Child Abuse

[zachattack05]

I wonder something, and I hope someone might be able to help me.

This is a very serious subject for me because it’s very personal, so please be careful what you say

Anyway…when a kid is abused in any way, if it’s for a long enough time and of certain types and by certain people it can really affect them later on. Pick up any psychology book that discusses abuse and you can see it there.

My question is that sometimes those who are abused have problems. Maybe it’s a temper problem, the fear that they can’t control their life so they do things they shouldn’t to assert control, they might masturbate a lot, have problems knowing if they are straight or gay…whatever…my question is, if something happens to a child and it affects them in those ways, and those ways happen to be sinful, what can they do? Are they going to be held just as accountable as the non-abused counterparts? I’m not really asking if this is “a way out” from sin, and I’m sure it would be wise to confess the sins that are committed, but clearly people who have been abused lack a lot of the “normal” controls a non-abused person has. Does that make sense? Anyway, I was just curious.

Thanks for your time.

PS – I’m sorry if this is totally in the wrong forum. I tried looking and this is the best I could find.

 

[Libero]

I would not have thought so, but then again I am no expert. If the child recognises the problems and tries to get help, eg counselling etc. I would assume there is no reason for them to be held responsible.

 

[John_Russell_Jr]

I am not assuming you have been abused. I will just offer some observations from my experience and some people close to me.
If someone is abused as a child they sometimes remain little affected and sometimes severely affected.
I was not raised a catholic or any religion. My father was an alcoholic and my childhood was very poor. As I went through life I had terrible problems as a result of my poor upbrininging. My responsibility for the sins I committed was greatly diminished or non existent on many or all occasions up to the point when I entered the church. I was baptised catholic but we were not church goers. If someone has been severely scarred by abuse they may not be guilty of sins provided they do their best to overcome sin. You still should confess sins even insofar as you may be guilty. Just to be sure. In my case some sins were habitual from my poor upbringing including purity and it is normal to permit such a person reasonable time to overcome bad habits like this until they get on their feet.
I also know a man who was molested by cousins of similiar age when he was around 10 and he did similiar things too. They were all kids. He grew up with severe problems because of this and we have talked to orthodox priests and they say he may not be responsible for the sins he commits as a result of his illness and mental probs that have arisen as a result of these occurences. He goes to confession anyway.
Finally I would say we are all sinners so whether the person is guilty of sin or not they should bring it up at confession.
I strongly recommend making an appointment with an orthodox priest to discuss everything that is of concern to this person.

 

[Karen10]

I’m not sure – I don’t know if this is one of those situations where we should say, that only God knows what is in somebody’s heart.

I know that in acute situations, a person’s mental state, and whether the sin is a habitual sin, can reduce culpability somewhat. To what extent–whether it no longer is actually grave–I am not sure it’s anybody’s place to say.

The thing is, for a sin to be grave, one thing you do is fully consent to it. Someone under strong, acute emotional duress, or under the strong effects of a bad habit that is tough to break, or with a mental illness, can find himself or herself falling to strong temptations that they do not *fully *consent to. They possibly feel remorse at the moment they are committing the sin. Their modes of thinking, will, and/or knowledge of what they are doing CAN be severely hampered by a damaged spirit.

No doubt, the effects of child abuse can be spiritually damaging. Someone suffering from these effects really has to take heroic measures to recover their will and re-align it with God’s, and perhaps to feel His love and trust in Him. All of us sinners battle these problems to varying degrees. We’re like soldiers on a battlefield with a smaller arsenal of weapons, though there is always the ultimate weapon, God.

It’s good to have a conscience that warns you of sin. It’s merely telling you, “I don’t think this is God’s will”.

Along with this comes a need to understand guilt. In these times, the wrong kind of guilt over sins also can become a major attack on our already wounded spirit. I know this feeling! We meticulously try to calculate just how grave our sins are, and feel discouraged when we’re not sure, and fear the worst, when really, only God knows our hearts perfectly. God does give some people the gift of knowing their own hearts as He sees them, but not all of us. I’m honestly not sure if it’s a gift that you can ask for, or how you go about obtaining such a gift, or whether it’s a gift everyone should even have.

So one of the best first things somebody can do when they are worried about sin, is to learn how to discern the different types of guilt.

According to The Spiritual Combat, a book with Imprimatur, there are a couple kinds of guilt. One is healthy and makes you properly remorseful, thankful for God’s mercy, and resolves you to change; it brings you closer to God.

The other kind of guilt causes only despair; it haunts you, preoccupies your mind, and ends up discouraging you–this “guilt” is a tool of the devil, make no mistake about it. It is a trick of the devil, and a desperate trick at that, because he is threatened by your hatred of sin, and so he turns the guilt into something he can use against you!

If one ever feels this latter kind of guilt, they should force themselves to stop letting it haunt them, and go to confession, and move forward and don’t look back. They should be 100% convinced of God’s forgiveness obtained in this sacrament, grateful that God is so merciful, and be encouraged by that.

Then as a plan of combat, they need to recognize which vice led them to sin, and keep themselves very busy practicing a corresponding virtue to the vice. For example, if it’s a harmful kind of anger leading to hatred, they can practice charity–almsgiving, praying for enemies and working on forgiving them, doing good works for others–and in effect–help themselves to see Christ in others. If it’s sloth, they can work on discipline; if they eat or drink too much, they can work on temperance perhaps with mortification. It is recommended to pick the one most serious vice and work on that; in doing so, the other virtues automatically fall in line just by working on one of them. Just keeping busy working on a virtue keeps us from sinning!

However The Spiritual Combat makes an exception to this general rule when it comes to sexual sin (the vice is lust), because actively trying to combat lust means you just keep thinking about the sexual sin and tempting yourself further. A person suffering sexual temptations with a member of either sex should not put themselves in situations where they are tempted with that person, while trying to build up virtue by resisting temptations. If at all possible, they should simply RUN! Run, run, without looking back, and keep busy. Go nowhere near temptation. Not even the saints would trust themselves with this temptation.

I found this advice very helpful and am still using it–I’ve got some big vices and occassionally I am in a bad state of mind where I find my will to be hampered by a circumstance like anger, and at the same time I know that I must not become discouraged, especially by scruples. It’s good to have a conscience that alerts you to sin, even if you’re not sure of its severity. But along with that is the crucial need to learn ways to heal the spirit and not let the guilt work against us.

 

[John_Russell_Jr]

Hi, Very well said.http://forums.catholic-questions.org/images/icons/icon14.gif

Karen10:

I’m not sure – I don’t know if this is one of those situations where we should say, that only God knows what is in somebody’s heart.

I know that in acute situations, a person’s mental state, and whether the sin is a habitual sin, can reduce culpability somewhat. To what extent–whether it no longer is actually grave–I am not sure it’s anybody’s place to say.

The thing is, for a sin to be grave, one thing you do is fully consent to it. Someone under strong, acute emotional duress, or under the strong effects of a bad habit that is tough to break, or with a mental illness, can find himself or herself falling to strong temptations that they do not *fully *consent to. They possibly feel remorse at the moment they are committing the sin. Their modes of thinking, will, and/or knowledge of what they are doing CAN be severely hampered by a damaged spirit.

No doubt, the effects of child abuse can be spiritually damaging. Someone suffering from these effects really has to take heroic measures to recover their will and re-align it with God’s, and perhaps to feel His love and trust in Him. All of us sinners battle these problems to varying degrees. We’re like soldiers on a battlefield with a smaller arsenal of weapons, though there is always the ultimate weapon, God.

In these times, guilt over sins also becomes a major attack on our already wounded spirit. I know this feeling! We meticulously try to calculate just how grave our sins are, and feel discouraged when we’re not sure, and fear the worst, when really, only God knows our hearts perfectly. God does give some people the gift of knowing their own hearts as He sees them, but not all of us. I’m honestly not sure if it’s a gift that you can ask for, or how you go about obtaining such a gift, or whether it’s a gift everyone should even have.

So one of the best first things somebody can do when they are worried about sin, is to learn how to discern the different types of guilt.

According to The Spiritual Combat, a book with Imprimatur, there are a couple kinds of guilt. One is healthy and makes you properly remorseful, thankful for God’s mercy, and resolves you to change; it brings you closer to God.

The other kind of guilt causes only despair; it haunts you, preoccupies your mind, and ends up discouraging you–this “guilt” is a tool of the devil, make no mistake about it. It is a trick of the devil, and a desperate trick at that, because he is threatened by your hatred of sin, and so he turns the guilt into something he can use against you!

If one ever feels this latter kind of guilt, they should force themselves to stop letting it haunt them, and go to confession, and move forward and don’t look back. They should be 100% convinced of God’s forgiveness obtained in this sacrament, grateful that God is so merciful, and be encouraged by that.

Then as a plan of combat, they need to recognize which vice led them to sin, and keep themselves very busy practicing a corresponding virtue to the vice. For example, if it’s a harmful kind of anger leading to hatred, they can practice charity–almsgiving, praying for enemies and working on forgiving them, doing good works for others–and in effect–help themselves to see Christ in others. If it’s sloth, they can work on discipline; if they eat or drink too much, they can work on temperance perhaps with mortification. It is recommended to pick the one most serious vice and work on that; in doing so, the other virtues automatically fall in line just by working on one of them. Just keeping busy working on a virtue keeps us from sinning!

However The Spiritual Combat makes an exception to this general rule when it comes to sexual sin (the vice is lust), because actively trying to combat lust means you just keep thinking about the sexual sin and tempting yourself further. A person suffering sexual temptations with a member of either sex should not put themselves in situations where they are tempted with that person, while trying to build up virtue by resisting temptations. If at all possible, they should simply RUN! Run, run, without looking back, and keep busy. Go nowhere near temptation. Not even the saints would trust themselves with this temptation.

I found this advice very helpful and am still using it–I’ve got some big vices and occassionally I am in a bad state of mind where I find my will to be hampered by a circumstance like anger, and at the same time I know that I must not become discouraged, especially by scruples. It’s good to have a conscience that alerts you to sin, even if you’re not sure of its severity. But along with that is the crucial need to learn ways to heal the spirit and not let the guilt work against us.

 

[John_Russell_Jr]

I was thinking of a great story. I’ll relate it. It’s great for us sinners to hear. If we fail.

St Margaret Mary was being visited by our Lord. He was establishing the Sacred Heart devotion through her. She would tell her confessor. One day to test her the confessor said to her to ask our Lord what my last mortal sin was. She did this.
When she next saw her confessor he enquired what our Lord said in reply.
She told him that our Lord did not remember.
The confessor was stunned.

You see how gracious God is. Once confessed it is forgiven and forgotten. So we should’nt worry about whether we have sinned or not. Just make a sincere confession. Ofcourse if counselling is needed or help from a priest then that should be sought.

 

[scared]

Yes child abuse can and does have a very serios implications for the child as they grow. I know I am living the results of it.

I am no expert, only someone who is living through it. For me it has caused me to doubt that God exsists.

Karen10 said: “The other kind of guilt causes only despair; it haunts you, preoccupies your mind, and ends up discouraging you–this “guilt” is a tool of the devil, make no mistake about it. It is a trick of the devil, and a desperate trick at that, because he is threatened by your hatred of sin, and so he turns the guilt into something he can use against you!”

This is perhaps the worst thing. Abuse tears you down so in my case I don’t feel worthy, thus the second kind of guilt arises and it is a hard one to fight.

For myself, I don’t use the abuse as an excuse, if I have committed sin, I have done it in the present, yes my past can effect that, but to over come my past I must accept what I do now. I wanted to be treated as any other Catholic that has committed sin. Do my penance, is it hard you bet. Will it be worth it in the end Yes. The best thing I did was finally admit I couldn’t fix it on my own and that if not dealt with properly it would consume me from the inside, for those abused counselling with a very good therapist and the help of God. Thats my problem I have the therapist, but I am lacking the spiritual side.

Abuse is horrible, it steals so much from the individual, try to regain what is lost, your dignity.

scared

 

[Catherine_Grant]

As this question deals with sin, it has been moved to Moral Theology.

 

[Karen10]

Hi again. To be a grave sin, someone must make a rational choice to consent to that sin. When a person is under such duress that they cannot make a rational choice, moral culpability is reduced–in some cases, even eliminated. A person who is not thinking rationally cannot fully consent to sin. Very young children and mentally incapacitated people cannot make this rational choice, just for one example. This reduces a lot of otherwise deadly sins, to venial sins. Depending on other things, it can mean that no sin was actually committed.

In other cases, the impaired mental state is more acute.

After we’ve done something that was obviously not God’s will, it can be clear we’ve sinned and that we made a rational choice. At other times, we might have trouble deciding how guilty we are, or whether we even made a rational choice. We don’t trust ourselves much to determine whether we aren’t just making excuses for ourselves. On the other hand, we’re honestly not sure we were in a rational state of mind, either. We spend an awful lot of time worried and genuinely confused, to the point at which we are wasting time. We might not come to any conclusion as immediately as we’d like. It might be years before we can look back with a better understanding of what happened.

In these cases, you really shouldn’t delay confession any longer. You’re in an awful state of confusion that leaves you wide open for discouragement and despair, and other temptations. Ideally we need a good confessor, but even going to confession with a so-so confessor does a lot of good.

There is only so much time you can spend trying to figure out whether or not you should be disgusted with yourself, or how disgusted you think you should be, before you only delaying your progress and getting discouraged further. When you’re really stuck over how severely you have sinned and are getting nowhere with it, then confess, and pick yourself back up. It’s the only positive thing you can do for sure, and you must do it to progress.

Discuss it with the priest and ask what he thinks, and while you’re there, confess other sins that you are more sure about. You will be 100% forgiven.

And don’t look back. You’re forgiven–of sins you did commit even if it turns out you’re not guilty of everything you suspected. Don’t look back and let that bad kind of guilt which I mentioned earlier, take hold of you. Keep progressing, and never fear going to confession when you need it again. Repeat as often as necessary, without fear of wearing out your welcome.

 

[Ham1]

To answer the OP’s question head on.

Yes, past abuse can certainly mitigate and potentially even eliminate moral culpability for certain actions. In moral theology, passions that arise externally (that is not from inside you, trauma from past abuse could certainly fit this category) can mitigate the ability of the individual to make a free choice and as such limit the culpability for sin. Obviously, we are called to struggle against sin, but some people through no fault of their own have factors that make such a struggle FAR more difficult than it might otherwise be and when they fall, their sin is lessened because of this.

 

[Mom_of_one]

Yes, it is mitigated. But, I think the fact that a person recognizes that the sin is likely due to or made worse by abuse is a grace from God. He is opening the person’s mind to the fact that this is something that needs to be dealt with. Counseling is wonderful. I would also recommend healing prayer.

 

[BillP]

zachattack05:

my question is, if something happens to a child and it affects them in those ways, and those ways happen to be sinful, what can they do? Are they going to be held just as accountable as the non-abused counterparts?

Of course not! As has been pointed out here many times, mortal sin requires “full consent”. Circumstances such as you describe would remove the abuse victim’s ability to give full consent and thus mitigate their culpability for the behavior.