Chastity

[juicekman]

I have question about chastity. My Catholic roommate has his girlfriend visiting our two bedroom apt every day. Every night they go into his bedroom and close the door and she usually leaves after midnight. Sometimes they watch movies and sometimes they take naps together.

What is the view of the Church on a dating couple laying in bed together or napping together? What should I tell them?

Thanks so much for your help and God bless you.

 

[ack]

What’s the “view of the Church”? This is just common sense. Don’t do it!

If your roommate doesn’t have enough common sense to know this, the “view of the Church” probably isn’t going to sway him either.

 

[Pax]

There is a saying that I grew up with and it goes like this:

“Don’t do anything that you would be ashamed to do in front of your mother.”

It seems that your room mate is closing the door because he would be embarrassed to have you observe him and his girl friend. If nothing has happened already between them it soon will. You must in good conscience sit down and have a heart to heart talk with him. A gentle and understanding approach is essential. Even so, you may simply be rebuffed. Nevertheless, you must warn your room mate.

 

[WH1988]

I think you are over-reacting. I and my girlfriend do the same when she comes to my apartment (and my parents are always there). We spend some time “in family”, but then if we want to see a movie or even to take a nap if we are tired, yes, we go to my bedroom and close the door (although we don’t lock it).

But yes, my parents often knock to ask me something and I frequently go to the living room and to the kitchen, nevertheless, the fact that they close the door does not mean they are doing something wrong.

 

[mainusch]

This is what is called a “near occasion of sin.”

What they are doing might not be a sin (although we don’t know what’s going on behind that closed door,) but they are placing themselves in a situation in which the temptation is strong, and are removing barriers to sin.

 

[Cindy1]

I agree on both fronts actually. They could very easily be having an enjoyable but innocent time together. My fiance and I have slept in the same bed together without touching each other inappropriately etc. We even know an engaged couple who live together and sleep together in the same bed, yet they have never had sex etc and are deeply religious, or so they tell us! Also closing the door simply means that they would like to spend time with just each other, because for my fiance and I, that is the time that we can talk about serious and very personal stuff, and be affectionate with each other in private. And for most people, displaying affection is an especially private thing.

However, they could just as well be doing or thinking inappropriately. I would certainly agree that sometimes, lying down together poses some temptations and my fiance and I have been guilty to giving in to these temptations to some extent. So we’ve given ourselves rules and made strategies so that even if we are lying down together or are in a bedroom together, we don’t fall into temptation.

Therefore, it is all about the couple themselves, their personal beliefs in adhering to the catholic faith. It may be a good idea if you and your flatmate are close, to casually bring up the subject, but be careful that he doesn’t think you are prying into his personal life. Good luck! and good on you for thinking of his spiritual health.

 

[housewife]

Be very careful in how you bring it up to him. You might want to start the conversation with a question about what his opinion is on premarital sex. Or something like that and then take it from there.

 

[Scout]

Personally, I think you should stay out of it. If he’s Catholic, at his age he knows what the teachings of the Church are. If he’s having sex with his girlfriend, you’re not going to change his mind by lecturing him about the teachings of the Church. You’re his roommate, not his father.

If it bothers you that much, and you just have to know what’s going on for your own personal sanity, then ask him directly. If he is and you can’t live with the situation, either move out or ask him to move out.

Scout :tiphat:

 

[jules11]

I agree on both fronts actually. They could very easily be having an enjoyable but innocent time together. My fiance and I have slept in the same bed together without touching each other inappropriately etc. We even know an engaged couple who live together and sleep together in the same bed, yet they have never had sex etc and are deeply religious, or so they tell us! Also closing the door simply means that they would like to spend time with just each other, because for my fiance and I, that is the time that we can talk about serious and very personal stuff, and be affectionate with each other in private. And for most people, displaying affection is an especially private thing.

However, they could just as well be doing or thinking inappropriately. I would certainly agree that sometimes, lying down together poses some temptations and my fiance and I have been guilty to giving in to these temptations to some extent. So we’ve given ourselves rules and made strategies so that even if we are lying down together or are in a bedroom together, we don’t fall into temptation.

Therefore, it is all about the couple themselves, their personal beliefs in adhering to the catholic faith. It may be a good idea if you and your flatmate are close, to casually bring up the subject, but be careful that he doesn’t think you are prying into his personal life. Good luck! and good on you for thinking of his spiritual health.

There is also the aspect of ‘scandal’ in this case. Not avoiding a near occasion of sin, is also a sin. Don’t be fooled into thinking if you are not having sex then you are not doing anything wrong. I would ask a priest about this one. And there is NO priest I know that would agree with a ‘deeply religious’ couple living together, (that is cohabitation, and wrong) and certainly not sharing the same bed. Well, that is basically marriage… but NOT.
No. This is not right.

 

[1ke]

You live there too. It clearly makes you uncomfortable with the situation. At a minimum you and your roommate need to establish ground rules for opposite sex visitors, and if he doesn’t want to then you may need to look for a different roommate.

Yes, it is a near occasion of sin for him and it also gives scandal. You shouldn’t be made uncomfortable in your own home.

 

[Galandriel]

He should ask Jason Evert.

In fact, give him the book “Pure Love”.

Just because your Catholic, doesn’t mean your sin/temptation proof.

To keep the honest man honest, you have to lock your door.