Chastity marriage

[billcu1]

I thought about posting this in family life then decided it was more of a apologetic question. What is chastity and how should it be practiced. Especially by those not called to marriage. Is it all right to date when you know “this isn’t going anywhere” or would that hurt the other person. It seems to me a thing should have a means to an end. Half way doing something seems wrong. Opinions?

 

[Trident_H]

I think it depends on how you know the relationship isn’t going anywhere. I mean how do you know it and when? So I’d say once you knew for sure. Without doubt? Yeah. No point stringing anyone along. No point in that at all.

 

[Catholic1954]

The purpose of dating is to find a spouse. If one is not looking for a spouse, then they should refrain from putting themselves out there around those who are.

 

[billcu1]

The purpose of dating is to find a spouse. If one is not looking for a spouse, then they should refrain from putting themselves out there around those who are.

The thing is I looked at personals the other day. Some of these people were married. Some wanted very specific things. It all looked very complicated. The end here is procreation it would seem to me. But what about friendship with the opposite sex. How would that be regulated.

 

[e_c]

It is not easy to have a good Platonic friendship with someone of the opposite sex. It is possible, though.

But that would certainly exclude any kind of dating or romance… That is antithetical to a healthy friendship that “isn’t going anywhere” for whatever reason.

 

[billcu1]

If one is supposed to be living for God as much as they can. Should they really be running around looking for other things? It doesn’t make sense to me.

 

[filiusdextris]

I’m not sure what you mean by “especially by those not called to marriage.” If you are trying to apply this to yourself, unless you are religious or a consecrated virgin, shouldn’t you assume the opposite? (And even then, it is probably right in some sense that they are called to fruitfulness, and to marriage in a natural law sense.)

Nevertheless, let’s assume God has other plans for you than a wedding ceremony. Let’s further assume you simply enjoy the company of the opposite sex in a way that is not violative of the person’s dignity as a child of God. I think it would be permissible to answer “seeking” ads with this mentality, only if from the very start (before you meet in person) you let the person know that you are looking for a platonic relationship only, and that such “dating” (as others may term it) will never move beyond that status. Then, you leave the ball in their court free to do with it as they will. They may say ok, or they may say thanks but no thanks (or put it less politely). I can’t imagine this strategy will be very successful compared to other efforts to make Platonic friendships, but such would not seem inherently sinful.

 

[billcu1]

I’m not sure what you mean by “especially by those not called to marriage.” If you are trying to apply this to yourself, unless you are religious or a consecrated virgin, shouldn’t you assume the opposite? (And even then, it is probably right in some sense that they are called to fruitfulness, and to marriage in a natural law sense.)

Nevertheless, let’s assume God has other plans for you than a wedding ceremony. Let’s further assume you simply enjoy the company of the opposite sex in a way that is not violative of the person’s dignity as a child of God. I think it would be permissible to answer “seeking” ads with this mentality, only if from the very start (before you meet in person) you let the person know that you are looking for a platonic relationship only, and that such “dating” (as others may term it) will never move beyond that status. Then, you leave the ball in their court free to do with it as they will. They may say ok, or they may say thanks but no thanks (or put it less politely). I can’t imagine this strategy will be very successful compared to other efforts to make Platonic friendships, but such would not seem inherently sinful.

It sounds like everyone is expected to Marry that are not clergy. What if someone doesn’t want to get involved very complicated situations such as involve the married life? How are they to act chaste? No sex obviously. But other than that…IDK

 

[filiusdextris]

It sounds like everyone is expected to Marry that are not clergy. What if someone doesn’t want to get involved very complicated situations such as involve the married life? How are they to act chaste? No sex obviously. But other than that…IDK

I definitely disagree with that initial assessment. There is enough wrong in this fallen world that, though all are likely called in a natural sense (look at how programmed our bodies are for marriage!), it is way too far to say that it is an expectation for everyone, even among the non-religious. Too many ways to accidentally miss the boat (or even intentionally, but with later regret).

The two general “rules” in the situation you describe above are to avoid near occasions of sin and the golden rule, i.e., treat others as you would have them treat you were the roles reversed. Is being alone with an attractive female an occasion for grave sin for you? It might be for many, but if not for you, then you pass general rule #1. Even if it is a near occasion of sin, since dating is a usually-necessary first step to marriage, there is some slack allowed here on the near-occasion angle (you can risk a little), as long as you are prepared to make amends and a good confession if you fall). From then on, to the extent you inculcate friendships with the opposite sex, try to make sure they understand your intentions to the extent you would expect a normally-intelligent person in her shoes to so guess them. For example, it would otherwise be unfair to a woman if a situation were to develop where she is showing signs of romantic love, while you have no intent of exhibiting same, and you continue to let the person go on acting that way.

But, if you don’t mind my asking a personal question to help us cut to the chase, what exactly is your point with these hypotheticals? What factors relating to your own life are important in applying their lessons?

 

[billcu1]

I definitely disagree with that initial assessment. There is enough wrong in this fallen world that, though all are likely called in a natural sense (look at how programmed our bodies are for marriage!), it is way too far to say that it is an expectation for everyone, even among the non-religious. Too many ways to accidentally miss the boat (or even intentionally, but with later regret).

The two general “rules” in the situation you describe above are to avoid near occasions of sin and the golden rule, i.e., treat others as you would have them treat you were the roles reversed. Is being alone with an attractive female an occasion for grave sin for you? It might be for many, but if not for you, then you pass general rule #1. Even if it is a near occasion of sin, since dating is a usually-necessary first step to marriage, there is some slack allowed here on the near-occasion angle (you can risk a little), as long as you are prepared to make amends and a good confession if you fall). From then on, to the extent you inculcate friendships with the opposite sex, try to make sure they understand your intentions to the extent you would expect a normally-intelligent person in her shoes to so guess them. For example, it would otherwise be unfair to a woman if a situation were to develop where she is showing signs of romantic love, while you have no intent of exhibiting same, and you continue to let the person go on acting that way.

But, if you don’t mind my asking a personal question to help us cut to the chase, what exactly is your point with these hypotheticals? What factors relating to your own life are important in applying their lessons?

I have had very bad luck with women in the romantic area. but I really do enjoy their friendship. Just the other day I read a personal that sounded like the young lady 34 to was interested in older men and she would “reply with a pic” I wrote and she did. I also wrote back and left my email and phone number and asked if she wanted to converse. I wrote back and said if she couldn’t mail me I would talk to her on the personals and if there was no response I would leave her alone. There was a response. The same pic. This I have concluded might be a gag and have left the situation. I have talked to women and learned the hard way they are, very strange. Sorry ladies. I have had them try everything from put me in jail to get me fired from jobs to barred from public places. They must’ve been “disgruntled”. So I am very much happy alone. Your neck is in jeopardy when involved with a women and it seems few know how to act nowadays.

 

[filiusdextris]

I would publish a personal of your own. Maybe: “[optional: older] male seeking females for nice friendly dinner dates only, no romance intended.” To what extent does that miss the picture?

 

[billcu1]

I would publish a personal of your own. Maybe: “[optional: older] male seeking females for nice friendly dinner dates only, no romance intended.” To what extent does that miss the picture?

That sounds perfect. I used to go out once a week to a bar and talk to people. There were 3 or 4 people that I got to know. Two were like me and didn’t drink. I just drank pop. I totally left women alone. A couple of times they asked me for a drink and there was a little conversation. I enjoyed getting out. Sometimes the music played though, wasn’t very christian. That was the only problem I saw.