Challenged to love Myself

[Lady_Love]

Every day I have to learn to be more compassionate with myself. The relationship I have with myself is the most challenging of all. I make bad choices every day that I have to forgive myself for and good choices that I wish I let myself be more proud of. I remember what my dear friend said once, “If anyone spoke about you the way you speak of yourself, I would punch them in the face!”

Sometimes, our worst enemy is ourselves. I know I am not the only one who is challenged in this way which makes me feel better.

 

[Lady_Love]

My friend just texted me this: “By giving yourself love, you become loving and closer to God. God IS love, and that is your creator.”

Isn’t that beautiful?

 

[truthquester]

There are many days when I feel the same way about myself. I have ordered a new self help book called loving your skeletons; I read a preview of it on the internet and its all about learning to accept yourself for the way you are, you should check it out too.

One thing I also read on one of these forums is that your flaws are not sins and you don’t need to be forgiven for them.

 

[roselily]

My friend just texted me this: “By giving yourself love, you become loving and closer to God. God IS love, and that is your creator.”

Isn’t that beautiful?

How very beautiful!

We live in this world, can not be perfect now, but God gave us wisdoms to make us perfect; hence I shall always pray our Father, Thy Kingdom come, and make us perfect and eternal happiness, and now we were left in this world, though face troubles and imperfections, you will love yourself, and how can one love others if not love oneself? You will love yourself, For then you can love others.

 

[odile53]

Lady Love, you might be interested in reading a book called “Days of Deepening Friendship.” It is for women who are interested in cultivating their friendship with God. I have read it, without any particular self-hate issues, but could palpably experience that as my relationship with God as Friend grew, so did my kindness toward myself, and others. It is available from Loyola Press and is on Amazon as well, it’s paperback and less than twenty bucks.

 

[Lady_Love]

Thank you. I’m always looking for good reading material.

 

[mab23]

when you love yourself its easier to love others too

 

[ChibiViolet]

My friend just texted me this: “By giving yourself love, you become loving and closer to God. God IS love, and that is your creator.”

Isn’t that beautiful?

Yes, it is beautiful. Cherish that.

 

[ChibiViolet]

Every day I have to learn to be more compassionate with myself. The relationship I have with myself is the most challenging of all. I make bad choices every day that I have to forgive myself for and good choices that I wish I let myself be more proud of. I remember what my dear friend said once, “If anyone spoke about you the way you speak of yourself, I would punch them in the face!”

Sometimes, our worst enemy is ourselves. I know I am not the only one who is challenged in this way which makes me feel better.

Always remember to PRAY and REFLECT. This will help A LOT.

 

[nuntym]

+JMJ+

The second greatest commandment is to “Love others as yourself”, not “instead of yourself”

As I noted in my thread Mercy Alone, we have to be merciful to ourselves:

This season of Lent is a wonderful time to practice this, for the traditional forms of penance of fasting, almsgiving, and prayer are actually works of mercy on ourselves, that we might get to Heaven. We also must be merciful on our bodies and minds, not pampering them, but giving them the right care while at the same time training them to be stronger, for with weak minds and bodies we cannot even be merciful to others.

Finally, here is an article published by the Confraternity of the Most Holy Rosary: Two Kinds Of Self-Love.

God love you, Lady Love.

 

[Shamati]

It very much depends on what one means by loving oneself?
My personal experience is that only when I deny myself I will come to see the world with saintly love… There is no distinction between the Love I feel for a random human walking down the street, a dog, a bird and myself because I know they are all serving God and his Creation each and everyone in their unique way.

In the contemporary western world a whole bussiness has grown on the principle of “loving yourself” which nothing other than accepting your own sinfulness and faults and in feel they are even contributing to making your own character “unique”. Personality based on pure intellect/egoic life stories can get in the way of Union with God…
Moses had to “Take of his Sandals before he could see the face of God” which we also need to do

 

[Lady_Love]

In the contemporary western world a whole bussiness has grown on the principle of “loving yourself” which nothing other than accepting your own sinfulness and faults and in feel they are even contributing to making your own character “unique”. Personality based on pure intellect/egoic life stories can get in the way of Union with God…

I really don’t think that is what contemporary “loving yourself” means. I think it means to care for yourself as a person who has value and purpose in this life.

If you had a friend who struggled over and over again with the same sin, someone who did not want to sin but succumbed through weakness and is now getting very discouraged and suffering from self-rejection, how would you deal with that person? What would you say?

I know I would encourage him/her not to beat themselves up, I would try to change their focus onto all the good they do, all their virtues, I would affirm them in how much God understands and is proud of how they don’t give up. I would tell them to treat themselves to something nice (as I imagine Jesus would do for someone who was discouraged. He might bring them flowers or something) and trust that they are so much more than the things they do wrong.

Also, I think it means giving yourself what you need, not necessarily what you want. Loving yourself can mean eating right, exercising, resting when it’s good, and taking a time out when you are sick. It is learning and reading and praying. It is remembering that you too are a child of God.

 

[Shamati]

I really don’t think that is what contemporary “loving yourself” means. I think it means to care for yourself as a person who has value and purpose in this life.

If you had a friend who struggled over and over again with the same sin, someone who did not want to sin but succumbed through weakness and is now getting very discouraged and suffering from self-rejection, how would you deal with that person? What would you say?

I know I would encourage him/her not to beat themselves up, I would try to change their focus onto all the good they do, all their virtues, I would affirm them in how much God understands and is proud of how they don’t give up. I would tell them to treat themselves to something nice (as I imagine Jesus would do for someone who was discouraged. He might bring them flowers or something) and trust that they are so much more than the things they do wrong.

Also, I think it means giving yourself what you need, not necessarily what you want. Loving yourself can mean eating right, exercising, resting when it’s good, and taking a time out when you are sick. It is learning and reading and praying. It is remembering that you too are a child of God.

Well, the western world is definitely the most egocentric narcisistic society in the whole history of civilization. Every one is the Sun which the whole solar system revolved around.
Also, isnt self rejection really what we should aim for? That is the Great Work, to have No “self” that have no needs at all but living completely in Christ and Christ in us. It is very easy to slip into self gratification which is linked to the passions who we must deny to tamenour sin. A good example is if one is overweight (i once was) and one yellow himself that i am food as i am, i dont have to prove anything, God Loves me like i am etc. like uncomtrolled gluttony was part of our natural state of being when it is in fact a perfect example of how our passions really have no end to its cravings if we dont stop them.
However this great task cannot be undertaken without councelation from somebody because beating yourself up over your own sinfulness can be detrimental if you dont share it with anybody because you run the risk of going into depression. On the other hand , overlooking the flaws of our souls by focusing on something positive will just bury it into the subconscious and it can instead turn into a permanent disorder in the psyche.
There needs to be balance so as not to overlook our faults jur to feel all fuzzy and joyful when we infact are ignoring the obstacles in the way of divinization for intellectually lying to ourselves that “i’m good as i am”. wouldnt that be the most diabolical lie of all? I would propose confession or therapy and that we look at what the great saints did to reach the goal of human life.

Christ said:

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you shall eat or what you shall drink, nor about your body, what you shall put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add one cubit to his span of life?[g] 28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin; 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O men of little faith? 31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the Gentiles seek all these things; and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things shall be yours as well.

34 “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Let the day’s own trouble be sufficient for the day.-matt 6:25-34

23Then he said to them all: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. 24For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. 25What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self? Luke 9:23-25

21Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

22When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth.

23Then Jesus said to his disciples, “I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. 24Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.” Matt 19:21-24

But the kind of self love that is primarily talong into account our intended state in gods creation and eternity is a good self love that is pretty much the Love of God

 

[Lady_Love]

They say “charity starts at home.” Why not start by trying to love ourselves the way Jesus loves us?

Plus, a counselor told me once, “No one can love anyone, not even their children, more than they love themselves.” If you aren’t willing to nurture yourself, you won’t nurture your children, if you don’t make the hard decisions for yourself, you won’t be able to make them for your children either.

 

[fhansen]

Every day I have to learn to be more compassionate with myself. The relationship I have with myself is the most challenging of all. I make bad choices every day that I have to forgive myself for and good choices that I wish I let myself be more proud of. I remember what my dear friend said once, “If anyone spoke about you the way you speak of yourself, I would punch them in the face!”

Sometimes, our worst enemy is ourselves. I know I am not the only one who is challenged in this way which makes me feel better.

It’s kind of crazy but, while pride is all too easy, self-love is a different story-and more difficult IMO.

 

[Domiy]

It’s important to forgive yourself and respect your life to general level, but perhaps God is calling you to give up pride and practice humility.

Catholics aren’t called to love themselves nearly as much as they are to love others, including Christ. This is the way of a true believer, as St Francis commonly said. He despised himself. He demanded to be ridiculed and put down. He couldn’t stand the thought of someone exalting him. He saw himself as the biggest of sinners and stripped himself of everything he had. This, he said, was the best way to find Christ, who was also a humble, hated and outcasted poor man. It only makes sense that we would find Him among the same ranks. A rich man will never find God, Jesus confirms that.

Jesus also tells us that He who exalts himself will be humbled, and the one who humbles himself will be exalted. He also said that the first will be last and the last will be first. Anyone among us to be considered great must serve and live for others just as Jesus did. So, in a way, your grief of yourself is a very good thing, provided it comes from a love of God and not from a sense of personal pride and desire to look good. To love others you need to love Christ first.

 

[Lady_Love]

It’s important to forgive yourself and respect your life to general level, but perhaps God is calling you to give up pride and practice humility.

Catholics aren’t called to love themselves nearly as much as they are to love others, including Christ. This is the way of a true believer, as St Francis commonly said. He despised himself. He demanded to be ridiculed and put down. He couldn’t stand the thought of someone exalting him. He saw himself as the biggest of sinners and stripped himself of everything he had. This, he said, was the best way to find Christ, who was also a humble, hated and outcasted poor man. It only makes sense that we would find Him among the same ranks. A rich man will never find God, Jesus confirms that.

Jesus also tells us that He who exalts himself will be humbled, and the one who humbles himself will be exalted. He also said that the first will be last and the last will be first. Anyone among us to be considered great must serve and live for others just as Jesus did. So, in a way, your grief of yourself is a very good thing, provided it comes from a love of God and not from a sense of personal pride and desire to look good. To love others you need to love Christ first.

But Christ did not despise himself. If we are really going to follow Christ don’t we also need to follow His lead? How can I hate or despise what God loves and values so much that He spent all He had to obtain? I might hate my pride and I might hate my sins but I am not supposed to hate myself. Pride can also manifest in the desire to “be the worst” as much as it can in desiring to “be the best.” Although, St. Francis had a period of his life in which he struggled with self-hatred and beat himself, I guarantee he moved beyond that into knowing how special he was in God’s eyes. I bet he eventually even learned to respect and honor the body that was given him as a gift from God. I’m sure that as St. Francis progressed in being redeemed by God that he gained a respect for himself as a child of God. I wouldn’t beat my child and we are always little children at heart so I don’t want to beat myself either.

And as far as the rich man never finding God, Jesus said, “All things are possible with God.”

 

[Shamati]

Dear sister in Christ.
I think I may have misunderstood your definition of loving oneself. I see today so many people who use the catch phrases of “accept yourself” and “love yourself for who YOU are” being tossed around to basically justify the part of the self that grows from untamed passions, the Ego. We should love ourselves so much that we realise that we are not ours to spoil but Gods possession who in His supreme goodness endowed in Man free will so that we can choose to return to Him. This is Mans anwer to God, to chose by our own free will to neglect our own cravings in honor of god and for the good of our own souls. We dont need to hate ourselves but we must be very careful when talking about these things because we should never accept any passion as a natural part of ones natural self which forms ones character. If I feel I need to love myself this day and mean by it that I should treat myself with a shopping spree, then this is a wrong self love, yet most of us occassionally fall into this behaviour. This strengtens the falsely built up intellectual notion of “Me” that feeds on self glorification and identification with past events and future plans. An essential part of the Christian journey is to free oneself from this false part of Self. To be crucified so that we can Resurrect a new human.

May God bless you and show us all His way and make us willing to walk it

 

[Lady_Love]

If I feel I need to love myself this day and mean by it that I should treat myself with a shopping spree, then this is a wrong self love, yet most of us occassionally fall into this behaviour.

It’s funny you should write this because I once got a penance to “buy myself something nice.” I looked at the priest with shock, I said, “Really?” He said, “I think you need to know that you are worth it.”

I had a lot to chew on after that confession.

 

[Shamati]

It’s funny you should write this because I once got a penance to “buy myself something nice.” I looked at the priest with shock, I said, “Really?” He said, “I think you need to know that you are worth it.”

I had a lot to chew on after that confession.

Thats strange of a priest to advice a soul to feed it passions and risk it growing larger when the exact opposite is what has always been the ascetic way of christians. Did you question him? How could he suggest that a spiritual wound could be healed by material wealth and vanity? It sounds like this priest either had a specific teaching in mind or was lacking in faith or something like that.