Changing Parishes Is A Tough Decision

[I_Believe]

I’m in a tough spot. My home parish is an NO parish. I love our Priests, and it’s a fairly traditional parish. Convenient Mass schedule, confessions 6 days a week, Exposition and Benediction weekly, and more.

On Sundays though, I go to the TLM at another parish. The TLM is also offered on Tuesday and Wednesday there. I want to change parishes, because of the TLM.

Simple enough, but if my home parish winds up offering the TLM in the near future, I’d just want to stay there. The Friars are Dominicans, so it’s possible they would pray the Dominican Rite.

It is really awkward though, because I’m not sure how it’s going to look if I simply ask the Friars if the TLM is in the works, and then proceed to leave the parish if the answer is no.

If I don’t ask, and leave, and then they do start praying the TLM or DR, then I’ll feel I’ve made a mistake. And I can’t just jump right back over to that parish. The pastors will think I’m nuts lol.

So how can I ask, without making it look like I’m saying "well if you don’t offer the TLM, I’m leaving "?

I’ve asked a couple of fellow parishioners if they have heard of any plans to offer the TLM at my home parish, and they said they hadn’t. I thought of calling the parish office and asking, but that is kind of cheesy, and I’ve decided not to do that.

Should I just come right out and tell our pastor that I’ve attended a few TLM’s at the other parish, and ask him if we will have the TLM or DR soon and be done with it ?

 

[HOPEFUL_IN_UK]

I understand your predicament. I’m in somewhat the same situation. My answer to it, at this point, is to go to both parishes. We go to the TLM on Sunday morning. I go to the NO on Sunday night. I’ve just been put on the rota for readers at the Sunday night Mass. It’s a bit odd, but I think it will be good for me.

If you do change parishes, then I hope you get involved in that other parish.

I’ve spent my entire adult life moving around. I mean I have lost count of the addresses I’ve had. My husband was the same way. We’ve moved three times in the two years we’ve been married. But, we both want to put down roots. We’ve bought a house. This should, hopefully, mean we’re staying put. I have the same desire to have roots in a parish.

 

[puzzleannie]

I would only add that if parishioners do not express a desire or preference for Mass in the EF the pastor is justified in assuming no one wants it or would attend if offered.

 

[Richie_Nelson]

So how can I ask, without making it look like I’m saying "well if you don’t offer the TLM, I’m leaving "?

But isn’t that exactly what you are doing?

Is it honest to mislead your priest (of ALL people) as to your intentions?

thanks, Richie

 

[Brendan]

I would only add that if parishioners do not express a desire or preference for Mass in the EF the pastor is justified in assuming no one wants it or would attend if offered.

I would second that. Go ahead and ask if an EF is in the works.

It’s a good thing to bring valid spiritual needs to your pastor.

 

[MrS]

at my current parish, we have a number of people who desire the EF. But we also had a bishop who showed no interest in supporting the need, and his monsignor who blasted the pastor when the topic came up (a few die-hard supporters of the former very liberal pastor called the diocese to complain).

So,

I drafted a “petition” and easy got over 100 signatures. In essence, it asked the pastor to consider the request of those who signed, in accordance with the intent of the MP. This was not done to “convince” the pastor, but rather to give him tangible support “in case the bishop says no one wants it”.

Thankfully we now have a new bishop who appears to offer MUCH more support, and the TLM is right around the corner.

Perhaps when you go to your pastor, you could bring such a “petition”. PM me, and I will forward the text for your perusal.

.

 

[I_Believe]

Thanks everyone. I’ll just have to ask I suppose.

MrS, thanks, I’ll ask a few of the weekday Mass regulars if they are interested. If so, I’ll pm you.

 

[m134e5]

I’m in a tough spot. My home parish is an NO parish. I love our Priests, and it’s a fairly traditional parish. Convenient Mass schedule, confessions 6 days a week, Exposition and Benediction weekly, and more.

On Sundays though, I go to the TLM at another parish. The TLM is also offered on Tuesday and Wednesday there. I want to change parishes, because of the TLM.

Simple enough, but if my home parish winds up offering the TLM in the near future, I’d just want to stay there. The Friars are Dominicans, so it’s possible they would pray the Dominican Rite.

It is really awkward though, because I’m not sure how it’s going to look if I simply ask the Friars if the TLM is in the works, and then proceed to leave the parish if the answer is no.

If I don’t ask, and leave, and then they do start praying the TLM or DR, then I’ll feel I’ve made a mistake. And I can’t just jump right back over to that parish. The pastors will think I’m nuts lol.

So how can I ask, without making it look like I’m saying "well if you don’t offer the TLM, I’m leaving "?

I’ve asked a couple of fellow parishioners if they have heard of any plans to offer the TLM at my home parish, and they said they hadn’t. I thought of calling the parish office and asking, but that is kind of cheesy, and I’ve decided not to do that.

Should I just come right out and tell our pastor that I’ve attended a few TLM’s at the other parish, and ask him if we will have the TLM or DR soon and be done with it ?

Consider that leaving a parish isn’t as simple as you not liking something about it- or rather, wanting something another parish has more, and switching parishes. A parish is like a family- and the pastor of that parish is the spiritual father- that’s why we call priests “father”. Pray about it and ask God where He wants you to go. Remember that while we may have opportunities that may make us more comfortable, sometimes we are needed in less comfortable places (remember the story of Jonah).

 

[Scottgun]

Even if no EF, why change? You are obligated to go to mass, but there is no obligation that you go to the one you are registered in.

 

[I_Believe]

Even if no EF, why change? You are obligated to go to mass, but there is no obligation that you go to the one you are registered in.

Well, that is what I’m doing right now. Going to the TLM on Sunday, work schedule permitting.

 

[I_Believe]

Consider that leaving a parish isn’t as simple as you not liking something about it- or rather, wanting something another parish has more, and switching parishes. A parish is like a family- and the pastor of that parish is the spiritual father- that’s why we call priests “father”. Pray about it and ask God where He wants you to go. Remember that while we may have opportunities that may make us more comfortable, sometimes we are needed in less comfortable places (remember the story of Jonah).

Right, and that is what I’m struggling with. I don’t want to leave my parish, but I’m not going to stop going to the TLM.

It all comes down to the financial support issue. I can’t justify splitting it 50/50. I can’t justify NOT supporting the parish offering the TLM. And I can’t afford do double my tithes at this time. I really wish I could, but I can’t.

 

[Richie_Nelson]

Right, and that is what I’m struggling with. I don’t want to leave my parish, but I’m not going to stop going to the TLM.

It all comes down to the financial support issue. I can’t justify splitting it 50/50. I can’t justify NOT supporting the parish offering the TLM. And I can’t afford do double my tithes at this time. I really wish I could, but I can’t.

A tithe is a “portion” of your income. You don’t have to “double” your tithe. You can split your tithe between multiple destinations. Why can’t you justify splitting it 50-50?

thanks, Richie

 

[ProVobis]

Simple enough, but if my home parish winds up offering the TLM in the near future, I’d just want to stay there. The Friars are Dominicans, so it’s possible they would pray the Dominican Rite.

What exactly is the Dominican Rite? Wouldn’t the priests need episcopal permission to say that? I apologize if this is a dumb question.

 

[CarrieH]

It all comes down to the financial support issue. I can’t justify splitting it 50/50. I can’t justify NOT supporting the parish offering the TLM. And I can’t afford do double my tithes at this time. I really wish I could, but I can’t.

What about a 75/25 split, or 80/20? I’m in a similar situation, and that’s kind of what I am doing. I am registered at Church A, so they get the majority of my offering, but I usually attend Mass at Church B, which offers the TLM as well as a very traditional, reverent NO Mass. I may eventually transfer to Church B, but like you, I’d hate to transfer across town and then three months later have TLM offered practically in my back yard at Church A. So I’m taking a prayerful wait-and-see attitude for now. :twocents:

 

[I_Believe]

A tithe is a “portion” of your income. You don’t have to “double” your tithe. You can split your tithe between multiple destinations. Why can’t you justify splitting it 50-50?

thanks, Richie

Just how I see it. It just doesn’t seem right to do it that way.

 

[I_Believe]

What exactly is the Dominican Rite? Wouldn’t the priests need episcopal permission to say that? I apologize if this is a dumb question.

At Trent, Pius V wanted a universal liturgy. Thus the TLM is called tridentine by some. Minor changes were applied through the years.

Pius acknowledged the Mendicant Orders, such as the Dominican Order, which had their own liturgies that were at least 200 years old. He allowed these orders to retain their own liturgies.

You can see it ( w/1948 revisions) here…
members.aol.com/liturgialatina/dominican/mass_ordinary.htm

And here, you can see some photos…
thenewliturgicalmovement.blogspot.com/2007/05/dominican-rite-photos.html

And more info here…
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dominican_Rite

And thank you for the question, because looking these up answered a question I had about the Dominican Rite

 

[Andreas_Hofer]

I would just tell your current pastor exactly what you posted in the OP. It tells him the spiritual needs that you feel must be met but it also lets him know about the great benefits you consider his own parish to offer. You’re not giving him an ultimatim, you’re just telling him you’re going to settle in where you will be fed and that you would love for that to be in his parish.

 

[I_Believe]

I would just tell your current pastor exactly what you posted in the OP. It tells him the spiritual needs that you feel must be met but it also lets him know about the great benefits you consider his own parish to offer. You’re not giving him an ultimatim, you’re just telling him you’re going to settle in where you will be fed and that you would love for that to be in his parish.

You are right, makes sense, I’ll just go on and do it.

If he says no one has asked about the TLM, I’ll ask if he minds if I ask a few of our parishioners if they are even interested.

I do know two of the Friars know Latin.

Thanks

 

[Ghoti]

Split your tithe. Give what you can afford. The Lord did not look down on the widow who only had a few pennies to put in the box. On the contrary, He exalted her donation above that of the riches given by others, because it was what she could afford.

And anyway, it’ll probably all balance out by the end of the day. I have envelopes from my current parish; but one Christmas, I ran late for my parish’s last Christmas Day Mass, so I went to another parish with an afternoon Mass. Without really thinking, I dropped the envelope in the collection plate.

Around New Year’s, I got a call from the second parish, asking if they could cash the cheque I wrote to the first parish. Not knowing how it worked,* I didn’t really know how to answer, and I said, stupidly, why would you do that? Reply: You came to our church. My stupid reply: What, you charge admission? Finally, sez I, do what you must. Eventually I received a receipt from second parish, and my cancelled cheque arrived with my bank statement with “Holy Cross” crossed out and “St ----” written in.

*I **naively **(emphasis here) thought all donations went to the diocese, and was divvied up among the parishes. Of course, if they did that, there wouldn’t be “poor” parishes with drafts and broken windows and mould corroding the cathedral ceiling, and “rich” parishes buying new multi-piped organs and air conditioning and padded pews.

 

[Ghoti]

I actually envy you your “tough decision”. I’ve always felt somewhat of a visitor to the parishes I’ve been in.

I’ve moved around a lot growing up. My “home parishes” have been St Charles Borromeo, St Philip Neri, Most Holy Redeemer, St Joseph’s, Basilica of St John the Baptist, Holy Cross. Because of the preferences of my parents, I often went to St Teresa’s, St Patrick’s, or Mary Queen of Peace because they found the Masses more convenient. When I grew older and went to Mass independently, I usually went to St Pius X (late Mass on Sunday, very convenient when you come back in from a weekend exercise), St Paul’s (actually closer to my house than my parish church), or St. Peter’s (very close to my friend’s house; during our usual get-togethers I’d nip out for Mass on a Saturday evening). Here, if I miss Sunday Mass due to a sleep-in, I’m likely to pop over to St Basil’s, St Michael’s, or St Peter’s to go to a later Mass.

So, I’m kind of rootless. I wish I had that established, “home parish” feeling that you are possibly giving up. Like I said, I envy you, dude. God bless and guide your decision. I mean that sincerely.