Chastity support for us older folks

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Gertabelle

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I am so frustrated I could spit.

I have been looking for support in a life of renewed chastity. I have a past of disgusting sin. But I also have a present and future that is filled with the glorious mercy of God, including the blessings of chastity.

All the chastity information out there is about how to deal with the pressure of my high school friends saying “but everyone’s doing it.” I’m a divorced woman with a small child. While my maturity may be at the high school level when it comes to sex (due to my past sins) I would really like the support of material that is more age and situation appropriate.

Is there a reason that Catholic and Christian resources for divorced people cover every imaginable topic, from parenting to finances, but on the topic of chastity they remain silent? Parenting and communication with my ex is great. My finances are fine. My grief and loss is pretty much complete. I have all the support I need with regards to divorce and the annulment process.

But the silence on the topic of chastity when talking about divorce issues leads me to believe that divorced people are just expected to sleep around, as though “no sex outside of marriage” is a childish concept for those teens and 20-somethings. My confessor did remind me that we are all called to be chaste, but he did this privately.

I am the first to admit that my past is ugly. But I am forgiven and looking for support. Is there none out there?

Suggestions? Comments? Recommendations?

Gertie (not my real name, but these crazy students keep calling me Gertabelle after school)
 
Gertie, you are so right! I was trying to help someone with the same issues and found nothing. The prevailing idea seems to be that once you’ve had a sexual relationship in marriage, you cannot be expected to give up having sex when you become single.

A lot of the stuff from Campaign for Our Children, which encourages kids to refrain from sex, indicates that sex is OK when you are older. Not when you are married, but when you are older and presumably more mature. Kids who wait to have sex until they are adults are happier and more successful, blah, blah blah. I guess if we insisted that people be married, we’d be imposing our oppressive religious views on people.

We need someone to write a great book that takes into account the struggles of the older single person, the divorced and the widowed. I’m between jobs - maybe I’ll try it!

Betsy
 
baltobetsy said:
Gertie, you are so right! I was trying to help someone with the same issues and found nothing. The prevailing idea seems to be that once you’ve had a sexual relationship in marriage, you cannot be expected to give up having sex when you become single.

A lot of the stuff from Campaign for Our Children, which encourages kids to refrain from sex, indicates that sex is OK when you are older. Not when you are married, but when you are older and presumably more mature. Kids who wait to have sex until they are adults are happier and more successful, blah, blah blah. I guess if we insisted that people be married, we’d be imposing our oppressive religious views on people.

We need someone to write a great book that takes into account the struggles of the older single person, the divorced and the widowed. I’m between jobs - maybe I’ll try it!

Betsy
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Betsy, writing a book crossed my mind as well. I thought about what Father told me in confession - “We are ALL called to chastity.” 👍 Sounds like a great title to me. Or maybe something like “Don’t wait til you’re older, wait until you’re married.” 😃

I’ll be glad to take part in this project, though I am fully employed, a single mom, and working on a doctorate. Who needs sleep?

Gert
 
Gertabelle said:
PM, that is an awesome link! Thank you and God bless you for posting it.

Gert
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Hey, no problems! I’m glad I could help!

I have a few documents saved from that same site that I am working through right now…if you followed some of my threads and posts you’ll understand a bit better 🙂

I hope you find answers in there.

PM.
 
PennitentMan said:
Try this link:
catholic-pages.com/dir/sexuality.asp
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I’ll definitely check out that link later.

Older never-married people (especially women) don’t get much in the way of chastity support, either. It seems that everything out there is aimed either at men, or at young people who are expected to get married eventually.

Those of us who must live with life-long celibacy (and without the graces of the sacraments of ordination or marriage) could use some help, too!
 
Fr Groeschel wrote a book with homosexuals in mind but it ended up being for all people trying to live a chaste lifestyle.

amazon.com/Courage-Be-Chaste-Benedict-Groeschel/dp/0809127059

Gertie, thanks for bringing this up. The issue does get swept under the carpet a bit. As if we only worry about young virgins. We have to remember we are all called to chastity no matter what our station in life.
 
Dawn Eden’s wonderful book Thrill of the Chaste is definitely meant for adult people with a past! Her blog is also very good, as she talks and makes a lot of sense about these issues – even with people who aren’t Christian or religious in any way.
 
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