Br. JR- if I knew that I could go to heaven by pursuing marriage and fatherhood I would do it. However, Isn’t rejecting a call the same thing that the rich young man did?
Brother David is correct. To put it simply, you’re arm wrestling with God and making yourself miserable in the process. Find a spiritual director. The Internet is not the place to get spiritual direction.
Another fact that you must remember is that most of the folks with whom you’re interacting know very little, if anything, on how to guide a person through the discernment of a vocation. It’s a very specialized ministry that requires many years of study and experience. Even vocation directors are not well equipped in the discernment of spirits. Their function is to guide a man or woman through the steps involved in entering a seminary or religious community. Very few are trained spiritual directors. It’s not a requirement for the job. That’s why people will often get short answers from them. They don’t want to go into spiritual discernment with the person who presents before them. They assume, rightly so, that the person has gone through this with a spiritual director.
There are lay people, deacons, priests, religious brothers and religious sisters who are trained spiritual directors. This is their ministry. If you ask your confessor, he can point you to one, unless you already have one.
And yes . . . one can go to heaven by pursuing marriage and having a family. Millions of men and women have done it. The number of married saints far surpasses the number of priests who are saints. It’s just easier to canonize priests and religious. It does not mean that these are the largest number of saints.
Remember this too. A call may begin as a feeling. But a feeling is not always a call. It can be an attraction, just like an atrraction to any other noble work or way of life. I always share this example with people. I hope that it helps you too.
When I entered my community, I told the superior that I wanted to be a priest. His response was favorable. I went through four-years of undergrad and took all of the required philosophy and then proceeded to graduate school for four-years of theology. After making final vows, my superior came up to me and said, “I’ve noticed your astuteness and passion for theology. You’re going to Rome for a Doctorate in Sacred Theology.” I went to Rome and put in four more years of theology. When I returned I asked him about Holy Orders. He said, “We have a surplus of priests in the order; but we don’t have good theologians and formators. Christ calls through the superior and the needs of the order and the Church. Go and train priests.” That was the end of that. Christ had spoken. I went on to teach theology to future deacons and priests instead of becoming a priest. Now . . . many years later, I realize that my superior was right. I had it in my mind that my desire and skills for preaching and teaching were the stuff that makes for a priest. I was wrong and my superior was right. However, this does not mean that I have not done my share of preaching and evangelizing. Our feelings are important, because God often uses them to speak to us. However, we can often misunderstand them. The message can get lost in the emotion.
I’m thinking of a man like Dr. Scott Hahn. The man will go down in history as one of the best evangelists in the American Catholic Church. But he’s not a priest or a deacon. He’s a husband, father and grandfather. He’s a very holy who has served as teacher and spiritual director to many seminarians, religious and lay people. Another great evangelist and spiritual guide who is married is Ralph Martin. You may want to look at these men and their ministry.
Fraternally,
Br. JR, OSF
