Certain marital acts - determining if sinful, venial sin, or mortal

[Amy1965]

Other than using birth control or other known illicit contraception are there marital sexual acts couple do that are sins, specifically only doing sexual acts to avoid pregnancy? If sinful, are they venial or mortal?

We are both 50 years old and we’d like to have no more kids.

 

[Della]

You should simply abstain from sex during the times when you might become pregnant–this is called Natural Family Planning: usccb.org/issues-and-action/marriage-and-family/natural-family-planning/. There is no sin in abstaining from having children for good cause. Age is one of those good causes.

 

[Amy1965]

Della - we have been/are using NFP however it’s very difficult to use. In fact I had an unplanned pregnancy while trying to abide by the NFP method a few years ago - (fyi - I lhad a miscarriage shortly I found out)

 

[1ke]

Della - we have been/are using NFP however it’s very difficult to use. In fact I had an unplanned pregnancy while trying to abide by the NFP method a few years ago - (fyi - I lhad a miscarriage shortly I found out)

If NFP is not something you want to use, more extended abstinence would be required. During peri-menopause it may be prudent to look at learning another NFP method such as Marquette. Marquette uses a fertility monitor in addition to observing fertility signs.

If you are asking if you and your husband can climax without engaging in a completed act of intercourse, such as through manual or oral stimulation, the answer to that is “no”.

Properly ordered marital acts can include foreplay but must end in a completed act of vaginal intercourse. If it is part of the marital act, it is fine. If it replaces the marital act, it is not fine.

 

[Amy1965]

1KE - so if we did climax without completing it through vag intercourse is that a mortal sin or venial? Need to know if this is something I need to confess before I take communion - I’ve been going to daily mass and receiving communion.

 

[1ke]

1KE - so if we did climax without completing it through vag intercourse is that a mortal sin or venial? Need to know if this is something I need to confess before I take communion - I’ve been going to daily mass and receiving communion.

It is grave matter against the 6th commandment.

Whether or not it is “mortal” or “venial” or any sin at all, I cannot say. Sin requires knowledge and an act of the will.

First, you’d have to discern if it was done on purpose (i.e. you never planned to have intercourse at all) or accidentally (i.e. you were planning on intercourse but your husband climaxed and then could not finish… you know, these things happen).

It’s never a sin if something unintended happens during the marital act that interrupts or prevents completion (such as erectile dysfunction, interruption by a crying baby, premature ejaculation, whatever…). It’s objectively wrong if you **plan **to substitute another act for intercourse.

So then secondly, you’d have to discern whether you **knew **it was wrong when you were doing it. Of course we cannot answer these things for you, and you don’t need to answer them here.

**Don’t be scrupulous, though. ** If you genuinely did not know, then you haven’t committed a mortal sin. Now that you do know, you can adjust your decisions going forward.

 

[Zachary]

1KE - so if we did climax without completing it through vag intercourse is that a mortal sin or venial? Need to know if this is something I need to confess before I take communion - I’ve been going to daily mass and receiving communion.

It’s a sin. So can trying to get as close to a sin as possible without committing a sin.

Why does it matter if it’s a category 1 or 2 sin?

 

[1ke]

So can trying to get as close to a sin as possible without committing a sin.

The OP neither stated nor implied a desire to do such a thing.

Why does it matter if it’s a category 1 or 2 sin?

Of course it matters. As a Catholic you know that mortal sins must be confessed in sacramental confession in kind and number and that you cannot receive the Eucharist with un-confessed mortal sin. Venial sins, while they certainly can be confessed, need not be confessed and do not prohibit you from receiving the Eucharist.

The OP is trying to properly form her conscience, no need to be snarky and rude to her.

 

[Della]

Della - we have been/are using NFP however it’s very difficult to use. In fact I had an unplanned pregnancy while trying to abide by the NFP method a few years ago - (fyi - I lhad a miscarriage shortly I found out)

I’m sorry for the loss of your child. There are so many factors that go into a successful prenancy. At some point our bodies simply will not carry a child to term, still it’s not easy to deal with. Now that you have turn 50ish you are probably less likely to get pregnant. It’s been known to happen, of course, but it’s not all that usual. It may be you have no further need to prevent what you can no longer have. Still, you know your own body best. No method is perfect, but having an idea of when you could become pregnant and abstaining for a few days is still a good way to go. Artificial contraceptions, apart from the morality issues, have been shown to have several physical down sides. Still, a good many doctors recommend them to their patients, I know. See if you can find one who will work with your natural body processes for good health and for good morality.