Charity dilemma

[cuqui]

My husband and I sponsored a child in a developing country through one of the Christian sponsorship organizations. We sponsored her since she was about 7 and is now in college. Unbeknown-st to us, we were not to give financial support directly, but only through the organization through monthly donations which we had been doing. The org. divides the monies collected and disburses them equitably among the many children who get support from sponsors.
Now, with Facebook, the child’s family tracked us down and we were happy to communicate directly with them about daily things. They then asked us for money to start a small variety store. I thought we were teaching them to be self-sufficient by giving them a living, so we were happy to oblige. Then, the store is up…someone in the small community is a tattle tale and tells the local chapter of the org. that they have a sponsor from America who sent them mula. They knew though, that they were not to contact sponsors directly but only through snail mail, which we have been doing until the Facebook encounters. Now, we learn from the mother that the child was booted out of the program bec. of this…the support of the child included tuition assistance, groceries for the family, school supplies, medical and dental care and Christmas parties. Now, the mother is asking for more money bec. the girl is still in school and has no means of paying her tuition. They have 5 other kids. My husband and I aren’t rich people, but we are generous (we have 2 little girls of our own both in grade school) and grateful for what we have and we like to help.

Now what? We cannot afford to support this large family and we did not want them to be dependent on us. I feel guilty but we had good intentions to begin with…this just went awry. Please let me know what is the judicious way to deal with this.

Thanks for your help.

 

[puzzleannie]

. Please let me know what is the judicious way to deal with this.

Thanks for your help.

presumably both the client families and the sponsor donors are apprised of the rules when they join the program, and the rules about contact only through the organization are to prevent just such situations. If you still want to donate, sponsor another child through the same or another similar organization. If the family contacts you again tell them you donate only through the organization from now on.

 

[underacloud]

I agree with Puzzleannie. Support the charity, or another charity, but don’t deal with this family directly. Unfortunately, this family may be trying to take advantage of you, and this is why the charities oblige them not to contact you in this manner.

I also suggest you de-friend them on facebook. Perhaps you may feel a note explaining your actions to them is required (that you’ll continue to support the charity but cannot afford to continue to support them), but send the note and then cut them off. If you don’t, they’ll play on your feelings of guilt and it sounds like you’re a very nice person who might find this hard to resist. It is entirely appropriate that they deal only with the charity…it is up to the charity to reconsider their status, so pray for the family and entrust them to God’s care. Support the family through prayer and the charity with money.

 

[1ke]

I agree with the above posters.

You could also contact the organization and speak to someone, ask if the girl can be reinstated to finish out her college.

Please follow the rules in the future. It is for the good of all involved in the program.

 

[Catholic1954]

Please do not send these people any more money. There is a reason you paid the organization and not them directly for all those years. You have no way of knowing how or where you money is being spent. Your orginal intent was to see to it that the child had an education and whatever else was necessary to get a good start in life, you did not sign up to be the finance department for the family. I would cut off all contact ASAP. Without giving anything away, is the family living in a certain Southeast Asia country whose captial does not rhyme with chocolate?

 

[Steel_Pinwheel]

Now, with Facebook, the child’s family tracked us down and we were happy to communicate directly with them about daily things. They then asked us for money

I agree with those who said don’t send them any more money. They broke the rules and they are trying to exploit your charitable attitude. There is no accountability for the money you would send them. Do not let them make you feel guilty. You have already been generous. If I were you, I would just explain to them that you would like to help but your own money is limited and you have your own family to take care of.