Catholics that say they'd never have any biological children for this reason

[MakingMyWayBack]

My sister has always said, she would be hesitant to have children, because of fear that something would be wrong. She said that if she were to want to have a child, she’d have and make her husband have a blood test first before they started trying to conceive, which she did, and it turns out that they’re both carriers of Tay-Sachs…I guess I would be too since she is? So glad my husband must not be, or we got lucky, because our boys are completely healthy, but when both parents are carriers, there’s a 25% chance that their children will have it, and it’s…awful. My sister said, because of that, she will never even chance it, because she doesn’t think she could handle it, and if she got pregnant, she could never abort, but she doesn’t want to go through that. However, last year, her and her husband adopted an adorable, healthy, little girl from Thailand, they’re wonderful parents and my niece is very doted on. What is your opinion and the churches position on choosing adoption instead of having your children biologically?

 

[kentuckyliz]

I will not stand in judgment of her and her husband’s decision. They didn’t refuse to have children, just to bear them, because of the risks.

Neither do I judge those who take the gamble and lose, as some do (including my sister, unforch).

 

[jmjconder]

My sister has always said, she would be hesitant to have children, because of fear that something would be wrong. She said that if she were to want to have a child, she’d have and make her husband have a blood test first before they started trying to conceive, which she did, and it turns out that they’re both carriers of Tay-Sachs…I guess I would be too since she is? So glad my husband must not be, or we got lucky, because our boys are completely healthy, but when both parents are carriers, there’s a 25% chance that their children will have it, and it’s…awful. My sister said, because of that, she will never even chance it, because she doesn’t think she could handle it, and if she got pregnant, she could never abort, but she doesn’t want to go through that. However, last year, her and her husband adopted an adorable, healthy, little girl from Thailand, they’re wonderful parents and my niece is very doted on. What is your opinion and the churches position on choosing adoption instead of having your children biologically?

**This is not easy. I know of many parents that have had a Downs Syndrome child and each of them say - it was the greatest blessing on their family. Only God knows why a child with a medical issue comes into a family. I trust that God allows many events into families for a greater good.

My question would be - how are they preventing conception? That may be a bigger issue.**

 

[april32010]

I will not stand in judgment of her and her husband’s decision. They didn’t refuse to have children, just to bear them, because of the risks.

Neither do I judge those who take the gamble and lose, as some do (including my sister, unforch).

 

[ExpectedIrony]

**This is not easy. I know of many parents that have had a Downs Syndrome child and each of them say - it was the greatest blessing on their family. Only God knows why a child with a medical issue comes into a family. I trust that God allows many events into families for a greater good.

My question would be - how are they preventing conception? That may be a bigger issue.**

Children with Downs Syndrome are nothing like children with Tay Sachs…I’m sure their parents view them as a blessing too, but I don’t know how any parent could handle that…it’s a miserable disease for both the children and parents. They don’t make it past 4 or 5.

 

[Windmill]

Her reason for not being open to children is flawed and worldly. Every conception has the risk of birth defects or complications. The important thing is to keep the eternal perspective: you are raising a soul up to glorify God and hopefully live with Him in Heaven forever by living a saintly life and cooperating with Grace here on earth.

Suffering is inevitable in this life. The goal is not to avoid it, but to face it head on with confidence in god’s grace. That’s what Christ did when faced with the Cross.

 

[ExpectedIrony]

I don’t blame them at all…honestly, if I found out something like that, I’d do the same thing. I think it’s selfish to bring a child into the world with the possibility of living a life like that.

 

[jmjconder]

Children with Downs Syndrome are nothing like children with Tay Sachs…I’m sure their parents view them as a blessing too, but I don’t know how any parent could handle that…it’s a miserable disease for both the children and parents. They don’t make it past 4 or 5.

**I have to disagree. Many of the families I know with Down Symdrom do not have happy, healthly children. They have children that they are running to the Dr with all the time and praying they will live another year.

A child is a child is a child…for better or worse, in sickness and in health until death do part. Who are we as adults to decide that one life - no matter how “healthy” or not - cannot be a eternal source of grace for our lives?

If God permits such a child into a family - He will give the grace needed to attend to the child.**

 

[MarieHellen]

Her reason for not being open to children is flawed and worldly. Every conception has the risk of birth defects or complications. The important thing is to keep the eternal perspective: you are raising a soul up to glorify God and hopefully live with Him in Heaven forever by living a saintly life and cooperating with Grace here on earth.

Suffering is inevitable in this life. The goal is not to avoid it, but to face it head on with confidence in god’s grace. That’s what Christ did when faced with the Cross.

I’m a devout old school Roman Catholic, and I don’t judge this couple. Do you know what Tay-Sachs is? They’re deaf, blind, have several seizures a day, can’t talk, move, have solid foods, and have a hard time swallowing milk, and usually don’t make to age 5. Do you think you should risk that with your child? It’s not like this couple aborted a child, they just don’t want their child to suffer that badly.

 

[CorieDreams]

We also need to take into consideration a parents ability to care for such a child. Parents who have mental or emotional issues,severe depression, etc, may not beable to cope with the extra stress. My friends aunt had 4 children, one who had an extreme disability, and it destroyed their family. there was no joy, there was no love in that family. There was only severe neglect of the other cildren. This is NOT the case with every parent of a special needs child, to be sure!! but her aunt already had a history of being unwell, and if someone knew that about themselves, was working to overcome it, but still knew trulyand deeply that they would NOT be able to care for this child…well, I do not know what the church says in such a situation, so I cannot condemn nor condone, but I would not judge them

 

[Allegra]

The only problem with this notion is that, in reality, every parent has the possibility of producing a child who will be sick and may not live long. Where does one draw the line? Even if both parents carry Tay-Sachs, there is still a 75% chance that their child will not have it and a 25% chance that they won’t even carry the gene. What if a couple has an 85% change of having a healthy child? Are they in the right to refuse to be open to life? What if a mother has a heightened chance of having a stillborn child due to reproductive issues? Is she “selfish” for being open to God’s will? Where is the percentage cutoff? And what if we don’t know what actual chances are, as most don’t? It’s a hard situation, but I think we are called to trust in God’s will and mercy.

 

[MakingMyWayBack]

So…does this mean they never have sex?
Or, that they continually use the rhythm method? (because they can get pregnant that way, of course…)

.

I don’t know about my sister’s sex life, nor do I want to know or consider it my business.

 

[angell1]

I don’t blame them at all…honestly, if I found out something like that, I’d do the same thing. I think it’s selfish to bring a child into the world with the possibility of living a life like that.

tha’ts exactly what people have told me in regards to myself and my disability. followed up by it would have been more merciful if my parents had aborted me

 

[SwizzleStick]

So…does this mean they never have sex?
Or, that they continually use the rhythm method? (because they can get pregnant that way, of course…)

.

I don’t think anyone uses the “rhythm method” anymore. But, NFP can be used for years to effectively avoid.

…(because they can get pregnant that way, of course…)

They can get pregnant if they are using artificial birth control as well. After all, procreation is the reason for sex.

 

[ccmnxc]

Not sure when the last time was that I heard someone say, " I wish I never had that child." Our God is a loving one, and the way I see it, either way the child will be a gift. If the child is healthy, then that’s great. If they are not, then God will provide the grace to support and live with such a child. God doesn’t make broken children, but He does make children that provide the parents with graces that they never thought they could attain.

I can sympathize with their decision here, I really can, but I think either way, God’s will be done.

 

[Pedro_1987]

Children with Downs Syndrome are nothing like children with Tay Sachs…I’m sure their parents view them as a blessing too, but I don’t know how any parent could handle that…it’s a miserable disease for both the children and parents. They don’t make it past 4 or 5.

People with down syndrome rarely make it to adulthood, and if they do, they’re very lucky to make it past 30.

 

[Memaw]

Children with Downs Syndrome are nothing like children with Tay Sachs…I’m sure their parents view them as a blessing too, but I don’t know how any parent could handle that…it’s a miserable disease for both the children and parents. They don’t make it past 4 or 5.

As hard as it may be, I would love that child, or children all the way to Heaven, I have 2 in Heaven. I have no idea what Tay Sachs is, but I do know people that have children with inherited situations. Some very serious, and they have loved their children and cared for them wonderfully. Some have died young and their Mothers know that one day they will join their children in Heaven fully healthy, for all Eternity. If she strongly felt that way about having children, maybe she should have never married. We all have to trust God in ever aspect of our life. I have buried 2 husbands and 2 babies, but I don’t regret getting married. But believe me it takes a lot of trust in God to keep going sometimes, but He’s always there for us. And His holy Mother too. God Bless, Memaw

 

[jmjconder]

**Who are any one of us to judge the quality of one life.

I have know a family that delivered a serverely handicap child. Had they known before hand about the severe handicaps - they often wonder aloud what they would have done.

That child has brought this family closer than ever and they now they say they would never trade all the struggles for a life without him.**

 

[Allegra]

People with down syndrome rarely make it to adulthood, and if they do, they’re very lucky to make it past 30.

This is not true. The current life expectancy of a person with Downs is 60. Childhood death related to the disorder is fairly rare.

 

[ExpectedIrony]

As hard as it may be, I would love that child, or children all the way to Heaven, I have 2 in Heaven. I have no idea what Tay Sachs is, but I do know people that have children with inherited situations. Some very serious, and they have loved their children and cared for them wonderfully. Some have died young and their Mothers know that one day they will join their children in Heaven fully healthy, for all Eternity. If she strongly felt that way about having children, maybe she should have never married. We all have to trust God in ever aspect of our life. I have buried 2 husbands and 2 babies, but I don’t regret getting married. But believe me it takes a lot of trust in God to keep going sometimes, but He’s always there for us. And His holy Mother too. God Bless, Memaw

Of course you would love that child, I would love that child, the OP’s sister and BIL would probably adore that child, I agree with you, we do have to trust God. They probably wouldn’t regret having the child, at all. If they were to have children of their own, there would be a 75% that it would be just fine, but what if it’s the 25%? Tay-Sachs is a terrible disease, it’s terrible not only for the parents, but for the child. They go deaf, and blind. They aren’t able to move, they can barely swallow their milk. I was watching something over DNA, there were two children with Tay-Sachs on it, when they’re born, they’re seemingly normal, then they just stop, and they seem to go backwards. One’s father was talking about the last time he heard his baby laugh. They can’t talk. They said Tay-Sachs just rots their brain, one baby died before his 3rd birthday, the usual maximum they live is usually 5. That’s the reason I can’t judge this couple. I can’t imagine having to think that my child has a large chance of ending up with that life. Of course God and His Holy Mother are always there, for everyone, but I can understand a parent not wanting to take that risk, not only for themselves, but for their children.