Cell Phone Etiquette

[TheRealJuliane]

Oh, and my other pet peeve is people wandering around stores yelling into their hands-free devices. Someone hearing voices could wander through a store having a heated conversation with the voices in their head, and no one would blink an eye. Sometimes they are saying rude things to the person on the other end of the phone, but since the person isn’t there, you first think that they’re directing this at you.

The first time I ever saw a bluetooth device was in a grocery store, and I heard a man having an animated conversation with no one, so my curiosity got the best of me and I found him in the next aisle. He did appear to be mad, walking and just jabbering out loud. I had to walk past him to see the device plugged into his ear and his cell phone in his shirt pocket. That must have been 15 years ago now? I regularly see people continue to talk on their phone as the cashier is ringing up their purchases, no interaction with the cashier at all, like they are being rung up by a robot or it’s a self-cashier machine.

On the trains in England, there is a “Quiet Car” where one is not supposed to use their cell phone, play music, etc. Yet one man did sneak a phone call, directly under the sign, (he got some filthy looks from me) and one young lady had her music turned up so loud the rest of us could clearly hear it through her ear buds.

 

[TheWarriorMonk]

When in other’s company, I’ll check my phone if I get a text/call (I generally set mine to vibrate). However, I will always tell the person I’m speaking to that I need to check my phone, and if it is not my wife, children, or emergency, it goes right back into my pocket. For business meetings, I simply shut it off unless I know ahead of time that a very important call will be coming in.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

A friend of mine came up with a wonderful idea for dinner dates. When going out to eat, everyone puts their phone, face down in the center of the table, stacked… First person to check their phone, pays.

But seriously, I totally agree with most people. The cell phone has taken away emotional communication and replaced it largely with digital communication. It is a responsibility to learn the line between the two and regulate it so that people are not ignored and the satisfaction and meaningful experience of a night out is fully enjoyed.

I think this is a great solution to a very common problem. Otherwise I can imagine everyone half-attending to the dinner party and surreptitiously checking their phones throughout the evening.

But what if NO ONE checks his/her phone?? Who pays then??

 

[EasterJoy]

The first time I ever saw a bluetooth device was in a grocery store, and I heard a man having an animated conversation with no one, so my curiosity got the best of me and I found him in the next aisle. He did appear to be mad, walking and just jabbering out loud. I had to walk past him to see the device plugged into his ear and his cell phone in his shirt pocket. That must have been 15 years ago now? I regularly see people continue to talk on their phone as the cashier is ringing up their purchases, no interaction with the cashier at all, like they are being rung up by a robot or it’s a self-cashier machine.

On the trains in England, there is a “Quiet Car” where one is not supposed to use their cell phone, play music, etc. Yet one man did sneak a phone call, directly under the sign, (he got some filthy looks from me) and one young lady had her music turned up so loud the rest of us could clearly hear it through her ear buds.

A “Quiet Car”? What a civilized idea!!
(Well, until some angry mob beats some unrepentant noisemaker to death with his own phone.)

 

[EasterJoy]

When in other’s company, I’ll check my phone if I get a text/call (I generally set mine to vibrate). However, I will always tell the person I’m speaking to that I need to check my phone, and if it is not my wife, children, or emergency, it goes right back into my pocket. For business meetings, I simply shut it off unless I know ahead of time that a very important call will be coming in.

Yes, like that! I’ve been thinking and thinking, and the only other exception I can think of coming up on a regular basis are people waiting for a call from some night-shift person who will be calling when they come off their shift, and can’t to bed until the call is completed.

I do understand that once teens are out and about in the world, they have this way of constantly interrupting their parents with “emergencies”. Those situations are not entirely the fault of the teens, but the failure to anticipate disruption of the lives of fellow family members needs to be taken into account more than it is. We’ve had many situations where plans were changed at the last minute simply because they could be. Before texting, the less-than-great original plan would have sufficed, and one party would not have had the ability to inconvenience a dozen other people in order to make some on-command adjustment to an agreed-upon course of action.

I’m hoping that in time people will start demanding their lives back, and the abuses that come with the advantages of this technology will be reined in. I don’t mind when dinner or lunch partners have their phones on vibrate, get a text, announce what the issue is, beg pardon, and take 20 keystrokes to reply to a message that can’t wait. I mean answering, “no, I can’t do it” to someone who did not know they were interrupting you and asked if you were available to do a favor.

IOW, I’m not trying to be a total curmudgeon about this. I’m only asking that people stop and think about whether an interruption really needs to be made, to limit the interruption to the smallest one that will suffice, and to extend apologies to the parties who really do deserve one’s undivided attention. It is a small price to pay in order to safeguard our real-time human interactions.

 

[SciFiWriter]

None of my friends would agree to that, nor would I.

We are all married with children. We have been out to dinner and have received calls where our friend has had to leave.

I know that no common workplace would condone your methods. I’m not saying this to be mean or anything but just stating a fact that in the average workplace, a person that thinks like this would be fired; if a person could set aside the urge to answer a call or text for seven hours out of a day, it seems to reason that a person can plan an hour out of a free day to have dinner without the phone.

Either way,
If someone feels the call is more important than a planned outing for leisure,
They can pay.

If they don’t agree to that, then, it covers the entire point of the practice. In the interest of a night out that the rest of your friends can enjoy without feeling pressured, ignored, pressed for time, or otherwise annoyed – it might be best to not attend dinner, or at least pay the bill.

 

[PatriceA]

I know that no common workplace would condone your methods. I’m not saying this to be mean or anything but just stating a fact that in the average workplace, a person that thinks like this would be fired; if a person could set aside the urge to answer a call or text for seven hours out of a day, it seems to reason that a person can plan an hour out of a free day to have dinner without the phone.

Either way,
If someone feels the call is more important than a planned outing for leisure,
They can pay.

If they don’t agree to that, then, it covers the entire point of the practice. In the interest of a night out that the rest of your friends can enjoy without feeling pressured, ignored, pressed for time, or otherwise annoyed – it might be best to not attend dinner, or at least pay the bill.

I think you are forgetting that a parent can usually be reached quite readily at their place of work, and usually can leave if its a family emergency. Some times a cell phone is the only way to get a hold of a parent in an eating establishment and other places of leisure.

Since most parents go out with other parents that are in or have been in similar situations, there isn’t much to fuss about and usually a lot of understanding for the need for the cell phones to be readily accessed IF a call from a child needs to be addressed. You are assuming that parents can’t use discretion and handle phone calls properly, if at all, when out with friends. More than likely, the cell phone on the table, or in the pocket, is never needed. Frankly I’d rather my friends have their cell phones but never need them but I’d feel absolutely horrible if that ONE time they needed to be reached and couldn’t because they were pressured not to answer a call from home. Happened to me, my dad had cardiac arrest and I couldn’t be reached for hours because I was out with friends. I will never have something like that happen to my family again if I can possibly help it. My cell phone is out or in my pocket. Don’t like it, don’t go out with me and my family.

 

[SciFiWriter]

I think you are forgetting that a parent can usually be reached quite readily at their place of work, and usually can leave if its a family emergency. Some times a cell phone is the only way to get a hold of a parent in an eating establishment and other places of leisure.

Since most parents go out with other parents that are in or have been in similar situations, there isn’t much to fuss about and usually a lot of understanding for the need for the cell phones to be readily accessed IF a call from a child needs to be addressed. You are assuming that parents can’t use discretion and handle phone calls properly, if at all, when out with friends. More than likely, the cell phone on the table, or in the pocket, is never needed. Frankly I’d rather my friends have their cell phones but never need them but I’d feel absolutely horrible if that ONE time they needed to be reached and couldn’t because they were pressured not to answer a call from home. Happened to me, my dad had cardiac arrest and I couldn’t be reached for hours because I was out with friends. I will never have something like that happen to my family again if I can possibly help it. My cell phone is out or in my pocket. Don’t like it, don’t go out with me and my family.

None of my friends are parents yet. I’m only thirty years old so I’m getting to that point where it’s about to happen but from 20-30, it should still be expected that we enjoy ourselves while we can and not be glued to a cell phone.

 

[LoveEveryone]

In Mass, never. Thats the one our a week that is completely dedicated to God. I love my family, I love my wife, but I love God more. I leave it in the car and check it when I come out.

I rarely go to movie theaters anymore because of kids and their phones. Actually because I always say something and the wife gets nervous im going to get into it with someone.

Restaurants, Ill check a number I dont know just in case its an emergency. Everyone else can text me if its an emergency and they need help THEN.

Hanging out with friends, maybe briefly but I always tell them I am busy and I will call them back later.

Immediate family though, always gets answered to make sure things are ok (except at Mass), but I am off the phone quickly if everything is ok.

Reminds me of a funny story though. We were at Church and some nuns were sitting right up front. They were doing collection and my wife leaned over and said “I wonder if they have cell phones”. About 3 minutes later the phone rings loudly. The nun, mortified, quickly turns it off and gestures apologies to everyone lol. Even the priest stopped a second and we all got a little giggle out of it, then went back to business.

 

[PatriceA]

None of my friends are parents yet. I’m only thirty years old so I’m getting to that point where it’s about to happen but from 20-30, it should still be expected that we enjoy ourselves while we can and not be glued to a cell phone.

I agree with you that at any age, excessive cell phone usage while out with family or friends is rude. But that’s not what Maryjk or I am referring to.

 

[EasterJoy]

I think you are forgetting that a parent can usually be reached quite readily at their place of work, and usually can leave if its a family emergency. Some times a cell phone is the only way to get a hold of a parent in an eating establishment and other places of leisure.

Since most parents go out with other parents that are in or have been in similar situations, there isn’t much to fuss about and usually a lot of understanding for the need for the cell phones to be readily accessed IF a call from a child needs to be addressed. You are assuming that parents can’t use discretion and handle phone calls properly, if at all, when out with friends. More than likely, the cell phone on the table, or in the pocket, is never needed. Frankly I’d rather my friends have their cell phones but never need them but I’d feel absolutely horrible if that ONE time they needed to be reached and couldn’t because they were pressured not to answer a call from home. Happened to me, my dad had cardiac arrest and I couldn’t be reached for hours because I was out with friends. I will never have something like that happen to my family again if I can possibly help it. My cell phone is out or in my pocket. Don’t like it, don’t go out with me and my family.

Of course…but how often do heart attacks actually happen? I don’t think anyone has suggested turning the devices off, especially not when you’re “on call”–and on-call for family counts–nor do I think that heart attacks and broken bones were the kind of interruption that made a group of friends come up with the “stacked cell phone” rule.

The suggestion is that interruptions be limited to the kind of stuff that would be allowed to interrupt important meetings at work. The problem is that people aren’t simply assuming that their friends can’t use discretion. The problem is that people proved themselves unable to use discretion for as long as “sneaking” a look and “sending a few quick replies” remained tempting possibilities.

 

[maryjk]

Does the same thing apply at work? I mean, if you get that same call at work, do you say goodbye to your co-workers and rush out on such short notice? Do you constantly check your cell phones when you are with clients? Why are your children getting the “golden hour” treatment? (I mean the time frame in which brain damage occurs if a health issue restricts blood flow to the brain.) Do none of us remember how few lives were lost when our parents used to go out for dinner and we couldn’t reach them until *they *checked in on us?

I know that no common workplace would condone your methods. I’m not saying this to be mean or anything but just stating a fact that in the average workplace, a person that thinks like this would be fired; if a person could set aside the urge to answer a call or text for seven hours out of a day, it seems to reason that a person can plan an hour out of a free day to have dinner without the phone.

I think you are forgetting that a parent can usually be reached quite readily at their place of work, and usually can leave if its a family emergency. Some times a cell phone is the only way to get a hold of a parent in an eating establishment and other places of leisure.

I think PatriceA answered both of these posts.

But I can say, that yes, if I am at work, and my son calls, I answer. Sometimes he calls my cell. Sometimes he calls the main number. My work is fine with it.

Maybe they realize that no job is more important than my son.

Heck, I remember calling my husband’s work and the VP of the company tracking him down. Yep, I had an emergency and needed him. Nope, he didn’t lose his job but they did rush him out of the building, turning off the computer and locking up his office for him. They called him the next day to see if there was anything they could do for him.

 

[EasterJoy]

In Mass, never. Thats the one our a week that is completely dedicated to God. I love my family, I love my wife, but I love God more. I leave it in the car and check it when I come out.

I rarely go to movie theaters anymore because of kids and their phones. Actually because I always say something and the wife gets nervous im going to get into it with someone.

Restaurants, Ill check a number I dont know just in case its an emergency. Everyone else can text me if its an emergency and they need help THEN.

Hanging out with friends, maybe briefly but I always tell them I am busy and I will call them back later.

Immediate family though, always gets answered to make sure things are ok (except at Mass), but I am off the phone quickly if everything is ok.

Reminds me of a funny story though. We were at Church and some nuns were sitting right up front. They were doing collection and my wife leaned over and said “I wonder if they have cell phones”. About 3 minutes later the phone rings loudly. The nun, mortified, quickly turns it off and gestures apologies to everyone lol. Even the priest stopped a second and we all got a little giggle out of it, then went back to business.

Not as bad as when the poor celebrant forgets to turn his phone to vibrate!!
(When he did the announcements, he outed himself as the guy with the obnoxious phone going off during the Agnus Dei. )

 

[EasterJoy]

I think PatriceA answered both of these posts.

But I can say, that yes, if I am at work, and my son calls, I answer. Sometimes he calls my cell. Sometimes he calls the main number. My work is fine with it.

Maybe they realize that no job is more important than my son.

Heck, I remember calling my husband’s work and the VP of the company tracking him down. Yep, I had an emergency and needed him. Nope, he didn’t lose his job but they did rush him out of the building, turning off the computer and locking up his office for him. They called him the next day to see if there was anything they could do for him.

How co-workers feel about interruptions from family tend to depend a lot on whether or not the family abuses the access, don’t you think? I’m thinking your family doesn’t abuse it. (It also depends upon the nature of your work, too, of course. Some workplaces cannot afford to be flexible…)

 

[maryjk]

How co-workers feel about interruptions from family tend to depend a lot on whether or not the family abuses the access, don’t you think? I’m thinking your family doesn’t abuse it.

Of course not.

All I said was that I would never agree to not check my phone while out, and if I did I would have to pay for everyone’s meal.

Nor would any of my friends.

And because of that I was asked

Why are your children getting the “golden hour” treatment?

Answer? Because I love my son.

Or told

I know that no common workplace would condone your methods. I’m not saying this to be mean or anything but just stating a fact that in the average workplace, a person that thinks like this would be fired

When in fact, I know that it isn’t case. I have had a number of emergencies. So has my husband. Neither of us has been fired. And yes, they have all been emergencies, but you don’t know what it is until you answer the phone.

My family has joked that I need a sign the says “S*** Happens. But mostly to me, so don’t worry.”

 

[EasterJoy]

Of course not.

All I said was that I would never agree to not check my phone while out, and if I did I would have to pay for everyone’s meal.

Nor would any of my friends.

And because of that I was asked

Answer? Because I love my son.

Or told

When in fact, I know that it isn’t case. I have had a number of emergencies. So has my husband. Neither of us has been fired. And yes, they have all been emergencies, but you don’t know what it is until you answer the phone.

My family has joked that I need a sign the says “S*** Happens. But mostly to me, so don’t worry.”

That’s just it. When your kids are brought up to be considerate of your work and your friends, you can figure it is either an emergency or pretty close to it when you get contact from them. That is something that has to be made clear when talking about cell phone etiquette…that is, it depends a lot on what kind of self-control people have exhibited and it does make a difference that they make the reason for the interruption known to the people they’re with. I think you’re right: when the pattern is that interruptions are reasonable, people don’t mind them, even if there are a lot of them.

There are people, however, who think that every time some issue pops into their head, it deserves the “golden hour” treatment. Not everything does, and in fact most of things that pop into our heads to mention to someone else when we get the opportunity do not. The callers who realize that make life far easier for the would-be recipients of their calls and messages.

 

[LoveEveryone]

Not as bad as when the poor celebrant forgets to turn his phone to vibrate!!
(When he did the announcements, he outed himself as the guy with the obnoxious phone going off during the Agnus Dei. )

LOL

 

[Anglewannabe]

my dad had cardiac arrest and I couldn’t be reached for hours because I was out with friends. I will never have something like that happen to my family again if I can possibly help it. .

Hi Patrice,

I am asking this in a sincere way so please don’t think I am criticising. And I am NOT talking about your kids because in my mind that is a different issue. Let’s say a loved one (other than a kid) has a cardiac arrest while you are out with friends. I am hoping that whoever is with them will call 911 first. So, I guess what I can’t comprehend, is why would you need to know ASAP? By the time you got there, (which would be after the ambulance), what could you possibly do that couldn’t wait?

Let me explain. I bumped into a friend at a coffee shop and he told me he just got a cell. He said to me ‘Think about it, what if your house caught on fire, you could know right away.’ All I could think was by the time I got home, the house would already be burnt to the ground so I might as well enjoy my coffee and find out about it when I get home.

Speaking of cell phones going off in church. I heard a story about a guy whose cell phone went off and he step into a hallway to answer it. He was talking so loud, everyone could hear so the priest said ‘Must be a call from God’

Lastly, the reason I brought this up is because I was at a card game and this guy right in the middle of the hand answered a text When I told him it was impolite, he told me ‘It would be more impolite to not let the person who texted me the information they needed’. All I could think was if that person needed something ASAP from you, why did you come out to play cards.

 

[maryjk]

Hi Patrice,

I am asking this in a sincere way so please don’t think I am criticising. And I am NOT talking about your kids because in my mind that is a different issue. Let’s say a loved one (other than a kid) has a cardiac arrest while you are out with friends. I am hoping that whoever is with them will call 911 first. So, I guess what I can’t comprehend, is why would you need to know ASAP? By the time you got there, (which would be after the ambulance), what could you possibly do that couldn’t wait?

I have to guess that no one close to you has ever had a heart attack.

My husband had a heart attack while I was out of state. I couldn’t get back. BUT I could talk to him on the phone. On my cell phone.

I don’t know about you, but wouldn’t you want to at least talk to someone you loved if you thought they might die? Or are you okay will finishing your dinner out with friends?

Let me explain. I bumped into a friend at a coffee shop and he told me he just got a cell. He said to me ‘Think about it, what if your house caught on fire, you could know right away.’ All I could think was by the time I got home, the house would already be burnt to the ground so I might as well enjoy my coffee and find out about it when I get home.

I guess, for you, ignorance is bliss. I would rather be there, in case the firemen had a question about the floor plan or if they had to make a decision about what to save, I could help with that.

Speaking of cell phones going off in church. I heard a story about a guy whose cell phone went off and he step into a hallway to answer it. He was talking so loud, everyone could hear so the priest said ‘Must be a call from God’

Lastly, the reason I brought this up is because I was at a card game and this guy right in the middle of the hand answered a text When I told him it was impolite, he told me ‘It would be more impolite to not let the person who texted me the information they needed’. All I could think was if that person needed something ASAP from you, why did you come out to play cards.

Because he wasn’t aware that the caller needed something.

I get the feeling that, for you, even emergencies aren’t a good reason to interrupt your evening.

 

[EasterJoy]

…Lastly, the reason I brought this up is because I was at a card game and this guy right in the middle of the hand answered a text When I told him it was impolite, he told me ‘It would be more impolite to not let the person who texted me the information they needed’. All I could think was if that person needed something ASAP from you, why did you come out to play cards.

Well, some people are on call for something and wouldn’t get any recreation if they had to sit alone for fear of interrupting a social event. He needed to give you a better answer than that, though, something along the lines of, “I’m very sorry, but if I had not answered, their project would be held up until I’m finished here, and they are pushing their deadline as it is.” Most of the people I know who are expecting something so important that it really needs to be answered immediately will mention this possibility as we are sitting down, and will offer their apologies in advance AND after the interruption comes in.

IOW, it is polite give an explicit and apologetic admission that this behavior is an imposition of the social group and needs to be justified. If you were at a card tournament (or playing golf with a group right behind you), then he would have needed an even better reason to ask his companions to wait on his outside communications while the group’s clock ticked. In that case, he probably ought to have chosen not to play cards, because he was too likely to fail to meet the reasonable needs of one group or the other.

It is not impolite to leave a text message unanswered for some period of time. It is not impolite to let a call be kicked to voice mail when you were physically available to answer it. As Miss Manners pointed out, there was a time when one had house servants who would let those at the door know that their timing was unfortunate by saying that “Madam is not ‘in’ right now.” Everyone knew that “Madam” might be in the next room, but no one expected her to jump up at any time that anyone she knew felt inclined to stop by for a chat. It has always been alright to set aside time when you are not at anyone else’s disposal, and it has been expected that when you put yourself at one party’s disposal, you would not deny them your full attention for the sake of someone else except under very unusual circumstances. To do otherwise was self-important boorishness, and I think perhaps that is what your card partner was exhibiting. A person who has your cell phone number or knows how to reach you by text does not own you. They do not have the right to interrupt those who presently have your attention. As many administrative assistants have on signs posted near their desks, “A lack of foresight on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.” A polite social partner will guard the attention they have given to others very carefully.