Chastity, confessions, and items related to chastity

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searching4myslf

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Dear CAF users,
I am new here. and i have a question (or two) I want to ask. This is sort of embarrasing and hard to say but… i touch myself, and whenever I try to stop i can go a few days but then give into the temptation. I know i don’t want to have sex until i am married so why do i still touch myself? Also i go to a catholic high school where we have a penance service a few times each year, and i want to confess but i am afraid of what one of the priest will think when i tell him. Will he think that i am a bad person? Will he be very mad at me? You see, while i come from a Catholic family we don’t go to church, so I have never been in a confessional and I don’t know what is right and wrong to say. I am afraid that the priest will be mad that i have never confessed before and that i have said above. Should I be scared, and what can I do about touching myself? Please help.

~searching4myself
 
Don’t be afraid, you confess your sins to God through the priest. The priest is only the screen for Jesus. So don’t be afraid of God.

Catholics are required to go to Mass every Sunday and on Holy Days of Obligation, so I highly encourage you start going to Mass.

As for chastity: prayer, fasting, and devotion to Mary is a good way to keep chaste.
 
thank you very much for your advice. i do want to go to church but my parents don’t go and i can’t get to my church because i don’t know where it is, and i can’t get there alone since i am in a wheelchair. i know this might sound a little silly but is there, like, some sort of church online that i might be able to attend. is there anyone else with advice?
 
I wouldn’t worry about confessing these sins. Its nothing we don’t all struggle with in one way or another and the priest will not judge you for it, he is there as an instrument of God’s Mercy. Pray, try to do your best, but don’t be discouraged when you fall, just pick yourself up and take courage. Once you get started, try to attend the sacraments as much as your able, it will help to strengthen you little by little against sin.

If you’ve asked your parents about taking you to church on sundays and holy days and they’ve refused, you might find the number to your local parish (you can google the nearest catholic church near you) and contact them, they might be able to arrange transportation for you given your situation. I’m sure someone would be happy to help.
 
searching4myslf said:
thank you very much for your advice. i do want to go to church but my parents don’t go and i can’t get to my church because i don’t know where it is, and i can’t get there alone since i am in a wheelchair. i know this might sound a little silly but is there, like, some sort of church online that i might be able to attend. is there anyone else with advice?
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You can arrange someone to pick you up for Mass. Do a google search for your nearest Catholic parish, call them, tell them your situation and that you need help getting to Mass. At the very least you should be able to have an Eucharistic Minister come to your home and give you the Blessed Sacrament. The parish cannot deny you your right to the sacraments!

In the meantime, pray to the Lord and trust in Him, for He is dealing with you as He pleases and this should make you glad, for He is giving you a special share in His Cross - and every little cross is a gift to you from the bottom of His Heart, a gift more precious than gold or silver and which will earn you great glory in Heaven; and I tell you this not because you should bear crosses patiently for reward - no, it should be out of love Jesus and for the sake of His sorrowful Passion - but to encourage you to share in the Passion of Jesus, for if you share in His death you will also share in His glorious Resurrection.

To prepare for the Eucharist, you must make a good confession; examine your conscience, make a list of your mortal sins if you need to, confess to God through a priest, than make an act of contrition, and do the penance which the priest tells you to do. He may give you advice, but it is not necessy to the sacrament (so if he dosen’t give you advice, don’t fret, you’ll still have received the sacrament of confession). After you confess your sins the priest will absolve you and give you some penance to do. And if you receive advice, follow the advice, for it is not the priest speaking but God through the mouth of the priest.

Jesus, Mercy!
 
Yes, definitely call the church about a driver service. This is often especially available for the disabled. Hopefully, if that parish doesn’t know of such volunteers on a handy list, they can refer you to another parish which does. Persist in this.

Priests are not gods; they are human beings who similarly struggle with the same sexual temptations the rest of the human race struggles with.

You’re on my prayer list.
 
Hello all
thanks for the advice people have given me so far. i have another question: do you have to have had your first communion to go to confession?
Another other advice on what i have posted above?
and if you are not to,er, embarrassed to say so, have you gone through this temptation and sin too?
 
Typically your first confession is before your first communion. You aren’t supposed to receive the Eucharist in a state of sin and that is why confession comes first. From the sounds of it, you might want to talk to a parish priest about a good way for you to get back in touch with your faith. You need to prepare for sacraments like baptism, confession, and communion before receiving them for the fist time.

As for being uneasy about confession think about like this. You just confessed to thousands of people on this board your sins and we don’t have the power to put you back into a state of grace. Confessing to a priest is just as anonymous and you will receive the gift of grace.
 
Dear Searching,
Welcome to Catholic Answers. We’re glad you’re here.

About the penance service - since you have not attended Church regularly throughout your life and have not been prepared for or recieved your First Confession and First Communion, it is probably better that you not jump into Confession for the first time at the penance service.

Perhaps you could speak to a religion teacher at your school or one of the priests about receiving instructions for these sacraments so you can begin to participate in them with proper preparation. At the same time, you can ask about transportation to Mass. I’m sure someone will be very glad to help you.

As for the sin that worries you, priests hear this one ALL THE TIME. In fact, it would be a little bit surprising if a person your age did not struggle with it. The priest will not think less of you or be angry about it. But you will receive a load of grace to help you overcome it when you do confess it.

God bless you.
Betsy
 
I saw this thread and also want some much needed advice. I also touch myself. And I’m a girl. I’ve noticed lots of guys on here talking about this, but very few girls. I’m ashamed of what I’ve done and I want to confess my sins. But I don’t know what to say to the priest or how to say it. First of all, I’m EXTREMELY mortified and embarrassed and I don’t feel very comfortable telling a man about what I’ve done. I know they hear it all the time and they are representatives of Christ, but it doesn’t make it any easier for me. What is the best way for a female to say this? Also, I haven’t been to confession since grade school and I am in my first year of college now. Is that specific enough for the priest? Honestly, that’s as specific as I can get. Since I haven’t been to confession in many years, how specific do I have to be? I’ve lost count of the exact number of times I’ve committed sins. I can’t even begin to guess. Seriously, help me out here, guys. I’m so terrified and ashamed. I don’t have the guts to do this. 😦
 
Dear catholicgirl_k
catholicgirl_k said:
I saw this thread and also want some much needed advice. I also touch myself. And I’m a girl. I’ve noticed lots of guys on here talking about this, but very few girls. I’m ashamed of what I’ve done and I want to confess my sins. But I don’t know what to say to the priest or how to say it. First of all, I’m EXTREMELY mortified and embarrassed and I don’t feel very comfortable telling a man about what I’ve done. I know they hear it all the time and they are representatives of Christ, but it doesn’t make it any easier for me. What is the best way for a female to say this? Also, I haven’t been to confession since grade school and I am in my first year of college now. Is that specific enough for the priest? Honestly, that’s as specific as I can get. Since I haven’t been to confession in many years, how specific do I have to be? I’ve lost count of the exact number of times I’ve committed sins. I can’t even begin to guess. Seriously, help me out here, guys. I’m so terrified and ashamed. I don’t have the guts to do this. 😦
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Intentions are everything. So start by telling him the truth, that you have not confessed in years and that you don’t remember how long it has been. In terms of the number of times you have committed a sin, be as accurate as you can. In your case it is perfectly reasonable to simply state something like “I have masturbate for X number of years, sometimes as often as X number of times per month”, but if you get nervous and end up saying something like “I…how can I put it…I am so embarrassed by this…I don’t know how to say it…I try to stay chaste…but sometimes I…satisfy myself…” that is OK as well. The priest know that you are human, and he will try to help you by guiding you trough it. At least that was my experience, having my first confession efter 27 years of sin 😊. Also don’t be to hard on yourself, you are showing a lot of courage by going to confession 👍.

God bless you
TL
 
You can find nearby Parishes here

masstimes.org/dotnet/Default.aspx

They will assist you in finding a ride to Mass.

You could ask the Chaplain at your school to help getting you a ride to Mass as well.

Do not be afraid of Confession. God is waiting for you there.
 
TLDenmark said:
Dear catholicgirl_k

Intentions are everything. So start by telling him the truth, that you have not confessed in years and that you don’t remember how long it has been. In terms of the number of times you have committed a sin, be as accurate as you can. In your case it is perfectly reasonable to simply state something like “I have masturbate for X number of years, sometimes as often as X number of times per month”, but if you get nervous and end up saying something like “I…how can I put it…I am so embarrassed by this…I don’t know how to say it…I try to stay chaste…but sometimes I…satisfy myself…” that is OK as well. The priest know that you are human, and he will try to help you by guiding you trough it. At least that was my experience, having my first confession efter 27 years of sin 😊. Also don’t be to hard on yourself, you are showing a lot of courage by going to confession 👍.

God bless you
TL
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Thank you for the advice! I guess I’m just going to have to build up my courage and just confess. I’m making my Confirmation in May 2009, so my plan is to go to Confession during Lent. Until then, I’m going to abstain from…self-pleasure and all things that go with it. 😊 I feel like I need more time to pray and gain courage from God and the Holy Spirit. Also, I plan on going to a church other than my own, because I can’t stand the idea of facing a priest that I know and see every Sunday. 😊 I really want to be close to God and show that I love him. I’m so tired of the immorality of this world.🤷 I’m not dating yet, but I don’t know how in the world I’m going to find a good Catholic guy. Anybody know any? 🙂
 
catholicgirl_k said:
Thank you for the advice! I guess I’m just going to have to build up my courage and just confess. I’m making my Confirmation in May 2009, so my plan is to go to Confession during Lent. Until then, I’m going to abstain from…self-pleasure and all things that go with it. 😊 I feel like I need more time to pray and gain courage from God and the Holy Spirit. Also, I plan on going to a church other than my own, because I can’t stand the idea of facing a priest that I know and see every Sunday. 😊 I really want to be close to God and show that I love him. I’m so tired of the immorality of this world.🤷 I’m not dating yet, but I don’t know how in the world I’m going to find a good Catholic guy. Anybody know any? 🙂
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Kudos for your wanting to receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation and repair your relationship with God. He already knows that you are sorry for your sins and that you love him! Keep praying to Him for courage to make a good confession, and trust that the Holy Spirit will guide you.

Speaking as someone who basically had fallen away from the Church since I was in High School, I recently rediscovered my faith and went to confession for the first time in 20 years. I can tell you that I had quite a few sins to confess, and I was terrified. I realized that the Lord already knows all of my sins, but wanted me to humbly and sincerely confess them aloud and ask for forgiveness. I cannot tell you what joy I felt in my heart after the priest absolved me of my sins!

I don’t think there is much that a priest enjoys more than absolving the faithful of their sins (especially someone like me who hadn’t done so in 20yrs!). Just remember that the priest is there to help you, he will not be judgemental, and he understands that confession is not something that is easy or comfortable for people. And there is probably nothing (especially with regards to sins of the flesh) that he hasn’t heard before.

Remember that confession is a Sacrament through which God gives us the gift of his Saving Grace- and the more frequently we partake in the Sacraments the easier it becomes for us to resist mortal sin. Now that I have gotten over my initial fear of going to confession, I plan to go regularly!

I will pray for you to overcome your fears and make a great confession, good luck and God Bless!
 
catholicgirl_k said:
I’m making my Confirmation in May 2009, so my plan is to go to Confession during Lent.
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Honey, don’t wait that long! God is giving you the grace right now - wouldn’t you love to be reconciled with Him for Christmas? And I’m sorry if this is difficult, but do you realize that every time you receive Communion, you could be committing another serious sin? How wonderful it will be to put all that right, don’t you think? You can sneak into line at one of those large penance services with individual Confessions that parishes often have during Advent, go to a visiting priest or another parish altogether, and you are right with God and no one is the wiser to your situation. And here’s a delicate way to put your troubling sin: “I committed impure acts by myself.”

Praying for you, that you have a truly Merry Christmas, in every way!
Betsy
 
baltobetsy said:
Honey, don’t wait that long! God is giving you the grace right now - wouldn’t you love to be reconciled with Him for Christmas? And I’m sorry if this is difficult, but do you realize that every time you receive Communion, you could be committing another serious sin? How wonderful it will be to put all that right, don’t you think? You can sneak into line at one of those large penance services with individual Confessions that parishes often have during Advent, go to a visiting priest or another parish altogether, and you are right with God and no one is the wiser to your situation. And here’s a delicate way to put your troubling sin: “I committed impure acts by myself.”

Praying for you, that you have a truly Merry Christmas, in every way!
Betsy
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Hi Betsy! Thank you for the advice! The only thing standing in my way is the fact that I have finals all this week and I’m furiously studying away and finishing up assignments. Then I’m leaving to visit, so I unfortunately won’t be around for the big penance services. Maybe if I can go to a church near where my family lives, that will work. The reason I was going to wait until Lent is because I want to go to one of those big penance services with lots of priests that don’t know me, etc. Since I won’t be able to during Advent, then Lent is my only other option for that kind of service.

And I didn’t know that going to communion before confession was a serious sin! Should I stop receiving communion? I didn’t know! Why didn’t Jesus mention anything about mortal and venial sins? It would have made things a lot easier. As if I don’t have enough stress right now…😦
 
catholicgirl_k said:
And I didn’t know that going to communion before confession was a serious sin! Should I stop receiving communion? I didn’t know! Why didn’t Jesus mention anything about mortal and venial sins? It would have made things a lot easier. As if I don’t have enough stress right now…😦
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If you are in a state of mortal sin, you should not receive the Eucharist until you are able to go to confession. To do so would be in itself a mortal sin.
 
catholicgirl_k said:
Maybe if I can go to a church near where my family lives, that will work. … As if I don’t have enough stress right now…😦
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Yes, do that for sure! And even if it’s not a large penance service, the priests still don’t know you well, if at all, right? And there’s no greater stress reliever than getting right with God, believe me!

Betsy
 
baltobetsy said:
Yes, do that for sure! And even if it’s not a large penance service, the priests still don’t know you well, if at all, right? And there’s no greater stress reliever than getting right with God, believe me!

Betsy
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Okay, I’m starting to learn this a bit better. It’s still kind of confusing though. Things I didn’t know were sins before are suddenly grave sins. Wow. Makes me wonder who invented this whole mortal sin/venial sin though. I don’t agree with some of that, but I guess if I’m going to be a Catholic I have no choice but to do everything the Church tells me to. And it’s not only that I don’t the priests, it’s just embarrassing to confess sins of that nature. I don’t exactly feel comfortable talking about sexual things with priests. It would be a little easier if it was a woman, because she would understand better. But this IS a male dominated religion, so I guess I just have to accept that and go do it. 🙂
 
i know that it is a sin to receive communion if you haven’t confessed your sins (like masturbating:blush: as i mentioned when i first started this thread) is it okay to go up and receive the blessing. You know the one where you cross your arms over your chest, so instead of recieving communion you receive a blessing? 🤷 if it is a sin, then i just sinned at my schools immaculate conception mass…
 
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