Chatting with strangers on the net: a sin or not a sin

[Still_Hoping]

Dating can happen from anysite… done it and seen it done.

Keeping in a public forum like this though is safe IMO about 98%.

The major problem IMO is for a man with a rough patch in a marriage what looks pretty is most dangerous…

For a woman in a rough patch in a marriage, what “connect” is most dangerous.

Chatting to men "sharing feelings" etc it to women what a strip club us to men.

Though I don’t exonerate men either, the emotional tendency to cheat is less IMO but still there, so I’d still apply the same rules to the man lest he be tempted as well.

So true!!!

 

[Xantippe]

It was more out of curiosity than to have an affair. The only problem is this site has too many interested men paying to much of the wrong attention. I can’t believe how many people have casual sex or virtual sex and most don’t even think it is cheating.. I can’t do it. I experimented and I got burned. I don’t like it and I don’t want it but there was something alluring at the same time. I can’t explain. I pray that God helps me to be released from this. It is horrible from a Christian point of view.

I spoke to men of varying ages and backgrounds, not one thinks it is wrong to have a virtual sexual affair especially if it is just sexting. Most said that as long as no one knows it is ok. I tried to reason but they don’t see it my way. Can’t bring the love of Christ there. I am not strong enough to do it. I don’t know why I even tried.

Get off there and get yourself to confession.

Good luck!

 

[Still_Hoping]

Opposite sex friends very bad… very bad. If I have learned anything in life. Hell as a guy, eventually you find out most of your female friends want more or have at some point… and that is for a dude. If you are a woman, trust not the friendship of men! They want more far more often.

Lesson learned the hard way!

 

[TruthSeeker92]

I think that if you are wondering if whatever you are doing is a sin, it could be your conscience warning you about the possibility of a temptation which can threaten your marriage (assuming you are married.)

You might want to check out Sarah Swafford’s website emotionalvirtue.com/ because she touches upon this stuff in her YouTube talks, book and blog.

If you’re looking for connection and friendship, it’s totally OK but there are better ways to find that. Pray for holy friends. Also, you and your husband (again, assuming you’re married) should check out books like The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman and books about guarding your marriage and improving it. Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak have a few good ones, Christopher West has one and I heard Fulton Sheen has a good book about that too.

 

[DarkLight]

It’s worth noting that something that is innocent in general may be a near occasion of sin for an individual person.

 

[Xantippe]

It’s worth noting that something that is innocent in general may be a near occasion of sin for an individual person.

Yes.

 

[Sailor_Kenshin]

I wonder what some of you would think about what I did today. My wife and I went to a folk dance festival (NEFFA), where we danced (and talked) with other men and women. And on a Sunday!

(We met dancing about 28 years ago.)

Uhh ohhhhh! Duck ‘n’ cover!

 

[LethalMouse]

Pray for me because I went past what is normal and I feel terrible. I need your prayers. the temptation is strong. Please help.

Pray I can, too much help I can not as I don’t want you to make moves on me

 

[Irishmom2]

I wonder what some of you would think about what I did today. My wife and I went to a folk dance festival (NEFFA), where we danced (and talked) with other men and women. And on a Sunday!

(We met dancing about 28 years ago.)

That really isn’t the same thing as what the OP is talking about. What she did was secretive and apparently something she regrets and sees as dangerous. Talking to people on an open forum, or dancing in public are far different than chat rooms, or even using PMing to a certain extent.

 

[LethalMouse]

I wonder what some of you would think about what I did today. My wife and I went to a folk dance festival (NEFFA), where we danced (and talked) with other men and women. And on a Sunday!

(We met dancing about 28 years ago.)

I do think that at a certain age when hormones are a bit settled things can change slightly. Plus I imagine “dancing” was not the kind many engage in today. And as you said you were both there.

On the flip side, I would be less than favorable of my wife dancing with many, with some exception and my presence mandatory for a lack of concern. It was funny I had an ex (who stated she would never dance with another man while in a relationship) dance with my friend. I would have gladly said “go ahead” but since i walked in to find it when I had stepped out for a moment… errr it became a slight issue lol context is all important, and she did turn out to be a cheater… so concerns warranted lol

 

[Still_Hoping]

That really isn’t the same thing as what the OP is talking about. What she did was secretive and apparently something she regrets and sees as dangerous. Talking to people on an open forum, or dancing in public are far different than chat rooms, or even using PMing to a certain extent.

Yes that is what I meant. The chat site made it seem like it was a place to talk and meet people casually. Instead it is more like a fish going into a shark tank.

 

[LethalMouse]

Yes that is what I meant. The chat site made it seem like it was a place to talk and meet people casually. Instead it is more like a fish going into a shark tank.

Any woman among men is a fish in a shark tank. Since you are married I assume you have lived on earth for at least 2 decades? Have you met men? We are horrible creatures lol.

 

[Still_Hoping]

Pray I can, too much help I can not as I don’t want you to make moves on me

While I appreciate that you are willing to pray for me I would like to remind you that I have no inclination to make any advances on you. Whatever you mean by that I resent it.

My mistake was to try the chat site and think I could talk casually with both women and men But unfortunately most people willing to talk were men on the prowl. I dared to converse with a man who was affable and respectful. He later admitted to liking me and wanted to talk more. It became a little flirtatious.

I honestly think that women and men cannot converse on a private level without developing some connection that can become something more. I prefer open forums. No matter how strong our convictions; we can invite temptation so it is best to avoid it altogether.

Peace

 

[Still_Hoping]

Any woman among men is a fish in a shark tank. Since you are married I assume you have lived on earth for at least 2 decades? Have you met men? We are horrible creatures lol.

Yes you are horrible creatures. There is no more decency. I myself felt the lure but my conscience won’t let me. Still something must be missing in me to want to talk to others instead of my spouse. That I have to figure out myself.

 

[LethalMouse]

While I appreciate that you are willing to pray for me I would like to remind you that I have no inclination to make any advances on you. Whatever you mean by that I resent it.

My mistake was to try the chat site and think I could talk casually with both women and men But unfortunately most people willing to talk were men on the prowl. I dared to converse with a man who was affable and respectful. He later admitted to liking me and wanted to talk more. It became a little flirtatious.

I honestly think that women and men cannot converse on a private level without developing some connection that can become something more. I prefer open forums. No matter how strong our convictions; we can invite temptation so it is best to avoid it altogether.

Peace

It was a joke, but considering that I have had to engage karate chopping action to stop married women I thought I could be friends with from touching me… I know how it goes. So it was a humorous nition based on the topic of the thread and my earlier posts that all such friendships turn bad lol. I in no means meant that you were either with plans for me nor fiendishly untrustworthy. I am sure you are not

 

[LethalMouse]

Yes you are horrible creatures. There is no more decency. I myself felt the lure but my conscience won’t let me. Still something must be missing in me to want to talk to others instead of my spouse. That I have to figure out myself.

You need to engage your spouse. You need to live up to the calling and hope that encourages the same. Get the “spark” back by loving in not just emotion, but in words and actions. Do the things you did long ago but have stopped doing even if he has stopped his end. It should help restart it all. After a time of acting like a fresh couple NICELY/SWEETLY mention what you need and coax it from love, not demanding. You don’t mention his evils so I assume he is a decent guy and you two have just gotten “caught up” with life.

 

[on_the_hill]

There is no more decency.

Now I’m confused. If I’m a decent guy, I’m showing women what they’re looking for in a man. Yet everyone knows women fall for the “bad boys.” So what’s a guy to do? Do I hold the door and fold the laundry? Or do I act the good-looking rebel who plays by his own rules?

 

[Still_Hoping]

You need to engage your spouse. You need to live up to the calling and hope that encourages the same. Get the “spark” back by loving in not just emotion, but in words and actions. Do the things you did long ago but have stopped doing even if he has stopped his end. It should help restart it all. After a time of acting like a fresh couple NICELY/SWEETLY mention what you need and coax it from love, not demanding. You don’t mention his evils so I assume he is a decent guy and you two have just gotten “caught up” with life.

I have done all that you have mentioned but this is the complicated part. While in my marriage I suffered a lot, I always was true and prayed fervently as some here on CAF would know. Now that my marriage is good and my husband dotes on me I find myself confused. That is the dilemma.

God will ask us to account for our sins. No matter how horrible my husband was to me it doesn’t give me the right to flirt with a man. Surely, now that my husband is better to me than ever. I don’t understand why I am going through this. Maybe it is a trial. Whatever, I am grown up enough to go to the LORD and to my brothers and sisters here on CAF to help me morally. But I can feel my mind deviating to thoughts that are unhealthy. I am willing to admit it here and I am sure there are others who suffer the same. God help us.

 

[Still_Hoping]

Now I’m confused. If I’m a decent guy, I’m showing women what they’re looking for in a man. Yet everyone knows women fall for the “bad boys.” So what’s a guy to do? Do I hold the door and fold the laundry? Or do I act the good-looking rebel who plays by his own rules?

I was thinking of some of the men I chatted with on the site. Most are incorrigible and many were married so figure that one out.

Please continue to open the doors and fold laundry. I fell for a rebel and married him but now he is so much more.

 

[Xantippe]

Yes you are horrible creatures. There is no more decency. I myself felt the lure but my conscience won’t let me. Still something must be missing in me to want to talk to others instead of my spouse. That I have to figure out myself.

Nah. Your husband is not supposed to be your only social outlet.

But if you’re emotionally vulnerable, you should steer clear of emotionally intimate relationships with other men.