Child Abuse

[microhun2700]

When I was 6 my mother’s boyfriend molested me for about a year and a half. My mom knew about it the whole time and never did anything (she is still with him to this day). I am a Catholic and my ex-fiance is Pentecostal (obviously we have different religious views) and he recently told me that God has the Power to make all of the pain I still feel go away. Most of the pain is in the memories. I have found the power, through Jesus, to forgive my mother and her boyfriend. This has helped me heal a lot. It has helped get rid of some of the anger I felt inside and it has eased some of the pain, but there is still pain that I think I will feel for the rest of my life. Can God really erase my memories? Or has he done all that he can and the rest is up to me?

 

[keith0718]

Can God really erase my memories? Or has he done all that he can and the rest is up to me?

I’m no psychotherapist, but IMHO, you’ve set up a false dichotomy: God erasing everything/everything being up to yourself. I came from a Pentecostal background and IMHO that tradition over-exaggerates and over-simplifies acts of healing by God. That tradition also has little to no understanding of suffering and redemptive suffering. They believe that Christ died to take away all suffering in this world (if we will but receive it with enough faith). Catholics believe that Christ died to bear our burden with us and to give our suffering meaning. God does heal. Christ healed many…but there were many that he left unhealed. St. Paul prayed to be relieved of his thorn in the flesh, but God denied him that.

Beware of the emotional trap which the Pentecostal tradition lays for you which tells you that there is something wrong with you (your faith) since you can’t received God’s healing. The guilt from that is FALSE…and it is a heavy burden to bear.

As for the other end of your dichotomy–God having done his part and leaving the rest to you–God never leaves us. He may not give you a miraculous and instant healing, but He wants to give Himself more and more to you (which would bring healing). I think that 99% of the time, healing comes for these things just like regular spiritual growth–slowly and over time as we learn to live more and more on the Father’s love. It’s all grace. God doesn’t one day stop and say, “OK, that’s enough grace for you. I’m shutting off the tap and leaving the rest to you.” It seems like you have made excellent progress in your life. And you’ve done it by God’s grace…and that same grace is what will bring you further. That being said, grace can be impeded when our thinking is bad, i.e. our view of God is false…and that’s exactly what abuse brings–a warped view of God as Father, etc. This can be correcte (with God’s grace and leading) through things like reading, spiritual direction, or psychotherapy. I would check out Dr Ray Guarendi’s website for leads in that area. I would also recommend Peter Kreeft’s book: The God Who Loves You.

I will say a prayer for you.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

I’m so sorry to hear about your past. My prayers are with you.

 

[whatevergirl]

When I was 6 my mother’s boyfriend molested me for about a year and a half. My mom knew about it the whole time and never did anything (she is still with him to this day). I am a Catholic and my ex-fiance is Pentecostal (obviously we have different religious views) and he recently told me that God has the Power to make all of the pain I still feel go away. Most of the pain is in the memories. I have found the power, through Jesus, to forgive my mother and her boyfriend. This has helped me heal a lot. It has helped get rid of some of the anger I felt inside and it has eased some of the pain, but there is still pain that I think I will feel for the rest of my life. Can God really erase my memories? Or has he done all that he can and the rest is up to me?

I’m so sorry this happened to you–I feel a bit of anger towards your mom seeing that she is still with this man. I will keep you all in my prayers.

Very interesting thread–I don’t believe God can erase memories, but what He can do, is ease your burden of the memories. I had a painful childhood as well–different from yours–but painful. It is weird, there are some days, when I feel due to deep prayer and continuously laying down my own burdens at God’s feet, that I don’t remember much–ironically! But, other days, creep back up…but the difference is…when we lay our pain at Christ’s feet…what happens is amazing. We don’t forget the past, but we are no longer identified by it. I walked through my of this life always feeling this nagging ache of loss. (my parents died by the time I was 10 yrs old) And…what a terrible way to walk through life! About 5 years ago, I gave this pain–this burden to God–and no longer does this identify who I am as a person. I know that many people who have been abused in their childhoods, walk through life with much of the same ‘stigma.’ I would highly recommend reading a few books about grieving and mourning. You lost some of your childhood–and you need to grieve over that. Then, you need to lay the burdens – even if it takes years–at the feet of the Cross. Over time, you will no longer look back at those memories with gut wrenching pain, that I would imagine you do, now. But, you will find strength to pray for your mom–even your abuser, over time. (maybe you have already) I think that is the best advice I could probably give–and I will keep you in my prayers.

:console:

 

[StCsDavid]

When I was 6 my mother’s boyfriend molested me for about a year and a half. My mom knew about it the whole time and never did anything (she is still with him to this day). I am a Catholic and my ex-fiance is Pentecostal (obviously we have different religious views) and he recently told me that God has the Power to make all of the pain I still feel go away. Most of the pain is in the memories. I have found the power, through Jesus, to forgive my mother and her boyfriend. This has helped me heal a lot. It has helped get rid of some of the anger I felt inside and it has eased some of the pain, but there is still pain that I think I will feel for the rest of my life. Can God really erase my memories? Or has he done all that he can and the rest is up to me?

Very sorry to hear of your pain. You might find some insight in this article I wrote last July called The Second Chance. I would also encourage you to consider some professional counseling if you just can’t seem to let go of the pain. I doubt one ever reaches a point in life where one feels good or even okay about a painful event. Much of dealing with it surrounds how often one entertains the painful past and how one responds to those memories and how those memories might interfere with your present life. Counseling can help sort out some of this.

While I don’t agree with all of Dr. Laura’s philosophy, one thing she has said that I believe was very wise is that we each have two opportunities to have a good parent child relationship. The first is when we’re growing up and the second is when we have kids of our own. If the first time around didn’t go so well, one has a second chance to get it right with one’s own kids and that is where the energy must be expended.

I will pray for you this afternoon.

 

[microhun2700]

I would also encourage you to consider some professional counseling if you just can’t seem to let go of the pain. I doubt one ever reaches a point in life where one feels good or even okay about a painful event. Much of dealing with it surrounds how often one entertains the painful past and how one responds to those memories and how those memories might interfere with your present life. Counseling can help sort out some of this.

Thank you for your words. I have been to plenty of therapy. I have been to 5 different therapists. They have helped me a lot, but there’s still a lit that I struggle with.

 

[iamrefreshed]

When I was 6 my mother’s boyfriend molested me for about a year and a half. My mom knew about it the whole time and never did anything (she is still with him to this day). I am a Catholic and my ex-fiance is Pentecostal (obviously we have different religious views) and he recently told me that God has the Power to make all of the pain I still feel go away. Most of the pain is in the memories. I have found the power, through Jesus, to forgive my mother and her boyfriend. This has helped me heal a lot. It has helped get rid of some of the anger I felt inside and it has eased some of the pain, but there is still pain that I think I will feel for the rest of my life. Can God really erase my memories? Or has he done all that he can and the rest is up to me?

Welcome to CAF microhun. I’m glad you have sought out counseling. That is the most important step to healing. My wife experienced a very similar youth, except the abuser was her father (also with mothers knowledge).

With God’s grace (and LOTS of counseling) you can heal. Can you ever forget? No, I don’t think so. What you can do is learn to redirect you thoughts to who you are today when your past creeps in. Realize that God has delivered you to today to live today, not in the past. When you eventually rest in His arms He will remove all the unpleasant memories from this life. Until then, seek solace in Him and continue with your counseling.

God bless you.