Celibacy for me? Or perhaps a variation, instead?

[love-bias]

Hello my beautiful fellow Catholics,

I have within me actually a burning desire to get married to a wife, whoever she may be.

I also have a burning desire to serve and love as a Priest.

Can it be possible for God to want me to be celibate, even while I know that He has given me a desire for a wife? Wouldn’t that be somewhat sadistic of Him?

While, it may be possible for me to be a happily married Eastern Catholic priest–that’s the variation instead. Should I therefore pursue the latter?

Thank you much. ~Jason

 

[Rising_Suns]

Dear Jason,
Praise be Jesus Christ.

All men and women have a desire to for marirage; to be loved by another person and to raise a family. This is why marriage is considered the “natural vocation”. It is what we all naturally want.

Those who become priests make an immense sacrifice, in rejecting what they naturally long for in favor of a greater calling. The greater the sacrifice, the greater the merit.

Regarding your question about Eastern Catholic priests, my advise would be to say: If you are a latin Catholic, stay a latin Catholic. Joining a different rite becuase you want to get married is not a prudent reason to do so. This is something that you will have to face in your discernment; if you are serious about the priesthood, then you will be able to make this sacrifice.

My prayers are with you in your discernment.

-Davide

 

[love-bias]

Thank you Davide,

I see what you mean about the sacrifice. I guess I was under the impression that Priests generally had no desire for a wife. Is it very common, then, for Priests to have overcome this desire to serve the greater good? If so, then I believe I know which I would choose, between the two (I would choose the Priesthood).

Other than that, actually I was Confirmed in the Byzantine Catholic rite. Maybe I could go ahead then and have the best of both worlds?

Thank you. ~Jason

 

[jdemnyan]

Peace be to you, Jason!

Allow me to add my two cents-

Following up on the sacrificial aspect of celibacy, I’d like you to meditate on this. If you truly do have a vocation to the priesthood- think how much more you’ll love God and the people He has placed into your life by using this natural, inherent desire for intimacy for the good of the Kingdom! By being a celibate, you are not negating your love at all. Rather, you are acheiving what few people attain while on earth and what society as a whole has often scoffed at… I’m not going to lie- there will be times when you might feel like it’s worthless or that you can resist. However, look at this way- to paraphrase Archbishop Fulton Sheen- Being celibate just means that you’ve given up one more woman than the married man!

In addition to your thoughts about Eastern Rite- you may want to talk to someone knowledgeable in Canon Law. If you were confirmed in the Eastern Rite, regardless of the fact that you have been attending Latin Rite, you may actually be considered Eastern Rite. Again, I’m not sure about this but I would definitely inquire about this. There’s always the possibility of being bi-ritual, but that would depend on your Ordinary. Also, in the United States, Eastern Rite priests are celibate. It was a condition placed upon them on this side of the Atlantic so as not to have a situation like the one you were thinking about.

PAX

 

[bilop]

Thank you Davide,

I see what you mean about the sacrifice. I guess I was under the impression that Priests generally had no desire for a wife. Is it very common, then, for Priests to have overcome this desire to serve the greater good? If so, then I believe I know which I would choose, between the two (I would choose the Priesthood).

Other than that, actually I was Confirmed in the Byzantine Catholic rite. Maybe I could go ahead then and have the best of both worlds?

Thank you. ~Jason

Jason,

If you are Eastern Rite Catholic, then it is possible for you to marry and be ordained a priest (remember, you must marry first).

Another poster stated that Eastern Rite priests in the U.S. must be celibate, but I do not believe this is true any longer.

I suggest you contact the vocations director for your eparchy or diocese and begin to explore your vocation.

God Bless

Edit: You might also try posting in the Eastern Catholicism sub-forum. Posters their might know specifically the Byzantine policy on marriage and priesthood in the U.S.

 

[graceandglory]

All men and women have a desire to for marirage; to be loved by another person and to raise a family. This is why marriage is considered the “natural vocation”. It is what we all naturally want.

Those who become priests make an immense sacrifice, in rejecting what they naturally long for in favor of a greater calling. The greater the sacrifice, the greater the merit.

BRAVO, Rising Suns!!!
Superior response!!!

 

[Andruschak]

See my posting in this forum about the book “The Mystery of Love for the Single”

 

[_SweetPea]

Where were you baptized? If you were baptized in the Byzantine church then you are probably Byzantine, but if you were only confirmed there then you probably aren’t.

You’ll have to figure out whether you are Byzantine or Roman because only your church can ordain you. If you want to be a married priest, you’ll have to get married and live many, many years in the Byzantine church to see if they might accept you to the seminary. The odds are weighed against you.

 

[JDHallKY]

Hello my beautiful fellow Catholics,

I have within me actually a burning desire to get married to a wife, whoever she may be.

I also have a burning desire to serve and love as a Priest.

Can it be possible for God to want me to be celibate, even while I know that He has given me a desire for a wife? Wouldn’t that be somewhat sadistic of Him?

While, it may be possible for me to be a happily married Eastern Catholic priest–that’s the variation instead. Should I therefore pursue the latter?

Thank you much. ~Jason

A year and a half ago, I was in position almost exactly like yours. I was feeling the tug toward the Priesthood, but I also couldn’t imagine committing to never get married and have a family. I prayed and waited. I can’t tell you exactly how it happened (it wasn’t a bolt of lightning), but my attitude has completely changed. Over that time, I have come to realize the beauty of being celibate for the Kingdom of God. It was a slow process, but now I am at peace with the decision.

So, even though this is the advice almost always given for everything, really the only thing to do is to pray and be open to God. If you’re open to His will and if He is calling you to the Priesthood, he’ll bring around those parts of your personality that want to resist the call.

 

[love-bias]

Where were you baptized? If you were baptized in the Byzantine church then you are probably Byzantine, but if you were only confirmed there then you probably aren’t.

You’ll have to figure out whether you are Byzantine or Roman because only your church can ordain you. If you want to be a married priest, you’ll have to get married and live many, many years in the Byzantine church to see if they might accept you to the seminary. The odds are weighed against you.

I wasn’t baptized in a Catholic church actually… I got baptized in a protestant pentecostal “Church of God.” In later years I became Catholic–I’m the only one in my family who is Catholic.

 

[bilop]

I wasn’t baptized in a Catholic church actually… I got baptized in a protestant pentecostal “Church of God.” In later years I became Catholic–I’m the only one in my family who is Catholic.

You should really discuss this with your diocesan vocation director. If you are and have always been Byzantine Catholic, which seems to be the case, you should be able to marry and be ordained. However, there may be some roadblocks, as the U.S. bishops are not all comfortable with married Eastern priests.

God Bless

 

[_SweetPea]

Which church are you attending now? If you came in to the Byzantine church and continue to worship there, ordination after marriage is more likely than if you were a Roman Catholic who sometimes attends the Byzantine church. Not easy, but easier. If you’re attending the Byzantine church, you’ll have to be married for many years first. Focus on the wedding and marriage and after that discern the priesthood… If you decide to be a celibate priest, you can be a Byzantine priest or monk, too. Bishops are chosen from the celibate priests and monks can be ordained.

 

[bilop]

Which church are you attending now? If you came in to the Byzantine church and continue to worship there, ordination after marriage is more likely than if you were a Roman Catholic who sometimes attends the Byzantine church. Not easy, but easier. If you’re attending the Byzantine church, you’ll have to be married for many years first. Focus on the wedding and marriage and after that discern the priesthood… If you decide to be a celibate priest, you can be a Byzantine priest or monk, too. Bishops are chosen from the celibate priests and monks can be ordained.

That’s interesting. Does an Eastern priest always have to be married for a while before entering seminary? Is that just a U.S. thing?

My brother-in-law went to seminary with 2 men from the Ukraine. I believe they completed their education, and then delayed ordination until they married. Is this only done in Europe?

God Bless

 

[jdemnyan]

That’s interesting. Does an Eastern priest always have to be married for a while before entering seminary? Is that just a U.S. thing?

My brother-in-law went to seminary with 2 men from the Ukraine. I believe they completed their education, and then delayed ordination until they married. Is this only done in Europe?

God Bless

I believe that this is the case for the Eastern Churches, including the Orthodox.

From what I gather, the tradition of having a wedding on Saturday actually comes from this discipline as many priests would be married on Saturday and then ordained on Sunday

 

[bilop]

I believe that this is the case for the Eastern Churches, including the Orthodox.

From what I gather, the tradition of having a wedding on Saturday actually comes from this discipline as many priests would be married on Saturday and then ordained on Sunday

So how do the Eastern seminarians go about finding a wife?

Do they “date” while in seminary?

God Bless

 

[Patrick60]

I pursued the priesthood for a number of years when I was in my twenties, and one last time about four years ago. I was turned down by the Archdiocese of Harrisburg because I had exceeded the age limit of 42. Today I am three months away from my 48th birthday. am not a priest. I am not married. If I knew of any archdiocese or religious order that would accept a man of my age I would look into it. But I recall pursuing a vocation as a younger man.
The biggest struggle for me was celibacy. I’ll be straight with you. If you’re going to pursue holy orders, you’re going to remain single for the rest of your life. If you’re looking for a loophole by which you can have both at the same time, it’s really what James calls “doubleminded.” You can serve God and the church as a married man, or you can serve God and the church as a celibate priest or religious. There are religious orders which make accomodations for married persons, but of course, without ordination.

You make vows at ordination. Or you make vows at a wedding. At ordination, you decide to devote your all to serving the Bride of Christ. At a wedding, you choose your own particular, exclusive bride and promise to remain faithful to her and raise godly children. Both are holy, both are essential for the church. Unfortunately, one person cannot DO both.

If you are married, you will have to support a wife and however many children you decide to bear. Raising a family takes money and time. That is one of the reasons why the church requires celibacy for priests. Would you have time to hear confessions, say masses, visit the sick, do funerals, weddings, baptisms, and all the other responsibilities of a parish priest and still have time for your wife and children?
Religious life is a sacrificial life. You lay down your life not for a wife and children, but for the Bride of Christ.

To be a priest is to love the Church as Christ loves the Church. The Church is the Bride of Christ. You, out of love, forsake your own desire for a wife so that you might devote all of your time, talent, energy toward ministering to the Bride of Christ for love of Christ and His bride. You need to ask yourself how much do you really love Christ, and how much do you really love the Church. Do you love Christ and the Church enough to lay down your life? Ultimately, that’s the question you need to ask yourself if you’re serious about making this kind of lifestyle choice.

 

[Rising_Suns]

Is it very common, then, for Priests to have overcome this desire [for marriage] to serve the greater good?

Dear Jason,
Yes. A friend once said to me; “The best priests are the ones who would have made the best husbands and fathers.” I believe there is much truth to this statement.

Blessings.

 

[love-bias]

Which church are you attending now? If you came in to the Byzantine church and continue to worship there, ordination after marriage is more likely than if you were a Roman Catholic who sometimes attends the Byzantine church. Not easy, but easier. If you’re attending the Byzantine church, you’ll have to be married for many years first. Focus on the wedding and marriage and after that discern the priesthood… If you decide to be a celibate priest, you can be a Byzantine priest or monk, too. Bishops are chosen from the celibate priests and monks can be ordained.

Living in a state where there aren’t any Byz Cath churches, I attend Latin Catholic churches. I was confirmed in a Byzantine Catholic church in North Carolina a few years ago.

I have pretty well decided that I will go about the direction of marriage. Afterwhich I will see whether God opens the door for me to be a priest, in the eastern church. This is because, as strange as it may be–and even maybe somewhat selfish–I feel that I have a vocation for both.

May His will be done. ~Jason

 

[love-bias]

:bounce: Many thanks to everyone who very charitably gave advice. :grouphug:

 

[Rising_Suns]

I have pretty well decided that I will go about the direction of marriage. Afterwhich I will see whether God opens the door for me to be a priest, in the eastern church. This is because, as strange as it may be–and even maybe somewhat selfish–I feel that I have a vocation for both.

May His will be done. ~Jason

Dear Jason,
One of the priests in my parish is a convert from Anglicansim. He is married with children. It may be of interested to you to know that has spoken of the great hardships that he has faced, with having to be a father of souls while facing the anxieties of raising children. It is a very difficult life.

If you are capable of following Christ’s counsels, do so. Give yourself and your time wholly to Him.

Blessings.