Chatting in Church

[babochka]

Keep in mind that some use the sanctuary as a stage of sorts to put themselves on display. It can get pretty ugly

If this and the many other complaints that you have about your parish are true, then I can begin to understand your strong desire to see systemic changes. Thankfully, I have never seen such outrageous behavior as you have described in any of the parishes that I’ve ever been a part of.

 

[KATRINA_68]

On the altar there is a large monitor which is used to display the responses of the Mass, although there are already Missals in the pews. Before the Final Blessing, it is often used to make announcements. Last Saturday night, there was a Youth Activity Sleepover for Kids being promoted which blared a Santa song at the beginning. This is in addition sometimes from the parishioner who also reads out the announcements. There are, of course, bulletins handed out. The monitor was installed by the previous Pastor, who often played short videos for Development for Peace. I wish they would take the monitor down, it is unnecessary, and distracting.
At the other Church I attend daily and Sunday Mass. This morning`s Benediction and Mass with some Latin, such as the Agnus Dei, and the silence/respect of the congregation made for a reverent atmosphere. I’ve decided to only attend this Church.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

One time I was very ready to walk over to someone talking before Mass to ask them to be quiet.
I didn’t but only because he stopped talking and I’m guessing someone beat me to it for which I was grateful as I suspect had been drinking (after a wedding reception). My intervention might have made things escalate if he had indeed been drinking.

The one time I did say something, I had been praying after Mass and 3+ women were chatting and they happened to stop to talk right in line of my view of the tabernacle. It was a double whammy for me so I got up and told them that I was trying to pray and motioned to the tabernacle. They graciously apologized and moved out of the nave. I tried to avoid being condescending or suggesting that they were rude and I think they accepted what I said in that spirit.

Could I have left and prayed another time or moved? Yes, but I thought of it this way (and I did pray about it): The Blessed Sacrament was just feet away and reverence was still called for. I didn’t do it for me as much as I did it for Jesus and the next person who wanted to spend time in prayer who might not have felt so bold. I did not want to be rude myself nor cause someone to feel more chastened than was necessary but people forget sometimes. Fellowship is a good thing and I imagine those women didn’t intend to talk as long as they did where they were standing.

 

[FaithfulKnight]

A “scriptural analogy”? What are you talking about?

Your reference to being ill-mannered while visiting someones home and not socializing is nowhere near the same as being respectful of those in church before or after Mass.

Imagine trying to pray and prepare oneself for Mass and hearing the people next to you gabbing about how that person 2 pews in front is dressed or remarking how long it has been since so and so has been to church. No thanks, keep it to your self or get it out of your system after Mass in the parking lot.

 

[Horton]

On the altar there is a large monitor which is used to display the responses of the Mass, although there are already Missals in the pews. Before the Final Blessing, it is often used to make announcements. Last Saturday night, there was a Youth Activity Sleepover for Kids being promoted which blared a Santa song at the beginning. This is in addition sometimes from the parishioner who also reads out the announcements. There are, of course, bulletins handed out. The monitor was installed by the previous Pastor, who often played short videos for Development for Peace.

This is awful. It is on the high altar? In my previous parish they also had the ability to show video/power point…whatever but the screens were not near the altar at all. They were on the walls outside the sanctuary.

 

[KATRINA_68]

It is on the right side of the altar above and to the right of the stand where responsorial psalms are done
and prayer requests as well. It’s high so that everyone can see the prayers of the Mass. the Tabernacle is on the far left.

 

[pnewton]

A “scriptural analogy”? What are you talking about?

It is Jesus that taught us that God is Father. It is Paul that taught us that we are brothers and sisters. Who goes to a family reunion without speaking to anyone? So it is not a “poor” analogy, it is straight from Scripture. The initial question does not ask if we should speak loudly or rudely, but if we should be speaking to others, period. I agree that we must be polite. No one is saying otherwise. Nor is anyone promoting gossip or meanness. No argument there. However, I find it equally ill-mannered to be told that I have no business talking to my family in a way that is low and respectful.

Do you feel the same way about those who say a rosary out loud? I ask, to clarify if it is sound that should be forbidden.

 

[lilypadrees]

We arrive early for Mass. Yes, many people do socialize before Mass. I just go to my seat, kneel and pray. If I finish early enough, I then go over the day’s readings in the Missal. There is also the Rosary in the Chapel prior to Mass.

 

[Duesenberg]

We arrive early for Mass. Yes, many people do socialize before Mass. I just go to my seat, kneel and pray. If I finish early enough, I then go over the day’s readings in the Missal. There is also the Rosary in the Chapel prior to Mass.

You are fortunate if you can just block everything out like that. Not all are able to.

Last Sunday I was sitting in my pew unwinding my MP3 player’s earbuds. The church was quiet, people sitting around me were either praying, reading the bulletin or reading from their missalettes.

Then two people sat down right in the midst of everyone else and began a loud conversation. No matter how dismissive, or defensive or angry or judgemental some become, their action was flat out rude. Their desire to talk was impacting at least 30 people around them.

Normally I would not have heard them. By then I would have been listening to the Litany of the Saints or the Te Deum on my MP3 player. This time I could tell however that their conversation was really impacting those around them so I said something. Then I finished putting my ear plugs in and began listening to music.

 

[FaithfulKnight]

I find it equally ill-mannered to be told that I have no business talking to my family in a way that is low and respectful.

Looks like you and I are unable to see eye to eye. I can not recall trying to tell you how to behave. Do what you like.
I choose to try and take advantage of the time I have before Mass in quiet prayer and adoration.

Do you feel the same way about those who say a rosary out loud? I ask, to clarify if it is sound that should be forbidden.

I have attended Mass at church’s where the rosary is prayed before Mass, nothing wrong with that.

 

[lilypadrees]

I’ve trained my mind to block out the noise of other parishioners talking around me. I just remind myself Who I’m there for and prepare my mind, my heart and my soul to be fed spiritually by Him.

 

[LilyM]

It’s interesting - the same people who insist that ‘we are family and therefore should be able to chat at Mass’ would probably not dream of saying the same in other settings - a courtroom, library, museum or a movie theatre, for example.

If you can keep quiet and attentive and not disrupt others in those other settings, then how much more important in church!

 

[Lara]

You might be right but you also might be wrong. I was a child of a large family. My father would only have to glare at us and we would behave in church. It all depends how strictly you raise your kids. Also, you can keep kids on either side of the parents who sit in the middle. There’s also a section for people with kids behind a glass partition in some churches. Sometimes you can make gestures too, as in the case of the noisy page flipping you gesture “shhh” with your finger in front of your mouth. And all instructions to kids can be whispered. Actually, if you whisper personal instructions to kids all week long, I think it creates more civilized kids to begin with. So there are some mitigating factors. Also, people are more forgiving of small children than of older ones, so there is some understanding.

 

[GoGoDiego]

Nope. If you want to chat, go outside the church building.
Don’t disturb those who are praying and respect this holy place.

 

[omgriley]

IMO, no it’s not ok. It’s one thing to have a quiet discussion about something important (for example, talking with a priest or parish staff about the event preparations or alter server practice).

But catching up with a neighbor of yours while you wait for mass to start, and while you know other people are in the Church trying to meditate on Christ in the Eucharist, that’s wrong.

I guess it depends on the situation. Idle chit chat in the church can be harmless if it’s done respectfully, and if it isn’t hindering anyone’s ability to pray.

 

[babochka]

You might be right but you also might be wrong. I was a child of a large family. My father would only have to glare at us and we would behave in church. It all depends how strictly you raise your kids. Also, you can keep kids on either side of the parents who sit in the middle. There’s also a section for people with kids behind a glass partition in some churches. Sometimes you can make gestures too, as in the case of the noisy page flipping you gesture “shhh” with your finger in front of your mouth. And all instructions to kids can be whispered. Actually, if you whisper personal instructions to kids all week long, I think it creates more civilized kids to begin with. So there are some mitigating factors. Also, people are more forgiving of small children than of older ones, so there is some understanding.

Whispering all these things is iagiven. I just gave a list of things that I know I have said to my kids over the last 15 years. Whether whispered or not, it still is talking in church. Mine range in age from almost 16 down to 2. In general, they are well-behaved. That doesn’t make them perfect and most every parent who has taken a toddler to Mass has experienced how difficult it can be. I find that it is only in retrospect that people remember their children as having always behaved in church. Those who are in the throes of it usually tell a different story.

 

[DaveBj]

This is not a new problem. After reading the beginning of this thread, I came across a passage in one of St. John Chrysostom’s homilies where he was castigating his parishoneers for talking during the homily

D

 

[pnewton]

Looks like you and I are unable to see eye to eye.

We may not be so different. I care nothing for gossip or loud talking either. Sometimes disagreement is more about failure to communicate. Surely the one that is disturbing another has a lack of situational awareness. Since you say the rosary doesn’t bother you, it is clear that it is not just sound and the need for dead quiet.

For me, all group interaction, but especially at Mass, is a matter of mutual respect. Personally, I spend most of my time preparing for Mass, and maybe a minute or two greeting others. My wife does both. It is noteworthy though that most of her chatter is for prayer and follow up on prayer with our fellow parishioners. I doubt their voice carries more than a few feet. Surely it is nothing compared to the volume of the rosary through the speakers.

 

[pnewton]

It’s interesting - the same people who insist that ‘we are family and therefore should be able to chat at Mass’ would probably not dream of saying the same in other settings - a courtroom, library, museum or a movie theatre, for example.

None of those places are places where we gather with our brothers and sister to worship together. Without exception, those are places where random strangers gather. Perhaps that is the problem. I would never dream of comparing those places to church.

However, in all of those places, talking is allowed, the volume depending on a bunch of variables.

My greatest concern is not with the level of sound as it is with the disassociation we have with other people. Maybe it is just my culture that I take for granted where I am more likely to interact with strangers, and ignoring acquaintances is unthinkable. If so, then I can see why I am in the minority here. I wouldn’t trade if for the world though. I will though, as always, try and be reasonably quiet.

 

[Spyridon]

Before or during Mass, no, inappropriate.

After Mass once the extroit (final hymn) is finished and the organ stops, then it’s okay to respectfully and mindfully chat, remembering you’re in the Presence of the Emperor.