CCD After Confirmation

[DonnaNoble]

I am struggling with the idea of stopping my daughter’s CCD classes after confirmation. Here’s the situation:

My daughter has confirmation this year and it’s been a struggle (not just with CCD). There are a lot of things the kids need to do to earn confirmation. She started off being excited and enthusiastic about things, but along the way, things were so negative that they sapped that joy out of her. CCD was part of that sapping.

My daughter who used to like CCD, now hates it and it’s impacting her love of the Church in general.

Part of it is the style of teaching. Here the concept is to teach the same things year after year (and maybe go a little more in depth with each year). The reality is, however, since so many kids skip CCD in non-sacramental years, they don’t go into any more depth; they repeat the material since it’s new for those kids. For kids like my daughter who have been learning all along and not skipping years, this repetition of the same material is extremely boring. My daughter literally has never cracked open her CCD book once this year and consistently scores the highest marks in the class. She isn’t learning anything new.

Another part of her hating CCD is environment of the classroom environment. The boiling point was last week at CCD where the teacher lost his temper, told the entire class they were “unteachable” and then told them to just leave (30 minutes into a 75 minute class). She called me on a cell phone, outside the church, very upset, voice broken up like she was going to cry. She’s a good kid, well behaved, and to be kicked out of a classroom like that was really hard on her. It also worried me because what if she couldn’t reach me? I wasn’t expecting to pick her up early.

Now, it turns out that the teacher didn’t mean my daughter was unteachable (when she calmed down, she later told me he specifically thanked her and a friend of hers when they left for her efforts in class as they left during that unplanned early dismissal). But it was still breaking point for her. She absolutely does not want to go back into that classroom and I am kind of afraid to send her after last week.

Like I said, her confirmation is over before the next class, she isn’t learning anything, and last week’s episode had her in tears. I just don’t see the point or the good in sending her. Am I wrong in thinking she sholdn’t go back? I could use the time to discuss our religion with her in a more in-depth, and productive way that engages her.

 

[Maximilian75]

1. Bring up these problems with the DRE of your parish.
2. If you do decide to remove her, get a formed.org subscription

 

[CatholicGirl1]

Hello!

A similar problem happened when I was getting ready to be confirmed. The classes my church was teaching were quite, let’s say ‘progressive’. My church has since fixed this issue. So, instead of going to CCD there, me and my sister went to another Catholic Church near(ish) by and it ended up being a wonderful experience. I also heard there are many online places a person can go.

If this doesn’t seem possible and your daughter still needs to attend, it is only for a little more. She could offer the experience up to God. I know it can be hard when you deal with ‘crazies’ in life, but if there is a chance to learn something new and/or deepen your faith- I would go for it. God bless.

 

[1ke]

Parents are always the primary educators of their children in the faith. If you are unhappy with the religious ed. program at your parish, by all means remove your daughter and teach her at home.

 

[pianistclare]

OOPS, sorry Max. this is meant for the OP.
Hit the wrong button

OP:
Former DRE here.
Parents do not often realize how their children act in class. You should keep her in formation.
Rebellion is common among teens. You wouldn’t consider taking her out of regular high school, right?
If you truly believe that the catechist is incompetent have a sit down with the DRE AND the Pastor. You may be shocked at what you hear.

PLEASE, I am NOT saying your daughter is a nut or a huge problem.
I am saying that parents have no idea what their kids say in class.

Typical remarks:

I’m only here because they force me, my parents don’t even come to Mass themselves (likely not true)
I don’t believe that being an active homosexual is wrong, God doesn’t care, my dad said so (also likely not true, but has shock value)
My parents have each been divorced 2 times (again, sometimes a total fabrication, said to get a rise out of the teacher)
I’m going to text everyone in the class and ask them all to wear gay pride tee shirts for the next class because you and your stupid church are wrong (courtesy Caitlyn Jenner)
My mom says she pays a lot of money for tennis lessons and I shouldn’t have to come here
or texting constantly or watching YouTube in class and refusing to turn off cell phones.
and on and on.

It’s brutal. When you finally get a good class you want to kiss the ground.

Remember, the real trouble makers will leave. They’ve gotten their “card” punched, they consider they are DONE with their faith. The kids that are left really want to learn, really want to be useful in the community and really want to help catechists with little ones.

GO TALK TO THEM. Lay it out. You may even consider becoming certified to teach a class yourself, or volunteer. I had moms who would come in and sign in everyone, pass out supplies, dads who would come and run the ice-breaker game, flip the occasional burger on a social night.

These are your last years to make a difference in forming their conscience. After that, they are influenced mostly by social media, and media in general. No bueno.

I’ll pray for you Parenting is hard, but you ave a duty (promised at their Baptism) to stick it out.
It’s soooo worth it.
It’s beautiful to see teens who “get it”. They are filled with joy, compassion, and love of the Mass.

GO.

 

[DonnaNoble]

Thanks for the responses. To help put this in perspective, I only have one child and there are literally only three more CCD classes left after confirmation (there is no more CCD after 8th grade at my church). So I am not sure it’s worth making a big stink with the teacher, DRE, the pastor, etc. I would think by the time I could arrange a meeting, I won’t have a child in CCD anymore anyway because it’s over. I am just trying to figure out if it’s best to just not bother with the last three classes after confirmation.

I did once teach CCD, years ago. I also worked as a substitute teacher. So I know how kids can be. So I have a lot of empathy for the teachers (especially if there are poorly behaved kids who refuse to learn). I can’t imagine kicking kids out of the class, outside, without a ride home though. In times when I was overwhelmed, I called in help (and there are helpers at CCD who check on the classrooms). I mean, the idea that the kids were literally kicked out has me concerned too.

But my duty is to make sure my daughter learns and stays true to the faith, from my perspective she’s not learning any more in CCD (it’s all a review) and the environment in the classroom is having a negative impact on her attitude towards the faith.

I guess I feel bad because, in a way, it’s quitting. And, I’ve been told she is one of the good apples in the class. Plus, I always feel compelled to do what the church tells me and the DRE asked us to keep out kids in class after confirmation and I am considering not complying.

 

[tafan2]

There are a lot of things the kids need to do to earn confirmation.

This is the tell. This sentence tells us all we need to know about your parish’s rogram. A parent who obviously has tried hard to keep her daughter progressing with her formatiom is likely someone strong in her faith (that’s you). Yet, even you see the program as kids earning their confirmation. So obviously the kids see it this way.
Which means the kids are missing out on a critical part of knowledge about the sacraments. A piece of knowledge so important it should affect their whole life if faith: sacraments are a free gift of grace from God!!! Grace so powerful that it is impossible to earn.
Now, that does not mean one does not need to be prepared and have a proper disposition. But you cannot earn a sacrament.
Unfortunately, in today’s teenage confirmation formation programs this problems is widespread. Your parish is not unique. It directly results from the horribly late age kids are getting confirmed and the ingrained, but absurd, idea that confirmation is some type if rite to adulthood.

It is ironic that DREs wants kids to be confirmed at a late age in an effort to keep them in faith formation classes, yet the formation itself is so far off the rail.

 

[tafan2]

And I will add one more thought: I have taught in these programs, it us not unusual at all for kids to be completely burned out on their faith by the time they are done and they simply get confirmed and want nothing to do with the faith again.
It sounds like your daughter is at risk of this.

 

[His_helpmeet]

If you decide to teach her at home, may I recommend “A Course in Religion For High School Youth” by Fr. John Laux? There are 4 books (“Chief Truths of the Faith”, “The Mass and the Sacraments”, “Catholic Morality”, and “Catholic Apologetics”) so it’s perfect for Grades 9-12. There are also two companion books “Introduction to the Bible” and a book on Church history. I will be using it next year for my daughter. My mother used it for me in high school. It’s written in older language, but it’s still quite good.

 

[DonnaNoble]

Thanks for the tip! My daughter and I are always discussing our faith and the history of the Church, but it would be nice to have a little formal guidance too. We talk about the readings and the homily every Sunday. Sometimes just for a few minutes, but other times much longer.

I just want to clarify that there is no high school religious education at my parish. I didn’t even realize there were programs at other parishes! After 8th grade, there is nothing. So this is literally just the very last three formal classes I am talking about.

 

[Horton]

I am the director of youth ministry in my parish and if this had happened, I would have wanted to know about it. I like getting feed back from parents even if it is negative. It helps me to reshape the program into a family friendly environment.

As a YM I say keep her in, but as a parent I would say do what is best for her.

 

[AndrewAxland]

completely burned out on their faith by the time they are done

This is a good point. I suspect that just as many young people have left the Church because of inept or aggressive catechesis as because of no catechesis at all.

 

[JanetF]

Confirmation for my daughter was in 7th grade. She started to go to the classes in 8th grade, but was not getting anything out of it because of some of the boys in the class. The Teacher freely admitted to me that my daughter’s desire to learn about the faith was strong and she was not able to fulfill her needs, so she stopped going and we started doing some at-home learning about various saints. The following year, we switched to a different parish that had a VERY strong youth group and it was an awesome experience all through high school for my daughter. That experience had enabled her to hang on to her faith life while attending college in a very secular world. When she went to Ole Miss, she sought out fellow catholics, made a point of meeting the priest at the parish church which is very conveniently located just off campus. The found a spiritual director, got involved in FOCUS.

Between her high school youth minister, myself and her dad, and her college ministers, we have worked hard to fulfill her spiritual needs (not to mention the Holy Spirit).

Don’t be afraid to try new ways of meeting your child’s spiritual needs (within the church).

 

[DonnaNoble]

I probably didn’t word that well. Although I do confess, it does feel like she had to earn it. There were always threats of, “if you don’t do X” you may not be confirmed. It had both me and my daughter on our toes to make sure we crossed all our T’s and dotted all our I’s. It was kind of stressful for both of us.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

I personally wouldn’t be terribly concerned about the three classes left after Confirmation, but I would take time to make a plan for what comes next for your daughter. We don’t consider an 8th grade education good enough for other parts of our lives and it’s not good enough for our faith lives either. How will your daughter continue to learn about and develop her faith?

Someone above mentioned formed.org and maybe that’s an option. Perhaps the two of you could watch and discuss videos. Perhaps you could make it a point to read and discuss spiritual books. Perhaps you could plan to get involved in parish activities together, whether it’s religious education for younger kids or social justice ministries. It’s important to learn to serve others. Perhaps you could plan an annual retreat together.

Whatever you do, it’s now up to you to show your daughter how to start to live as an adult Catholic and prepare her for the rest of her life.

 

[tafan2]

I understand that you know better, I wasn’t trying to correct you. But the word “earn” is what came to your mind without thinking, exactly because that’s how it felt to you. But if you felt that way to the kids in the class, it’s more than just a feeling, they thought it was a fact.

 

[Edward_H]

The key thing to get across to our children and to ourselves is that formation must continue until our last day on earth.

We must seek to come “ever closer” to an understanding of God and His will for us, and this requires formation - and it may mean “formal formation”.

There are different types and purposes of formation.

• There’s doctrinal formation…understanding the nature of God through Scripture, through Church teaching, the CCC, substantial writing, on many matters, moral theology, marriage, etc. etc.
• There’s “spiritual formation”: how to pray well, how to make progress in holiness, how to root out disordered motivations about why we do some things - even acts of charity, etc. This formation can be gained by a certain type of spiritual reading, through retreats, through solid spirtual direction, examination and Sacramental Confession, etc.
• Then there is “human formation”: how to strengthen our will and intellect via the continual and happy practice of the human virtues…cheerfulness, diligence, exactitude, study, generosity, industiousness, etc.
• Then there’s “apostolic formation”: how to learn our faith and internalize it and be able to explain it attractively but faithfully - beautifully even - to others; how to help others come closer to God, how to build sincere friendships, how to be a better friend to our friends, etc.

So we have to in a digestible way communicate this idea of “never ending formation” to our children, so they don’t think it’s just a check box and then they done with it.

 

[1ke]

I just want to clarify that there is no high school religious education at my parish. I didn’t even realize there were programs at other parishes! After 8th grade, there is nothing.

Then you and her father are going to have to step it up at home with formation or find a parish that offers high school formation.

 

[1ke]

guess I feel bad because, in a way, it’s quitting. And, I’ve been told she is one of the good apples in the class. Plus, I always feel compelled to do what the church tells me and the DRE asked us to keep

It’s not quitting. It’s moving her formation under your jurisdiction.

And “the Church” isn’t telling you to so anything.

Ask your daughter what she wants to do and then do that.

 

[guanophore]

Am I wrong in thinking she sholdn’t go back? I could use the time to discuss our religion with her in a more in-depth, and productive way that engages her.

Not at all! It sounds like a horrible experience. If she has met the criteria and can be confirmed, let her pursue her spiritual formation some other way. It sounds as if she is more mature than most of her classmates, and would probably benefit more from an adult formation class.

You are right, these classes are very influenced by the teachers, and the cohort. It is a sad fact that many of the kids are not getting good formation in Catholic homes, and both the youngsters and the parents are just doing their “duty” so they can “finish”. Rather than seeing confirmation as the beginning of taking responsibility for one’s own faith formation, it is seen as the icing on the cake of completed suffering with CCD classes.