Child disaster: Advice?

[millstreet]

Scenario: You have your 2 1/2 yo twins by yourself at mass. Not comfortable leaving them alone in the pew, you take them up for communion as you have many times previously with no incident. This time, one child elects to go “dead legs” in line and begin screaming “no” and related things halfway to the front. What’s your move?

 

[mommy_k]

Pick the child up, and if the child is calm, continue up the line and receive on the tongue.

Pick the child up and if the child is squirming and such, leave the communion line and go back to the pew, even if I had to weave through the line. I wouldn’t want to risk a host falling.

In both cases- the child would go home and stand in the corner for misbehaving at mass, and then show the child how a ‘big kid’ behaves on the communion line and how it makes Jesus happy.

 

[white_sheep]

Take them out and tell that one to be quiet and what will happen if he or she isn’t good this time and then get back in line, probably carrying that one.

Since everything after the homily seems to be the hardest I drill it into them that that is the time they have to be quietest. Starting at around 2 I make them kneel down. The biggest punishment they get is for being bad during mass. I start telling them first thing in the morning, on the way, and before going in, if not during mass also. Bad means no doughnuts. I make them sit in timeout for however long they were bad, minimum 15 minutes. They have to sit and be quiet for an hour on Sunday and there is no getting out of it. That age is about when I start with that.

 

[Xantippe]

Leave if the noise continues.

I think I’d look around for a local church with a nursery or leave the twins at home with daddy. If daddy goes to Mass, try going to different Masses without the children. If none of that is an option and the bad behavior continues, it might be necessary to wait until they’re 3ish to come back to Mass (the care of infants is a traditional reason for not going to Mass). 3 is a magical age, in many ways–that’s why preschool traditionally starts then.

Good luck!

 

[Cricket2]

Pick up the kid. Continue to receive Communion. Then when done take a trip to the bathroom for a little discipline session.

Or, skip Communion all together, take a trip to the bathroom for a discipline session. Return to your pew and stay until the end of Mass.

My point, don’t let kiddo get away with this behavior. They are 2. You are the parent not them. I have yet to come across a 2 or 3 year old that I ever had a behavior issue that lasted longer than 2 minutes. Reason: I don’t permit it. The errant behavior gets redirected swiftly, and then we continue on what ever we are doing.

Yes kids can do something unexpected, but all that means is to stop right there and redirect the behavior, even if you have to physically carry them to a different location to redirect and explain expectations. Once they get the message go back to what you were doing.

A good scolding in the bathroom and even having to “stand in the corner” while there, would probably work wonders. I have known folks that do this. Best behaved kids you will ever see…

 

[millstreet]

Leave if the noise continues.

I think I’d look around for a local church with a nursery or leave the twins at home with daddy. If daddy goes to Mass, try going to different Masses without the children. If none of that is an option and the bad behavior continues, it might be necessary to wait until they’re 3ish to come back to Mass (the care of infants is a traditional reason for not going to Mass). 3 is a magical age, in many ways–that’s why preschool traditionally starts then.

Good luck!

I AM daddy This church is a mission church, there isn’t a lot around here. The parent church doesn’t have a nursery. And I am not leaving them home. They have really been quite good up until the last few weeks, now the one is pushing the envelope and pushed it too far. We will see what happens next week. Hopefully mommy will come again, that helps, but it also creates its own set of challenges as she can be a bit less strict in enforcing the rules, but we’re talking through that too.

 

[Tantum_ergo]

I SO can picture this (I’m raising a 3-2/3 and a nearly 2 year old) and they always pick the most inopportune times to suddenly turn into screaming, thrashing, whirling dervishes. Best thing (IMO) is to as carefully as possible leave the line and either return to the pew or head to the back until somebody is quiet, and off to the time-out chair at home and explanations of how to behave yet again. Since we do not HAVE to receive communion at every Mass, at least we don’t have to worry that we didn’t have a ‘real’ Mass if we don’t receive, but since we WANT to receive communion, it’s important enough to make it something that we want to instill its importance to our children and grandchildren etc as well.

 

[Joe_5859]

Pick the child up, and if the child is calm, continue up the line and receive on the tongue.

Pick the child up and if the child is squirming and such, leave the communion line and go back to the pew, even if I had to weave through the line. I wouldn’t want to risk a host falling.

In both cases- the child would go home and stand in the corner for misbehaving at mass, and then show the child how a ‘big kid’ behaves on the communion line and how it makes Jesus happy.

I think this about covers it.

I guess it depends on how heavy your kids are and how much weight you can comfortably carry for an extended period of time. I would just walk up with a twin in each arm and receive on the tongue.

 

[EasterJoy]

Scenario: You have your 2 1/2 yo twins by yourself at mass. Not comfortable leaving them alone in the pew, you take them up for communion as you have many times previously with no incident. This time, one child elects to go “dead legs” in line and begin screaming “no” and related things halfway to the front. What’s your move?

I AM daddy This church is a mission church, there isn’t a lot around here. The parent church doesn’t have a nursery. And I am not leaving them home. They have really been quite good up until the last few weeks, now the one is pushing the envelope and pushed it too far. We will see what happens next week. Hopefully mommy will come again, that helps, but it also creates its own set of challenges as she can be a bit less strict in enforcing the rules, but we’re talking through that too.

Hi, a mother of twins here, and I grew up in a parish with a mission church. Small churches tend to be close-knit churches. Even elsewhere, twins are automatically (and like it or not) celebrities. People go ga-ga over them. For everyone who says, “I’m glad it is you and not me,” there are two or three who want to be in the fan club.

If you have to go to Mass by yourself, collar someone to sit with you and help. If you’re new to the church or visiting, I guess I’d get there a bit early, go to an usher, put on a bit of a desperate face and say, “I’m here alone with my twins today. Do you have anyone here who might be willing to sit close to me, in case I need a hand?” We have a member of our choir who has two or three people who sit on the choir side and have held her baby for her since she was born. They sort of line up to see whose turn it is!

As for staying home, our twins did need to stay home (or they thought the church was a kind of a gym, like the whole rest of the planet). When we brought them back, they caught on, and now they are very faithful altar servers–as in, get themselves out of bed voluntarily on weekdays so they can serve at daily Mass. Don’t be afraid that a child will never want to go to church if you don’t have them there every Sunday since Day 1. That’s the ideal, but if it isn’t going to happen, there are way to work around it.

 

[Joe_5859]

Hi, a mother of twins here, and I grew up in a parish with a mission church. Small churches tend to be close-knit churches. Even elsewhere, twins are automatically (and like it or not) celebrities. People go ga-ga over them. For everyone who says, “I’m glad it is you and not me,” there are two or three who want to be in the fan club.

My brother and I were twin altar servers. The little old ladies certainly did love us. I never understood why at the time. I guess there’s just something about twins.

 

[Xantippe]

And I am not leaving them home.

That is one of your options.

I don’t know if you have any older children, but take it from a mother of school age kids–as long as you keep them alive, almost nothing you do at this age really matters.

Again, within a year, they’ll be much more manageable.

 

[MomaMary8]

You are bringing back memories! Back in the day I would often carry two in line for communion and have2.5- 3yr old trailing me or holding my leg. My goodness I developed upper body strength! My kids were 11 mo apart but neither could walk so I had to carry both. Their older sister was 2.5 at the time. Carrying two happened quite often even after the one year old could walk because it was easier than the craziness that happens when toddlers get a whiff of freedom.

 

[Joe_5859]

You are bringing back memories! Back in the day I would often carry two in line for communion and have2.5- 3yr old trailing me or holding my leg. My goodness I developed upper body strength! My kids were 11 mo apart but neither could walk so I had to carry both. Their older sister was 2.5 at the time. Carrying two happened quite often even after the one year old could walk because it was easier than the craziness that happens when toddlers get a whiff of freedom.

I put my son down for a second to straighten out my shirt and he had his arm in the baptismal “pool” before I could catch him. That was followed closely by his leg.

 

[millstreet]

So I spoke to one of the priests, who told me that in the particular situation I was in, it was okay to just continue, receive communion, and exit if I needed to at that point, talk to the kid, etc. He also said, though, that if it really got uncomfortable, I could exit the line, bring them to the back of the church and calm the problem child down, and then wait by the vestibule and he would be willing to give me communion after the mass was ended. I thought this was an interesting option and I hope it doesn’t come to that, but I appreciated knowing that is an alternative if the need arises. He was very nice and sympathetic to my plight.

 

[PaulGH]

Scenario: You have your 2 1/2 yo twins by yourself at mass. Not comfortable leaving them alone in the pew, you take them up for communion as you have many times previously with no incident. This time, one child elects to go “dead legs” in line and begin screaming “no” and related things halfway to the front. What’s your move?

Well, I have never had twins. But if this happened to me with one child, I would pick the child up, and as discreetly as possible (but also quickly) walk to the back of church, or to a cry room, or to whatever location you would normally go with a screaming child. If this meant missing communion, then so be it. I would try to receive communion at my next opportunity, either at a weekday Mass or the following Sunday. Now, whether you could do this with two children, I don’t know. But if possible, I would say pick up the screaming one, and either pick up or lead the other one, and then take them out of church, or to a cry room, or whatever.

 

[Joe_5859]

So I spoke to one of the priests, who told me that in the particular situation I was in, it was okay to just continue, receive communion, and exit if I needed to at that point, talk to the kid, etc. He also said, though, that if it really got uncomfortable, I could exit the line, bring them to the back of the church and calm the problem child down, and then wait by the vestibule and he would be willing to give me communion after the mass was ended. I thought this was an interesting option and I hope it doesn’t come to that, but I appreciated knowing that is an alternative if the need arises. He was very nice and sympathetic to my plight.

It sounds like you have a great priest. Not every priest would necessarily make such an offer. It’s good to know that you have options if it should come to that.

 

[Anglewannabe]

Sit near the front so the time you spend in line is as short as possible

 

[Musician]

I didn’t have twins, but I did have four children back to back. I know what it’s like to have a child acting up. My youngest son was a master at waiting until church started to get into trouble and pitch fits. Once my husband was taking him outside and he screamed, “Don’t hit me Daddy!” loudly…this to my husband who never lay a hand on him in anger.
You have your hands full, that is for sure. Maybe take them out if they act up, but don’t let all the drama keep you from Mass. Little children don’t bother me in the slightest, even when they let out piercing screams.
I was reminded the other night that they grow up so soon, as two of my sons and their families sat in church with me the other night, listening to the orientation for the parish school and holding their children who are starting school now. And they turn out great.
Speaking as your neighbor in church, I love it that you and so many others do bring their children to Mass.

 

[millstreet]

Speaking as your neighbor in church, I love it that you and so many others do bring their children to Mass.

Thank you for this, in particular. When your kid is kicking and screaming in the communion line, you kind of feel like everyone is watching (and -gasp- judging) both what is happening and how you react. And it often doesn’t feel like there’s an answer that will get people to think “hey, he’s doing a great job there.” So to hear this, that you respect that I am even bringing them, is very helpful.

I say this coming off of yesterday’s mass, where the same child decided it was a good idea to attempt to jump off the kneeler and climb under the pew. It was like playing football but I hope it was another learning experience for her about limits (i.e., in church there is no tolerance for this). We’re working on respecting being in someone else’s house to begin with, let alone God’s house…I know we’ll get there, and I’m absolutely committed to it, but man is it tiring some days!

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. Wish me luck. And pray for my wife, too, while you’re at it. God came back and found me, I would love it if she realized He was looking for her too. It’s not been an easy road.

 

[jlc2k2]

Thank you for this, in particular. When your kid is kicking and screaming in the communion line, you kind of feel like everyone is watching (and -gasp- judging) both what is happening and how you react. And it often doesn’t feel like there’s an answer that will get people to think “hey, he’s doing a great job there.” So to hear this, that you respect that I am even bringing them, is very helpful.

I say this coming off of yesterday’s mass, where the same child decided it was a good idea to attempt to jump off the kneeler and climb under the pew. It was like playing football but I hope it was another learning experience for her about limits (i.e., in church there is no tolerance for this). We’re working on respecting being in someone else’s house to begin with, let alone God’s house…I know we’ll get there, and I’m absolutely committed to it, but man is it tiring some days!

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. Wish me luck. And pray for my wife, too, while you’re at it. God came back and found me, I would love it if she realized He was looking for her too. It’s not been an easy road.

Stick with it. It’ll get better. It just takes practice. Lots and lots of practice.

As to your original question. I go up and take communion and then haul us out to the narthex until she or they are calm enough to return or the service is over.