"Chastity" advice ruining marriages and relationships

[twoangels]

mgoforth - to your last point, I’d suggest that some temptations are largely unavoidable. We are therefore left with needing the will and strength to decline them.

I would agree. The thing I learned in marriage was that resisting increases sexual tension. Chastity involves a self awareness. Its not just a list of behaviors to avoid. Its paying attention to tension and sort of dancing in a way where the tension is kept in balance.

I think people who are struggling with sexual addiction can become very scruplous with avoiding near occassions of sin because the problem is much deeper than just lust.

 

[Debora123]

I would agree. The thing I learned in marriage was that resisting increases sexual tension. Chastity involves a self awareness. Its not just a list of behaviors to avoid. Its paying attention to tension and sort of dancing in a way where the tension is kept in balance.

I think people who are struggling with sexual addiction can become very scruplous with avoiding near occassions of sin because the problem is much deeper than just lust.

Precisely!!

 

[speakttruth]

Now that my tittle got your attention we can begin!

Anyone who tries practicing chastity knows that it is undoubtedly one of the most difficult things to do. At least for me it was and still is. I’ll be 24 this year and at the age of 16 made a promise to save my virginity for my future wife. I’ve had my highs and lows; my close calls and my moments where I felt like I mastered abstinence and chastity. One thing is certain, I never regret my choice to wait for my future bride. With that said, I wish I hadn’t taken some of the “chastity advise” I got from certain sources; advice that actually made it harder for me to remain chase in the long run.

Overzealousness can make the most holiest of intentions evil and can result in more harm than good. History is filled with too many examples of people taking a good idea and going too far with it. Chastity is no different.

Let me be the first to admit that I have been guilt of such overzealous behavior and giving bad advice; thanks in part to some horrible advice I got. I’m talking about Oprah-level bad sexual advice. One website told me to always avoid touching my “sexual area” while showering etc. I suppose the smell emitted after a couple days of not washing down there would turn any potential mate away, thus ensuring I never get any action, ever. Another I’ve heard is to avoid any and all physical contact with your significant other.

Some folks seem to have this idea that one can never be too safe and that’s a bad start. Being too safe shouldn’t be your goal but being balanced should. Sometimes we are so busy trying to be safe rather than sorry that we stifle our relationships and even distort the true value of natural human sexuality which is in essence, no different to what the pornography industry is doing to marriages and relationships right now.

Chastity is a beautiful and wonderful practice that takes a lifetime to master and fully appreciate. It is a tool used to enhance and strengthen your relationship with God and the people around you but if used incorrectly can be a wedge that severs those precious bonds.

sorry for the typos ya’ll

I am reading a book by Christopher West and he wrote the book of theology of the body according to Pope Paul’s teachings. This one is a question and answer book one by him and talks all about the church teachings on chastity for single and married people. A more simple understanding. (for people like me) It’s called the good news about sex and marriage. It really is a wonderful faith filled book and he goes by the Catholic teachings.
GB