Chances of getting married nowadays?

[ack]

I keep reading offhand references in your posts about how men seeking virtuous wives are getting “bashed” on the forum.

I read most of the messages on this forum, and I have not seen the “bashing” that you’re talking about. The only thing I’ve seen is disapproval of men who insist on marrying virgins…and that’s not the same thing. There are highly virtuous women who are not virgins but have since repented, and there are virgins out there with no morals whatsoever.

Many of the men on here who insist on marrying virgins seem to have a sense of entitlement (“I’ve been holding it in for my whole life and it’s not fair that you cheated…”), so I’m unsurprised that other posters disapprove. (I would suggest anyone who feels this way to read Matthew 20:1-16…)

But I will caution some of the others on this board that if you want to instill in dove51 the hope that a virtuous man will take notice of her, please do not bash virtuous men who seek virtuous wives like in some other threads I’ve read in this forum.

 

[Norseman82]

I read most of the messages on this forum, and I have not seen the “bashing” that you’re talking about. The only thing I’ve seen is disapproval of men who insist on marrying virgins…

That’s EXACTLY what I’m referring to!

And if you read what dove51 wrote in the original post, she stated that she was specifically referring to sexual matters, and there were responses that men are attracted to virtuous women, so it seems that these are related. It’s talking out of both sides of one’s mouth to get dove51’s hopes up for a virtuous man to take interest in her if the virtuous men are then bashed for seeking virtuous women.

 

[Pax]

Dove,

I was once a young man…now I’m verging on being an old one. I struggled to be virtuous when I was young, and I always prayed that I would only date virtuous women. Not only that, but both my wife and I both prayed that God would lead us to the right person.

My wife and I have been married for 35 years and have been faithful to one another the entire time. We both believe that God answered our prayers and guided us to each other. Pray for the same thing in your search for a husband. The Father will not disappoint his children. Moreover, what God has brought together will flourish. Love God first and foremost…even before your spouse. Seek out a man that loves in the same order. God will provide. I will say a prayer for you.

God bless.

 

[dulcissima]

To the OP, I literally just stumbled across this page and thought about your post…

phocks.org/stumble/girlsarelike.php

 

[Pax]

To the OP, I literally just stumbled across this page and thought about your post…

phocks.org/stumble/girlsarelike.php

Good one!

 

[Gamera]

My wife and I didn’t even meet until she was 34 and I was 35, and we married at 37 and 38 (now we’re 41 and 42). Thank God neither of us settled earlier in life. We are so happy together now. On Friday, she gave birth to our second child.

Believe me, when I was a 21 year old guy I would’ve LOVED to have met a devout 21 year old Catholic woman. It didn’t happen for me until later in life, but better to wait for the right mate than to settle for an inappropriate partner. “Marry in haste, repent in leisure.”

Keep hanging around in environments frequented by Catholics – church social activities, pro-life groups, etc. Catholic guys ARE out there … probably posting the same thing you are somewhere.

Good luck!

 

[Sierrah]

I ran a few devout guys when I first started dating but I wasn’t really ready for marriage then. I was still feeling things out I got a late start in the dating pool though. The older I get the fewer I find but don’t worry they’re out there it’s just sometimes you really have to look hard for them. They aren’t the in your face player types they usually go at a slower pace into the the chase as it were.

 

[nodito]

I think chances are good. Water rises to meet its own. If you are a practicing Catholic you will naturally attract guys who share similar values.

I’d suggest applying to only Catholic colleges. I cringe when I hear people say, “She only went to college for her MRS” but the truth of the matter is your more likely to find a good Catholic guy at a good Catholic school.

When I was in highschool I felt like such an oustider. I wasn’t invited to parties because word got around that I didn’t drink. I dated a bit but mostly felt uncomfortable with the whole thing. I met my current boyfriend (of over 3 years now!) my first semester at college and started dating him later that year. He’s a devout Catholic, much holier than I am, and I’m constantly reminded of God’s generosity when I’m with him.

Pray for your future spouse, because if you’re called to marriage, he’s probably walking around on this earth somewhere right now. Maybe he’s eating dinner or taking a nap or playing baseball. Maybe he’s praying to meet you. Never lower your standards and take heart because God will not be outdone in generosity.

I read somewhere once that when a person asks for something in prayer God responds in one of only three ways: “Yes,” “Not just yet,” or “I have something even better in mind.”

God bless!

Claire

 

[chevalier]

This has been on my mind for a long time. What are a really devout person’s chances of getting married these days? I was just thinking how hard it’s going to be when I start dating in the next few years or so. (I’m 16, won’t date until going to college.)

Dating is not a prerequisite to marriage and it’s not a Christian construct, either. It’s not in the Bible or Fathers or anywhere. It’s a new thing born in the modern culture and it’s not the only way things could be done. For example, I will always maintain that some aspects and some forms of it are incompatible with Christian philosophy or at least give a wrong vibe in the light of it (e.g. having more than romance going on while picking). Personally, I don’t do that. Doesn’t mean I don’t go and have a coffee with people or dance with people or anything, no. I just don’t do those semi-romantic meetings with utter strangers. I get to know people and if during the course of that it appears between a girl and me something might be growing, then I take a closer look at it and decide what to do.

Not having the blessing of going to an all-girls Catholic school, I am exposed to boys my own age daily and I really think my chances of ever finding someone who is willing to date me despite my beliefs is very slim.

“Despite your beliefs,” isn’t what you should be aiming for. You’re better off single than with a guy who will deign to wait for sex a bit longer. What you need is a guy like you - a Catholic that won’t go down under fire. Some still exist.

Specifically, I’m talking about sex: most boys will not date girls who believe in waiting for marriage these days.

That’s a good thing. They don’t stick around and tempt those girls. It would be worse if they dated the girls but kept tempting them to sex.

I know there must be some good guys out there, but they seem so few. There are other issues that I think would deter someone, but sex is probably the biggest, I think.

There are other issues. Some are more difficult for non-Catholics to live with than the lack of sex before marriage. Speaking from experience here.

I’m terrified of never getting married or having a family. It seems like it’s going to be impossible. Very discouraging.

Indeed it is but don’t compromise too much. There’s nothing impossible for God. Hey, in the beginning Adam was alone too and he didn’t have any faint idea there could be a woman.

What do you think about this? Am I being too pessimistic? Or do I have a real reason to be concerned?

Both are true. Your concerns are serious, but your situation isn’t hopeless. Pray and hope.

 

[wjp984]

You would be surprised how many guys there are that share your beliefs just as I am surprised how many girls or women there are that share those beliefs.

 

[JFonseka]

The more you take time to focus on God and following his will for a while, do you really think he won’t let you meet the person of your dreams?

Don’t worry about the big stuff, let God do it, we have already seen what happens when people decide the big stuff themselves increasing divorce rates, abortions, sexual immoralities.

I find it disheartening too sometimes, I’m a guy. I personally think there are MANY catholic singles out there who live life very morally and inline with Catholic teaching, I sometimes feel though that I never will get married. But that is just Satan’s ugly ploy to thwart.

Taken from pureloveclub.com

“I would not worry too much about having missed your future spouse. God is in control. Get your Bible out, and read Luke chapter 12. It asks why we’re worried about the huge things in life when we don’t even have control over the little things. Cling to God and keep your eyes on Him, and He won’t let you miss the person He has in mind for you.”

Further EXCELLENT reading, real eye opener:

xenos.org/teachings/topical/essentialjesus/gary/essential-4.htm

It isn’t long, and is very good.

 

[chevalier]

I’m not sure about the person, “He has in mind for you.” It’s our responsibility to find a good spouse, isn’t it? On what is based the presumption that God has a specific person in mind for us?