Changing Confessor/Spiritual Director?

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civilwar

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Hi everyone, looking for some advice so here it is;

Around a year ago I asked a local Franciscan priest to be my regular confessor/spiritual director. However for several different reasons I now want to find someone else to fill that role. However part of me says that since I choose this priest, maybe that’s who God wants me to stick with, despite the issues I have.
The reasons for my wanting to find another confessor are these:
Firstly he is a priest who is very close to my family, a family friend, and I find it difficult to be free and open with him in confession/spiritual direction, due to his closeness to our family. I accept that that may be my problem and not his, but nonetheless it’s an issue, since I am someone who loves to feel free and not restricted.
Also, his personality doesn’t mesh particularly well with mine at times, as he is not someone who is free with expressing his emotions and feels a little anxious at times, which can rub off on me.

His advice has always been solid and orthodox, however.

So basically I’m torn between feeling like I should commit to the director I chose on one hand, and what I feel like would be the most beneficial to helping me grow on the other.

Any advice on this would be appreciated.
 
Feeling the way you do, you don’t have to commit to him, even though you say he is a great priest.
 
You can find another without feeling you must stay with this particular spiritual director. You are free this way. He can go on being friends with your family. You can still be friends with him.

Maybe you will miss him if you decide to change. Sometimes that happens.
 
The first issue you mentioned is what’s known in the professional world as a “conflict of interest”. If he is a close family friend, then he really shouldn’t be your spiritual director/confessor.
 
Conversely, they’re not really supposed to be your best friend. Friendly, yes. Amenable, yes. Challenging, yes.
What you share is confidential.
Your expectations should be spiritual, not personal.
I’d stay with him and ask if HE’D like you to find someone else. Maybe your personal feelings about him are in the way of growth.
Good luck.
 
Deo_Gratias42 said:
The first issue you mentioned is what’s known in the professional world as a “conflict of interest”. If he is a close family friend, then he really shouldn’t be your spiritual director/confessor.
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What makes you say that if he is a close family friend he shouldn’t be my spiritual director?
 
civilwar said:
What makes you say that if he is a close family friend he shouldn’t be my spiritual director?
Click to expand...
A spiritual guide I had during an IGR two years ago told me that in her parish she is not allowed to direct anyone who works for the parish (salaried workers; volunteers are okay), members of her family, or her friends. Why? Because the existence of another type of relationship can impede direction.

I realize this isn’t exactly the same thing, but my current pastor used to be my confessor. The catch is that I’m the head sacristan, and we found that having both a spiritual and a professional relationship caused us all kinds of problems. I now confess (and seek spiritual direction) outside the parish. My confessions are more productive, and my relationship with my pastor has vastly improved.

Similarly, someone who needs counseling would likely find it more beneficial to seek a professional than try to obtain such assistance from his/her friends. A professional can be totally frank with you without risk of ruining a friendship, since no such friendship would exist between him/her and the one (s)he is counseling.
 
civilwar said:
What makes you say that if he is a close family friend he shouldn’t be my spiritual director?
Click to expand...
Because it impedes direction. As you admit, you find it difficult to be open and honest with him because he is a close family friend.
 
UpUpAndAway said:
A spiritual guide I had during an IGR two years ago told me that in her parish she is not allowed to direct anyone who works for the parish (salaried workers; volunteers are okay), members of her family, or her friends. Why? Because the existence of another type of relationship can impede direction.

I realize this isn’t exactly the same thing, but my current pastor used to be my confessor. The catch is that I’m the head sacristan, and we found that having both a spiritual and a professional relationship caused us all kinds of problems. I now confess (and seek spiritual direction) outside the parish. My confessions are more productive, and my relationship with my pastor has vastly improved.

Similarly, someone who needs counseling would likely find it more beneficial to seek a professional than try to obtain such assistance from his/her friends. ** A professional can be totally frank with you without risk of ruining a friendship, since no such friendship would exist between him/her and the one (s)he is counseling.**
Click to expand...
Thanks very much for your thoughts and advice. That last sentence struck a chord with me and I think it’s exactly the problem I have been having. This helps me greatly in making a decision regarding my spiritual direction needs, which is important, so thanks a lot! 🙂
 
Deo_Gratias42 said:
Because it impedes direction. As you admit, you find it difficult to be open and honest with him because he is a close family friend.
Click to expand...
Yeah that’s definitely true, thanks for helping me get my thoughts straight on this.
 
civilwar said:
Thanks very much for your thoughts and advice. That last sentence struck a chord with me and I think it’s exactly the problem I have been having. This helps me greatly in making a decision regarding my spiritual direction needs, which is important, so thanks a lot! 🙂
Click to expand...
You’re very welcome. Glad something I said has helped you :o All the best, and God bless! 🙂
 
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