I repeat there is no such thing as an exclusive relationship between a man and woman outside of marriage, nor is their any room for the kind of intimacy that would lead one or both parties to make such claims, outside of marriage. Old fashioned? you bet.
about to be engaged has no meaning
engaged has a meaning
married has a meaning.
if you want commitment, commit
Sorry, but I totally disagree.
I’m engaged right now. But we definitely had a commitment before we got engaged. Therefore, there is such a thing because we DECIDED that. Of course we wanted commitment, but we weren’t going to jump in an get engaged the moment we thought marriage was a possibility for us.
Now, I am not a fan of dating. My fiancee and I were good friends for years, and he had told me he had romantic feelings for me. At the time I didn’t, so we remained friends. Eventually, I realized I DID have romantic feelings for him…but of course I needed to be sure, and we needed to figure out what issues we had as a couple that we would need to work on. We became boyfriend and girlfriend and from day one we knew we would only be bf/gf if we thought there was potential for marriage. That’s how both of us are: we don’t agree with dating just to ‘get to know someone’ or if you don’t think you could marry them.
But we definitely didn’t want to jump into an engagement from day 1; we both had things to work out, and we had to get used to viewing each other in a different way and make sure it worked. It did; we were engaged less than a year later (we were originally going to wait a few years, for him to get his PhD, but we decided that was dumb; we know we want to get married so let’s DO it).
The way I view bf/gf is that by default it is heading towards marriage UNLESS some big issue that can’t be worked towards presents itself. It is still a commitment, and ‘cheating’ would be a huge issue. We actually considered ourselves engaged in heart, even if we weren’t officially planning the wedding yet. Engagement is when you are saying that you are confident there are no big issues that will impediment the marriage (although of course there are still issues you are working through, and more discernment) and you are definitely getting married (and in a practical sense, actually planning it and notifiying people).
The boyfriend I had before; well, we also thought we were going to get married, but it turns out we weren’t right for each other. It definitely was not a waste of time that we commited to only each other; we both still learned a lot about ourselves, and became better people (although not as good as we should have been which was why we broke up).
By your logic, I should have been engaged to him as well…but that would have been a bad idea.
I agree that a bf/gf relationship shouldn’t last too long or be aimless…eventually either you know or you don’t…but I don’t think it’s immoral to have a long relationship assuming it isn’t stagnant; sometimes there are extenuating circumstances. But I don’t think it’s an excuse to not be committed to each other, and I really don’t like the idea of being with multiple people to figure out which one you want. Friendship is one thing, but not things that imply some kind of future marriage. That’s bad practice for the exclusivity marriage requires.
And naturally, I don’t think premarital sex or really heavy physical intimacy belongs in any of these situations (including engagement). But again, that doesn’t mean there can’t be a commitment. I agree that pre-marital sex does cause these kinds of issues, but I don’t think it’s wrong to expect some kind of commitment just because you aren’t married and having sex. We weren’t, and we still expected it.
