Cheating With Another Man's Girlfriend?

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Rainaldo

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Should I tell my friend that his girlfriend sort of cheated on him with me?

We were both drunk, he is out of town for several months, we had a long emotional conversation about a lot of things, she basically threw herself at me and we kissed, I kind of consented but didn’t pursue it, didn’t throw her off me.

All three of us are mutual friends with each other, but he is out of state because of his job and will be until the end of the summer.

Should I call him and tell him what happened?
 
if it’s over and done with, no. i see no reason to inject more pain and anguish into the situation.
 
I would tell, I would want to know if I was in your friend’s shoes. These kind of things do have a way of being revealed eventually and the longer you keep it from him, the greater the damage. Deceit never works in any friendship or relationship.
 
if all that happened was just a kiss, and they are happy right now, I think he would be upset with you, and maybe even say why did you tell me this!
  • I would not tell, what would you really accomplish, and he might be mad at you for consenting more than her for “throwing herself at you”
why possibly ruin a friendship with 2 people , over a kiss that didn’t mean anything and will never happen again
 
Discretion is the better part of valor, and confession is the road to forgiveness and absolution for a moment of folly.
 
mab23 said:
if all that happened was just a kiss, and they are happy right now, I think he would be upset with you, and maybe even say why did you tell me this!
  • I would not tell, what would you really accomplish, and he might be mad at you for consenting more than her for “throwing herself at you”
why possibly ruin a friendship with 2 people , over a kiss that didn’t mean anything and will never happen again
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If it doesn’t mean anything, than why would full disclosure have the potential to ruin the friendships or make the friend upset? If it doesn’t mean anything than there is no potential of any of that. But there is a potential, there is a risk to the kiss being found out by the boyfriend… And perhaps the OP isn’t the first friend that the girlfriend has kissed. Its not so much that the kiss could just be a one time mistake, its that the OP didn’t honor the friendship by being truthful and forthcoming about his indiscretion with the girlfriend. The deceit or non disclosure of the situation is what can actually do more harm than a one time kiss could ever do.
 
PatriceA said:
If it doesn’t mean anything, than why would full disclosure have the potential to ruin the friendships or make the friend upset? If it doesn’t mean anything than there is no potential of any of that. But there is a potential, there is a risk to the kiss being found out by the boyfriend… And perhaps the OP isn’t the first friend that the girlfriend has kissed. Its not so much that the kiss could just be a one time mistake, its that the OP didn’t honor the friendship by being truthful and forthcoming about his indiscretion with the girlfriend. The deceit or non disclosure of the situation is what can actually do more harm than a one time kiss could ever do.
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Guys,
We are talking about a kiss here. Firstly, the couple are not actually married - which means nobody has really cheated on anyone in the first place.
More like an indiscretion…

Also - even if it was a bit more than a kiss…the best option is to confess it and put it behind you. There is no point bringing it up with your friend if that was the end of it.

If this was a situation between a married couple it would be different as the actual marriage would be a consideration…but that is not the case.

God Bless

Adam
 
No. I don’t see what you did wrong other than getting drunk in the first place. Nothing was set in stone, they aren’t married! No, I don’t see the problem here, unless I misunderstand you and that you went further than just kissing, in which case there is a problem.

I was in a similar situation, but neither were drunk, he wasn’t out of state, he hated me, and I was trying to talk the girl into becoming a nun… 😊

Suffice it to say, I doubt she’ll become a nun.
 
I agree…The kiss was not cheating it was just an indiscretion that likely resulted from being drunk.
 
Rainaldo said:
Should I tell my friend that his girlfriend sort of cheated on him with me?

We were both drunk, he is out of town for several months, we had a long emotional conversation about a lot of things, she basically threw herself at me and we kissed, I kind of consented but didn’t pursue it, didn’t throw her off me.

All three of us are mutual friends with each other, but he is out of state because of his job and will be until the end of the summer.

Should I call him and tell him what happened?
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Why do you want to tell him? Is it because it will be of some benefit to him? Is the benefit he is making a bad choice of girlfriend? Or its it because you want to relieve yourself of a guilty conscience?
 
Rainaldo said:
Should I tell my friend that his girlfriend sort of cheated on him with me?

We were both drunk, he is out of town for several months, we had a long emotional conversation about a lot of things, she basically threw herself at me and we kissed, I kind of consented but didn’t pursue it, didn’t throw her off me.

All three of us are mutual friends with each other, but he is out of state because of his job and will be until the end of the summer.

Should I call him and tell him what happened?
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So you are trying to tell him that you betrayed his trust by getting his girlfriend drunk and then you kissed her?

The way you are presenting things makes it sound like you are not a man but a middle school student that tattles and blames things on the other person. Start thinking like a man and then act like a man.
 
minkymurph said:
Why do you want to tell him? Is it because it will be of some benefit to him? Is the benefit he is making a bad choice of girlfriend? Or its it because you want to relieve yourself of a guilty conscience?
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Part of it is because I have no control over her version if she tells him.
 
Cristiano said:
So you are trying to tell him that you betrayed his trust by getting his girlfriend drunk and then you kissed her?

The way you are presenting things makes it sound like you are not a man but a middle school student that tattles and blames things on the other person. Start thinking like a man and then act like a man.
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No, she got herself drunk, and the kiss was on her initiative.

Ironically I think she kissed me partly because I was acting like a man.
 
Rainaldo said:
Part of it is because I have no control over her version if she tells him.
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Ooo, I didn’t consider this actually. Still don’t tell him. She would be too hesitant to do so. Now if I were in your shoes, and she told him some twisted story, I’d deny everything. To the end, I wouldn’t give either of them one inch of ground and I wouldn’t confirm anything. I’m not suggesting doing that, just letting you know what I would do.
 
Ooo, I didn’t consider this actually. Still don’t tell him. She would be too hesitant to do so. Now if I were in your shoes, and she told him some twisted story, I’d deny everything. To the end, I wouldn’t give either of them one inch of ground and I wouldn’t confirm anything. I’m not suggesting doing that, just letting you know what I would do.
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Ok…No…

Just, No.

It was just a kiss…you guys were drunk. And if she does tell him then the truth is the best option in that case. Don’t deny it…

That’s being a man.
 
i really can’t believe the responses that seem to think this isn’t cheating because they are not married. incredible!

i think the right thing to do is tell your friend. the woman should have told him as couples need to be honest with each other. if she hasn’t by now, you as a friend need to let him know. what if he ends up marrying her and soon finds out this is a pattern of hers? unless they were in an open relationship, he has every right to know. please don’t be an accomplice to a lie of omission.
 
Rainaldo said:
Part of it is because I have no control over her version if she tells him.
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No matter what you tell him, you have no control over what she tells him but more significantly, you have no control over what, or who he chooses to believe.

What you tell him will not control what she believes, or whether or not he will believe you or her.

That being the case, what purpose does telling him serve?
 
jen_fla said:
i really can’t believe the responses that seem to think this isn’t cheating because they are not married. incredible!

i think the right thing to do is tell your friend. the woman should have told him as couples need to be honest with each other. if she hasn’t by now, you as a friend need to let him know. what if he ends up marrying her and soon finds out this is a pattern of hers? unless they were in an open relationship, he has every right to know. please don’t be an accomplice to a lie of omission.
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They are not married - that is quite significant. If they were engaged that would be significant. But still - until a person is actually married there is no sacred obligation on them to be faithful for life to any one person.
Dating is a time of discernment and growth toward marriage…even people who are married fall in their lives. But that would be more serious than this.

Also - why do you assume this is a pattern of hers??
 
this isn’t about how it will affect rainaldo, but about withholding the truth from his friend. his friend has every right to know what happened.
 
AdamPeter said:
They are not married - that is quite significant. If they were engaged that would be significant. But still - until a person is actually married there is no sacred obligation on them to be faithful for life to any one person.
Dating is a time of discernment and growth toward marriage…even people who are married fall in their lives. But that would be more serious than this.

Also - why do you assume this is a pattern of hers??
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if they were free to date other people then, i would agree with you, but i don’t get the feeling they are. dating is one thing, but couples who are in love do not want anyone touching that person that they love. it’s not like their love doesn’t become real until they are married or engaged.

even if they were in an open relationship, it is still significant news in that a friend was involved. friends are off limits. everyone knows this unless the friends have an open and frank discussion about having feelings for the same person.
 
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