Charity in all things

[Philothea53]

I am really struggling. I am a good person. I know I am. I care very deeply about people, about their situations and I do a lot for others - ofttimes anonymously because I do not need accolades or applause for my actions. I do these things because I truly believe that we all are our brothers’ keepers.

Now, that being said, I am the most critical person I know. Usually my criticisms are by way of thought but sometimes, more often on this Forum than I would like to admit, I do critique what others do in a way that I would consider uncharitable.

How do I break myself of this? I pray alot through the day. I talk to God constantly - but in between times…

Thoughts? Comments?

 

[CarrieH]

Many times the things we criticize the most in others are traits in ourselves that we don’t like. Maybe it will help if, when you find yourself criticizing someone, you stop to think what it is that is annoying you, and then try to identify when you yourself have been guilty of that very thing. I had a friend whose mother used to say, “Remember, when you point the finger, the 3 other fingers are pointing back at you!” This isn’t a very fun exercise, but it can be enlightening.

I used to be very critical of others, too, and I still struggle with this. My parents were extremely critical of me (and everyone else), and I grew up thinking this was normal behavior. It hasn’t served me well in life, but it’s very hard to change when this is the only way you have known. Maybe you were raised this way, too? At least you are aware that this is a problem, and that’s the first step in fixing it. Good luck and God bless.

 

[FrankLawrence]

I think it may be about motivation. Do you do good deeds out of genuine love for God and others, or do you do them to feel better about who you are, or feel superior to others? I don’t have the answer, nor am I making any allegations. It is a rhetorical question, so it doesn’t require a response on this message board. It is something to think about, though.

 

[blessedstar]

I am really struggling. I am a good person. I know I am. I care very deeply about people, about their situations and I do a lot for others - ofttimes anonymously because I do not need accolades or applause for my actions. I do these things because I truly believe that we all are our brothers’ keepers.

Now, that being said, I am the most critical person I know. Usually my criticisms are by way of thought but sometimes, more often on this Forum than I would like to admit, I do critique what others do in a way that I would consider uncharitable.

How do I break myself of this? I pray alot through the day. I talk to God constantly - but in between times…

Thoughts? Comments?

I don’t know anyone who doesn’t have something to say about other people whether its passing criticism, complaining of a wrong or out and out gossip.

I try my very hardest not to fall into this temptation and boy it is very tempting! I struggled hard for months on end and confessed and confessed the same sin over and over again. Then a friend of mine was back in town a very holy Priest who had been away on the missions abroad so I went to him and spilled to him all about this struggle. He put it all into perspective for me. He told me it is never wrong to stand up and speak the truth infact it would be an injustice to justice to fail to speak the truth, but on the other hand it would be a grave injustice to justice to have all your friends around and spend the evening talking and gossiping about a given injustice.

It also helps to remember that everyone is God’s child whether they are an axe murderer or a saintly nun, God made them all.

I have also found it helps not to act or say anything in the immediate moment you have been hurt, felt let down, been made justly angry etc. I find it helps to step back and go away from the situation where possible and wait before you make any decision about what you will do or say if indeed you chose to do or say anything. I have often found handling things this way those people who seek injustice will strive so hard to bring it about and the longer your silence hangs in the air the more they say and the deeper the pit they dig for themselves until finally it fizzles out and peace is again established.

I have come to the conclusion in life that people focus on something for a very short while and then it is history, but they can make a very frenzied situation and do a great deal of harm during the short period of focus i.e. thinking bad of others, speaking bad of others and gossip etc, so I have always thought it better to be talked badly about often by others as if they are talking badly of me then they are not talking badly of anyone else!

I have also striven to say a good word about others and if I cannot do this I will say nothing at all.

Don’t focus on this too much as if it’s ever present on your mind you’ll find you slip easily into the sin. Hand it over to God and set your will to do His will and then stop thinking too intensely upon it.

In the Living Prayer of my life

 

[maryj]

Oh yes I know this problem myself. I found a prayer that I say every morning and by the Grace of God I feel as though I have received much help with this problem. Here is the prayer…I hope it is answered for you…
Lord when my heart is hardened, help me to remember how many people have cared for me over the years. When I am being judgemental, remind me of the mercy I have enjoyed. When I just don’t care what others are suffering because they are different, far away, or unworthy, touch my heart with the compassion that brought Jesus all the way to the cross for me. Amen.

 

[JKirkLVNV]

Frankly, I say “Lord Jesus, please keep me from being an $@@ &*%^!”

 

[water]

Now, that being said, I am the most critical person I know. Usually my criticisms are by way of thought but sometimes, more often on this Forum than I would like to admit, I do critique what others do in a way that I would consider uncharitable.

Pride is the root of many things. We criticize others because, many times, we think we are right and others wrong. Other times it causes by our impatience - we are quick to judge others and do not take time to think it over before saying our thoughts.

Pray to the Holy Spirit and ask Him to make us humble, patience, and humility. He would help us recognize our pride in many things that we do. We would realize that when we do/say/think about things, we many times fail to think God first - on the other hand, we think of us first.

Being able to recognize our own pride will eventually help us to change the way we think, say and do and ultimately help us to think of God first.

It is a life long process but don’t give up when we fail.

God bless.

 

[Philothea53]

Pride is the root of many things. We criticize others because, many times, we think we are right and others wrong. Other times it causes by our impatience - we are quick to judge others and do not take time to think it over before saying our thoughts.

Pray to the Holy Spirit and ask Him to make us humble, patience, and humility. He would help us recognize our pride in many things that we do. We would realize that when we do/say/think about things, we many times fail to think God first - on the other hand, we think of us first.

Being able to recognize our own pride will eventually help us to change the way we think, say and do and ultimately help us to think of God first.

It is a life long process but don’t give up when we fail.

God bless.

I really think that in my case it might be more that I know I am not much - and maybe I am trying to bring others down to my level to make me feel like I am worth more.

 

[puzzleannie]

I
Now, that being said, I am the most critical person I know. Usually my criticisms are by way of thought but sometimes, more often on this Forum than I would like to admit, I do critique what others do in a way that I would consider uncharitable.
?

curious do you also criticize yourself a lot. that is a habit that can be very damaging. start being honest with yourself, the daily examen is a good way to do this, and be truly humble, which includes acknowledging and thanking God for all that is good about you, and thanking him for the opportunity to do good. this will be the pathway to being honest about others, and more accepting of their individual failings, differences and foibles.

 

[brigid12]

Philothea, when I read your post it was just as if I’d written it myself! I’ve been trying to target my pride just recently. I’ve started using Confession more and everytime I start to judge someone critically saying to myself, “There, but for the grace of God go I”. Another thing I’ve discovered about myself lately that may have bearing on your situation-I speak critically of myself, have been physical abuse victim, etc and because of that I’ve found I’ve allowed myself even more pride. So even when I’m doing what the pop-psychology books say is “bad for my self-esteem”, I’m actually being even more prideful!!!
Boy, I’ll really be watching this thread for any tips for my huge head!!!

 

[Melo]

Oh yes I know this problem myself. I found a prayer that I say every morning and by the Grace of God I feel as though I have received much help with this problem. Here is the prayer…I hope it is answered for you…
Lord when my heart is hardened, help me to remember how many people have cared for me over the years. When I am being judgemental, remind me of the mercy I have enjoyed. When I just don’t care what others are suffering because they are different, far away, or unworthy, touch my heart with the compassion that brought Jesus all the way to the cross for me. Amen.

That is lovely. I will have to remember that one. Thank you.