Chastity Problem

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libera_nos

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Hi. I tried posting this on another forum and didn’t get too many answers. I thought maybe it would be more appropriate here.

I have a pregnancy fetish, and I’m kind of embarrassed about it. When I say fetish, what I really mean is that seeing a pregnant woman can sometimes cause arousal in me. I don’t like admitting to this, and it was kind of hard just to say it on here.

A little background info: I’m not married, and am not currently in a relationship.

Based on what I’ve heard, I don’t think it is possible to “undo” a fetish, so instead I feel that I simply should do my best to “live through this.” In day-to-day life, it’s not a serious issue, but it also puts a few doubts in my mind about a few things involving relationships/

First, assuming I end up in a relationship/get married/have kids, she (hypothetical girlfriend/fiance/wife) probably has a right to know about this, but does she absolutely have to know about this? When’s the right time to tell her? Also, her possibly reaction worries me as well. If you’re a woman, and if you were with someone who had the same thing, would it bother you?

Second, it would make me feel uneasy about feeling for the hypothetical unborn baby with her. The mere sight of a pregnant woman can cause arousal, I’m pretty sure touching her stomach would probably cause an orgasm. Normally, I would feel that, if she and I conceived the child together, I have a right to feel it whenever we’re both OK with it. Not so much with this fetish. As long as I’m deliberately trying to cause an orgasm, am I OK?

Is there a serious problem here, or am I just thinking too much?
 
Well, if I am reading this right, you’re saying you’d have the hots for your wife when she is pregnant. As long as you don’t force yourself on her, then I see nothing wrong with that!!
 
What are you trying to say, that she might actually like that?
 
I don’t think I’d call it a fetish unless you are very much aroused by pregnant women and you use this for sexual pleasure. It does not sound like this is the case.

It sounds to me, from what you are writing, that you suffer more from seeing a woman as an object rather than as a person. And I’m not trying to judge you or point fingers, I’m just telling you what I see in your writing.

Learn to love women for who they are in their totality, not just in their physical beauty. (You can get all sorts of counseling on this.) When you do get married one day, your wife will probably take comfort in the fact that you find her irresistibly beautiful when she is pregnant…but she’ll likely also want to know that it is HER you love, not just her body. 🙂
 
“I don’t think I’d call it a fetish unless you are very much aroused by pregnant women…”

I often can be, but that’s not really the case, here. I’m more curious about the questions I specifically answered in my original post.
 
It’s not the kind of thing that ought to come up early in a relationship, obviously. I think post-engagement but pre-wedding is the best time for couples to bring up all their expectations, needs, etc., regarding their sex lives, if they’re aware of any. These are the kinds of things that can be problematic in marriages so I think both partners should go into them with eyes wide open. I, for instance, have a very strong sex drive and will need my wife to take the marriage debt very seriously, especially in the earlier parts of our marriage. She should be aware of that. I don’t want her to feel caught by surprise.

I don’t think this will be as problematic as you think. As has been said pregnancy is often a time of low self-esteem for women; I don’t think most would mind being desired by their husband at a time when they normally feel unattractive. Obviously there’s an issue in that she will not always be wanting sex, so you’ll need to be respectful of that. If you can’t control yourself, counseling may be in order.
 
Having a fetish may be a burden, or if handled in a loving and respectful manner, could be a blessing. As others have said, many pregnant women struggle with self-confidence, so your future wife may well enjoy the extra attention.

Does she need to know about it? It probably depends on how you foresee it affecting your relationship. I don’t share everything with my wife regarding what I find attractive in women; especially other women. If you are worried that your fetish will cause you to be aroused by seeing other pregnant women, I think you need to find ways to deal with this before it becomes an issue in your marriage. And if you do get aroused by seeing pregnant women, this need not be a sin if you don’t dwell on it. I tend to think if you can find suitable ways to avoid arousal, then it probably isn’t something to tell your future wife as it may make her feel uneasy any time the two of you are around a pregant woman.

In today’s media saturated world, we’re constantly exposed to situations and imagery that may cause us arousal. A fetish is a more extreme case, but not different in principle. The arousal only becomes sinful when we consent to it and allow it to happen. If we feel temped and aroused, but find ways to resist and do not consent, there is no sin. When you are married, it is your duty to avoid arousal by anyone other than your wife, whether you have a specific fetish or are just one of us who struggle with concupiscence on an ongoing basis. But it’s not your duty to share every personal challenge you face, and sharing this one may only hurt her in much the same way as if I told my wife about how I became aroused when a certain TV commercial came on (just as an example).
 
libera_nos said:
Hi. I tried posting this on another forum and didn’t get too many answers. I thought maybe it would be more appropriate here.

I have a pregnancy fetish, and I’m kind of embarrassed about it. When I say fetish, what I really mean is that seeing a pregnant woman can sometimes cause arousal in me. I don’t like admitting to this, and it was kind of hard just to say it on here.

A little background info: I’m not married, and am not currently in a relationship.

Based on what I’ve heard, I don’t think it is possible to “undo” a fetish, so instead I feel that I simply should do my best to “live through this.” In day-to-day life, it’s not a serious issue, but it also puts a few doubts in my mind about a few things involving relationships/

First, assuming I end up in a relationship/get married/have kids, she (hypothetical girlfriend/fiance/wife) probably has a right to know about this, but does she absolutely have to know about this? When’s the right time to tell her? Also, her possibly reaction worries me as well. If you’re a woman, and if you were with someone who had the same thing, would it bother you?

Second, it would make me feel uneasy about feeling for the hypothetical unborn baby with her. The mere sight of a pregnant woman can cause arousal, I’m pretty sure touching her stomach would probably cause an orgasm. Normally, I would feel that, if she and I conceived the child together, I have a right to feel it whenever we’re both OK with it. Not so much with this fetish. As long as I’m deliberately trying to cause an orgasm, am I OK?

Is there a serious problem here, or am I just thinking too much?
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You’re thinking too much.

Frankly, I was under the impression that it is quite normal for a man to be attracted to a pregnant female. That it was up there with being attracted to breasts and long hair.

I don’t know though. I haven’t done any real research on it, just comments I’ve heard from television and from someone I know.

I don’t think there’s any reason to be embarrassed. You just deal with it like any other stimulus for arousal.
 
I think you misunderstand what a fetish is. For it to be a ‘fetish’ you’d not find NONpregnant women very sexually attractive. That doesn’t sound like you.

Frankly, it sounds to me like you are embarassed and worried that you aren’t normal because you find sexiness where all the fashion mags say there is none. Ignore them and their ideas about what a beautiful woman is. This may be rude of me, but IMO most of our culture’s ideas about what the ideal woman’s body looks like come from fashion designers, photographers and publishers with a HUGE percentage of gay men making the decisions. Perhaps not coincidentally, the image they present of the ideal woman looks suspiciously like that of a 14 year old boy with a push-up bra on…

In short, relax. When YOUR wife is pregnant, you’ll get used to it. She won’t be an object, she’ll be your wife.
 
manualman said:
I think you misunderstand what a fetish is. For it to be a ‘fetish’ you’d not find NONpregnant women very sexually attractive. That doesn’t sound like you.
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Yes, I probably should have been more clear about that. I’m very easilly attracted to “NONpregnant women,” as you described it.
 
manualman said:
I think you misunderstand what a fetish is. For it to be a ‘fetish’ you’d not find NONpregnant women very sexually attractive. That doesn’t sound like you.

Frankly, it sounds to me like you are embarassed and worried that you aren’t normal because you find sexiness where all the fashion mags say there is none. Ignore them and their ideas about what a beautiful woman is. This may be rude of me, but IMO most of our culture’s ideas about what the ideal woman’s body looks like come from fashion designers, photographers and publishers with a HUGE percentage of gay men making the decisions…

In short, relax. When YOUR wife is pregnant, you’ll get used to it. She won’t be an object, she’ll be your wife.
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I agree with this.
 
manualman said:
For it to be a ‘fetish’ you’d not find NONpregnant women very sexually attractive.
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That’s not a requirement for something to be a fetish.

In addition, I would have to disagree about society considering pregnant women unattractive. I have seen much to the contrary, especially in today’s popular media.
 
libera_nos said:
What are you trying to say, that she might actually like that?
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I think its normal for men to find pregnant women attractive. I think our culture is just so obessed with the idea of baby-free-sex that they cover this up. The images presented by pop culture are of insanely thin. Women are taught to believe that they have to be a stick to be attractive to men so a lot of times when they’re pregnant, they feel fat and unattractive. But a lot of men I’ve talked to have admitted that they find pregnant women attractive. Most aren’t attracted to the stick figure models. They like curves and pregnancies mean more curves. And believe me a wife loves hearing that her husband finds her attractive.
 
I think you posted on the first thread, too. I starting to think you might be right, that is all just normal.
 
Dear Libera Nos,

This thread’s pretty old, but I just wanted to throw a few things out there:

1.) You’ve gotta tell your girlfriend at some point, and not wicked late in the relationship either. She deserves to know. It shouldn’t matter much in the relationship, but I think you should be sharing everything (chastely) anyway: your faults, your deep dark secrets, etc. That way, you can start working on making each other better people before you even get engaged.

2.) I know some people think this is just some kind of preference like blonde vs. brunette, but it isn’t. You’ve made that clear. It’s definitely a fetish–maybe not a DSM-V defined fetish or whatever, but nonetheless, it’s more than just a preference.

Okay, so, going off of point 2, my recommendations are the same as everyone else’s. You’ve gotta work on chastity. You’ve gotta learn how to avert your eyes, change your thought patterns, etc. Eventually, it will get easier, but you will still have this fetish for the rest of your life. Just be thankful it isn’t something whacked. A prego fetish is probably one of the tamest. And as has been said, your wife might be thankful someday so long as you respect her.

God Bless.
 
You are not alone. Pregnant women are super hot. Especially if its your wife, and you are the one that knocked her up. Seriously. When you get married, you wife will be so appreciative of this. Think of it as a blessing.

Its only a problem if its such a fixation that you cannot get aroused by anything else. Then its a fetish and you should seek some counseling. I dont get the picture that this is the case.
 
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