Changing parishes; what is your opinion?

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DWC_RC

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Let me lay out the scenario first. My young family and I are contemplating leaving our parish where both my wife and I were baptized along with our first born son.
The pastor of this particular parish is a nice man and I believe has our best interest at heart, but he is timid and afraid to confront issues head on. The Sunday homily tap dances around issues in hopes nobody is offended.
On issues of doctrine, the Churches teachings are rarely emphasized or not emphasized at all. Most of the laity at this parish are clueless when it comes to the foundations of our faith. I’m not attacking them, it isn’t their fault that they were never taught. Many of them are good people at heart, but do not know scripture or the catechism.
My other problem is the worship space itself. The parish doesn’t resemble a Catholic Church, but a metal workers shop. We do not have a single statue of the Blessed Mother anywhere in the parish. The Sacred Heart of Jesus was revealed to our patron Saint, but the only image of the Sacred Heart is outside, and looks more like a native American with feathers than Jesus. The images around the church are metal thingies hanging on the wall.
I understand that Christ present in the Eucharist is the focal point of the Mass, but having sacred images surrounding us reminds us of where we are and what we are doing.

Now church B, which is down the road from church A is a gothic style church and looks like a Catholic Church. The tabernacle is placed behind the alter (where I feel it should be). The priest at this parish holds true to doctrine and doesn’t tap dance around issues.

Now, am I wrong in taking my family to parish B in order to further our faith? I’ve spoken with the pastor at parish A several times regarding the issues mentioned above to no avail. I don’t want to be a “fair weather” family that bounces from parish to parish, but I also want to be fed spiritually when I go to mass. What say you?
 
DWC_RC said:
Let me lay out the scenario first. My young family and I are contemplating leaving our parish where both my wife and I were baptized along with our first born son.
The pastor of this particular parish is a nice man and I believe has our best interest at heart, but he is timid and afraid to confront issues head on. The Sunday homily tap dances around issues in hopes nobody is offended.
On issues of doctrine, the Churches teachings are rarely emphasized or not emphasized at all. Most of the laity at this parish are clueless when it comes to the foundations of our faith. I’m not attacking them, it isn’t their fault that they were never taught. Many of them are good people at heart, but do not know scripture or the catechism.
My other problem is the worship space itself. The parish doesn’t resemble a Catholic Church, but a metal workers shop. We do not have a single statue of the Blessed Mother anywhere in the parish. The Sacred Heart of Jesus was revealed to our patron Saint, but the only image of the Sacred Heart is outside, and looks more like a native American with feathers than Jesus. The images around the church are metal thingies hanging on the wall.
I understand that Christ present in the Eucharist is the focal point of the Mass, but having sacred images surrounding us reminds us of where we are and what we are doing.

Now church B, which is down the road from church A is a gothic style church and looks like a Catholic Church. The tabernacle is placed behind the alter (where I feel it should be). The priest at this parish holds true to doctrine and doesn’t tap dance around issues.

Now, am I wrong in taking my family to parish B in order to further our faith? I’ve spoken with the pastor at parish A several times regarding the issues mentioned above to no avail. I don’t want to be a “fair weather” family that bounces from parish to parish, but I also want to be fed spiritually when I go to mass. What say you?
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Go to parish B. I’m suprised that you have waited so long!! 🙂 Even though it will be painful to break the connections, it is necessary for your spiritual well being.

I went on a search for a new parish recently, because as I really got closer to God, my home parish no longer was enough (it was back when I was younger and when I didn’t really care, but then when I looked for real meat in the homilies, a beautiful building - truly is important - and for a large number of devout people to be around, I just didn’t find them.) Music was also a BIG issue. The home parish had a massive guitar and tambourine choir, who think they’re very good, so they sing louder. The music was a real turn-off, every time something beautiful was happening in the Mass, they picked up their noise machines and interrupted, distracting many from God.

So I went to another parish nearby. In the end, it was the same as my home parish, but the tabernacle was at the center, and there were just more people. So after a while, I was also unhappy there - although the parish was just slightly better in music (again, product of a bigger parish.) Eventually, this led me to go to the Traditional Latin Mass over an hour away, which is where my heart is really at peace, and the parishioners and priest care even more than I do!, inspiring me to increase my devotion. The tabernacle is at the center of course, and the homilies actually teach (I remember them days later! - never used to happen). And there’s even more reverence than I had known to even exist before, such as incense, more genuflections and sings of the cross, etc. Lots of statues, lots of good traditional music, everything! It’s worth the drive, and one day when I do have a family, I’ll make sure I live around the corner from one so I don’t have to drive so far! 😃

Don’t be afraid to switch. God’s always got to be first - and especially with your childrens’ faith at stake, get them to a more reverent parish. But from my experience, just a warning: you might find yourself in the same place a year or so down the road!! Always remember, there’s nothing sinful or wrong about switching parishes.
 
I wouldn’t hesitate to change to B. Your young family needs to have a “safe haven” from possible attacks or lack of a defense of the faith. Its your duty to find that “haven” for them.

I’ve changed parishes several times over the years, depending upon the “new” priest.
 
Being a rising senior at West Virginia University and knowing quite a lot of the Priests in the diocese and what are the more traditional minded parishes in general, may I inquire as to which parishes you are referring to? Feel free to private message me if you don’t wish to call it out here. With the transitions of priests coming the 23rd of June, you may not be guarenteed a doctrine friendly Priest unfortunately.

I would recommend switching if the reason is to grow in faith, rather than “being fed.” Sorry, but I hate that term. We’re fed spiritually by Christ Jesus. The homily is more of an intellectual thing. Also, I will check the rules in regards to switching parishes because we must remember that almost all parishes are territorial. This means that a family is supposed to go to the parish in whose territory it lives in.

Again, it would help me at least a little bit to know which parishes you are talking about.

Pax!
 
Sounds like Church B is more a "fit’ for you & your family. If you “feel” better, you’ll worship better. It’s it great our wonderful Catholic faith is “UNIVERSAL”

God Bless,
-K
 
It is the Bishop who is responsible for the spiritual welfare of the flock. Different parishes have variances in style to meet the needs of particular Catholics and some need more “meat” than others. You should probably be known to your geographic parish but I don’t think it inappropriate to frequent one that meets your spiritual needs more fully.

If that parish happens to be in a different diocese, you may want to seek permission from your particular Bishop since he is responsible for your spiritual formation.
 
I would probably move my family. On the other hand, would it be possible for you to volunteer to teach an adult ed formation class at the old one? (Maybe give 'em one last shot and try to clean things up before abandoning them to their lukewarmness.) Just a thought. Your family comes first, though. They need to be in a good solid parish. Maybe you could be in parish B and try to clean up parish A. Long shot, I’m pretty sure, but at least you could say you tried.
 
DeepeningFaith said:
Being a rising senior at West Virginia University and knowing quite a lot of the Priests in the diocese and what are the more traditional minded parishes in general, may I inquire as to which parishes you are referring to? Feel free to private message me if you don’t wish to call it out here. With the transitions of priests coming the 23rd of June, you may not be guarenteed a doctrine friendly Priest unfortunately.

I would recommend switching if the reason is to grow in faith, rather than “being fed.” Sorry, but I hate that term. We’re fed spiritually by Christ Jesus. The homily is more of an intellectual thing. Also, I will check the rules in regards to switching parishes because we must remember that almost all parishes are territorial. This means that a family is supposed to go to the parish in whose territory it lives in.

Again, it would help me at least a little bit to know which parishes you are talking about.

Pax!
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The rules for changing parishes is very lax here. I know many who attend parishes which are outside their territory.
 
I think it’s wonderful that you have been with the same parish for so long. I won’t presume to tell you what to do in this matter as you have to make this decision with your wife as to what’s best for your family. I will offer a few points to consider based on what I might do.

I would never change parishes based solely on the priest unless the priest was truly a flaming heretic. I don’t want my children to become accustomed to “church-hopping” as though we are Protestants in search of whichever church tells us what we want to hear. I’m not dependent upon the priest to spiritually form my children. That’s my responsibility.

Further, priests get shuffled around all the time. If you switch parishes now, you may get a priest you don’t like at that new parish in six months from now who is even worse than the one you have now. The parish is more than just the priest. It’s hard to build meaningful Christian friendships within the parish if you cut-and-run whenever the priest gets moved. In your situation, you’ve been there for so long already that it would seem all the more difficult to leave.

My advice in these sorts of situations is to not just be attentive to “being fed” (which is important, don’t get me wrong), but be attentive to what task God has in mind for you and your family in building up the Kingdom. (You know, the whole “Ask not what your parish can do for you but what you can do for your parish.” ;)) Maybe the priest would welcome your help (if you’re not already doing so) in helping to catechize the adults of the parish through some sort of Adult Faith Formation. Perhaps you and your family could be instrumental in revitalizing your parish. The priest can’t do it alone (nor should he be expected to).

I’m sure you take seriously your role as primary educator of your children in the faith, and thus any “lite” homilies shouldn’t be too harmful on your children. Nonetheless, if you feel your children are being spiritually malformed, that would seem a justifiable reason to switch. If the priest is preaching things contrary to the faith such that each Sunday after Mass involves a healthy amount of damage control, that would be a justifiable reason to switch.

In any case, I certainly wouldn’t fault you if you feel more at home at parish B and want to switch. Personally, I also would feel more at home in a beautiful looking Church with meatier homilies. It’s just, with so many posters already telling you to go that route, I wanted to offer a different perspective. 🙂
 
Joe_5859 said:
I think it’s wonderful that you have been with the same parish for so long. I won’t presume to tell you what to do in this matter as you have to make this decision with your wife as to what’s best for your family. I will offer a few points to consider based on what I might do.

I would never change parishes based solely on the priest unless the priest was truly a flaming heretic. I don’t want my children to become accustomed to “church-hopping” as though we are Protestants in search of whichever church tells us what we want to hear. I’m not dependent upon the priest to spiritually form my children. That’s my responsibility.

Further, priests get shuffled around all the time. If you switch parishes now, you may get a priest you don’t like at that new parish in six months from now who is even worse than the one you have now. The parish is more than just the priest. It’s hard to build meaningful Christian friendships within the parish if you cut-and-run whenever the priest gets moved. In your situation, you’ve been there for so long already that it would seem all the more difficult to leave.

My advice in these sorts of situations is to not just be attentive to “being fed” (which is important, don’t get me wrong), but be attentive to what task God has in mind for you and your family in building up the Kingdom. (You know, the whole “Ask not what your parish can do for you but what you can do for your parish.” ;)) Maybe the priest would welcome your help (if you’re not already doing so) in helping to catechize the adults of the parish through some sort of Adult Faith Formation. Perhaps you and your family could be instrumental in revitalizing your parish. The priest can’t do it alone (nor should he be expected to).

I’m sure you take seriously your role as primary educator of your children in the faith, and thus any “lite” homilies shouldn’t be too harmful on your children. Nonetheless, if you feel your children are being spiritually malformed, that would seem a justifiable reason to switch. If the priest is preaching things contrary to the faith such that each Sunday after Mass involves a healthy amount of damage control, that would be a justifiable reason to switch.

In any case, I certainly wouldn’t fault you if you feel more at home at parish B and want to switch. Personally, I also would feel more at home in a beautiful looking Church with meatier homilies. It’s just, with so many posters already telling you to go that route, I wanted to offer a different perspective. 🙂
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I appreciate the perspective very much. I hate to say it, but looks matter to me and a church with weird metal designs all over it isnt as appealing as one with statues of saints.
 
I would say move. 'Nuff said. My family was in exactly this same situation a couple of years ago. The church looked like a nice office building than a church. Guitars (when they didn’t do a “polka mass :mad:”), theological incorrect -]hymns/-] songs, female servers, and a first communion retreat with an instructor that openly said that it wasn’t actually Jesus.

You do have the right to hear CORRECT church teaching IN CHURCH, and see it followed.

We moved to the Cathedral, and are happy as ever with our AWESOME, traditional bishop.
cradlecatholic5 said:
Sounds like Church B is more a "fit’ for you & your family. If you “feel” better, you’ll worship better. It’s it great our wonderful Catholic faith is “UNIVERSAL”
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Worshiping God is should not be about feeling. If a church is not teaching church teaching, it really shouldn’t “fit” anybody. I would say more, but I can’t put it into words. Can someone help me finish my thought?
 
DWC_RC said:
Could you elaborate as to why?
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For all of the reasons that you mentioned! I like your attitude of not wanting to be a “fair weather” family that bounces from one parish to another. Every parish needs to have a core group of members no matter how few who continually pray for their parish as well as to work to restore the church to be a more fitting worship space. But you have a young growing family that you need to consider. And you have spoken to your pastor about your concerns on several occassions to no avail. The Catholic church down the road not only has a beautiful atmosphere but more importantly it has a good pastor who clearly presents the Church teachings. Go where your heart is leading you. Just be prepared that you will have to work at your faith no matter where you go and deal with people who are not as perfect and as faithful as you may have hoped. But it helps when you have a good atmosphere and a good pastor who has the courage to lead his congregation in the truth and beauty of our Catholic faith. Best wishes.
 
DWC_RC said:
I appreciate the perspective very much. I hate to say it, but looks matter to me and a church with weird metal designs all over it isnt as appealing as one with statues of saints.
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You shouldn’t hate to say it, only that it needs to be said. 🙂 A church should look like a church. Art and architecture is also catechetical.

But, in my experience, it’s not the only consideration. My brother’s parish, for example, is truly ugly (much to many of the parishioners chagrin), but the parish is much more dynamic and much more faithful to Catholic teaching than the two nearby parishes that are truly beautiful but do not have much going on.
 
It could be worse. Many parish schools charge a premium to nonparishioners. Anyone who attends a different parish (legitimately) which does not have a school could wind up in a financially more difficult position than necessary.

The thought of changing parishes to save a few hundred dollars really irks me.
 
SonCatcher said:
It could be worse. Many parish schools charge a premium to nonparishioners. Anyone who attends a different parish (legitimately) which does not have a school could wind up in a financially more difficult position than necessary.

The thought of changing parishes to save a few hundred dollars really irks me.
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I’m not switching parishes to save money.
 
i believe we have an obligation to our home parish

you obviously are someone who cares. if you leave, who else will care?

i live in a neighborhood that has 2 parishes close to one another. i live closer to the smaller church, which is older and needs tons of repairs. the other church is bigger, has more people, a sunday afternoon mass for those sunday mornings that i can’t seem to get out of bed, an attached school which means if i’m a parishoner there my kids get discounts on the tuition fee if i choose to send them to Catholic School. there’s good reasons why i must go to the other parish. but given that the parish i belong to is already challenged by a small population and the need for repairs, if i abandon it, there’s one less person to help fix the church. plus me and my wife are also involved with the parish (catechism and choir) so there’s less volunteers if we leave

i know the situation isn’t exactly like yours. but if you have something to offer a parish, wouldn’t you want to give it to a parish that obviously needs it?
 
My husband and I regularly attend, and serve, at two Parishes. One is in the town we live, we go to Daily Mass here and we usually attend at least one Mass there a weekend (we like to go both days because they don’t do Daily Mass on Saturdays here). The other one is about 40 miles away, we are registered there and his family attends there, it is also the Parish he grew up in. There are a lot of “problems” with the Parish in our town, the Resurrected Christ instead of a Crucifix, Tabernacle to the side, and we’ve had some priest issues lately; but if we leave completely, how will we at least let our positions be known?

We had an AWESOME priest here until about 2 years ago when he was driven out. He baptized me and we are still very close to him (he drove 2 1/2 hours to come marry us! 👍). When I first started attending, my husband told me ‘this shouldn’t happen…there should be x here…etc’, so he finally decided to address it with this priest whom we adore. The priest was so thankful that someone was willing to stand up with him, as he’d been fighting the parishoners the entire. time. he’d been there. Even with our support (joined Parish council and other things as well), parishoners were awful to him and when he got a second priest in there as they’d picked up 3 mission areas, and this priest was heretical in so many ways, he couldn’t take it. He had a mental breakdown and left. 😦 We’ve had numerous priests in there since him, and now we’ve got one that is so-so and one that is pretty good so far. My point with that story is that you don’t know if you’ll be the support he needs, and I wouldn’t recommend breaking off all ties.
 
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