Catholics in family leaving Catholic Church for other Christian Church?

[bmaj]

Just wondering if anyone has any thoughts or experiences re: adult family members who are Catholic (and married in the Catholic Church) but end up switching to a non-Catholic Christian Church (ie non-denominational, Protestant,or similar). This particular relative was only a “luke-warm” Catholic after becoming an adult but now has become very involved in their non-Catholic spouse’s Christian Church.
I guess my question is, I wonder if it’s better to be a very good, practicing (non-Catholic) Christian than a very luke-warm cafeteria Catholic - even if you were born and raised with all the Catholic Sacraments?
I continue to pray earnestly for their return to the Catholic Church, but I also see the many good things they are doing for others as a result of their active participation in the non-Catholic Church, so it leaves me with such conflicted feelings and thoughts as to what to say to them to try to encourage them to return to the Catholic Church (where they were not very active).

 

[whm]

Hi Bmaj,

It is my understanding that situation you describe meets the criteria of being “Grave Matter” and therefore if the other two criteria, consent of the will and knowledge that it is wrong are present, it could be a mortal sin for a Catholic to leave the Church. That being said being a “luke warm” member of the true Church by itself, isn’t a guarantee that one is not in mortal sin either, however one has a better chance of getting back on the right path if you are at least aligned with the Church and have access to the Sacraments.

As for bringing them back, perhaps showing them whatever it is they are seeking in this other denomination, if it is indeed good, is present in the Catholic Church. Sometimes you may have to look in a different parish to see it, but it and a whole lot more is there.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Just wondering if anyone has any thoughts or experiences re: adult family members who are Catholic (and married in the Catholic Church) but end up switching to a non-Catholic Christian Church (ie non-denominational, Protestant,or similar). This particular relative was only a “luke-warm” Catholic after becoming an adult but now has become very involved in their non-Catholic spouse’s Christian Church.
I guess my question is, I wonder if it’s better to be a very good, practicing (non-Catholic) Christian than a very luke-warm cafeteria Catholic - even if you were born and raised with all the Catholic Sacraments?
I continue to pray earnestly for their return to the Catholic Church, but I also see the many good things they are doing for others as a result of their active participation in the non-Catholic Church, so it leaves me with such conflicted feelings and thoughts as to what to say to them to try to encourage them to return to the Catholic Church (where they were not very active).

It sounds as if your relative was not properly catechized into the faith, and was “captured” by their spouse’s church/religion. If the 2 of them married outside of the Catholic Church without dispensation, then they are not even married and are living in sin, as well as the Catholic part of the couple missing the obligation to attend Holy Mass every Sunday and Obligation Day.

I always wonder, in these cases, if the person who leaves truly understands the Eucharist…because if they did, how could they leave Jesus?? The Eucharist is not merely symbolic, it actually IS the Body and Blood of Jesus!

Yes, pray for them. You might mention that they shouldn’t be missing Mass - maybe they are going to Mass AND the other Church???

 

[mountee]

In the last few years I have seen this same situation happen over and over again with close friends and family. Based upon their comments I have come to the conclusion that they left the Church because of severe disagreement with many of the non-negotiable laws of the Church. They see nothing wrong with birth control and hold the Church responsible for over population in primarily Catholic under-developed countries. They have no problem with same sex marriage, female priests and a woman’s right to choose what happens to their bodies. One even said something about the priests and bishops being corrupt and only coming to power in the late 1800’s after years of popes being married and corrupt, etc. For me, I have come to the conclusion that it would be best to stay quiet, maintain a vigilant prayer life for these people and work constantly on my personal faith so that it cannot be rocked. This is not meant as a sarcastic comment but a reflection of what I see in these people, committing a mortal sin would not matter to them, they believe that their devotion to God and good works will be enough and my opinion, the Churches opinion or anything Catholic does not matter to them. I am praying and have faith that God will take care of this.

 

[Polycarp1]

Unfortunately many people opt for a more emotional experience or a more active fellowship than they experience in many RC parishes. But emotion is never a good measure of truth. In doing so they leave the one faith that has the fullness of truth. If anyone ever really believed in the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist how could they ever leave it for a mere symbolic custom? And if they never believed in it they were really just Catholic in name only. IMHO

 

[silicasandra]

Polycarp1:

Unfortunately many people opt for a more emotional experience or a more active fellowship than they experience in many RC parishes. But emotion is never a good measure of truth. In doing so they leave the one faith that has the fullness of truth. If anyone ever really believed in the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist how could they ever leave it for a mere symbolic custom? And if they never believed in it they were really just Catholic in name only. IMHO

I absolutely agree with this. My MIL left the Church a few years ago, but truthfully she’d been on the way out a long, long time. she’s made some good friendships at her non-denominational community and my FIL (formerly non-practicing Protestant) goes with her. That means a lot to her emotionally, and from what I have seen at their worship and heard from her, it’s definitely an emotion based thing.

The odd/sad thing is how hard this “community church” is trying to reinvent the wheel, so to speak. The book they are reading for small group is all about “rediscovering authentic Christianity” and there is an emphasis on ritual and daily practices, observing the liturgical calendar, etc. What outlandish notions!

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[paxvobiscum]

When my grandparents passed away 11 of their 14 children left the Church. Sad situation.

 

[PennyinCanada]

I often pray that those Christians outside the Church are set on fire with the love of God, love of His Word, love of His will for their lives, and then fall in love with the Blessed Sacrament and our Holy Mother. May that be their story one day. God can use their church and the people there to increase their faith. Keep praying!

 

[takers]

I will open myself up and say that I am in the same position right now. I was raised Catholic but am finding little meaning in going to mass, they are few Mom/Young Married Life groups to get involved it at my parish, and there’s an overall feeling of going to mass to check off that item from my weekly to do list. Last year I started attending a non-denominational (although their beliefs fall under the general protestant beliefs) women’s bible study/devotional and am finding the community of believers I’ve been looking for. I find myself excited to learn more about God, interested in reading the various devotional books we’ve been studying, and having an interest in attending church there.

So I find myself at a cross-road. Continue attending the Catholic church where I don’t really look forward to going, not believing all the things that the Church believes or do I start attending the non-denominational church where I am finding my spirit bucket being filled but I also don’t necessarily believe everything they believe.

It’s almost come down to what’s more important…attending Catholic mass but not having an intimate relationship with God, or having the relationship but that relationship not being Catholic? I honestly don’t know the answer just yet…

I guess my point of this post is to not give up praying for the people in your lives who have left the Catholic Church. Like so many others it could be that your prayers help to guide them through their faith journey.

 

[Polycarp1]

I to find myself sometimes taking going to mass less than an exciting prospect but once there I am always I happy I came. I think it’s more the scheduling and the preparation to go that I find less than exciting. But in spite of this I know why I go and that is to receive the real presence of my Lord in the Eucharist. I have to remind myself that I don’t go to Mass to be entertained but to worship God who created me and holds me in existance by an act of His positive will and love and to received the graces he wants to give me.

 

[KCT]

Keep praying. It’s The Year of Faith and God has many graces waiting for us!

When I pray for such people, I pray that their hearts be open just a little bit, because that’s all God needs.

 

[bmaj]

Hi Bmaj,

It is my understanding that situation you describe meets the criteria of being “Grave Matter” and therefore if the other two criteria, consent of the will and knowledge that it is wrong are present, it could be a mortal sin for a Catholic to leave the Church. That being said being a “luke warm” member of the true Church by itself, isn’t a guarantee that one is not in mortal sin either, however one has a better chance of getting back on the right path if you are at least aligned with the Church and have access to the Sacraments.

As for bringing them back, perhaps showing them whatever it is they are seeking in this other denomination, if it is indeed good, is present in the Catholic Church. Sometimes you may have to look in a different parish to see it, but it and a whole lot more is there.

Thanks, whm. Your words and advice make a lot of sense. I think it makes it much harder as in this case when the spouse has a non-Catholic Church they’re very active in and fond of, unfortunately. It looks like they would never even think of leaving it. The Catholic spouse then gets gradually pulled into it unless they decide to go to a Catholic Church alone.

 

[katy]

I will open myself up and say that I am in the same position right now. I was raised Catholic but am finding little meaning in going to mass, they are few Mom/Young Married Life groups to get involved it at my parish, and there’s an overall feeling of going to mass to check off that item from my weekly to do list. Last year I started attending a non-denominational (although their beliefs fall under the general protestant beliefs) women’s bible study/devotional and am finding the community of believers I’ve been looking for. I find myself excited to learn more about God, interested in reading the various devotional books we’ve been studying, and having an interest in attending church there.

So I find myself at a cross-road. Continue attending the Catholic church where I don’t really look forward to going, not believing all the things that the Church believes or do I start attending the non-denominational church where I am finding my spirit bucket being filled but I also don’t necessarily believe everything they believe.

It’s almost come down to what’s more important…attending Catholic mass but not having an intimate relationship with God, or having the relationship but that relationship not being Catholic? I honestly don’t know the answer just yet…

I guess my point of this post is to not give up praying for the people in your lives who have left the Catholic Church. Like so many others it could be that your prayers help to guide them through their faith journey.

I have been in your situation and did leave for about 10 years. Protestants are very good at fellowship, and Catholics could take a lesson. However, their beliefs are basically whatever they want to believe. I finally happened on a parish where the priest really believes in Christ as Savior and found a women’s group that prays and studies and loves God and the one, holy, and apostolic Church that Christ founded. I am so happy to be back! If you possibly can, find a parish like that. It is worth the drive and inconvenience! To know Christ in his Church is nothing like Protestantism.

 

[bmaj]

It sounds as if your relative was not properly catechized into the faith, and was “captured” by their spouse’s church/religion. If the 2 of them married outside of the Catholic Church without dispensation, then they are not even married and are living in sin, as well as the Catholic part of the couple missing the obligation to attend Holy Mass every Sunday and Obligation Day.

I always wonder, in these cases, if the person who leaves truly understands the Eucharist…because if they did, how could they leave Jesus?? The Eucharist is not merely symbolic, it actually IS the Body and Blood of Jesus!

Yes, pray for them. You might mention that they shouldn’t be missing Mass - maybe they are going to Mass AND the other Church???

They were married in the Catholic Church, and I think they now only attend the non-Catholic Church (from what I’m hearing discussed), but I pray that I’m wrong about that.

 

[the_visitor]

hi bmaj, had same experience with a cousin who eventually left for another religion of his wife. they are very good indeed and i heard he is learning to become a pastor, well good for him but I honestly believe he did not fully grasp the teachings of our religion.

 

[bmaj]

In the last few years I have seen this same situation happen over and over again with close friends and family. Based upon their comments I have come to the conclusion that they left the Church because of severe disagreement with many of the non-negotiable laws of the Church. They see nothing wrong with birth control and hold the Church responsible for over population in primarily Catholic under-developed countries. They have no problem with same sex marriage, female priests and a woman’s right to choose what happens to their bodies. One even said something about the priests and bishops being corrupt and only coming to power in the late 1800’s after years of popes being married and corrupt, etc. For me, I have come to the conclusion that it would be best to stay quiet, maintain a vigilant prayer life for these people and work constantly on my personal faith so that it cannot be rocked. This is not meant as a sarcastic comment but a reflection of what I see in these people, committing a mortal sin would not matter to them, they believe that their devotion to God and good works will be enough and my opinion, the Churches opinion or anything Catholic does not matter to them. I am praying and have faith that God will take care of this.

Points well taken, Mountee. Thanks for sharing. Yes, I also have seen it in this case and others where they often don’t agree with some of the Church’s teachings so they just don’t follow them…and then drift away to another much “easier” religion. Sadly, many excuses can always be given, whether or not they’re accurate. I keep praying as you do for the ones you know. God’s plan is often very different than ours, and He can be so much more patient, too.

 

[bmaj]

Unfortunately many people opt for a more emotional experience or a more active fellowship than they experience in many RC parishes. But emotion is never a good measure of truth. In doing so they leave the one faith that has the fullness of truth. If anyone ever really believed in the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist how could they ever leave it for a mere symbolic custom? And if they never believed in it they were really just Catholic in name only. IMHO

Sad but true. Thanks for sharing, Polycarp.

 

[bmaj]

I absolutely agree with this. My MIL left the Church a few years ago, but truthfully she’d been on the way out a long, long time. she’s made some good friendships at her non-denominational community and my FIL (formerly non-practicing Protestant) goes with her. That means a lot to her emotionally, and from what I have seen at their worship and heard from her, it’s definitely an emotion based thing.

The odd/sad thing is how hard this “community church” is trying to reinvent the wheel, so to speak. The book they are reading for small group is all about “rediscovering authentic Christianity” and there is an emphasis on ritual and daily practices, observing the liturgical calendar, etc. What outlandish notions!

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Interesting about the community church trying to reinvent the wheel. Thanks for sharing, silicasandra. The non-Catholic Church that my relative now goes to is very emotion-based also, but it has “easier rules” apparently than the Catholic Church which seems to help it attract followers.

 

[bmaj]

I often pray that those Christians outside the Church are set on fire with the love of God, love of His Word, love of His will for their lives, and then fall in love with the Blessed Sacrament and our Holy Mother. May that be their story one day. God can use their church and the people there to increase their faith. Keep praying!

I love those thoughts, Penny! Thanks for sharing and the reminder to me to keep on praying!! Our Lord’s time frames are so different than ours sometimes.

 

[bmaj]

When my grandparents passed away 11 of their 14 children left the Church. Sad situation.

I’m so saddened to read this, pax. But I don’t think we should ever give up on them. Many Catholics who turn away from the Church at some point in their lives may very well return, especially when they encounter difficulties in life that only Our Lord can give solace for. I pray for that beautiful return for all of them.