Celibacy in marraige

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lost_sheep_2

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My question is, is this a good thing? I have decided to become celibate because I am not open to the blessings of more children, I have 4 now and I feel that I will not be able to provide adequately if more arrive. I want to keep with the teachings of the Cathoic faith so birth control is definately out, and even though NFP is said to be 99% effective, I do not want to take my chances with that 1%. also, more importantly, since I do not want anymore children, then sex witth my wife will be a sinful act, correct? My main concern is that as time goes by, my wife and I will start to lose the intamacy we once shared, and I fear that could hurt our marraige. Is there anyone else out there that could give me some good advice on how their marrage is after making this decision, or even their oppinion on this issue.
Thank you
 
a married person cannot make this decision unilaterally, it has to be mutual, for the purpose of prayer and mutual growth in holiness and service to the Lord - see St. Paul on this topic. Your underlying attitude is one of rejecting the principal gifts and charisms of marriage, the unitive and procreative aspects of the marriage act. For this attitude you need spiritual direction, see your confessor, nobody here on this forum is able to help you with matter for the sacrament of confession.
 
I would honestly have to say that except for extraordinary circumstance, being celibant is not how God intended married couples to live their lives. It’s hard to put your total trust and faith in God that He will provide. It’s so easy to say, what about college, what about hospital bills, etc.?

If you were to choose to be celibant, I honestly believe it would lead to other things in a marriage that were not good. Most people naturally have a sexual drive, and if you cut that off, it may come out in ways that do not agree with catholic teaching.

Trust that God will provide for you. Live your life for His will. Know that if He didn’t intend for you to have any more children you would not have them whether you were having relations with your wife or not. If you hinder His plan for your life- you may very well be missing out on some incredible blessings He has planned for you! He is ultimately the only one who should make decisions in our lives. Us purposefully blocking this is what I believe to be a grave mistake.

God bless you.
 
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tossolul:
If you were to choose to be celibant, I honestly believe it would lead to other things in a marriage that were not good. Most people naturally have a sexual drive, and if you cut that off, it may come out in ways that do not agree with catholic teaching.
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The thing I am struggling with is that I would like to act on my “natural sex drive” I like sex just as much as the next guy(or gal), but if I am having sex with my wife just because I want to have sex and I am not in any way wanting her to get pregnant, doesn’t that go against the teachings of the catholic church? Everytime we have sex wouldn’t I be commiting a sin, just because I do not want anymore kids? In my mind we are not having sex for procreation.
 
lost sheep:
The thing I am struggling with is that I would like to act on my “natural sex drive” I like sex just as much as the next guy(or gal), but if I am having sex with my wife just because I want to have sex and I am not in any way wanting her to get pregnant, doesn’t that go against the teachings of the catholic church? Everytime we have sex wouldn’t I be commiting a sin, just because I do not want anymore kids? In my mind we are not having sex for procreation.
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You are not sinning as long as you are leaving the possibility open to having children… If you are purposefully making it impossible to have children during relations then that is a sin. I don’t believe it matters what is in your mind as much as your actions. The point is that you are leaving it to God’s will and not your own.
 
lost sheep:
My question is, is this a good thing? I have decided to become celibate because I am not open to the blessings of more children, I have 4 now and I feel that I will not be able to provide adequately if more arrive. I want to keep with the teachings of the Cathoic faith so birth control is definately out, and even though NFP is said to be 99% effective, I do not want to take my chances with that 1%. also, more importantly, since I do not want anymore children, then sex witth my wife will be a sinful act, correct? My main concern is that as time goes by, my wife and I will start to lose the intamacy we once shared, and I fear that could hurt our marraige. Is there anyone else out there that could give me some good advice on how their marrage is after making this decision, or even their oppinion on this issue.
Thank you
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Whatever you decide, it should be agreed upon by both you and your wife. If both of you agree together to give up marital relations, then fine. But if she does not agree, then you are sinning by refusing her right to marital relations. In the early Church, it was a pious custom for elderly couples to give up sexual relations once the woman was past child bearing age. I think this is a good and pious thing, though not required.
 
lost sheep:
My question is, is this a good thing? I have decided to become celibate because I am not open to the blessings of more children, I have 4 now and I feel that I will not be able to provide adequately if more arrive. I want to keep with the teachings of the Cathoic faith so birth control is definately out, and even though NFP is said to be 99% effective, I do not want to take my chances with that 1%. also, more importantly, since I do not want anymore children, then sex witth my wife will be a sinful act, correct? My main concern is that as time goes by, my wife and I will start to lose the intamacy we once shared, and I fear that could hurt our marraige. Is there anyone else out there that could give me some good advice on how their marrage is after making this decision, or even their oppinion on this issue.
Thank you
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I don’t mean to nit-pick, but i think the phrase you are looking for is Chasity in Marriage. Chasity is not have Sex, which is what I think you are getting at. To be celebate means that you can’t marry. The only reason I know this is because I am a Seminarian and that tell us to make a point about it when people try to use the two words interchangably. I don’t mean to be offensive, but I just thought I would make that point. I really wish I could give you some advice on how to help your Marriage, but I don’t have any experience in that part of life. I wish you the best of luck!
 
Allen537 said:
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I don’t mean to nit-pick, but i think the phrase you are looking for is Chasity in Marriage. Chasity is not have Sex, which is what I think you are getting at. To be celebate means that you can’t marry. The only reason I know this is because I am a Seminarian and that tell us to make a point about it when people try to use the two words interchangably. I don’t mean to be offensive, but I just thought I would make that point. I really wish I could give you some advice on how to help your Marriage, but I don’t have any experience in that part of life. I wish you the best of luck!
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Thanks for the clarification, and good luck in your studies

Also thanks to everyone else who has given me their insites, they really did help to clarify things with me and I just have to get over my stumbling block of not trusting God. I have found myself giving that advice before, but it always seems harder to do than to say. I know that God will lead me in the right direction, and I will also keep praying my rosary asking Mary for guidance also.

Thanks 😃
 
Allen537 said:
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I don’t mean to nit-pick, but i think the phrase you are looking for is Chasity in Marriage. Chasity is not have Sex, which is what I think you are getting at. To be celebate means that you can’t marry. !
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Actually, Allen, chastity is living our sexuality in a way that befits our vocation in life, in a way that honors the the sanctity of sex and our bodies. It is not “not having sex.”

Everyone is called is chastity, but we live of it in different ways.
For a priest, chastity would certainly entail celibacy; for a married couple, however, whose very participation in and reflection of the life of the Trinity occurs through the marital, sexual act, as JPII has written, chastity means loving one another bodily, in a way that mirrors Christ’s love: free, total, faithful and fruitful.

To the original poster: economic concerns can provide a grave reason not to have more children, but that is something you must discern in prayer together with your wife and perhaps a priest. It’s not just something you can decide to do, otherwise you will end up simply using each other. That can cause tremendous need and resentment in your marriage, and it has nothing to do with love.

If you discern you have grave reason not to bring another child into the world, then Natural Family Planning is an extremely effective option. As our dear late Pope JPII (again) wrote, being open to life does not mean that a couple needs to desire children every time they make love. It means maintaining a love that is free, total, faithful and fruitful, and that if a new life is given, perhaps unexpectedly, that life is welcomed and cherished.
 
But everyone is required to be chaste, even married couples. It doesn’t mean not having sex with ones spouse. It means not having sex with only ones spouse and fulfilling God’s plan for sex.

So it sounds like he means some sort of temporary celibacy in marriage. I say “temporary” because it wasn’t there before…

Lost sheep, why is it that you are so opposed to having more children? You said even a 1% chance is too much of a “risk” for you. Children are not something we have to protect ourselves from. They are blessings, and I truly believe God would not give us more blessings than we can handle.

God bless.
 
There are two properties to marital sex: procreative and unitive.

First of all, you cannot make the decision to be celibate without the consent of your wife as you are now one.

Second, celibacy in marriage serves a spiritual purpose - it isn’t to avoid a non-desired result. Just as a woman cannot seek to be a nun because she doesn’t ever want to be married or committed to a relationship (as a nun she IS committing to a relationship with Christ).

Third, avoiding sex altogether because you don’t want to risk that 1% possibility of is against Catholicism. You have to place your trust in G-d and rely on NFP. Honestly, practing NFP with your wife will be a lot easier than remaining celibate.

Fourth - but really should be first - read up on the unitive purpose of marital relations. There’s a CD by Christopher West called Marriage and the Eucharist - boy, what an eye-opener. You can get it free from the Mary Foundation.
 
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ElizabethAnne:
Lost sheep, why is it that you are so opposed to having more children? You said even a 1% chance is too much of a “risk” for you. Children are not something we have to protect ourselves from. They are blessings, and I truly believe God would not give us more blessings than we can handle.

God bless.
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My thoughts have come about because we were blessed with our 4th child which was an unplanned but very very welcomed addition to the family. We practiced NFP and I thought I had my plans for the future all set. I know what everyone will say, and I agree with everyone that we are not the ones making the plans, but as I said before, it’s easy to say things like that to others, but when you actually are put into that situation, well that takes some real faith. I think God put my faith to the test when he showed me who was really in charge (ha ha ha).
My wife and I are just trying to adjust to life as new parents again (there is a big gap between the other three). We haven’t made love in quite some time (and I mean quite some time) because we both firmly believe in the teachings of The Theology of the Body and we are not ready for intercourse yet and anything else is, well, just sin.
We know with all our hearts that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle, but for right now we are just hoping He isn’t thinking we can handle five 😃
 
i agree with a lot on this post, but i think poster #2 puzzelannie said it best, and my personal opinion is that i don’t see a quicker way to lost intimacy in your marriage than that decision made alone.
 
The whole issue here boils down to trust. Trust in God.

If God wills that you have more children, then you can be very sure that he will also make sure that the means to support it will come your way.

You need to open you heart completely to him and say with Mary, through Christ Fiat voluntas Tua (Thy Will be Done)

Saying Yes to God is a most powerful act. It endorses the Yes of Mary and makes us partakers in the graces and blessings associated with the moment of the Incarnation.

Saying yes to God joins us to the heart of Jesus Christ during the Agony in the Garden and again imparts to us the graces and blessings of that very moment.

Saying No to God echos the ‘Non Serviam’ (I will not serve) of Lucifer and in fact endorses it.
 
lost sheep:
My thoughts have come about because we were blessed with our 4th child which was an unplanned but very very welcomed addition to the family. We practiced NFP and I thought I had my plans for the future all set. I know what everyone will say, and I agree with everyone that we are not the ones making the plans, but as I said before, it’s easy to say things like that to others, but when you actually are put into that situation, well that takes some real faith. I think God put my faith to the test when he showed me who was really in charge (ha ha ha).
My wife and I are just trying to adjust to life as new parents again (there is a big gap between the other three). We haven’t made love in quite some time (and I mean quite some time) because we both firmly believe in the teachings of The Theology of the Body and we are not ready for intercourse yet and anything else is, well, just sin.
We know with all our hearts that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle, but for right now we are just hoping He isn’t thinking we can handle five 😃
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Wow, so you were practicing NFP all along.
Well, yeah, I can see where you’d want to give it up all together then…
It really does just come down to what G-d has in mind for you and your wife.
It’s frightening - especially when He threw this curve at ya.
But, you just know, I’m sure, that this child is going to be very, very special and tug at your heart in an entirely different way than the others. G-d will continue to speak to both of you through this one. Maybe just wait until he/she arrives to figure out what to do after that.
It’s not committing to celibacy, but it’s certainly agreeing to a pause for reflection and that’s ok with the Church.

I’m so happy for you both!
 
Hey Yin Yang Mom,

Whats with the G-d for God? Why did you leave out the ‘o’?
 
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Fergal:
Hey Yin Yang Mom,

Whats with the G-d for God? Why did you leave out the ‘o’?
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We’re not worthy to spell out His name, so the o is taken out.

At least, that’s my understanding.
 
The idea of never having relations with your wife again is so awful, that would mean giving up all affection (cause it arouses), stoping being attracted to your wife altogher, becoming good friends, partners. If you can do this you’re much stronger than anyone I’ll ever know, and you actually think sex should just be a platonic gesture used to create kids
 
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maendem:
a way that mirrors Christ’s love: free, total, faithful and fruitful.

To the original poster: economic concerns can provide a grave reason not to have more children, but that is something you must discern in prayer together with your wife and perhaps a priest. It’s not just something you can decide to do, otherwise you will end up simply using each other. That can cause tremendous need and resentment in your marriage, and it has nothing to do with love.

.
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using each other for what exactly? and what’s wrong with needing your spouse?
 
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cynic:
The idea of never having relations with your wife again is so awful, that would mean giving up all affection (cause it arouses), stoping being attracted to your wife altogher, becoming good friends, partners. If you can do this you’re much stronger than anyone I’ll ever know, and you actually think sex should just be a platonic gesture used to create kids
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Why is it so awful? Its only awful if we are attached to created things. In the early Church, it wasn’t considered so awful. I suspect that our desires for sex are artificially inflated due to media influence in the culture. I think a celibate marriage can be a great witness to the world, showing that love and companionship can be fulfilling without having to engage in intercourse.
 
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