Caught myself looking...

  • Thread starter Thread starter PleasinChrist
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
kelvinf said:
Unfortunately, my emphases did not get through as intended. The words I underlined were supposed to be read together. Of course, there is nothing wrong with sexual pleasure. However, the problem is with lust:

I don’t think you can just assume that the marital act can always be unitive. For instance, a “marital act” that involves one spouse raping the other can never be unitive.
Click to expand...
Rape is not a marital act, it is an act of violence.
 
No offense, but sometimes it’s really hard to see how threads like this aren’t just total trolls, because there have been quite a few of them, especially in recent weeks.

So here’s a quick summary:

No, there’s nothing wrong with what the OP described. Yes, it’s weird that the question was even asked, especially in a public forum.

And some unsolicited advice for related threads: No, a Josephite marriage is not normal nor advisable and can very well lead to some major, major problems.
 
kelvinf said:
You yourself have admitted that you were having lustful thoughts. But it often seems like nothing more can be unchaste within a marriage. Spouses should think lovingly and not lustfully of each other. So yes, I think you have an issue.
Click to expand...
Many MANY people confuse lust with sexual attraction. I don’t think the OP was lusting at all. He needs to gain a better understanding of what lust actually is.
 
Debora123 said:
Many MANY people confuse lust with sexual attraction. I don’t think the OP was lusting at all. He needs to gain a better understanding of what lust actually is.
Click to expand...
👍 I think people tend to use the terms interchangeably, when they are not the same. Lust is disordered sexual attraction that objectifies the other and is totally self seeking.
 
I don’t see why a man looking at his woman and thinking of merely deriving sexual pleasure from her isn’t lustful thinking. His intention is solely to seek gratification which constitutes an inordinate desire.

He made this intention very clear in his post. And this is the game changer here since it is completely different from a man who simply wants to engage in the marital act.

He thus sees his woman a mere object for his gratification.
 
kelvinf said:
I don’t see why a man looking at his woman and thinking of merely deriving sexual pleasure from her isn’t lustful thinking. His intention is solely to seek gratification which constitutes an inordinate desire.

He made this intention very clear in his post. And this is the game changer here since it is completely different from a man who simply wants to engage in the marital act.

He thus sees his woman a mere object for his gratification.
Click to expand...
This kind of thinking is nearly as poisonous as the opposite mindset which permeates our culture. He thought his wife was good-looking naked and wanted to be with her! The horror!

This just in: It’s OK to be attracted to your wife and want her physically. The only thing I can think of is if you’re intentionally something she doesn’t like and don’t care or aren’t trying to give her pleasure or something like that. We’re made to desire our spouses. Nothing wrong with that so long as we treat them like people and not objects. Looking at your wife and saying “dang, she is hot. I wonder if she’s up for something…” is not lustful. It just isn’t.

This is why I wonder if these kinds of threads aren’t just massive trolls because they seem geared towards ferreting out specific responses.
 
PleasinChrist said:
Hello all,

This will be short. Today when my wife was in the shower I walked into our bathroom to get the dental floss and I saw her shaving her legs through the glass doors. Before I even could think about it I felt aroused by the sight of her nude body in the shower! I got very amorous and felt a strong urge to have sex with her. But I have to admit it was not to make a baby and become closer to her, it was because she was a real fox and I wanted to “be with” her! Is it wrong that I think lustfully of my wife (12 years this March) this way? I think I read in Christopher West’s book that I need to crucify my lustful thoughts? That sex is for unity and babies but not really just to scratch an itch? I love my wife and she is a babe, but maybe I am wrong in thinking this way?
Click to expand...
you’re not dead 😛
 
The_Bucket said:
This kind of thinking is nearly as poisonous as the opposite mindset which permeates our culture. He thought his wife was good-looking naked and wanted to be with her! The horror!

This just in: It’s OK to be attracted to your wife and want her physically. The only thing I can think of is if you’re intentionally something she doesn’t like and don’t care or aren’t trying to give her pleasure or something like that. We’re made to desire our spouses. Nothing wrong with that so long as we treat them like people and not objects. Looking at your wife and saying “dang, she is hot. I wonder if she’s up for something…” is not lustful. It just isn’t.

This is why I wonder if these kinds of threads aren’t just massive trolls because they seem geared towards ferreting out specific responses.
Click to expand...
👍
 
I get aroused if my husband looks at me at certain way or if he’s in a really good mood and we’re having fun.

men are wired differently, but it’s really no different.
 
Serap said:
I get aroused if my husband looks at me at certain way or if he’s in a really good mood and we’re having fun.

men are wired differently, but it’s really no different.
Click to expand...
I get aroused when I see my husband undressed.

He has such a great body, and I love him of course. 😊
 
Debora123 said:
I get aroused when I see my husband undressed.

He has such a great body, and I love him of course. 😊
Click to expand...
Darn dyslexia. I had to read that three times, it kept looking like you wrote “I get aroused when I see my husband depressed.” I was like, “what the heck??!!!”
 
Serap said:
I get aroused if my husband looks at me at certain way or if he’s in a really good mood and we’re having fun.

men are wired differently, but it’s really no different.
Click to expand...
Just get my husband all dressed up, in a suit and tie. WOW. Nothing like it.
 
Havard said:
Darn dyslexia. I had to read that three times, it kept looking like you wrote “I get aroused when I see my husband depressed.” I was like, “what the heck??!!!”
Click to expand...
Haha!!

Wow, yeah I’m definitely not a sadist.
 
Debora123 said:
I get aroused when I see my husband undressed.

He has such a great body, and I love him of course. 😊
Click to expand...
Okay. Tamp it down a bit. I’m happy you’re attracted to your husband and get aroused by him. That’s a good thing. Heck, it’s probably a holy thing.

But speaking for all the real men here, we don’t want to hear about your husband being undressed. No siree bob.

Now, if you want to talk about women getting undressed, that’s perfectly acceptable.😃
 
Nec5 said:
Okay. Tamp it down a bit. I’m happy you’re attracted to your husband and get aroused by him. That’s a good thing. Heck, it’s probably a holy thing.

But speaking for all the real men here, we don’t want to hear about your husband being undressed. No siree bob.

Now, if you want to talk about women getting undressed, that’s perfectly acceptable.😃
Click to expand...
😃
 
This HAS to be a joke. That was my first thought. My second thought was “Wow. This guy is serious.”
 
Either way, I’d talk with your wife about it. Not as a ‘big deal’ conversation, just mention that you saw her and wanted her, and ask her what she thinks about that. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s actually quite grateful to hear that you still find her visually appealing; after just 6 years of marriage, I like to know my husband still wants me after the occasional glimpse in the shower. It means a lot to me to know that my gift of myself is still desirable to him, and that he finds my body appealing.

And, if you still aren’t sure - maybe a good response would be to intentionally do something for her pleasure, like giving her a shoulder massage doing the dishes, or making her a cup of tea. Saying a prayer for her benefit also couldn’t help. That way, you will encourage any good in your reaction (unitive sexual desire), and mortify any selfishness (lust).

Plus, you’ll make your wife a little happier 🙂 That can’t hurt.

It’s impossible to be certain, but this sounds normal and healthy to me.
 
To the OP, I appreciate what you’re going through. I went through the same thing. It’s terrible. You should not have to feel guilty for finding your wife attractive. That is healthy!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top