Cell Phone Etiquette

[PatriceA]

I am sorry if I have offended you. That was not my intention.

If the man had waited for the hand to be finished and excused himself, I would not mind the 2 minutes he took. However, he was semi expecting the call (because he told me what it was about). And it was something that could wait for the hand to be finished. So it how he went about it, not the 2 minutes.

I’m not offended, not in the least.

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

No, no, I am talking about why you’d pull the car over to check a text message, instead of finishing that leg of your trip before even looking at the thing.

I didn’t mean the person texting was driving, and I did say that the person who is driving ought to pull over to check if they get a signal that they got a text message. I mean the sender is pinned down somewhere that they cannot leave and they cannot talk out loud.

Ah, then we don’t really disagree. My post prior, was responding to the person who said there would be a rare occasion that they would actually text back WHILE driving because it might take too long to pull off the road.

 

[thewanderer]

Ah, then we don’t really disagree. My post prior, was responding to the person who said there would be a rare occasion that they would actually text back WHILE driving because it might take too long to pull off the road.

That was me, and I don’t really expect there to ever be such an occasion, I threw that inmostly because I guess it could be theoretically possible, not because I expect anybody to ever run into such an occasion.

 

[Anglewannabe]

I’m not offended, not in the least.

Oh good. Thank you

 

[EasterJoy]

Ah, then we don’t really disagree. My post prior, was responding to the person who said there would be a rare occasion that they would actually text back WHILE driving because it might take too long to pull off the road.

And really, what messes up a busy schedule like wrecking on the freeway?

 

[EasterJoy]

That was me, and I don’t really expect there to ever be such an occasion, I threw that inmostly because I guess it could be theoretically possible, not because I expect anybody to ever run into such an occasion.

If the texter was literally parked on the freeway because the traffic was so backed up, it might still be illegal but hardly life-threatening. I don’t think anyone gets cranked up over seeing that. If the car is moving, though, put away the electronics and drive.

 

[PatriceA]

If the texter was literally parked on the freeway because the traffic was so backed up, it might still be illegal but hardly life-threatening. I don’t think anyone gets cranked up over seeing that. If the car is moving, though, put away the electronics and drive.

Absolutely agree, and its a first offense here in PA.

 

[anp1215]

Generally speaking, yes, but if the moderator isn’t staying on schedule, the speakers should not be surprised to see people in the audience madly texting the people they’re going to have to stand up in order to hear the end of their talk.

No, no one was going over. People are just rude. It’s not just with phones. I’ve also sat behind a teacher who kept whispering to the person next to her while someone was speaking. She whispered and whispered, loudly, and it was clear that the other person was uncomfortable trying to ignore her so she would stop. I think the principal finally said something. I just stared at the back of her head, horrified.

 

[EasterJoy]

No, no one was going over. People are just rude. It’s not just with phones. I’ve also sat behind a teacher who kept whispering to the person next to her while someone was speaking. She whispered and whispered, loudly, and it was clear that the other person was uncomfortable trying to ignore her so she would stop. I think the principal finally said something. I just stared at the back of her head, horrified.

If the speakers are staying within their promised time allotment, there ought to be extremely few people even checking their cell phones, let alone answering any texts.

OK, this is indulging in schadenfreude, which is undoubtedly a venial sin, but one can only hope the teacher who wouldn’t be quiet gets that “karmic debt” repaid to her in her classroom.
(Pay it now or pay it in Purgatory! )

 

[mtbender]

I think the bottom line is there valid reasons to answer your phone – regardless of the circumstances – and as annoying as it may be it most certainly can be a necessity. I can think of a time that I have answered my phone in every one of the situations folks here discussed; with the exception of during mass. But there have been a number of times where I have left mass in order to take a call. I have answered texts during meetings, dinner dates, and seminars. Most people will speculate my reasons and assume it was an unnecessary or rude thing to do – but without knowing who is on the other end of the line or what the text said it is uncharitable at best.

With that said, I tend to give folks the benefit of the doubt unless I am certain of the facts. It doesn’t make it less annoying – but I wouldn’t call it rude. Maybe that is not the majority of situations – but I am not presumptuous enough inquire or call someone out for it (except my kids ).

 

[At_His_Feet_1]

The person who is calling you up is “interrupting” your interaction with the people you are with. You are under no obligation to pick up the phone, That is why God gave us the intellect to create answering machines.

Now, as far as emergencies go – if we know there is someone in the hospital or sick we do answer the phone. But again, for us, an emergency involves loss of blood, body parts, or possible loss of life. It does not include breakups, I can’t find “x” in the fridge, or “I miss you”.

^ ^ ^ This

I’ve given up on cell phones altogether. Just basically kept a land line with its own internal answering machine.

Cells are a nusiance IMO…well…most of the time.

The way I see it, if we are engaged in an important matter, the fewer the interruptions, the better.

I went to morning mass this morning, and LO and BEHOLD, what chimes away a few pews behind me, but some cheesy elevator music ringtone blaring away. I rolled my eyes and thought, “You’ve got be kidding me…in church???”

 

[EasterJoy]

I think the bottom line is there valid reasons to answer your phone – regardless of the circumstances – and as annoying as it may be it most certainly can be a necessity. I can think of a time that I have answered my phone in every one of the situations folks here discussed; with the exception of during mass. But there have been a number of times where I have left mass in order to take a call. I have answered texts during meetings, dinner dates, and seminars. Most people will speculate my reasons and assume it was an unnecessary or rude thing to do – but without knowing who is on the other end of the line or what the text said it is uncharitable at best.

With that said, I tend to give folks the benefit of the doubt unless I am certain of the facts. It doesn’t make it less annoying – but I wouldn’t call it rude. Maybe that is not the majority of situations – but I am not presumptuous enough inquire or call someone out for it (except my kids ).

When a conference is in progress and particular speaker has the floor, it cannot be explained why one is texting or leaving to take a phone call, and everyone is on the honor system. I think the reminders to turn the devices to silent mode are a good idea, because people naturally forget once in awhile otherwise, which almost guarantees that there will be phones ringing in a large lecture hall if the reminder isn’t given. It is expected, though, that the speaker will get the attention of everyone present under normal circumstances. It is the job of the audience to work out their communications in advance, so they can usually ignore their devices for an hour without returning the incoming messages instantly.

When you’re at the table with someone or otherwise engaged in direct conversation, however, you need to let the person you’re talking with know why it is so urgent for you to interrupt the conversation, and since you have the opportunity you really owe them your apologies for not being able to give them your full attention, don’t you think? I don’t think it is presumptuous to expect that, although it definitely is praiseworthy to give the benefit of the doubt whether the “offending” party thinks to explain themselves or not. If you were having to do an unusual amount of texting where the speaker can hardly miss you, it is probably a good idea to apologize and explain yourself after they’re done speaking, if you can. People like to know that you didn’t think them boring or unimportant.

 

[mtbender]

It may be expected that things are worked out, but in certain circumstances it is unavoidable… the question is; what should the assumption be when we see someone taking a call or texting during a meeting/seminar? Should it be assumed that it is a needless conversation and therefore the person is being rude or that it just may be an emergency or urgent matter that can’t wait? Unfortunately most will assume the first will little to no facts to support their assumptions.

I would agree that if the call interrupts a direct conversation that pleasantries are in order; but no more than “Sorry, I have to take this call.” As to explaining why it is urgent, or who I am talking to I don’t think it is necessary in many cases depending on the audience. Simple manners of course are in order as with any conversation. Presumption would come into play when one feels entitled to an explanation; when in many cases they are not.

 

[Luvz2travel]

What I hate is the people at the store or with those wireless ear pieces who feel the need to include everyone in on their conversation. Or the folks who take my life in their hands by insisting on talking on the phone and not watching where they are driving. I’ve been in two accidents where the person was on the phone and more concerned about talking than driving. Also the folks at the movie theater who insist on anwering their phones during the movie for not turning off their dial/ringer.

 

[EasterJoy]

It may be expected that things are worked out, but in certain circumstances it is unavoidable… the question is; what should the assumption be when we see someone taking a call or texting during a meeting/seminar? Should it be assumed that it is a needless conversation and therefore the person is being rude or that it just may be an emergency or urgent matter that can’t wait? Unfortunately most will assume the first will little to no facts to support their assumptions.

I would agree that if the call interrupts a direct conversation that pleasantries are in order; but no more than “Sorry, I have to take this call.” As to explaining why it is urgent, or who I am talking to I don’t think it is necessary in many cases depending on the audience. Simple manners of course are in order as with any conversation. Presumption would come into play when one feels entitled to an explanation; when in many cases they are not.

Here is the problem: You’re giving a talk, you’re trying to make eye contact with your audience, and instead you see the crowns of your “listener’s” heads pointed at you instead, their thumbs flying. Maybe they have a good reason, but be that as it may they are clearly not listening to you. When it is one or two people, of course it is easy to pass it over as urgent calls, because probably they are. When it is most of the lecture hall doing it, however, that’s another thing. It is discouraging and it is terribly distracting to have such obvious evidence of how “not riveting” your presentation is. It is not as if you can simply conclude it is a bad time for everyone, stop talking, and let them catch up with you when they have the time of day to hear what you’ve prepared, either. You are stuck giving a presentation to people who are obviously ignoring you. It is awful.

When someone takes a call or send a text in a restaurant, they’re also leaving their conversational partner ignored. No one expects intimate details of the conversation and everyone knows that the call of some people, like the call of nature, cannot always be safely ignored. With that qualification, the truth is that what people really want is for other people to put the devices away. If you’ve ever been the person without a device trying to sit through a meal surrounded by people fiddling with them, you know what I mean.

The thing is, we train the other people in our lives to expect their text and calls to be returned right this minute, even over our lunch hour. There is rarely a reason to create that expectation, IMHO that expectation is half of the problem. Again: When you’re on-call as the consulting physician for an ambulance service or if you’re a priest who might have to rush off and give last rites or even if you have children or anyone else for whom you are the emergency contact, that is one thing. Most of the time, though, let us face it, these mid-meal “urgent” calls could either have waited or could have been avoided with some advance planning. It is polite to do that advance planning, that’s all we’re saying.

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

In all of the details about where to draw the line between polite and rude, we must remember the reason. How does our behavior make other people feel?

If you are the speaker in front of a group, and people aren’t paying attention, you might not just feel annoyed. You might feel more nervous and less confident about yourself. You might wonder why people aren’t considering your words worth listening to, and this can cause you to doubt a lot of things. Some people are less confident than others in public speaking, and can really be shaken by what another person would simply describe as rude behavior.

If I am socializing one on one with a friend, and they repeatedly interrupt my conversation to check their phone, or text, or make calls, my feelings might truly be hurt. I might think that this person doesn’t find me very interesting to talk to, or that I’m not really all that important to them. Again, for some people the result is annoyance, but for others, being given the message that you are not as interesting as the phone can make them doubt themselves, and feel really sad.

Remember that etiquette is not there because it is a rule to follow lest you be judged as rude. It is there to protect other people, and to show them love. The most important thing a Christian person does is to love and respect others. So in these situations, we really need to keep that in mind. And we need to ask ourselves if the situation is urgent enough to risk hurting the other person’s feelings, or if we can find a way to take our calls in such a way that the person you are with in person, really does end up believing that they are important to you.

 

[EasterJoy]

In all of the details about where to draw the line between polite and rude, we must remember the reason. How does our behavior make other people feel?

If you are the speaker in front of a group, and people aren’t paying attention, you might not just feel annoyed. You might feel more nervous and less confident about yourself. You might wonder why people aren’t considering your words worth listening to, and this can cause you to doubt a lot of things. Some people are less confident than others in public speaking, and can really be shaken by what another person would simply describe as rude behavior.

If I am socializing one on one with a friend, and they repeatedly interrupt my conversation to check their phone, or text, or make calls, my feelings might truly be hurt. I might think that this person doesn’t find me very interesting to talk to, or that I’m not really all that important to them. Again, for some people the result is annoyance, but for others, being given the message that you are not as interesting as the phone can make them doubt themselves, and feel really sad.

Remember that etiquette is not there because it is a rule to follow lest you be judged as rude. It is there to protect other people, and to show them love. The most important thing a Christian person does is to love and respect others. So in these situations, we really need to keep that in mind. And we need to ask ourselves if the situation is urgent enough to risk hurting the other person’s feelings, or if we can find a way to take our calls in such a way that the person you are with in person, really does end up believing that they are important to you.

This puts it very well!!

 

[mtbender]

Here is the problem: You’re giving a talk, you’re trying to make eye contact with your audience, and instead you see the crowns of your “listener’s” heads pointed at you instead, their thumbs flying. Maybe they have a good reason, but be that as it may they are clearly not listening to you. When it is one or two people, of course it is easy to pass it over as urgent calls, because probably they are. When it is most of the lecture hall doing it, however, that’s another thing. It is discouraging and it is terribly distracting to have such obvious evidence of how “not riveting” your presentation is. It is not as if you can simply conclude it is a bad time for everyone, stop talking, and let them catch up with you when they have the time of day to hear what you’ve prepared, either. You are stuck giving a presentation to people who are obviously ignoring you. It is awful.

When someone takes a call or send a text in a restaurant, they’re also leaving their conversational partner ignored. No one expects intimate details of the conversation and everyone knows that the call of some people, like the call of nature, cannot always be safely ignored. With that qualification, the truth is that what people really want is for other people to put the devices away. If you’ve ever been the person without a device trying to sit through a meal surrounded by people fiddling with them, you know what I mean.

The thing is, we train the other people in our lives to expect their text and calls to be returned right this minute, even over our lunch hour. There is rarely a reason to create that expectation, IMHO that expectation is half of the problem. Again: When you’re on-call as the consulting physician for an ambulance service or if you’re a priest who might have to rush off and give last rites or even if you have children or anyone else for whom you are the emergency contact, that is one thing. Most of the time, though, let us face it, these mid-meal “urgent” calls could either have waited or could have been avoided with some advance planning. It is polite to do that advance planning, that’s all we’re saying.

I don’t disagree one bit; I have been on both sides. My point was that we do not know what the conversation is, or what the reason for them taking the call/text is. We can only assume/speculate. Is it annoying? A lot the times, yes. Is it inappropriate – we don’t know unless we know both sides of the conversation.

The truth is some folks can’t leave their phones at home or ignore calls… Maybe that is the minority – but in all honesty I can’t tell them apart 90% of the time.

 

[thewanderer]

It may be expected that things are worked out, but in certain circumstances it is unavoidable… the question is; what should the assumption be when we see someone taking a call or texting during a meeting/seminar? Should it be assumed that it is a needless conversation and therefore the person is being rude or that it just may be an emergency or urgent matter that can’t wait? Unfortunately most will assume the first will little to no facts to support their assumptions.

I would agree that if the call interrupts a direct conversation that pleasantries are in order; but no more than “Sorry, I have to take this call.” As to explaining why it is urgent, or who I am talking to I don’t think it is necessary in many cases depending on the audience. Simple manners of course are in order as with any conversation. Presumption would come into play when one feels entitled to an explanation; when in many cases they are not.

Thank you for this post, a good reminder for everyone that as Christians we are supposed to give others the benefit of the doubt and assume the best. I admit I am kind of surprized at the strong reaction people have given here about this. Maybe I just haven’t ever witnessed this extreme rudeness you are all talking about. I mean, I’ve been to some lectures where I’m sure some people texted during the lecture at least a little, but the vast majority of people were clearly paying attention, and no one ever stood out as texting the whole time. I’ve been talking with people when they had to leave to take a call and I’ve had to leave conversations to take a call. And as for what counts as an emergency, time sensitive matters need to be responded to whether you are in a conversation with someone else or not, its not true that only medical emergencies can justify stepping aside from a conversation. Yes, its extremely important to not be rude, but I guess I’ve just never seen this great problem of rudeness you are all complaining about.

 

[EasterJoy]

I don’t disagree one bit; I have been on both sides. My point was that we do not know what the conversation is, or what the reason for them taking the call/text is. We can only assume/speculate. Is it annoying? A lot the times, yes. Is it inappropriate – we don’t know unless we know both sides of the conversation.

The truth is some folks can’t leave their phones at home or ignore calls… Maybe that is the minority – but in all honesty I can’t tell them apart 90% of the time.

I can go with that. Theoretical discussions are one thing, it is good to kick around our supposed standards and our reasons, but it is good in real life to hold yourself to the high standard and yet to generously give others the benefit of the doubt and to not take these things personally. Do that, and probably everyone comes out about right! Besides, it doesn’t do any good to let a distracted driver upset you so much that you become distracted from driving yourself!