Chickened out at confession

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constantconvert

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A couple of weeks ago I committed the sin of impurely touching myself. (Arrrg, I hate even writing those words 😊) Anyway, I went to confession fulling intending to confess the sin, but when I actually got into the confessional I couldn’t bring myself to say it, so I said “Once I had impure thoughts.”

I’m going back to confession this Saturday. Do I have to say the dreaded words, or is what I said enough?
 
Constantconvert,

Yes, you do have to say it. Impure thoughts come into our minds without our thinking about them. And as long as we don’t dwell on them, they are not sins in themselves. The other is more deliberate and must be mentioned. Trust me, the priest has heard everything, yours is not the worst. Since you held back what could be a mortal sin, you should also mention whatever else you confessed to, as it perhaps was not a valid confession. It is the sin of pride that keeps us from mentioning sins; we must humble ourselves–and it is humbling-to tell all the sins we are aware of. Trust in God, ask for strength, and He will give it to you.

Peace to you.
 
Impure thoughts are not at all the same thing as impure acts. So yes, I am afraid you have to go back. If need be tell the priest that you have a sin that you’re particuarly nervous about confessing.

Take courage - of all the mortal sins this would probably be the one most widely committed and confessed. One that over 90% of all men and about 75% or so of all women commit at some point. Look at how many threads there are on CAF discussing it!

So I can almost guarantee that your priest will be hearing the same sin confessed by the person before you - or after you - or the person after that. Do you really imagine, then, that it’s going to stay in his mind as something particularly heinous? Or worth remembering or commenting on even?

And why are you bothering hiding any sin? You’ve already made the effort to go confession - with Christ who already knows each and every one of your sins and still loves you so much that he gives you the opportunity to be absolved of all of them. All He asks in return that you have the courage to name them. He certainly isn’t going to be impressed or fooled by your hiding anything.

It makes no more sense than going to the ER of a hospital and then not telling the doctor what is wrong with you and pretending that you aren’t sick!

Embarrassment is a small price to pay for the feeling after you make a complete and honest confession - think of it as just getting an early start on your penance for your sins. And try to remember that feeling whenever you are tempted to sin again - it might help you to stop.

God bless.
 
It took me so long to type this that I’m going to end up cross-posting with some other people, but I’ve written it now so I might as well hit submit 🙂

Sorry, but you’re going to need to try again!

What you confessed was not enough as (although you may have sinned in addition with impure thoughts) it was not an accurate statement of what the actual sin was so you didn’t confess in KIND and number what you had done.

Having said that, it’s not as bad as you think (confessing it, not the actual sin).
Some tips:
  • It depends what the ‘dreaded words’ are or whether you just hate the idea of confessing it at all. You are free to choose any form of words which accurately communicates to the priest what the sin is. Some people prefer to be more clinical, others more vernacular, others more circumspect. Just make sure you say enough so that the priest knows what it is without being obscene. ‘I masturbated’, ‘I committed an impure act with myself’, ‘I touched myself’ are all ok in that the priest will understand what you mean.
  • Honestly (I’m not a priest but I have worked with enough young people and others in various kinds of apostolate to know this), he will have heard it so many times before it will not faze him at all, not even a little bit. Not that we should ever be concerned about shocking the priest in confession, but this sin in particular has a huge gulf between how embarrassed people feel about confessing it and how many thousands of times the priest has heard it and understands how people struggle with it.
  • It may help to look at HOW you’re confessing at the moment and try another way to see if it helps you, For example, some people prefer behind a screen, others prefer face to face. You could try the one you don’t usually do. Try kneeling if you don’t already; it can help to make the mental connection with prayer and reinforce that you’re actually confessing to God through the priest, not to the priest as an end in himself. See if it helps you to close your eyes/look down/look at the priest.
  • There is some debate on this going on on another thread, but if you’re really worked up and worried about one particular sin, I would always advise saying it first to get it out of the way and then continue with your other sins. Personally, I don’t like reading from a paper when I get in to confession, but I do list my sins in the order I want to confess them then use my fingers to memorise them. That way, you know exactly what you want to say before you get in (up to the 'for these and all my sins … point anyway) and you’re not caught out trying to find the right words in the middle of it all. So you think of how you’re going to say not just the embarrassing sin, but all of them and then you’re able to say it and move on quickly.
Relax! Focus on God and his love for you. That will get you through!

Good luck. I will pray for you.
 
OK, thanks everyone. I will confess it this Saturday. I know of a parish that has confession everyday, but only face to face, so it will have to wait a couple of days. I may have to go to a parish I have never been too.

One thing for sure, this has been so excruciating, I doubt whether I will commit this sin ever again!

Lord have mercy 😦
 
LilyM said:
And why are you bothering hiding any sin? You’ve already made the effort to go confession - with Christ who already knows each and every one of your sins and still loves you so much that he gives you the opportunity to be absolved of all of them. All He asks in return that you have the courage to name them. He certainly isn’t going to be impressed or fooled by your hiding anything.
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It’s not God I’m worried about, it’s the opinion of the priest. Even though he doesn’t know who I am, and won’t be shocked, and won’t even remember my sin, for that moment I am absolutely mortified. I care too much about people’s opinion (a sin I have to confess all too often, unlike the sin I’m too embarrassed to mention)

Thanks. Pray for me.
 
You shouldn’t be embarrassed about the priest’s opinion of you. Not in confession, anyway, although the thought of having to confess it may help you avoid it in future. Think about it, sins of that particular sort of the most common ones today. The priest probably hears that and worse regularly. Also, don’t be afraid to wait to muster up the courage to say it. That’s what I did at my last confession. I literally couldn’t speak when I tried and it took about 30 seconds of fish facing to speak.😃

You shouldn’t let your pride or fear get the better of you in confession, it it’s a confessional with a wooden board between you and the priest, imagine Jesus is on the other side ready to forgive you. If it isn’t, close you eyes and again imagine Jesus is in front of you ready to forgive you. Best of luck at your last confession and don’t forget to say that you left it mentioning that sin in a previous confession!👍
 
Constantconvert, let me tell you a humorous story. Just to lighten you up a little bit. 🙂

When I was attending a youth group with an older, very good-natured and holy priest (he has reposed since), he told us this story from the confessional. There was a guy and a girl who were dating each other, and they came to confession one weekend. Father knew both of them pretty well. And the guy entered the confessional, and confessed that he and the girl, oops… :o did something improper. After the guy, came the girl, and she confessed some sins of her own, but not a peep regarding the 6th commandment. 😃 So, Father tried to gently help her, asking her if there was anything else she might need to confess, perhaps anything related to purity and the 6th… and still nothing. 😛 In the end, Father had no choice, he had to absolve this girl and let her go, knowing full well that she committed a sin she failed to confess, with the very guy who just confessed to it five minutes before! Father felt like :banghead: :banghead: but in the end, there was nothing he could do. You see, anything confessed must be kept a secret, and he was not free to tell this girl, “hey, don’t be so embarrassed, confess it already that you messed up, because I already know everything about it, as your boyfriend has just confessed it to me five minutes ago!” 😃

According to Father, guys tend to be very reluctant to set foot in a confessional, but once they do, they will tend to confess the whole truth, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Girls, in the other hand, tend to be less chickened out about going to confession, however they have more of a problem making a full confession of embarrassing sins.
 
This may sound strange but my advice is to confess it ( masturbation) as soon as possible after it has happend. This will, in the long run, will be the most effective way to end the urge to do it. It will take time but it is worth it in order to be free. I will pray for you.
 
The priest doesn’t judge you, God does. The priest mediates your petition to God and God granted him the power to absolve you from your sins. It was set up by God in this manner so have faith in Him and do as HE asks. Works for me!
 
You’ve just confessed it to the internet. We can’t absolve you but the priest can 🙂

Go confess it to the priest! Remember that he is there as Christ, waiting to offer you His loving Mercy.

God bless!
 
smswife said:
You’ve just confessed it to the internet. We can’t absolve you but the priest can 🙂

Go confess it to the priest! Remember that he is there as Christ, waiting to offer you His loving Mercy.

God bless!
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If need be, print out your opening post and simply read it to the priest in the confession. You made the first two steps, admitting to the sin here and admitting about skipping it in confession. The next step be easier if you read what you wrote in your opening post, word for word and keep it that simple. Praying for you:)
 
LilyM said:
It makes no more sense than going to the ER of a hospital and then not telling the doctor what is wrong with you and pretending that you aren’t sick!

God bless.
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Another good analogy. I’m beginning to think this is a special charism of yours. 🙂
 
constantconvert said:
OK, thanks everyone. I will confess it this Saturday. I know of a parish that has confession everyday, but only face to face, so it will have to wait a couple of days. I may have to go to a parish I have never been too.

Lord have mercy 😦
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Ah now I understand. See if you can find a parish that that has anonymous confessions. It doesn’t matter if you have never been there before.
 
Suggestions from my own experience that have helped me:
  1. confess it by name (“masturbation”) as soon as possible!
  2. remember: Jesus already knows what you have done- - - just acknowledge it and move on.
  3. anonymous “behind the screen” confession is best; if that is not possible at your parish, go visit another parish to make your confession.
Don’t delay!
 
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