Celibacy and vocations

[debraran]

I was actually googling something else when I came across these sites…it got me thinking especially when I read about a priest that left in less than 5 years to marry, how the seminary approaches celibacy to the young (and sometimes older) men?
I remember a priest saying they were told to watch comedies on TV and things like that but I hope of course, that was part of a bigger picture of instruction.
This isn’t to debate the issue, but it brought home the fact that many somewhat young men leave because they can’t deal with that aspect of it. Is anything being done to address this differently than in the past…to really get the men to see what it will be like at times?
These two links were right after each other:
leavingthepriesthood.com/index.html

[ncronline.org/ma(name removed by moderator)age/specialdocuments/cordaroletter.htm](http://ncronline.org/ma(name removed by moderator)age/specialdocuments/cordaroletter.htm)
Makes me a little sad…wish I knew an easy answer.

 

[Norseman82]

Well, one of the best things I have heard on this subject was a seminarian (now ordained priest) who gave one of those annual “Seminarian Sunday” talks at Mass. He said that the hard part about celibacy was not so much the physical part but being able to project yourself into the future and imagine yourself in your 40s and 50s and seeing men in your own age group with children and grandchildren and trying to figure out if you can handle that.

 

[debraran]

Yes, reading some of their stories (and others in other books) the loneliness gets them about then…their mortality hits them and all their friends who aren’t priests are married and settled. One priest on that site said he was sent to a remote place and being alone day after day was very hard. If he had a partner, he could bare it better but not being able to have a conversatiion, laugh, share things with someone is hard. I also remember an older priest saying when the physical yearnings ebb, the human desire for a companion stays…it’s not always sexual.
I remember Fr. Francis on EWTN touching on how he realized he was in his 40’s and the desire for a family was always there…but that was normal. In his case, I think it got the better of him.

Some people like being alone, they don’t crave companionship, but others find it very difficult. The loners are more the minority.

I know Fr. Groechel mentioned his thinks it should be talked about more now, not less. In the olden days, he said they barely touched on it ( the pink elephant) but you pay a price for pretending it wont be a problem. All new seminarians think, like any new vocation to a career they can do anything, but it’s a lot harder when reality hits. Prayer helps, but many still feel very alone.

 

[Jude_Smith]

This made me think of a question… Is it easier for priests who come from big families, and can reasonably expect to have nieces and nephews? Obviously big families used to be more common… as did vocations. Could there be a connection? We just saw a young man who is a deacon, due to be ordained in May, and he is one of five sons. Unless he winds up being very far from the rest of his family, I would think that the company of his brothers’ children could be a comfort to him in 20 or 30 years. I’ve noticed in my own extended family that childless people seem to be drawn to spend more time with their nieces and nephews as they turn 50, and/or when their own parents pass away.

 

[Norseman82]

This made me think of a question… Is it easier for priests who come from big families, and can reasonably expect to have nieces and nephews? Obviously big families used to be more common… as did vocations. Could there be a connection? We just saw a young man who is a deacon, due to be ordained in May, and he is one of five sons. Unless he winds up being very far from the rest of his family, I would think that the company of his brothers’ children could be a comfort to him in 20 or 30 years. I’ve noticed in my own extended family that childless people seem to be drawn to spend more time with their nieces and nephews as they turn 50, and/or when their own parents pass away.

Yes, I think that may have helped, and it has been said that larger families helped foster vocations. But again, in the past the “celibate lifestyle” may have been held in greater esteem than today by the general public (remember, this was prior to the “sexual revolution” of the 1960s). And who knows - maybe having children of your siblings in proximity may increase the desire for children of your own. So I guess it depends on the person.

 

[Friar_David_O.Carm]

I was actually googling something else when I came across these sites…it got me thinking especially when I read about a priest that left in less than 5 years to marry, how the seminary approaches celibacy to the young (and sometimes older) men?

Each seminary/religious order will have their own programs and even though it is dealt with, it will not “take” with everyone that goes though it, regardless of how great the program is.

A man must enter such a thing being fully honest and open, saddly not everyone does so or is capable of doing so.

We must also remember that someone who leaves the priesthood or religious life does not mean that it is a bad thing. Maybe their vocation was truly to the married life and the man and those who called him did not see this. It is not always a failure, sometimes it is a success.

 

[Jude_Smith]

Yes, I think that may have helped, and it has been said that larger families helped foster vocations. But again, in the past the “celibate lifestyle” may have been held in greater esteem than today by the general public (remember, this was prior to the “sexual revolution” of the 1960s). And who knows - maybe having children of your siblings in proximity may increase the desire for children of your own. So I guess it depends on the person.

While the desire for children of your own probably doesn’t entirely go away, I guess I just thought that having relatives in the younger generation could be a help in your decision to give up having a family. It seems to help those who don’t have children of their own even when they didn’t vow themselves to celibacy. For that matter, marrying doesn’t guarantee children; some couples find that they can’t have them.
I think it’s been said before, too, that growing up in a large family gets people used to the idea that they can’t have everything they want!

 

[debraran]

I think some men and women don’t want children very much and probably can get enough joy from just mentoring, teaching and being around them during the day. (the "love them, but glad when they go home"line)
I think the biggest thing is feeling alone, not the being around people, but being lonely in a crowd. I remember reading one saying the early years and the later years are the hardest. You want someone to talk too, watch TV with, discuss things with and someone who doesn’t see you as “their priest” but a friend too. Some are lucky that way and other aren’t. I don’t doubt many priests have hidden lives and many would be surprised how their priest felt inside. I try to not just pray for grace for them, but many blessings to help fill the voids they might feel.