First, I want to apologize for my holier-than-thou comment. That was out of line and I am sorry for that.
To be clear, I never advocated you committing sin. I only suggested getting counsel.
I do sympathize with your family situation. Our family has had many challenges of its own. And for the longest time I thought the problems were all my wife’s. At a low point in our lives, I took a hard look at myself and started working on changing me. By working on myself, many of our family problems improved or went away. And my relationship with my wife is better as well. Is it where I want it to be? No, but it is better.
When I read your posts I don’t see any indication of introspection as to your part of the marriage problems. It all seems to be her fault. Maybe that is true, but my experience has been that both spouses usually have their issues.
And while you do get counseling, I wonder if you do not just find people who will just agree and sympathize with you. You get counseling from priests. How about a licensed therapist? As of last year you were not in counseling yourself. How about working on yourself with a professional?
The lack of intimacy in your marriage has to create a toxic environment for your kids. It had been almost a year since your previous update and it seems little has changed. Isn’t it worth considering getting help from a different source? You are the man in the family. It is up to you to lead. Status quo does not seem to be working.
thanks for the more productive follow-up : )
I haven’t pursued a licensed therapist, frankly because we don’t have money for that kind of thing, and secular therapists will likely be soft on the whole contraception issue, if not dismissive of the whole issue - I did talk with a counselor for Couple to Couple league, and he gave some very good advice just to look at things differently and to take care of myself, I can never really change her, or the situation. I have also set up to begin with a local Spiritual Director, something I’ve never done before, after the start of the new year. This is for spiritual growth in general, and not for the marital issues specifically although I’m sure it will come up. I also have the nearby Dominican friars as confessors and confidants.
I haven’t shared everything in this thread of course. And as for being introspective, I’m nothing if not that, overly so at times, analytical to a fault. I’ve analyzed this thing from all angles, with the help of church documents and teaching, and yes with bouncing ideas and thoughts off others who are more knowledgable than I (and also faithful to the Magisterium). I have concluded so far that I can only do my part to being faithful as a husband and Catholic, pray for her and our family, but never really expect that I will do or say something to her to change her mind or the situation.
I’ve tried to stick with “facts” in my disclosures in this thread, and tried not to “bash” my wife - my faults are evident throughout: allowing her to act like this, letting her slide on her duties as mother and wife, perhaps not being as kind as I should have been (but I will say I have never responded in like manner to her rages and outbursts). My best response is still being shaped, hence my reaching out in recent years to priests, confessors, counselors, and you good people here, after keeping it all to myself for so many years.
