Charity

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mjdavies

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I need some advice - my sister has left her Catholic faith to join some non-denominational religion that preaches that God rewards people with financial prosperity if they do the Lord’s work. I was upset enough as it is that she now compares her new-found religion to the Catholic one and her religion always seems to emerge as the more authentic, better one. She has also chosen not to baptize her younger child, and both her children will be the only ones in our family who will not experience first communion, confirmation, etc., but there is an even bigger problem. This kind of prosperity preaching appeals to the poor because people constantly live in the hope that God will shower riches on them, but my sister and her husband, who are in dire financial straits, are doing little to nothing to change their financial situation. And then there is also the charity issue. While we all need to turn to it once in a while, whether because of some tragic event in our lives, or whether because we made poor choices in life, the way I see it, we need to trust in God’s guidance as we do whatever we can to pull ourselves out of the financial situation we are in. My sister and her husband have learned to completely rely on charity. She is not working - they can’t afford a sitter. I asked her ‘why don’t you babysit at home’, she said no. Her husband is a mechanic who makes very little money and he is not actively seeking another part-time job to supplement his income - the way other struggling people I know have done and continue to do. Simply put, he’s not a go-getter and finds excuses for everything. So while my sister sits at home watching television, I’ve sent them gift cards - plenty of times - mostly for the children. People at their church, friends and relatives have given them money. I’ve made my sentiments known to my sister in a very nice way, nothing helps. I am holding in my anger. This has been going on for five years now. Now it’s gotten to the point where my sister will tell me “If you should ever decide to bless us with another gift card, can you make it a Walmart instead of a Target?” I think she is starting to sense my true feelings because she will say things that are sounding a little critical - as if I’m not Christian enough. One time she said, “Never let your left hand know what your right hand is doing”. It’s as if she were telling me not to feel so high and mighty just because I gave her money (which I don’t do at all, she’s just sensing that I am because I am constantly trying to give her advice to pull themselves out of their situation). Her husband’s family doesn’t help the situation - my sister’s mother in law recently even paid for their vacation flights so they could visit her. Now my sister’s sister in law sister feels so badly for them - that they are living in an apartment and their children don’t have a backyard to play in - she wants to buy a house in her name and have them live in it and pay the mortgage. While that’s nice, it does nothing to help my sister and her husband learn to handle their own situation. Am I being un-Christian? What does the bible really teach about charity? Also, what would be the best way for me to handle this situation as time goes on? I feel like blowing-up and screaming at my sister but I know that full-blown anger will only make matters worst. It would also give my sister reason to believe that the Catholic faith is not effective in teaching us how to behave in a Christian way. Please help.
 
Your sister is wallowing in several of the Seven Deadly Sins-- sloth, greed, envy, and pride come immediately to mind and if you stop giving her money expect wrath to rear its ugly head.

These things are the opposite of virtue.

What you are giving her is not charity-- it is assistance in sinning. Stop giving her money. Of course she thinks the prosperity gospel works, she’s got all of you suckers giving her money while her lazy butt sits at home watching Joel Olsteen.

How do you handle it? You ignore her and you limit your contact with her.

When you really need something to throw down, 2 Thessalonians 3:6-15 is quite pointed on this very topic:

6** In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, we command you, brothers, to keep away from every brother who is idle and does not live according to the teaching you received from us.**

7 For you yourselves know how you ought to follow our example. We were not idle when we were with you,

8 nor did we eat anyone’s food without paying for it. On the contrary, we worked night and day, laboring and toiling so that we would not be a burden to any of you.

9 We did this, not because we do not have the right to such help, but in order to make ourselves a model for you to follow.

10 For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: **“If a man will not work, he shall not eat.” **

11 We hear that some among you are idle. They are not busy; they are busybodies.

12 **Such people we command and urge in the Lord Jesus Christ to settle down and earn the bread they eat. **

13 And as for you, brothers, never tire of doing what is right.

14 **If anyone does not obey our instruction in this letter, take special note of him. Do not associate with him, in order that he may feel ashamed. **

15 Yet do not regard him as an enemy, but warn him as a brother.
 
Thank you so much for your reply. I knew there were relevant scriptural verses and I knew they were in Paul’s letters, I just couldn’t remember which one. I guess I just need reassurance that I’m not the bad person here. I’ve got my sister and her husband who are acting this way, my brother in law’s side of the family who believes that I (and my family ) are not helping enough (they were hoping that I would pay for part of the flight tickets - which I didn’t), and my own parents and other sisters who, while they agree with the way I see it, they believe that I should keep family matters to myself and not even let my husband know certain things and are basically putting a mirror up to my face to look at my own life instead of criticizing my sister so much - she’ll have to deal with if herself, they say. Meanwhile, I’m not being critical of my sister at all, I’m just worrying. Maybe, like you said I should just ignore. It’s so hard though. I foresee my sister and her whole family out on the street one day because sooner or later, the inevitable will happen - people will stop giving. I guess that is what they need to happen for them to wake up. Again, thank you so much for your reply.
 
Do not forget that Jesus told us to first deny ourselves, take up our cross and follow Him. (Mark 8:34) What part of that fits the health and welness message? There are many issues with your sister and her family, and it will take time, work, and GOd for them to be overcome.
 
I don’t think that your sister’s/brother in law’s lack of effort to provide for themselves has anything to do with their new church. I have known people like that and they are constantly looking for new people to help take care of them. New church = new supporters. With that said, I would not be helping them by buying things, gift cards etc. Until they NEED to support themselves, they won’t. It is sad that the children may suffer for their parent’s laziness. However, you can keep your eyes open to the condition they are in, but I have the feeling they will be provided for. Maybe you can have the kids over now and then just to be sure. For yourself, do not take the mistakes/sins of your sister and her family upon yourself - that is between them and God. Take care of yourself and be there for them when they realize that they have made mistakes and want to make things right again. You will be in my prayers.

Annie
 
Pray for your sister and her family always—that God will bless them, and let God decide how that will be. Don’t give your sister money/gift cards, but occasionally find ways to spend time with her that will be fun without spending money—go on a picnic or to a public beach with her and the children during the summer, those kind of things. The most important thing is to let your sister know you love her and are praying everyday for her.
 
mjdavies,

Be charitable to your sister and her family – just stop helping them out financially. It is very obvious that your sister will not listen to your advice. She knows what you think she should do, and she’s not doing it.

So, know that you have done all you can do for her. Know that you can’t stop others from enabling her by giving her gifts. Pray for her daily. And when you speak with her, have compassion for her and try to love her as our Lord loves her.

As far as her church goes, you cannot do anything about that situation either. Obviously it is still upsetting (believe me, I know from personal experience). She has with her free will chosen that church, but it is no excuse for her to imply that you are not Christian enough! If she makes offensive comments, tell her that they are offensive or insert word here. Address the comments in a charitable, calm way. If she has an adverse reaction, that’s her problem. Addressing these “comments” when they happen will allow you to be freed from anger and resentment about them later.

Finally, even though blowing up at your sister would allow you to release some of your anger, you acknowledge (rightly) that it will not actually help the situation. Don’t do it! It sets a bad example and bad standard for your relationship. Speak to her calmly. Maybe you’ll need to pray before/during conversations with her. Stand up for yourself when she makes her “comments.” Know that you have done what you can to help her and that she has refused to be truly helped. And if need be, you can tell her you don’t want to talk about money any longer because you find the topic upsetting.

God bless you, I know this must be a very challenging situation.
 
Pray and fast for your sister and her family. You should continue to enlighten her although it can be draining on your part , but let Holy Spirit to guide you through.

I guess your sister got alittle confuse about prosperity preaching. God always wanted to reward us financially to help the poor and needy becoz the blessing to us is a blessing to other. However it does not mean you just sit there and do nothing, although giving to charity is a good thing , but most importantly one need to give out from their heart more then hoping rewards from God becoz of what you give. God will rewards those who work hard with their own hand. When things begin to fall apart in your life, we need to examine ourselves, are there ways we kinda of miss the path!!!

You need to be more patient with your sister, do not get blow away with her current doing, you are to encourage the stumble one to walk on correct path by showing your fruits of which you develop as a catholic.
 
I would like to thank all of you for responding to my thread. It’s been very helpful to me emotionally. I would also like to ask if anyone else can point me to other scripture verses like the one 1ke gave to me - 2 Thessalonians 3:6-15 - that are relevant to this situation. 2 Thesslaonians 3:6-15 is perfect, but if there are others that anyone knows about it would be great. Thanks again to all.
 
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