Celebrity crushes

[Gordon_Sims]

You know, I find myself agreeing with Cat on another topic; that your sarcastic, condescending tone is NOT helpful at all here. Yes I do know there are such things as erotic cartoons and strange fans who find cartoons such as My Little Pony sexy, etc. However, I do not think this is anywhere mainstream, and I didn’t get any sense from Cat’s description of her husband that he is that type of person.

I hadn’t intended that as sarcastic. There are some sick, sick people out there. I’ve encountered them far more than I ever would have cared to. It’s not a topic I care to devote time to.

Anyway, what was your purpose in starting this topic, anyway? Were you really looking for a discussion, or were you looking for a lot of support and even more evidence of your moral superiority to most of your friends. (Since this seems to be a constant theme of your posts, how immoral your friends and family are, and how put-upon you are by having to deal with their sinfulness. Why do you even hang around these people if they offend you so much? You must be getting something out if it.)

Not that long ago my wife and I were having dinner at someone’s house. Someone started talking about their celebrity crush. The language and tone being used made a few of us with kids there uncomfortable (it was graphic enough that I won’t repeat it here). A few days later there was a thread on here where a few people mentioned their celebrity crushes. I questioned whether that was sinful. Although a lot of what I’ve seen others do/say, until I saw them mentioned in that thread I had never put a lot of thought into the potential sinfulness of it. They’re common enough among people I know that it was previously something I just saw as an everyday annoyance.

Despite some people’s assurances I’ve yet to encounter someone in real life who didn’t speak of their celebrity crush in at least a nominally lustful manner (again, a lot of the language isn’t something I care to repeat here). Seeing as that’s been my experience, I’m dubious of claims to the contrary. And I’ve yet to hear an explanation for a spouse fantasizing about someone other than their spouse that convinces me that it’s an appropriate pastime.

I stated before that I engaged in crushes and fantasies in the past. However, it’s not something I’d even consider now. Fantasizing about someone other than my spouse seems incongruous with the notion of a sacramental marriage. The fact that it’s so commonplace, even on here, strikes me as odd.

 

[ToeInTheWater]

Despite some people’s assurances I’ve yet to encounter someone in real life who didn’t speak of their celebrity crush in at least a nominally lustful manner (again, a lot of the language isn’t something I care to repeat here). Seeing as that’s been my experience, I’m dubious of claims to the contrary.

But again, this is based on YOUR experience. When you state you are “dubious of claims to the contrary” you are basically accusing people such as Cat of either lying to you, or lying to themselves. That is hardly charitable, and it is what strikes me as presumptuous.

And I’ve yet to hear an explanation for a spouse fantasizing about someone other than their spouse that convinces me that it’s an appropriate pastime.

Okay, obviously nothing people say will convince you of crushing being “appropriate” but I must ask, do you actually think this is sinful? Because some of your posts seem to be quite strident that it is, but then again most of your posts seem to equate crushing with lusting.

Also, do you think married people reading romance novels and crushing on completely fictional characters such as Edward Cullen are sinning too? (BTW I am referring to the character, not the actor who played him in the movies. Ironically, when the Robert Pattinson casting was first announced, many Twilight fans were disappointed!)

 

[Gordon_Sims]

But again, this is based on YOUR experience. When you state you are “dubious of claims to the contrary” you are basically accusing people such as Cat of either lying to you, or lying to themselves. That is hardly charitable, and it is what strikes me as presumptuous.

Regardless of the issue, we’re kind of stuck with having to frame it within the bounds of our own experience. If you told me that your local McDonald’s serves T-bone steaks and baked potatoes, I’d be dubious of that at first as well. The bulk of the people I interact with regularly have discussed celebrity crushes at some point, and have all painted them in a sexual light to some degree. To be clear, each and every one of them acknowledge a distinction between having a crush on a celebrity and just being a fan. A good many of them have given a variety of arguments to justify the lustful nature of the crush, ranging from it not being a big deal, to it being good, clean fun, to saying that it spices up their marriage/relationship (those are some of the same arguments commonly used to justify porn use, coincidentally). If they truly didn’t believe it was wrong, I can’t imagine that they would be so quick to offer unsolicited defenses of it.

Okay, obviously nothing people say will convince you of crushing being “appropriate” but I must ask, do you actually think this is sinful? Because some of your posts seem to be quite strident that it is, but then again most of your posts seem to equate crushing with lusting.

At the very least, I believe it’s a serious near occasion of sin. The fact that the idea of me crushing on a porn star, coworker or the babysitter is seen as problematic shows that you get that there’s a problem with it on some level. I also brought up emotional affairs because there’s a fine line between appropriate and inappropriate relationships and any time those are mentioned on this forum, not only is the advice overwhelmingly in support of erring on the side of caution, but there’s almost never any agreement with the idea that a person can have a close, platonic relationship with a member of the opposite sex who’s not their spouse without putting themselves at risk of an affair. With these crushes, they admittedly involve fantasizing (often of a romantic nature) about someone other than your spouse. I think that’s far more dangerous ground than me telling a coworker that I’m having a hard time concentrating because of some personal problem at home.

Also, do you think married people reading romance novels and crushing on completely fictional characters such as Edward Cullen are sinning too? (BTW I am referring to the character, not the actor who played him in the movies. Ironically, when the Robert Pattinson casting was first announced, many Twilight fans were disappointed!)

Romance novels tend to be full of thinly-veiled to full-blown graphic porn. When you’re reading a romance novel (or any novel, for that matter) no matter how the author describes a character you’re creating your images of them based on your own internal preferences. Just as it’s difficult to impossible for others to believe that someone could have a crush on a porn star that’s not founded on lust, I can’t imagine that someone can have a crush on a character they were required, by reading the novel, to create an idealized image of then read/fantasize about them in sexual situations. If you think I’m off the mark on this or have too extreme an attitude about it, go back and read any of the threads about Fifty Shades of Grey.

 

[Cat]

=Gordon Sims;12465980]Regardless of the issue, we’re kind of stuck with having to frame it within the bounds of our own experience. If you told me that your local McDonald’s serves T-bone steaks and baked potatoes, I’d be dubious of that at first as well. The bulk of the people I interact with regularly have discussed celebrity crushes at some point, and have all painted them in a sexual light to some degree. To be clear, each and every one of them acknowledge a distinction between having a crush on a celebrity and just being a fan. A good many of them have given a variety of arguments to justify the lustful nature of the crush, ranging from it not being a big deal, to it being good, clean fun, to saying that it spices up their marriage/relationship (those are some of the same arguments commonly used to justify porn use, coincidentally). If they truly didn’t believe it was wrong, I can’t imagine that they would be so quick to offer unsolicited defenses of it.

Ah, I think I just figured this out.

Over the last few months, Gordon Sims, you have shared some incredible posts about some extremely “weird” people in your circle of acquaintances. These weird people seem to have awful morals and no respect for God or tradition.

Many of us have advised you to abandon these people and find more “normal” people.

So this is the problem here–you are getting your impression of crushes from weird people who definitely are NOT the norm.

I can assure you that the vast majority of people are not like the weird people that you seem to live around. Most of them do not have problems with “lust” tainting their celebrity crushes.

So we’re back to the usual advice that so many of us give you–abandon the people you associate with and please try hard to find some normal people.

 

[Gordon_Sims]

Ah, I think I just figured this out.

Over the last few months, Gordon Sims, you have shared some incredible posts about some extremely “weird” people in your circle of acquaintances. These weird people seem to have awful morals and no respect for God or tradition.

Many of us have advised you to abandon these people and find more “normal” people.

So this is the problem here–you are getting your impression of crushes from weird people who definitely are NOT the norm.

I can assure you that the vast majority of people are not like the weird people that you seem to live around. Most of them do not have problems with “lust” tainting their celebrity crushes.

So we’re back to the usual advice that so many of us give you–abandon the people you associate with and please try hard to find some normal people.

Actually, the person in question in this case is a fairly normal, devout, churchgoing Christian. Many even consider this person prudish. Regardless, I still don’t see how fantasizing about someone other than your spouse can be an acceptable part of a sacramental marriage. I’ve discussed this thread with my wife a few times. There’s a bit of a gap between where each of us is, faith-wise. Still, she can’t imagine that anyone who has a good grasp of what the Church’s views on marriage are would consider this appropriate.

 

[Joe_5859]

I keep following this thread with interest for some reason. The more I follow it, the more I think that Cat and Gordon are defining terms like “crush” and “fantasize” in very different ways. If I define those terms in one way, I can see exactly what makes Gordon uneasy about it. But then if I define them in another way, I can see why Cat thinks it is not that big of a deal for most people.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

I keep following this thread with interest for some reason. The more I follow it, the more I think that Cat and Gordon are defining terms like “crush” and “fantasize” in very different ways. If I define those terms in one way, I can see exactly what makes Gordon uneasy about it. But then if I define them in another way, I can see why Cat thinks it is not that big of a deal for most people.

This is a big part of it. There are a lot of words in this thread that should be defined and examples given so everyone could be on the same page. Words like fan, admire, obsession, and others.People have a tendency to throw around words like obsession and do so to bolster their point or to be ironic and (which can be confusing to an outsider). I follow a few fandoms and I have observed the spectrum of fan behavior from passively interested to scary stalker behavior.

 

[Gordon_Sims]

This is a big part of it. There are a lot of words in this thread that should be defined and examples given so everyone could be on the same page. Words like fan, admire, obsession, and others.People have a tendency to throw around words like obsession and do so to bolster their point or to be ironic and (which can be confusing to an outsider). I follow a few fandoms and I have observed the spectrum of fan behavior from passively interested to scary stalker behavior.

I’d tend to agree with Cat’s definition of a celebrity crush on the surface, although I suspect that she wouldn’t agree that some of the real-world examples I’ve given have come from people who share the same definition. Pretty much everyone I’ve discussed crushes with has put them in similar to identical terms as Cat. They’re harmless fun, nothing lustful (at least not real lust since they don’t know the person, which somehow makes it okay to have romantic to pornographic fantasies about them, even though the same people would agree that doing the same thing while watching porn is wrong), not obsessive (although that’s a loaded, subjective term that can mean anything from someone like Cat who just devotes a small amount of time each day, etc. to someone else who sleeps with crush-adorned body pillows, etc.), and done with the full consent of one’s spouse (or at least behind their back because what they don’t know can’t hurt them).

As far as being a fan goes, I would characterize that as someone who likes and admires a public figure and/or their work. If choosing to read/watch/listen to something, their preference would be to choose something by someone whose work they’re a fan of. They might go out of their way to watch an actor’s movies when they’re on TV, buy a book/CD/etc. on the day it’s released (possibly even stand in line), and my have T-shirts, pictures (possibly autographed) and even posters of the person. However, they don’t fantasize about the person, devote a set time each day to them, set up shrines to them in their house, etc.

I think a big part of what differentiates a crush from being a fan is the fantasy aspect, which is also what I would probably consider to be the most problematic aspect of it. I know people keep insisting there’s a difference between a celebrity crush and a real-life crush, but let me give another example then tell me if you at least understand the point I’m making. How should a wife react to her husband saying he’ll drive the babysitter home? Now, how should she react to him saying he’ll drive the babysitter home then go to his room, stare at his collection of pictures of her and fantasize about walking on the beach with her? I didn’t mention anything lustful, sexual or over the top, but I can’t imagine anyone not seeing the second example as grossly inappropriate. Somehow, though, if I replaced the babysitter with Scarlett Johansson, we’re supposed to believe it would be okay.

 

[Cat]

I’d tend to agree with Cat’s definition of a celebrity crush on the surface, although I suspect that she wouldn’t agree that some of the real-world examples I’ve given have come from people who share the same definition. Pretty much everyone I’ve discussed crushes with has put them in similar to identical terms as Cat. They’re harmless fun, nothing lustful (at least not real lust since they don’t know the person, which somehow makes it okay to have romantic to pornographic fantasies about them, even though the same people would agree that doing the same thing while watching porn is wrong), not obsessive (although that’s a loaded, subjective term that can mean anything from someone like Cat who just devotes a small amount of time each day, etc. to someone else who sleeps with crush-adorned body pillows, etc.), and done with the full consent of one’s spouse (or at least behind their back because what they don’t know can’t hurt them).

As far as being a fan goes, I would characterize that as someone who likes and admires a public figure and/or their work. If choosing to read/watch/listen to something, their preference would be to choose something by someone whose work they’re a fan of. They might go out of their way to watch an actor’s movies when they’re on TV, buy a book/CD/etc. on the day it’s released (possibly even stand in line), and my have T-shirts, pictures (possibly autographed) and even posters of the person. However, they don’t fantasize about the person, devote a set time each day to them, set up shrines to them in their house, etc.

I think a big part of what differentiates a crush from being a fan is the fantasy aspect, which is also what I would probably consider to be the most problematic aspect of it. I know people keep insisting there’s a difference between a celebrity crush and a real-life crush, but let me give another example then tell me if you at least understand the point I’m making. How should a wife react to her husband saying he’ll drive the babysitter home? Now, how should she react to him saying he’ll drive the babysitter home then go to his room, stare at his collection of pictures of her and fantasize about walking on the beach with her? I didn’t mention anything lustful, sexual or over the top, but I can’t imagine anyone not seeing the second example as grossly inappropriate. Somehow, though, if I replaced the babysitter with Scarlett Johansson, we’re supposed to believe it would be okay.

If a spouse doesn’t know about a celebrity crush, I agree that it would be inappropriate.

But it’s hard for spouses to ignore celeb crushes that include putting up pinups or pictures. If you walk into my husband’s office, you immediately know that he like Ariel and other mermaids. You might even feel like you’re “under the sea.” It’s pretty obvious.

For me, yes, you would see the Robert Patrick screensaver on the computer, and the two pictures of him that I have up on the fridge, and know that I like him. My husband sees these every day. He also hears all about the latest “Robert Patrick” doings, because I tell him.

But we’re both just fine with this, and I think it’s lots of fun for both of us. We’re 57 years old, and we’re fine this. We were fine with it back in our 30s when we both had crushes on other celebs (we still like these people).

Gordon Sims, I think this issue will be different for each couple, depending on their personalities and backgrounds. For you and your wife, it is obviously not ever appropriate. But for many couples, celebrity crushes cause no problems and actually enhances the marriage because it adds an element of fun.

The Church has not condemned celebrity crushes at all, so I think it’s safe to say that they are not sinful.

Sin is actually something good that has been twisted into something bad. Any “good thing” can become sinful for someone–e.g., food, alcohol, other addictions, admiration (can turn to jealousy or envy), enthusiasm (can turn to obsession and controlling), love (can turn to obsession and abuse), sex (can turn to lust or perversion).

That’s what sin is–it’s something good that is twisted and enlarged and out-of-control and no longer God-honoring.

I’ve stated at other places in this thread that a celebrity crush can be sinful when it turns to obsession or lust. But just like food, alcohol, etc., a celebrity crush is not sinful when it is done in moderation and in innocent settings and in such a way that God is part of it (e.g., praying for your celeb).

 

[Gordon_Sims]

There are plenty of things that are sinful that the Church hasn’t specifically condemned as sinful, so that’s pretty irrelevant.

I pointed out before that a lot of the arguments being offered in favor of celebrity crushes can and are used to justify porn use. It’s fun, it’s harmless, it spices up our relationship. That doesn’t make it good or healthy.

As for the implication that my wife & I just can’t handle crushes, that’s not the case at all. For each of us, the thought of fantasizing about someone else is as foreign to us as the idea of growing antlers. If I’m going to fantasize about someone, it’s going to be about my wife. Whether it’s walking on the beach, watching a sunset, going horseback riding or whatever, it will be with her, and her with me. I don’t have a need or a desire to envision myself doing any of these things with Angie Dickenson or whoever. I don’t consider that a bad thing or an issue of moral superiority.

 

[Sophie_Lawrence]

There are plenty of things that are sinful that the Church hasn’t specifically condemned as sinful, so that’s pretty irrelevant.

I pointed out before that a lot of the arguments being offered in favor of celebrity crushes can and are used to justify porn use. It’s fun, it’s harmless, it spices up our relationship. That doesn’t make it good or healthy.

As for the implication that my wife & I just can’t handle crushes, that’s not the case at all. For each of us, the thought of fantasizing about someone else is as foreign to us as the idea of growing antlers. If I’m going to fantasize about someone, it’s going to be about my wife. Whether it’s walking on the beach, watching a sunset, going horseback riding or whatever, it will be with her, and her with me. I don’t have a need or a desire to envision myself doing any of these things with Angie Dickenson or whoever. I don’t consider that a bad thing or an issue of moral superiority.

Porn use is sinful, as are lustful thoughts.

I’ve been working on a screen play off and on, but I would like the male lead to be played by an actor that I’m a fan of.

While washing dishes, or driving to and from places I do think about scenarios that could be in my screen play.

What I do could be characterized as fantasy. It isn’t sinful. Just because I think of scenarios that could star my “crush” doesn’t mean they are impure in nature, and that I am not devoting time to my family or husband.

I even fantasize about winning an Oscar for my screen play. And my husband is the first one I will thank! (If I ever finish, it gets picked up, gets nominated and I win )

 

[Gordon_Sims]

Porn use is sinful, as are lustful thoughts.

I’ve been working on a screen play off and on, but I would like the male lead to be played by an actor that I’m a fan of.

While washing dishes, or driving to and from places I do think about scenarios that could be in my screen play.

What I do could be characterized as fantasy. It isn’t sinful. Just because I think of scenarios that could star my “crush” doesn’t mean they are impure in nature, and that I am not devoting time to my family or husband.

I even fantasize about winning an Oscar for my screen play. And my husband is the first one I will thank! (If I ever finish, it gets picked up, gets nominated and I win )

I never implied that all fantasizing was sinful. When it comes to crushing on a celebrity, though, I believe it’s one of the main thing that takes it from being a harmless diversion to a problematic activity. Again, if I watch an actor/actress’s movies, not a problem; if I fantasize about playing footsie with them while sipping wine at a secluded cafe, that’s a problem.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Erm…Am I reading this correctly? Are we talking about a 50-something year old man having a crush on a Disney princess while his wife is fantasizing about having a romantic picnic with Robert Patrick?

I have a really hard time believing that anyone out there just fantasizes about non-sexual romantic experiences with celebrities. I’m having even harder time believing that the Catholic church would condone such fantasies even if everyone is fully clothed in them.

This is not to say that I don’t find myself very attracted to actors-I do. Especially when they play strong, witty, heroic men. But sexual attraction is just that-sexual. It’s involuntary, there’s nothing that can be done about it, but married people really shouldn’t dwell on it.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

I never implied that all fantasizing was sinful. When it comes to crushing on a celebrity, though, I believe it’s one of the main thing that takes it from being a harmless diversion to a problematic activity. Again, if I watch an actor/actress’s movies, not a problem; if I fantasize about playing footsie with them while sipping wine at a secluded cafe, that’s a problem.

Is fantasizing about discussing a character’s motivations and backstory with an actor over tea, minus footsie problematic? (I acknowledge this activity is one many actors are sick to death of doing but that’s why it’s a perfect fantasy.)

Is fantasizing about going a motorcycle ride (I ride my own, BTW) with an actor and hitting a diner for pie (again, minus footsie) problematic?

 

[jimmy]

I am curious whether it would be alright for the husband to hang the images from Maxim magazine on his wall because he likes the actress? How about the playboy centerfold? Is it alright for a husband to put her pictures on his wall or his screen saver?

 

[Bruised_Reed]

I’d tend to agree with Cat’s definition of a celebrity crush on the surface, although I suspect that she wouldn’t agree that some of the real-world examples I’ve given have come from people who share the same definition. Pretty much everyone I’ve discussed crushes with has put them in similar to identical terms as Cat. They’re harmless fun, nothing lustful (at least not real lust since they don’t know the person, which somehow makes it okay to have romantic to pornographic fantasies about them, even though the same people would agree that doing the same thing while watching porn is wrong), not obsessive (although that’s a loaded, subjective term that can mean anything from someone like Cat who just devotes a small amount of time each day, etc. to someone else who sleeps with crush-adorned body pillows, etc.), and done with the full consent of one’s spouse (or at least behind their back because what they don’t know can’t hurt them).

It’s not the crush that is wrong, it’s the type of fantasizing and lust that is wrong.

Obsessive can be a subjective term but far from what Cat does unless she is using it ironically. Thanks to Twitter I can observe obsessions in action. Your spectrum seems to include man crushes and ends with sleeping with adorned body pillows, where mine ends closer to stalker behavior, resulting in a restraining order. And by the way, that body pillow could be a gift, including a gag gift. If I was given one, I might sleep with it but also kinda hope my cat pees on it.

As far as being a fan goes, I would characterize that as someone who likes and admires a public figure and/or their work. If choosing to read/watch/listen to something, their preference would be to choose something by someone whose work they’re a fan of. They might go out of their way to watch an actor’s movies when they’re on TV, buy a book/CD/etc. on the day it’s released (possibly even stand in line), and my have T-shirts, pictures (possibly autographed) and even posters of the person. However, they don’t fantasize about the person, devote a set time each day to them, set up shrines to them in their house, etc.

Yes, they do! What you’re initially describing is almost passive fan activity; and in the bolded, enthusiastic fan activity. Except devote a set time each day…“devote” is kind a heavy word for scrolling through a Twitter or Pinterest feed. I’m going to guess that you think Cat reading Twitter before work fits that bill. Nuh-uh.

I think a big part of what differentiates a crush from being a fan is the fantasy aspect, which is also what I would probably consider to be the most problematic aspect of it. I know people keep insisting there’s a difference between a celebrity crush and a real-life crush, but let me give another example then tell me if you at least understand the point I’m making. How should a wife react to her husband saying he’ll drive the babysitter home? Now, how should she react to him saying he’ll drive the babysitter home then go to his room, stare at his collection of pictures of her and fantasize about walking on the beach with her? I didn’t mention anything lustful, sexual or over the top, but I can’t imagine anyone not seeing the second example as grossly inappropriate. Somehow, though, if I replaced the babysitter with Scarlett Johansson, we’re supposed to believe it would be okay.

Yes, because the babysitter one is super-creepy. I’ve been on the receiving end of a reeeeeeallly inappropriate joke by someone I used to babysit for so let’s just say I’ve experienced a big freakin’ difference. I was also a nanny as an adult and if I caught wind of something like that I would have bolted and left my stuff behind (and I love my stuff). Thanks for the perspective though. Now I know if I was married, I couldn’t care less if my husband fantasized about Scarlett Johansson. I don’t understand her appeal but I like her as the Black Widow, so:shrug:

 

[Gordon_Sims]

Erm…Am I reading this correctly? Are we talking about a 50-something year old man having a crush on a Disney princess while his wife is fantasizing about having a romantic picnic with Robert Patrick?

I have a really hard time believing that anyone out there just fantasizes about non-sexual romantic experiences with celebrities. I’m having even harder time believing that the Catholic church would condone such fantasies even if everyone is fully clothed in them.

This is not to say that I don’t find myself very attracted to actors-I do. Especially when they play strong, witty, heroic men. But sexual attraction is just that-sexual. It’s involuntary, there’s nothing that can be done about it, but married people really shouldn’t dwell on it.

And don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m stymied over the fact that, in a Catholic forum, you’re one of the very few agreeing with me.

Bruised Reed, I believe that any fantasizing that takes away from your relationship with your spouse is wrong. To be clear, I think there’s a big difference between saying so-and-so seems like an interesting, down-to-earth individual and you’d like to have lunch with him, and staring starry-eyed into space while fantasizing about it. The only person I get starry-eyed over is my wife.

Jimmy, I know what the answer to your question will be, but one has to ask, if it’s okay to pin up photos of Robert Patrick, Robert Stack, Ariel, Belle or whoever, if the only pictures available to you of your celebrity of choice are of a risque nature, then for the sake of logic and fairness, shouldn’t it be okay to pin those to the cork board? Again, I know what the answer will be, but doesn’t that illustrate my point?

 

[Bruised_Reed]

(…)
Bruised Reed, I believe that any fantasizing that takes away from your relationship with your spouse is wrong. To be clear, I think there’s a big difference between saying so-and-so seems like an interesting, down-to-earth individual and you’d like to have lunch with him, and staring starry-eyed into space while fantasizing about it. The only person I get starry-eyed over is my wife.

(…)

I’m single. There’s nothing to take away from. Only add.

 

[on_the_hill]

I have a cousin who looks like a cross between Audrey Hepburn and a young Sophia Loren.

:flowers:

 

[Gordon_Sims]

It’s not the crush that is wrong, it’s the type of fantasizing and lust that is wrong.

A lot of the disagreement in this thread has been along the lines of, “Your fantasies/the object of your fantasies is wrong, while mine is okay.” I disagree. I believe that any lustful and/or romantic fantasizing that’s not about your spouse is wrong.

Obsessive can be a subjective term but far from what Cat does unless she is using it ironically. Thanks to Twitter I can observe obsessions in action. Your spectrum seems to include man crushes and ends with sleeping with adorned body pillows, where mine ends closer to stalker behavior, resulting in a restraining order. And by the way, that body pillow could be a gift, including a gag gift. If I was given one, I might sleep with it but also kinda hope my cat pees on it.

Oh, I could give a lot creepier examples of obsessive crushes than the body pillow. I just didn’t want to go there. Obsession doesn’t have to mean an extreme behavior. It can be something minor that is done regularly/repeatedly or compulsively. A few years back there was an online game I played obsessively. I only spent 10-15 minutes on it each day, but it was every single day at the exact same time (it was also before anyone else in the house woke up so nobody was even aware I was doing it). Nothing harmful and it didn’t interfere with the rest of my day, but that didn’t make it any less an obsession.

Yes, they do! What you’re initially describing is almost passive fan activity; and in the bolded, enthusiastic fan activity. Except devote a set time each day…“devote” is kind a heavy word for scrolling through a Twitter or Pinterest feed. I’m going to guess that you think Cat reading Twitter before work fits that bill. Nuh-uh.

“Devote” is a fairly neutral word. It just means that you spend time on an activity. It can be used in a stronger sense but that wasn’t my intent. I simply meant that she (by her own admission) spends a certain amount of time each day on a specific activity. By itself there’s nothing wrong with that, but when you combine it with fantasies and shrines, I think it’s problematic.

Yes, because the babysitter one is super-creepy. I’ve been on the receiving end of a reeeeeeallly inappropriate joke by someone I used to babysit for so let’s just say I’ve experienced a big freakin’ difference. I was also a nanny as an adult and if I caught wind of something like that I would have bolted and left my stuff behind (and I love my stuff). Thanks for the perspective though. Now I know if I was married, I couldn’t care less if my husband fantasized about Scarlett Johansson. I don’t understand her appeal but I like her as the Black Widow, so:shrug:

But why is crushing over the teenage babysitter creepy and crushing over Taylor Swift or Elsa from Frozen not? If I’m confining my fantasies to long strolls on the beach, staring out over Paris form the top of the Eiffel Tower, etc., how is that any different than if I replaced her with Robert Blake or Pocohantas? As I’ve said before, I think it’s disingenuous to find fault with one and not the other.