Challenging Assumptions about Modesty

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Well I am one of those women lol. I just wear stuff that fits me loose and comfy on the weekends when I don’t have to wear a business attire which i don’t like at all.
 
Loose and comfy on me seems to mostly downgrade me to “18 year old with curves”, which is honestly not an improvement. Especially because then you learn more than you want about the sort of guys who are interested in curvy teenage girls. And I do like people thinking I’m old enough to buy a beer.
 
I also think conversations always seep into the whole ‘the female form is basically bad and should be hidden’ when curvier bodies are discussed.

It’s as if a person is ‘immodest’ if you can see that she has a big bust or hips.
 
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Lea101 said:
I also think conversations always seep into the whole ‘the female form is basically bad and should be hidden’ when curvier bodies are discussed.

It’s as if a person is ‘immodest’ if you can see that she has a big bust or hips.
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Exactly. I think it’s worth reflecting on the fact that women who are naturally curvy tend to feel a disproportionate need to hide under ill-fitting clothes. And, if that woman has the audacity to want to wear clothes that fit properly she can expect to be leered at by some men and shamed by some women who think she is immodest for being shaped how she is shaped.
 
I don’t have any curves and I feel like I can get away with more stuff than a curvier one even if we’re both wearing equally fitting clothes.

It sends a message that curvier bodies are inherently more immodest.
 
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Hi Mrsdizzy, I hope I didn’t sound like I was hiding a figure I think is immodest when I said I wear loose attire. My pants, blouses and dresses are always properly fitted which I translate to not too tight (it’s uncomfortable for me physically and spiritually ) and not saggy or frumpy. If I’m top heavy I wear a sweater that doesn’t hug my top nor my stomach, it’s loose in the sense I like it to fall nicely and not clingy but that is my preference I certainly don’t do it because I think my figure is immodest on its own, I don’t even understand how that can be possible.
 
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MarthaSo said:
I don’t even understand how that can be possible.
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I’d say it comes from a confused theology. The origin is an idea of modesty that focuses on what draws male attention, without other considerations. That tends to cause problems for women who are curvier and who get that attention because of their figures, even when they’re dressed in the same fit as a less curvy woman.
 
These kind of bones? Because I don’t think that’s how it works.
 
It might be possible that the bones push out the flesh more.
 
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Since dressing the way I have been I still get some attention I’ve noticed for that reason from men although I can’t recall being judged by a woman, at least not directly. If they want to judge me as immodest by wearing my appropriately fitted attire it’s an ignorant stance.
 
I was not referring to you specifically. I’ve personally been made to feel as though I’m supposed to hide under loose clothes or lots of layers, and I’m not even THAT curvy. I have a very close friend who is an H cup. She actually has back problems as a result of her size. Even baggy clothes aren’t successfully hiding H cups.
 
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I have an hourglass figure…that was far more pronounced before I had my kids.

I loved my curves and I still do…it makes me feel feminine. Unfortunately, unless I wore a trash bag, it’s very easy to tell what my figure looks like.

When i worked EMS…I would get a lot of attention, through no fault of my own. The uniform really hugged my shape. The pants were high waisted and accentuated my small waist and we had to wear our shirts tucked in which showed off my backside.

I was in my early twenties and was almost the only straight female that worked in my area.

I got a lot of attention. Work was also wear I was sexually assaulted more than once by guys grabbing me and forcing me onto their lap and one guy managed to snap my bra loose. I was caught in a tough position with my job because I was too embarrassed to say anything…I wasn’t sure where my culpability started and ended…and I really needed the job and the money.

It took years for me to feel reasonably comfortable with myself again. I wore a lot of baggy sweatshirts and jeans. It was made even more difficult when I converted to Catholicism and started reading about modesty and sin.
Thank goodness for therapy and a really awesome and supportive husband.

I refuse to ever believe I’m the one causing someone else’s sin. I finally found myself and I like wearing feminine outfits like sundresses, skinny jeans and heels.
It’s given me confidence that I really needed.
 
Seriously, I think people don’t realize how differently different women carry their weight. I just happen to carry mine in the right spot to create “curves” and not a belly.
 
I don’t understand how “modesty” is interpreted as not showing your body shape.
I wear baggy clothes often because they are comfortable, but it’s pretty obvious that I have hips and a bust under them.
I was taught that “modesty” basically meant “dress appropriately for where you’re going” (like swimsuit is okay for the beach but not for church) “and don’t look like a stripper or hooker”.
This is pretty easy to follow for anyone with common sense.

There is a big difference between a woman in a tailored suit that shows her curves, and one in Daisy Dukes and a crop top with her breasts and butt cheeks popping out.
 
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Tis_Bearself said:
I was taught that “modesty” basically meant “dress appropriately for where you’re going” (like swimsuit is okay for the beach but not for church) “and don’t look like a stripper or hooker”.
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Absolutely. But…

“Dressing appropriately for the occasion” requires acknowledging that context matters and not everything has a black and white answer, which is tough for some people. There are people around who expect everything to be like the Baltimore Catechism with a clear, defined question and answer, i.e “Is it okay to wear a skirt above the knee?” “No.”

Any answer that involves “well, it depends on…” makes them uncomfortable.
 
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Painting with a broad brush? Everything for me is very black and white. I’ve known busty, curvy women with the skill to dress well. It is something learned, something taught. Now, the whole idea that women are nothing more than sex objects being pushed by the media, including the internet, should give everyone a reason to protest this and avoid it. I do not own a TV. I see one or two movies a year. I was taught how to treat women with dignity and respect. What I am seeing is a follow-on to the 1970s, men are “male chauvenist pigs.” But they let porn and strip clubs and actresses play fornicators continue. That got a pass?
 
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