accept secular orthodoxy.

Right. Thank goodness THEY’RE the ones with the “open mind” and it’s we who are set in our ways and refuse to accept reason and the bright new future.

I mean, it’s almost funny if it weren’t so sad.

**“Does the secularists really want a moral code of the lowest possible denominator?”
**

Hmmm. I’d have to give that a big thumbs up seeing how things are going with all the problems you speak of just following that statement.

So yes, hoping Daddys Girl doesn’t misunderstand but I’m sure you will:

Let’s ACCEPT EVERYTHING so NO ONE feels guilty!!!

God bless you