Chastity in modern days

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tiagolc

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Hi, I’m a 15 years old boy in a twisted society. I am also about to begin to date a girl from school (it’s a very liberal Catholic school). She was never one of those girls that are known for dating everyone, she mostly eats organic/vegetarian food (she likes tune though) and she is not someone you would see at bars or parties each weekend. I think she is the right one for me (at least for now). What I am dead scared of is the fact that, if something serious comes out from this, she may not be OK with Chastity (I rarely think she really knows what it is) because of the glorification of sex and it’s presence in nowadays relationships between teens. Even if nothing comes out from this, I am scared because Chastity seems like an old-fashioned, imposible-to-find thing nowadays and I’m scared to end up alone for the rest of my life.
Yes, it may sound silly but I just feel like it.
 
The way my daughter has chosen to approach this issue over the last few years is to be open about her belief that sex is only for marriage. She is 20 years old now and has only had one casual boyfriend but she has many guy friends who funnily enough seem fascinated by her openness about these kinds of subjects without wearing it like a badge of honour. She just chose to take that approach so that she didn’t have to face any awkward moments with guys she might want to date.

Perhaps at some point during your first few dates you could steer the conversation towards life values and goals and without making a big deal of it, slip into the conversation that you take a very Catholic approach to chastity.

Good for you for standing for good morals in this very amoralistic world!
 
tiagolc said:
Even if nothing comes out from this, I am scared because Chastity seems like an old-fashioned, imposible-to-find thing nowadays and I’m scared to end up alone for the rest of my life.
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Chastity is not impossible to find, as long as there is one person practicing chastity. I know I am eccentric, but I don’t see how being totally opposite to modern society is a bad thing at all. In fact, I think it’s a good thing to be the opposite of modern societal expectations. :whacky:

If she isn’t chaste, if I was you, I would try to persuade her to be chaste. Helping someone become a better person is a great thing to do, if possible. I suggest that you read How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie if you need help with this.

One suggestion I have for you is to avoid most media, as most media these days, even just cooking shows, are rampant with the seven deadly sins. Seeing these things are bad, since they tend to twist people’s thoughts. I personally try to only watch movies made during the Hays Code, and TV shows which are rated G.

Perhaps one way to tell if she is chaste is to look at what she is wearing. If she is dressed like a prostitute, I would stay away. :dts:
 
tiagol

Here is your question from an old guys (38yrs old) point of view that is going through this. I did it all wrong and gave into the temptations of our culture. It’s ended in a divorce and I get to visit my kids instead of being part of their lives and raising them. Their mother is non religious and trying to raise my girls Orthodox Catholic is a challenge to say the least. I worry about their faith being weak and can’t help but to think if I had been chaste and followed my faith things would have been better. I would have made better choices.

Fast forward to today, I am dating a beautiful woman that although is not Catholic, she is Christian. I had the same worries that you are having right now. And I looked at it a couple ways. First, when my time is over and I am with my eternal Father how can I stand before Him and say “but if I remained chaste she might have left”. Which brought me to my second thought. If she is the right one than she will love and respect me and my decisions.

You are right, in society today it is extremely hard to make the right choices. I am very open ( not preachy) about my faith and those around me know where I stand on issues. That helps in taking away awkward moments.

Cheers and blessings from an old guy 😉
 
ghatch said:
tiagol

Here is your question from an old guys (38yrs old) point of view that is going through this. I did it all wrong and gave into the temptations of our culture. It’s ended in a divorce and I get to visit my kids instead of being part of their lives and raising them. Their mother is non religious and trying to raise my girls Orthodox Catholic is a challenge to say the least. I worry about their faith being weak and can’t help but to think if I had been chaste and followed my faith things would have been better. I would have made better choices.

Fast forward to today, I am dating a beautiful woman that although is not Catholic, she is Christian. I had the same worries that you are having right now. And I looked at it a couple ways. First, when my time is over and I am with my eternal Father how can I stand before Him and say “but if I remained chaste she might have left”. Which brought me to my second thought. If she is the right one than she will love and respect me and my decisions.

You are right, in society today it is extremely hard to make the right choices. I am very open ( not preachy) about my faith and those around me know where I stand on issues. That helps in taking away awkward moments.

Cheers and blessings from an old guy 😉
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I find it extremely unconfortable to be open about this. Let me set the scene: every single male friend I have masturbates or claims to do so, I have a friend that gets drunk frequently (he is 15 like me), my father and my brother called me “crazy”, “fanatic” and told me I should see a psychologist when I said I loved God above all things and when I get home late for dinner because of Mass. I am constantly afraid of expressing my faith. I guess I expect everyone to react like that which may not be what they would say. I’ve heard more than one friend of mine saying this mormon friend of ours was crazy and feeling sorry for him because of Chastity (he is very preachy about it).
Thanks for the tips, pray for me please.
 
tiagolc said:
I find it extremely unconfortable to be open about this. Let me set the scene: every single male friend I have masturbates or claims to do so, I have a friend that gets drunk frequently (he is 15 like me), my father and my brother called me “crazy”, “fanatic” and told me I should see a psychologist when I said I loved God above all things and when I get home late for dinner because of Mass. I am constantly afraid of expressing my faith. I guess I expect everyone to react like that which may not be what they would say. I’ve heard more than one friend of mine saying this mormon friend of ours was crazy and feeling sorry for him because of Chastity (he is very preachy about it).
Thanks for the tips, pray for me please.
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Don’t be afraid! Just be yourself. Who cares what other people think, after all, you are doing the right thing to follow God. If people don’t like it, who cares? Being yourself is the cure of this sinful society we live in.
 
Melodeonist said:
Chastity is not impossible to find, as long as there is one person practicing chastity. I know I am eccentric, but I don’t see how being totally opposite to modern society is a bad thing at all. In fact, I think it’s a good thing to be the opposite of modern societal expectations. :whacky:

If she isn’t chaste, if I was you, I would try to persuade her to be chaste. Helping someone become a better person is a great thing to do, if possible. I suggest that you read How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie if you need help with this.

One suggestion I have for you is to avoid most media, as most media these days, even just cooking shows, are rampant with the seven deadly sins. Seeing these things are bad, since they tend to twist people’s thoughts. I personally try to only watch movies made during the Hays Code, and TV shows which are rated G.

Perhaps one way to tell if she is chaste is to look at what she is wearing. If she is dressed like a prostitute, I would stay away. :dts:
Click to expand...
Because it’s only women who dress like prostitutes (whatever that means) that aren’t chaste?
 
You should be open with her when the time comes. If she doesn’t understand, then it isn’t the right relationship for you right now. That hardly means you will be alone forever. You’re only 15!
 
tiagolc said:
I find it extremely unconfortable to be open about this. Let me set the scene: every single male friend I have masturbates or claims to do so, I have a friend that gets drunk frequently (he is 15 like me), my father and my brother called me “crazy”, “fanatic” and told me I should see a psychologist when I said I loved God above all things and when I get home late for dinner because of Mass. I am constantly afraid of expressing my faith. I guess I expect everyone to react like that which may not be what they would say. I’ve heard more than one friend of mine saying this mormon friend of ours was crazy and feeling sorry for him because of Chastity (he is very preachy about it).
Thanks for the tips, pray for me please.
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You don’t have to be open with every person you come in contact with. Just talk about it with the girl you are interested in.
 
Don’t worry about what the rest of societ says, just find out what’s comfortable between the two of you. After several dates if you’re still into her, just tell her that sex is off the table until marriage. Concentrate on getting to know her and what the two of you CAN do together (dating, hanging out, new experiences, etc) instead of getting too tripped up on what you can’t do.
 
DeniseNY said:
Because it’s only women who dress like prostitutes (whatever that means) that aren’t chaste?
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I guess I worded that a bit wrong. What I meant to say is was that women (and some men) who dress in revealing clothes may be unchaste. :imsorry:
 
To me, “saving and waiting” until marriage is, of course, the sacred thing to do, being sex is a gift from God to be shared only between a married man and woman. But it’s so personal and intimate, the whole issue of sex. I wouldn’t go around talking about it, telling others to be chaste, and being open about it. Some do choose to do that, but I personally wouldn’t. Wanting to save yourself is your own personal decision, and it needs to be respected by the person one is involved with romantically. Sex, to me, is an issue between only two people, the man and woman involved. And, of course, God, who has designed them to have something mysterious and new to experience on their wedding night. Wouldn’t that be more special and exciting, rather than going to bed on your wedding night, already knowing what it’s like?
 
Crown_of_Stars said:
To me, “saving and waiting” until marriage is, of course, the sacred thing to do, being sex is a gift from God to be shared only between a married man and woman. But it’s so personal and intimate, the whole issue of sex. I wouldn’t go around talking about it, telling others to be chaste, and being open about it. Some do choose to do that, but I personally wouldn’t. Wanting to save yourself is your own personal decision, and it needs to be respected by the person one is involved with romantically. Sex, to me, is an issue between only two people, the man and woman involved. And, of course, God, who has designed them to have something mysterious and new to experience on their wedding night. Wouldn’t that be more special and exciting, rather than going to bed on your wedding night, already knowing what it’s like?
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If you reread my post I did not suggest “going around talking about it, telling others to be chaste, and being open about it.” I said my daughter chooses in her way to let it be known she doesn’t believe in sex before marriage to save the inevitable hassles of guys who assume it is part of the package… I suggested to the OP that he drops it into the conversation with this new girl without making a big deal. I don’t know how you got the other ludicrous suggestion from my post.
 
LongingSoul said:
If you reread my post I did not suggest “going around talking about it, telling others to be chaste, and being open about it.” I said my daughter chooses in her way to let it be known she doesn’t believe in sex before marriage to save the inevitable hassles of guys who assume it is part of the package… I suggested to the OP that he drops it into the conversation with this new girl without making a big deal. I don’t know how you got the other ludicrous suggestion from my post.
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I didn’t say this because I thought you said it. I’m sorry you misunderstood. I was just making a reference to what some do, in general, talking about it so openly. Some wear virginity rings, or have other little ways of silently making it known that they aren’t available. I’m not saying you said this, either. I was just giving an example of what I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing. Again, I just meant that I don’t think people should have others knowing whether or not they are or intend to remain chaste. What I’m saying is that I believe it does more harm than good. It’s just too personal of an issue, and it’s between the two people involved, and God. Again, I’m sorry you misunderstood. It was my fault, not yours, for not making it clearer.

Also, I want to add that the confusion about all of this is that we’re talking about mostly teenagers, in our modern society. They are simply too young to share what a married man and woman only are supposed to share. Also, and this may contradict what I just said, but I think part of the problem also is that modern society tries to keep people too young for too long. In the long ago past, a girl could be married by twelve or so. Her maturity and married life would have started, and there wasn’t all of this time for dating, like there is now. You were whisked into a marriage, without even a relationship beforehand. I’m talking about the days of betrothals, when who a girl would marry was already sometimes known when she was still just a child.
I’m not looking for a debate. I’m no good at that. I just don’t even want to talk about it anymore. I’m sorry.
 
Adorable!

She’s indoctrinated with the same beliefs as you so you have that on your side. As well, girls are very charmed by that breed of gentleman. Good luck!
 
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