However, I’ve been told different things about the gift of tongues, but the one that really bothers me is that “everyone who asks for the gift will receive it” and so then I feel like there’s something wrong because I haven’t.
the actual reality is that anyone who asks for charismatic gifts from the Holy Spirit will ALWAYS receive, but he will receive the gift the Holy Spirit decides to give, not the gift he demands. The most commonly received gifts are the “boring” ones, teaching and administration, because those are the gifts most needed to build up the Church. One who prays for a charism for his own edification is not praying in the Spirit. The relatively minor actions of the Spirit, such as tongues and being slain in the Spirit are received by those who need such a sign that the gift of their submission to the Spirit has been accepted. Not all need those signs.
If you need tongues, tongues will be given. If you need interpretation that will be given, if you need prophesy, that will be given. As always the gifts are asked for and received ecclesially, not individually, so when the meeting asks, the meeting receives, and the gifts appear in the individual members for the strenght of the group and the purpose of building up the whole Church.
Another thing is the meaning of tongues, which is not always the “other language” speaking characteristic of the praise language of many (not all) Charismatic prayer groups or meetings. There is the specific gift which is a message from the Spirit, which is always accompanied by the gift of interpretation to another member of the meeting and is ALWAYS to be discerned by the leadership in the mind of the Church, as Paul warns.
Tongues also manifests commonly as a prayer language, but not always vocally. If you ask for the gift of tongues you will receive but in the manner the Spirit gives, which is not always either prophetic or vocal. It very commonly comes as a strengthening and deepening of one’s interior and prayer life, deeper communicatin with God in prayer and is noticed only gradually as prayer life improves. you may notice a move forward from vocal and rote prayer, to mental prayer, and from mental prayer to contemplation. The Holy Spirit prays in you “in unspeakable groanings” at times when you cannot on your own effort enunciate your prayers.
At other times it manifests as the gift of speaking, teaching, exhorting and explaining in a manner easily grasped and understood by others–even those who are resistant, not fluent in your language, not intellectual or personally attuned to your message. This comes when you are exercising you gift of communication in service of the Church. A catechist for example who has a habit of regular prayer to the Holy Spirit will find that even when she uses mundane methods of speaking and teaching, her students learn and understand at a level byond that which she has spoken.
This gift comes also along with the gift of knowledge. That is that the Spirit releases knowledge of spiritual things which He has given, through baptism and Confirmation, and allows the preacher or teacher to communicate that knowledge to listeners beyond their own natural capacities. For instance, I always pray before I teach that the listeners will hear what the Holy Spirit wants them to hear, through my words no matter how inadequate is my own teaching.
