cheating husband

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cflores71

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what should i do ? should i give up on thirteen years of marriage with three children! im so confused. i know what i would do if my children were not in the picture but i have to think of them now too.:confused:
 
Wow, that’s really heartbreaking. I’ll start praying for your marriage right away! Hold onto your faith during this difficult time!

Remember, O Most Gracious Virgin Mary,
that never was it known that anyone who fled to Thy protection,
implored Thy help or sought Thy intercession,
was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence,
I fly unto Thee, O Virgin of Virgins, my Mother;
to Thee do I come, before thee I kneel, sinful and sorrowful.
O Mother of the Word Incarnate,
despise not my petitions,
but in Thy clemency, hear and answer me.

Amen.
 
cflores71 said:
what should i do ? should i give up on thirteen years of marriage with three children! im so confused. i know what i would do if my children were not in the picture but i have to think of them now too.:confused:
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Perhaps it would be wise to speak with a trusted Priest BEFORE making any decisions. I understand the pain you are feeling as I have gone though it as well. Take care, God bless and I’ll say a prayer for you and your family.
 
You have a lot to think about, and I am sure that it hurts so much right now that it is hard to think. I guess the questions that might lead you to a better understanding would be…up until he cheated, what kind of a husband and father was he? Why do you think he cheated? Do you think this was a one time thing or something that he has done before or will do again? Do you think that he is really willing to open up, communicate with you, and take the steps necessary to build a stronger marriage with you. Talking to someone more removed from the situation, like a priest or a counselor would probably help to give you a better perspective.

Praying for you and your family. I’m so sorry you are having to go through this.
 
Is he a good father? Does he love the kids? If he is then I would say for the kids sake I would keep it together. He needs to understand that they need thier father. Try to work things out as best you can. Praying for you.
 
It is such an individual choice. I always thought he’d be kicked out the door if something like that happened, but then when it did I didn’t want him to leave, but he wanted to leave.

Like others posted it really depends on how was he prior to this? In my case he was a great husband and terrific dad. Only problem is he doesn’t want to stay… sad, oh so sad that it takes two to say I do and only one to say I don’t anymore.

Take care of what is in your control- your well being, your emotions, your kids, etc.
 
cflores71 said:
what should i do ? should i give up on thirteen years of marriage with three children! im so confused. i know what i would do if my children were not in the picture but i have to think of them now too.:confused:
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You are in my prayers. 😦 I think that if he is currently cheating, and unwilling to stop the relationship, as opposed to he cheated** and is willing to work on things–then that’s a different story. I can’t imagine remaining in a marriage, where my husband is unwilling to stop seeing another woman–that is not a marriage, really. But, if*** he has stopped, is remorseful, and is seeking to repent…***then, you have to decide if you both can move forward, if you can trust again, etc. But, your husband, again, has to show the willingness to work on the marriage, and stop cheating. I hope things work out…I am so sorry you’re in the midst of something like this. You’re in my prayers!
 
I agree with Whatevergirl. If he won’t stop and shows no signs of ending this mortally sinful behavior, you cannot remain.

There was a line in the old movie, “Kramer versus Kramer:” “There are no winners in a divorce, only degrees of losing.” The children will be the biggest losers of all, but I don’t see any alternative.

It is possible that he could pick up deadly diseases in this adultery and bring them home to you.

This must be totally heartbreaking. Some men never really grow up.

My family and I are going to mass today, and we will offer it for you, your kids, and your husband. This will be tough, but be strong! With the grace of God, you can persevere.

God’s love to you… - Rob in Oregon
 
cflores71 said:
what should i do ? should i give up on thirteen years of marriage with three children! im so confused. i know what i would do if my children were not in the picture but i have to think of them now too.:confused:
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You are not giving up anything…he is by cheating and breaking the covenant marriage. You have to ask yourself, are you better off with him or without him? How many times has he cheated and you have taken him back again? Is there a number or does it matter?

If you are a SAHM for 13 yrs., I suggest a consultation with an attorney to make sure your rights and the rights of your children are protected.

Find out the following:
  • is your name on the deed to the house?
  • is your name on the credit cards and bank statements?
  • do you handle any of the finances?
  • is/are the car/s in your name?
  • do you have access to your bank account/ATM/online?
If you answered NO to any of these questions…he could take every bit of that away from you in the blink of an eye. If you have no work history/skills/education/credit history to maintain a home for your children…get it fast.

I have a friend whose husband did the same. When she said she wanted a divorce, he cleaned out their bank account, closed the credit cards, sold one of the vehicles, and put the house up for sale. This happened within one month. Everything was in HIS name. My friend had not worked since college. Fortunately she did have a degree in education, but never taught school, so that had lapsed. She sought the advice of an attorney, and to untangle the mess, he wanted 10 grand.

Always have a back up plan and know what your rights are.

If a spouse stays with a cheater, he/she may “forgive”, but it’s the “forgetting” part that rears it’s ugly head.
 
I think the best thing is always to try to save your marriage especially for the kids sake. If your husband is willing to work on the marriage, of course. You can find Catholic counselors at www.catholictherapists.com. It is not going to be easy, but if he ends the affair, kids really do fare better in two parent families.

There is hope: I have a friend to whom this happened. In her case, her marriage was so bad prior to the cheating she had HOPED he would cheat on her to give her a reason to leave him. However, he was so repentant afterwards they worked on the marriage and their marriage improved dramatically! They had another child afterwards and she was very happy. This may be an extreme case, but anything is possible with God.
 
I think that by your post, you are going to find a wide array of answers ranging from leave him to try and make it work. Maybe if you can clarify a few things that would help out.

My first intial thought/reaction is to work it out by any and all means necessary. You do need to talk with your priest and you do need look into counseling for both of you. I would also think that a Retrouvaille retrouvaille.org/ weekend may be good for both of you.

You need to talk with you husband and try to do what you can to work this out, especially for the kids.

Again, I cannot say much more as I do not have a lot of information. I do pray that you both can communicate effectively and work this out.

God bless you.

One last thing, take this to adoration.
 
I see you haven’t posted again… I hope you are well and maybe still reading the postings. If you want to try and recover your marriage there is a wonderful!!! supportive website with tons on information and message boards. www.marriagebuilders.com

You are in my prayers!

J
 
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