Chastity...and then what?

[LCMS_No_More]

For some reason, I’ve been cursed with same-sex attractions. Without going into a long post about what I believe to be the underlying causes that combined to cause me to turn out same-sex attracted, there is an issue relative to how one lives in the Church as a Catholic who is cursed with same-sex attractions.

The Church teaches that “homosexual persons are called to chastity.” All good and well. Everyone is called to chastity and usually something else. For most, it’s marriage and family life. For a select few, it’s public ministry in the priesthood or religious life. And for the homosexual person?

As a fan of science fiction, a scene from Babylon 5 comes to mind. A representative to yet an unknown group comes to the station with one question for several of the ambassadors: “What do you want?” One of the ambassadors recognizes him and sends him away forcefully. Another gives him half of the answer (revenge for what one civilization did to his own)…to which the man asks, “And then what?”

So, I ask the question: What do you want? The Church responds “chastity.” I’m now asking, “and then what?”

And for those of you who know about the questions asked on Babylon 5, I’ve already got good answers to “Who are you?” “Why are you here?” and “Where are you going?”

 

[sawman]

LCMS_No_More,
I do not mean any disrespect, but It would seem to be obvious. Since we are all called to be chaste then there are only two choises open to a person; married or not, with respect to sexual relations. I do not understand what it is your asking. Oh, and your reference to Babylon 5 was lost on me.
Peace,
Tom

 

[JohnDamian]

This is really a question you should ask your Priest; especially since then you can go into details about options, examples etc. and potential ways forward if you are looking for something to do “in the church” whilst remaining chaste.

Remember, all is not lost; people who have had homosexual tendancies - particularily those for who it may be transitionary and teenagers/young men are not automatically barred from ordination - although there is usually a period (three years) of chastity and prayer.

vatican.va/roman_curia/congregations/ccatheduc/documents/rc_con_ccatheduc_doc_20051104_istruzione_en.html

So essentially, you need to talk to your priest about the individual circumstances etc., and see what ways of going forward are available…

Remember the Catechism 2358: Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided..

 

[puzzleannie]

For some reason, I’ve been cursed with same-sex attractions. Without going into a long post about what I believe to be the underlying causes that combined to cause me to turn out same-sex attracted, there is an issue relative to how one lives in the Church as a Catholic who is cursed with same-sex attractions.

The Church teaches that “homosexual persons are called to chastity.” All good and well. Everyone is called to chastity and usually something else. For most, it’s marriage and family life. For a select few, it’s public ministry in the priesthood or religious life. And for the homosexual person?

well I don’t as a rule watch mediocre science fiction, but even so, your question is a bit confusing. What next? YOu live your life in accordance with God’s will for you, obeying all that He has commanded, in service as you are called in your state in life. Should you be among the millions who do not or cannot marry for various reasons, yet are not called to consecrated religious life, then you find your place in the world and live out your life in chastity, expressing love through service. Do you think this dilemma is faced only by homosexual persons? Have you no inkling that millions of heterosexuals also not been called to the married state? I am at a loss as to what answer you are looking for.

 

[momor]

…Do you think this dilemma is faced only by homosexual persons? Have you no inkling that millions of heterosexuals also not been called to the married state? I am at a loss as to what answer you are looking for.

I don’t mean to speak for the OP but I see one big difference between unmarried heterosexuals and homosexuals. The unconsecrated, non-ordained heterosexual is technically open to the possibility of marriage in the Church throughout their life where the homosexual is not. Accepting that something which nature pushes you toward is never going to be an option for you AND the choice to accept that state is not one you made makes it a more difficult sacrifice IMO.

I guess one consolation I can offer the OP is that you have been given a greater sacrifice to bear in love and in union with Christ and your heavenly reward will be all the greater for it. It might help to look beyond the chastity issue and consider all of those people who carry other sacrificial burdens they didn’t ask for either such as physical and emotional disabilities. Would you rather trade places?

 

[Garyjohn2]

People with homosexual tendencies can be happily married. It happens all the time! Just because people feel an attraction towards the same sex does not mean they have no attraction, or can have no attraction, towards the opposite sex. It would just be something that might be struggled with, like any propensity to sin. So that’s a possibility.

Other than that, I would just say to live your life! Go to work, care for your family and loved ones, and be grateful for all that you have in this world. “Go in peace to love and serve the Lord.”

There is no, “and then what?” There is only now! If you know what I mean…Your life is not waiting to happen…this is your life!

 

[LCMS_No_More]

I don’t mean to speak for the OP but I see one big difference between unmarried heterosexuals and homosexuals. The unconsecrated, non-ordained heterosexual is technically open to the possibility of marriage in the Church throughout their life where the homosexual is not. Accepting that something which nature pushes you toward is never going to be an option for you AND the choice to accept that state is not one you made makes it a more difficult sacrifice IMO.

Very true. This is the hardest thing. I hate having same-sex attractions because I see it, not as a cross, but as an anchor or a millstone tied around my neck. How can one accept what one hates?

I guess one consolation I can offer the OP is that you have been given a greater sacrifice to bear in love and in union with Christ and your heavenly reward will be all the greater for it. It might help to look beyond the chastity issue and consider all of those people who carry other sacrificial burdens they didn’t ask for either such as physical and emotional disabilities. Would you rather trade places?

Actually, it’s not the chastity issue that bothers me. We’re all called to chastity according to our state in life. That’s fine. Great, even. It’s having to live with everything involved with same-sex attractions, very little to none of which is sexual in nature.

 

[momor]

Very true. This is the hardest thing. I hate having same-sex attractions because I see it, not as a cross, but as an anchor or a millstone tied around my neck. How can one accept what one hates?

I can only offer that in my own life I came to be at peace with my millstone after I saw it as an offering I could make to God, to be in union with Christ on the cross, and in some tiny way atone for some of my many sins. It was the only way I could make any sense of it. I haven’t learned to embrace it yet but I hope one day I can. Right now, it is a miracle just to be at peace with it.

Actually, it’s not the chastity issue that bothers me. We’re all called to chastity according to our state in life. That’s fine. Great, even. It’s having to live with everything involved with same-sex attractions, very little to none of which is sexual in nature.

Would you be willing to share what those problems are to help my understanding of what you face? I assumed, obviously, that it was about the sex being forbidden.

 

[LCMS_No_More]

I can only offer that in my own life I came to be at peace with my millstone after I saw it as an offering I could make to God, to be in union with Christ on the cross, and in some tiny way atone for some of my many sins. It was the only way I could make any sense of it. I haven’t learned to embrace it yet but I hope one day I can. Right now, it is a miracle just to be at peace with it.

Would you be willing to share what those problems are to help my understanding of what you face? I assumed, obviously, that it was about the sex being forbidden.

In my case, same-sex attraction is the result of several things. First, I have a sensitive temperament. I take things personally, especially bad things. Second, I have no recollection of my dad every playing with me, giving me attention or unconditional love. While I have a few good memories, they are overwhelmed by constant criticism. Third, my mom and other female ‘matriarchs’ in the family tended to overprotect me and caused me to feel identified with them. They even took me in to get a perm once! Finally, I was generally less than popular in school and was rejected by many, some right to my face. Add to that being overweight since the fourth or fifth grade to now (about 27-28 years - a majority of my life).

As a result, I have to live with a terrible self-image, a lack of trust in others, a hatred for my body and a lack of confidence in my own abilities. I can see other people with some of my issues succeeding but not me because I see God and the world being against me. Even in the state of grace, it’s hard for me to pray to God with trust that he will even want to listen to me, let alone answer me.

There’s more there, but those are the biggies.

 

[momor]

In my case, same-sex attraction is the result of several things. First, I have a sensitive temperament. I take things personally, especially bad things. Second, I have no recollection of my dad every playing with me, giving me attention or unconditional love. While I have a few good memories, they are overwhelmed by constant criticism. Third, my mom and other female ‘matriarchs’ in the family tended to overprotect me and caused me to feel identified with them. They even took me in to get a perm once! Finally, I was generally less than popular in school and was rejected by many, some right to my face. Add to that being overweight since the fourth or fifth grade to now (about 27-28 years - a majority of my life).

As a result, I have to live with a terrible self-image, a lack of trust in others, a hatred for my body and a lack of confidence in my own abilities. I can see other people with some of my issues succeeding but not me because I see God and the world being against me. Even in the state of grace, it’s hard for me to pray to God with trust that he will even want to listen to me, let alone answer me.

There’s more there, but those are the biggies.

That’s a heavy burden alright but not insurmountable. It sounds like perhaps you have rationalized a same-sex attraction rather than growing up feeling it was always an inate part of you.

Do you realize that when you think you are not worthy of God’s love and mercy you are actually engaging in the sin of pride? You are saying that you are a special case - you are so worthless you are beyond the ability of God to love you. You are not that powerful, my friend.

Peace

 

[LCMS_No_More]

That’s a heavy burden alright but not insurmountable. It sounds like perhaps you have rationalized a same-sex attraction rather than growing up feeling it was always an inate part of you.

I’ve always been sensitive and remember having erotic feelings when I had a girlfriend in high school, so my SSA is NOT inborn, only my sensitive temperament. After high school, I pretty much gave up on a lot of things, including myself.

Do you realize that when you think you are not worthy of God’s love and mercy you are actually engaging in the sin of pride? You are saying that you are a special case - you are so worthless you are beyond the ability of God to love you. You are not that powerful, my friend.

Peace

Actually, I was thinking more in terms of St. Paul’s letter to the Romans where he says “What if God, desiring to show His wrath and to make known His power, has endured with much patience the vessels of wrath made for destruction” (Rom. 9:22). I’ve often wondered whether I’m one of those vessels of wrath made for destruction. I’m certainly defective and you know what happens to defective products.

 

[momor]

I’ve always been sensitive and remember having erotic feelings when I had a girlfriend in high school, so my SSA is NOT inborn, only my sensitive temperament. After high school, I pretty much gave up on a lot of things, including myself.

Actually, I was thinking more in terms of St. Paul’s letter to the Romans where he says “What if God, desiring to show His wrath and to make known His power, has endured with much patience the vessels of wrath made for destruction” (Rom. 9:22). I’ve often wondered whether I’m one of those vessels of wrath made for destruction. I’m certainly defective and you know what happens to defective products.

I would recommend reading St. Faustina’s diary instead. It will help you see that Jesus desires to pour out His mercy on you. The whole diary is available to read online at this website.

saint-faustina.com/Diary/DMIMS1.shtml

 

[LCMS_No_More]

I can only offer that in my own life I came to be at peace with my millstone after I saw it as an offering I could make to God, to be in union with Christ on the cross, and in some tiny way atone for some of my many sins. It was the only way I could make any sense of it. I haven’t learned to embrace it yet but I hope one day I can. Right now, it is a miracle just to be at peace with it.

I’d gladly give Him my SSA. Please, take it! “You can have it!” I tell Him. Instead, I’m left with it. Is the suffering what God wants for me? It makes me wonder what I did to deserve such a curse.

 

[momor]

I’d gladly give Him my SSA. Please, take it! “You can have it!” I tell Him. Instead, I’m left with it. Is the suffering what God wants for me? It makes me wonder what I did to deserve such a curse.

First of all you have the ability to change your thinking and you can actually come to see your curse as an opportunity to rely on and get closer to God.

The offering is a willingness to suffer like Christ suffered. The acceptance of our cross (everyone has one to bear) is pleasing to God because it makes us more like Jesus and it helps us to understand just how incredible it was that God chose to become man and suffer for us. It helps to teach humility and reverence for God. Some days it causes me to think of God almost continuously and I think that is part of the purpose. God exists outside of time and I believe that my acceptance of my cross in some way takes away from the suffering that Jesus felt. When I sin, I believe, I add to it.

If you have not read about the lives of the Saints I recommend that too. It can really give you a good understanding of the purpose of suffering, how to make it an offering to God, and even do it joyfully.

 

[Claire_from_DE]

Although God permits suffering in our lives, He doesn’t cause it or curse us with it. When we offer our suffering to God, He can use it for our good and the good of others.

That said, IMHO there is a cause of this kind of mental suffering and it isn’t God! It seems to me to be permissible and even desirable to ask God for healing in this whole situation. God is good and is powerful to transform lives. I don’t think we should be too quick to assume that all suffering is to be patiently borne. Sometimes God wants us to reach out for help and healing and wholeness.

 

[Shin]

Every virtue in your soul is a precious ornament which makes you dear to God and to man. But holy purity, the queen of virtues, the angelic virtue, is a jewel so precious that those who possess it become like the angels of God in Heaven, even though clothed in mortal flesh.

~ St. John Bosco