Cheaters!!!!!

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Robaynne

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For those who do not know my story (It is becoming quiet boring now) anyway. I was married for 12 years and my husband left me and our two kids for a 19 year old and they now have a baby. He can barely support the two children he has now but that is another story. Anyway we are soon to be divorced as he has served me with papers.

Anyway I find myself in a situation whereby I seem to have radar for married men. Do they not know that I am the wrong person to even try that with. Anyway they all seem to have the same problems. Not happy in the marriage, things are just not working out, their wives don’t have time for them, never should have gotten married in the first place.

And they sure do get it from me. Please tell me why do people still stay together if they are not happy. Why cause the next person so much pain and suffering that is not exceptable behaviour for anybody. The next story is because of the childrens sake. So is that any excuse to CHEAT on your wife or husband. I am so disgusted in men and their behaviour these days.

If you are not happy just get out and save the next person from suffering. They still stay, they still go home every night, they still sleep with their partners.

And what is wrong with women today who allow that to happen. How do you justify getting involved with a married man who will never leave his wife for you. You will always be the other women and even if he does leave his wife for you what makes you think that he will not do the same to you. You will always be the other women or the mistress. And he will lead you on for months and years on end. When actually there is nothing happening. It is the excitement of having another women who does for you what your wife does not. Who does not nag you or worry you or put you under pressure to do things.

I have no sympathy for any man or women who cheats. There are always consequences. Somebody once said to me what is wrong with me my husband did it to me so why don’t you do the same. Why should I lower myself for anybody. That will never happen not if I can help it. Put another person through the pain and suffering I went through. And in Gods eyes it is wrong. And no matter how people justify themselves for cheating it is still not exceptable.

WHAT DO OTHERS THINK AM I WRONG. WHAT OPINIONS DO YOU GUYS HAVE.
 
God bless you Robaynne, that’s just awful. I agree that this is so incredibly painful. It seems to me that it can only be selfishness that allows someone to cheat on their wife. The repercussions are enormous and if there are children involved it just goes on and on for you, wrenching a lump out of your life.

I suppose it all boils down to integrity. It is weakness and a submission to sin, the repercussions are manifest and all of them seem to be painful.

I have a good friend who I enjoy a pint or two with at the loacl pub (we’re both happily married). Despite our marital situation, it has to be admitted that it’s nice for anyone to have some attention paid to them. What’s important for us chaps is that we follow the advice of my friend who always intones these words of wisdom-- “Keep your nose in your beer- it’s safest!”.

In other words, when you are presented with temptation, walk away!
 
unfortunately even though some people go through the pain themselves, they do not think twice about putting other people through the same pain…
but what they fail to realise is that what goes around comes around… 😦 and the guy who would cheat on his wife with them will turn around and cheat on them down the road…
 
You know, I might take another tack. To assume that possibly “Father, they know not what they do” may be in play is the only suggestion I have for approaching this problem with charity.

I knew a man who had been divorced long ago, and was re-married to a woman he met after the divorce. He was adamant that it was his responsibility to support both families, and he did his best to be a father to both sets of children, his own and his second wife’s. (There were no children from the second marriage.)

He told me that he wished he had known the first time around that he had not known how to be married…that the reason he had been unhappy is that he had not had realistic expectations of either himself, or his wife, or even of life. He was married for several years to the second wife before he figured out what was realistic and where he was falling short.

He told me, “I love Diana, but I wish I had known then what I know now. If I had, I’d still be married to my first wife, and I would have saved everyone a lot of grief.” The conversation lead to a saying I have now: Be careful who you marry. You can divorce a spouse, but an ex is forever.

Now, obviously, we need to encourage those who are considering marriage to really explore whether they and their intended spouse are capable of entering into a valid marriage. With the annulment statistics now, it is a fair question.

With those who are unhappy in marriage, though, we should encourage them to do the work to really get to the bottom of why they aren’t happy and why it isn’t working. They should not assume that they know, because so many people looking back will tell them that they probably don’t.

If they do look into these things, they may yet save a valid marriage, but failing that they will be less likely to go out and get into an analogous marriage and repeat the whole mistake all over again. If they do not do this, the statistics say that they will undoubtedly go out and be attracted to someone else for all the same bad reasons that they were attracted to their first spouse, ignoring all the huge problems that they ignored the first time, serving up a world of hurt to both themselves and those around them. This is what the man I had talked to had done. His first and second wives were very much alike. We have all seen it, time and again, both before marriage and after.

Tell them this: You only do life once. Good marriages don’t just happen. If you haven’t learned how to do it yet, you owe it to yourself and everyone around you to go out and work your buns off until you learn. Then you will have earned the right to ask the question: Can the marriage I am in be considered a marriage? Before that, you really can’t know.

I have had one person come to me for advice about what to do about an emotional affair he was having. I told him that he had to go out and figure out why the wheels came off the first time. Until he had done that and done the work to prove that the first marriage was not viable, he was the wrong person to help the woman he was involved with in dealing with the real needs that she had. After much prayer, he did leave the first woman, and went into counselling with his wife. He is still married, and the marriage is far better than ever before. I would not hesitate to trust him; in fact, I would trust him with my life.

Do not make these men’s problems into your own, though. Give them this suggestion, then steer clear. You do not need to be coy about why…they are travelling through emotional and moral shoals, and need all the clear sailing they can get. Encourage them to find the society of their same-sex friends, when they need support. They are a full magazine of powder, ready to go off. Isolation from the fire is the safest path for all concerned.
 
I agree with the poster who said it is a matter of “integrity” that separates those who are tempted to cheat - and do so - and those who are tempted but refrain.

Men with true character and integrity do NOT put themselves into tempting situations or behave in “inviting” ways like excessive flirting etc.

And if they do find themselves in one - they have a “hands off” attitude about them that further keeps the “temptress” at bay.

This goes for women too.

It is no sin to be “tempted” - it is what you DO with that temptation that matters.
 
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Robaynne:
Please tell me why do people still stay together if they are not happy.Because marriage is a divine union that can’t be undone? Because unhappiness is often a tempory thing that will go away in after some years and people are willing to go through some temporary trauma in order to do the right thing in the long run?

One can hope, anyway…

By the way, peach/orange text on a light blue background is physically painful to read.
 
Timidity said:
Because marriage is a divine union that can’t be undone? Because unhappiness is often a tempory thing that will go away in after some years and people are willing to go through some temporary trauma in order to do the right thing in the long run?

One can hope, anyway…
Click to expand...
Besides, if the unhappiness is internally generated, changing spouses, or going without a spouse, will not change it.

There is no commandment, Thou Shalt Be Happy. Life isn’t like that. Unhappiness is no excuse for abandoning one’s integrity.
 
Happiness and contentment come from within. You cannot search for it outside. You will never find it.

Marriage is for better or for worse… thats the vow that u take in front of God so you cannot say that I am unhappy in this marriage so am bailing out.

There are extreme cases where there is physical abuse involved but the term emotional abuse again is misused so many times!!! When you go into a marriage, you have to remember that there will be times when your spouse will hurt and you will hurt your spouse - knowingly and unknowingly… you have to learn to forgive and move on…

I agree with the poster that many people leave a marriage and realise way too late that life is not always rosy and that is a totally unrealistic view of life…
 
Was he a Catholic?
I won’t say “devout” because OBVIOUSLY he wasn’t in the same page as God…

If he wasn’t, then THAT could answer some of your questions… You know, the devil will tempt you in MANY ways, and the ONLY thing that will keep you away from sin and temptations is GOD and only Him!

I’m not saying that a Catholic man can’t cheat… But I don’t know, it seems that men without ANY principles will have less remorse about doing something so awful like cheating on his wife and sometimes even leaving his family for the mistress…

Just my :twocents: 🙂
 
It is shocking to think that people just have this “I do not care attitude” about what is right and wrong. Marriage is no longer a sacred thing anymore. People take it so lightly which is so sad and unfair.

And they all say the same things that they will never leave their wives but what they do not know will not hurt them. That is how they justify their actions. How do you sleep at night knowing that you are hurting a person who has given everything to you. That cooks, cleans, washes, irons, takes care of the kids, takes care of you and what are you doing behind her back. Saying she will never find out and what happens when she does find out what would be the repercussions. Saying I was sorry that I love you and will never do it again. Why do it in the first place. Why allow temptation to get the better of you.

That is why I ask the question why stay in a marriage when all it does is cause hurt, pain and suffering. Should a person stay in a marriage whereby the husband is abusive and beats up his wife all the time. Should she stay no matter what because she made these vows in front of God. If a husband continues to cheat year in and year out. And they have been to Retrouvaille and counselling and he apologises over and over again and still makes the same mistake.

I do not think that I would ever go down that road again. I never thought that my marriage would end even though there were major problems. But it did and it hurts like much to think that I gave my husband 12 years of my life and gave him two children a home and still he was not happy. Maybe we were not meant to be together. We came from two different backgrounds but that was never an issue for me. But with him it was he felt that he could never match up to my Educated family. And I made it very clear to him that it never bothered my family or my why should it bother him. He was addicted to porn and expected me to behave and be a certain way. Which I was not so with a result I was never good enough for him. First of all I was not slim and trim but he married me anyway. He was abusive verbally and emotionally. But he had problems and issues and kept looking outside for what he needed. He wanted mold me and make me into something I was not did not want me to have friends or to go places. He did not want people to know what kind of a man he was. That always saw him as a good husband and provider which he was not. It was a lie. For many years my family was not aware that he used to beat me to a pulp sometimes. I walked around with bruises for days on end never reporting it to the police or anybody. Until one day a friend said to me that I seem to like walking around with a bruised up body. And with a result I was accused of having a lesbian relationship with this person who was such a good friend that was all. She and I were close but he was so jealous of the relationship. And we went for all the counselling under the sun and he did not hear what he wanted to hear. So with a result he found a younger girl with issues of drugs etc. He wanted to save her and rescue her. Today they are living together and have a child that stays with her mother and not them. But she is 20 years old and he is 34 years old and he can make her into what he wants. He hated the fact that I became independent, that I became strong maybe having 4 mental breakdowns and 1 attempted suicide you do eventually wake up and smell the coffee.
 
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