Catholics and Remarriage

[dixianne1]

My fiancé and myself are lifelong Catholics. I am a widow and he is Catholic divorced 22 years ago. We are both senior citizens and active in our parish. Our dilemma is that my fiancé had worked on annulment paperwork years ago and the questions were so invasive he was quite put off and fell away from the church for years. We have been blessed to find each other at our current church, but he is very reluctant to open another annulment after his first bad experience. We both don’t want to wait for a period of a year to get married at our ages. He has suggested getting married in the Episcopalian Church since this is also a house of God. Would we qualify for a convalidation or internal forum to validate our marriage in the Catholic Church? We are very stressed out about this. I just think God, with his ocean of mercy would forgive us and let us resume our normal worship at our beloved church. I will be awaiting your answers and comments. Thank you!

 

[Fauken]

Would we qualify for a convalidation or internal forum to validate our marriage in the Catholic Church?

No. As you are both Catholics, you both must marry in a Catholic Church with a Catholic priest or Deacon. There is no dispensation from this, as far as I know.

 

[Elf01]

No. As you are both Catholics, you both must marry in a Catholic Church with a Catholic priest or Deacon. There is no dispensation from this, as far as I know.

More to the point the OPs fiancé’s marriage will have to be investigated.

 

[Gingersnaps4]

If you marry in the Episcopal Church, you won’t be able to receive the Eucharist in the Catholic Church until he goes through the annulment process and then you convalidate. And then what if the annulment isn’t granted? You’ll have “married” someone who is actually still married in the eyes of God. It isn’t worth it to subvert the process, I would make sure he can get an annulment before getting married.

 

[Irishmom2]

Perhaps you can persuade him to try again. The questions asked are very thorough, but hardly invasive for what he is being asked them for. This is a very serious thing he is trying to do.

And what he is asking you to do, marry in another church, is not right. Please, speak to your priest if you do not recognize the serious nature of what he wants you to do. I think you must know in your heart it is not right or you wouldn’t be asking.

 

[dixianne1]

Yes, I have doubts about marriage in the Episcopalian Church. Our fondest wish would be to be married in the Catholic Church. What am I to do if he won’t go through the annulment process? I love this man dearly and want to be married. Would not God forgive us? I can’t imagine we would not be forgiven!

 

[Gingersnaps4]

I think it would be considered adultery to marry someone who was divorced without an annulment. God may forgive, but there’s no way to know. It would be a mortal sin. If your fiancée really wants to do right by you and God then he will get the annulment.

 

[Bushum]

Would not God forgive us? I can’t imagine we would not be forgiven!

That’s not really the issue. You would be marrying an already married man thus committing adultery. You would be in a state of mortal sin and not able to take the Eucharist. You could go to confession and get absolved but you would be immediately continuing in the same sin.

 

[Irishmom2]

I hate to say this, but if he loved you, he would try the annulment. It is the only way you will know he is truly free to marry. You are willing to get married elsewhere just to get married to a man that won’t even answer a bunch of questions? It seems a bit lopsided. It’s as if he is saying “I want to get married in the Catholic Church, but I am not willing to do what they ask, so you need to do the wrong thing for me and marry me in an Episcopal church.”

 

[dixianne1]

This is one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to go through! Although I love my Catholic faith and my parish, getting married in the Episcopal Church is at least being married in a house of God. After that, maybe he would be agreeable to continue on with the annulment. I have been praying God, in His infinite mercy will forgive us! Please pray for us!

 

[stpurl]

Wouldn’t it be more helpful to pray to God to keep you from sinning? To help your boyfriend ‘see the light’? To do the more difficult but ultimately more loving decision to follow God?

 

[dixianne1]

It is impossible for you to understand our dilemma with the annulment process. It is extremely time consuming, lots of questions asked different ways, digging up old and uncomfortable thoughts of a marriage 22 years ago, finding witnesses that might have noticed something between a couple. If you haven’t been through it, please don’t judge. Please pray for us! Thank you!

 

[Gingersnaps4]

Don’t you have to be Episcopalian parishioners to be married in the Episcopal Church, though? I was Episcopalian before I converted to Catholicism and people didn’t just approach from out of nowhere for that, you needed to already be a parishioner or a family member of one for that. You are probably looking at more of a wedding chapel with a non denominational minister unless you want to attend another church for months before getting married. If you are doing that, then you may as well start the annulment now instead.

 

[Irishmom2]

OP, if you are planning on going through with this, why are you here? Do you think Catholics are going to say “Aww, go ahead you two lovebirds, God understands!” No, if you love your Catholic Church, do the right thing.

Could it be he is refusing because he knows in his heart he doesn’t have grounds? As someone else mentioned already, what if he is not free to marry and you marry anyway. It would seem you are disregarding what the Church teaches just so you can be married to this guy. You are really sacrificing a lot, and will truly be living with mortal sin for the rest of your life. Are you really ok with that?

 

[Irishmom2]

It is impossible for you to understand our dilemma with the annulment process. It is extremely time consuming, lots of questions asked different ways, digging up old and uncomfortable thoughts of a marriage 22 years ago, finding witnesses that might have noticed something between a couple. If you haven’t been through it, please don’t judge. Please pray for us! Thank you!

Have you been through it, or do you just know what he is telling you? As a matter of fact, I was a witness for someone and gladly filled 8 pages of handwritten answers for them, so yes, I do know what is involved.

I am not judging you, I am telling you the truth, as are others.

 

[Bushum]

It is impossible for you to understand our dilemma with the annulment process. It is extremely time consuming, lots of questions…

That’s unfair to say. I literally just went through the process. I got my letter of nullify just this week. I know exactly what the process is. It took me 8 hours to complete the questionnaire. It was frustrating and hard. Was it worth 8 hours of my life to do it the right way? Absolutely it was! I felt so relieved when my priest called to tell me it was done. We will be confirmed this Easter and I was extremely worried that we would have to wait and miss Easter vigil. I contemplated ways around it. I’m not proud of that but I’m telling you because other people are and have been in your position.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

OP, I hope you didn’t post on here expecting us to tell you that gething married in the Episcopal Church was just fine and the Catholic Church would convalidate that. Your boyfriend is still married until he gets it annulled. That’s just how it is, sorry, and we can’t lie to you.

 

[stpurl]

I’ve been there. It took time, yes, but you know, you can make the time for things you want or for things that have to be done. As I recall, it took me, over the course of about 2 weeks (and I was working full time and caring for a special needs younger child and a college student older one), about 4 hours each day to go through all the many pages. That meant I had to pull time through getting up earlier and going to bed later, giving up snatches of 15 minutes here and there where I might have watched a show, gone out visiting, etc. Yes, it was uncomfortable. But if you can’t find somebody, that doesn’t mean it still can’t be investigated through the tribunal. In the end, it’s a healing.

Jesus said, "Take up your cross and follow me’. It is a cross, more than people realize. . .but like all Truth, it will set you free.

 

[Bushum]

I have been praying God, in His infinite mercy will forgive us! Please pray for us!

You are praying for forgiveness of a sin you have yet to commit. You are asking forgiveness because you know it’s wrong otherwise you wouldn’t be seeking forgiveness in the first place. I think you know this is all wrong and are using cognitive dissonance to justify it. I am not judging you I am offering advice after you sought it out. I personally would never put you in the position that your boyfriend has. I find it troubling to be honest. I truly feel for you and I sincerely hope you decide against your current course.

 

[Anicette]

dixianne1,

As others have already answer you,

Your situation is clear: you are free to marry but not him.
It can be a true nightmare for you, but it is the hard reality.

I sympatize with the hard process of annulement.

Going to marry in another confession will not solve your situation in the Church. You would not be able to take the sacraments of confession and communion. If you want to have your marriage recognized, you would go back to the same question of annulment as before.

So you have to made a choice.
You love this man and definitely want to marry. You may choose a legal marriage for legal reasons. You will not be free to participate fully to the Church’s life as long as the situation remains, even if you would not be exclude and still be a Catholic.
Of course, here, we cannot advise this way of sin.

Or you renouced to him. maybe you would find someone else.

You could remain bests friends, but not live as husband and wife.

The only way I know to reconciliate fully with the Church, if you choose the wrong path is going to try to obtain an annulment. Or if he doesn’t want this, or the answers is the first marriage is valide, is to live as brother and sister or a separation or death.

I encourage you to speak to your priest before taking any decision.

You are included to my prayer.