Child does not want to marry in the Church

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Sy_Noe said:
Padres, I too beg the question why? As I’ve always loved the idea of marriage ceremonies at locations that express the beauty of God’s earth. But seeing you are an Episcopalian and that you may have even sensed from my posts on CAF that I do have some affection for your church, I nevertheless have also been told by an Episcopal priest that such vows are properly made at the altar and that is the policy at his parish. As I understand it though, that is not a stipulation of all Episcopal parishes or vestries or priests in TEC. But I was a bit surprised about the policy at that particular Episcopal parish since it at the same time offers a variety of worship services from a Sat evening healing and reflection service with piano and acoustic guitar, to the more traditional Sun morning Rites 1 & 2 along with a contemporary late Sun morning service with a worship band. But anyway FWIW I just wanted to mention that priests even at this particular Episcopal parish will not officiate a wedding ceremony outdoors, for instance on a beach. I have however known an Episcopal priest who was previously at another parish to do so.
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I wouldn’t guess it’s typical what you encountered at that particular Episcopal Parish based on my experience. As is typical in Anglicanism, typical is a broad word. Many individual Episcopal Churches see the union as being something to be celebrated by the church community, not necessarily in the church building. If this occurs outside or off site, the community can and is still celebrating that provided it’s done to the form in the BCP even if inside a church is considered preferable by many diocese. However on the other side of the coin, I’ve also encountered a few Episcopal churches that are very restrictive in that they’ll only marry in the building and then only if both members are active congregants. So it runs the gamut in, as GKC would say, typical motley fashion.

And that’s not limited to marriages only officiated by Episcopal clergy. Indeed the Episcopal BCP has an entire section dedicated to the blessing of Civil Marriages as well. And as part of that the church recognizes those civil marriages as valid so the blessing modifies the typical marriage ceremony as it recognizes the couple as already married and simply seeking said sacramental blessing inside the church. I’ve actually been considering getting this latter part done with regard to my own marriage which was outside a church and officiated by a non-denominational minister.

But that’s neither here nor there to our original question with regard to the RCC and why exceptions aren’t authorized by bishops even if nothing in Catholic canon law prohibits them from doing so?
 
Sy_Noe said:
Phemie, I got to thinking more about the pain that is troubling you. Maybe this will be of some help I hope and pray it is for you. My mother never received the Sacrament of Anointing. I called. I was told my message would be relayed to a priest and that most likely a priest would get back with me yet that day or the following morning. There were 3 priests at the parish. But my mother had quickly peacefully passed before a priest returned my call later that evening. I can only trust in God and His infinite mercy and love. I pray you can do the same in your situation and it can bring you greater peace. Again many blessings.
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I know that if anything happens I will just leave the souls of my grandsons to the mercy of God. There’s nothing I can do. All I hope is that if they are ever in danger of dying I’ll be present. Then I will baptize them over my daughter’s objections as Canon Law says I have a duty to do.
 
Thank you for the replies so far!

I think my use of the term “destination wedding” might have been misleading. What I mean is they just don’t feel that holding their wedding in a Catholic church is any different then **“going to that cute little bible church down the road” **or just finding a location outdoors.

🤷
 
May I offer a word of hope?
A few reasons to look on the bright side:
  1. At least the couple is “conventional” enough to want to get married. If they believe in marriage that much, at least there is some hope that they still have some traditional moral beliefs.
  2. When I got married, it was at our local courthouse. I was not Catholic, but my husband was a lapsed Catholic. He quit attending church at about age 15. It took quite a while, but he re-joined the church at the age of 44, and got confirmed as an adult. All our children were baptized (late, at ages 8, 4, and 2), and I joined the church too.
  3. They have years of life left (hopefully!), and might come back to the church. You never know what will happen when the kids come along too! : ) For us, the turning point was choosing a school for our kids. We ended up trying Catholic school, because the academic quality was better. And look what happened to us all. : )
Don’t give up hope - - a lot of things might change in the future! : ) I would just let the subject be, as much as possible.
 
27lw said:
May I offer a word of hope?
A few reasons to look on the bright side:
  1. At least the couple is “conventional” enough to want to get married. If they believe in marriage that much, at least there is some hope that they still have some traditional moral beliefs.
  2. When I got married, it was at our local courthouse. I was not Catholic, but my husband was a lapsed Catholic. He quit attending church at about age 15. It took quite a while, but he re-joined the church at the age of 44, and got confirmed as an adult. All our children were baptized (late, at ages 8, 4, and 2), and I joined the church too.
  3. They have years of life left (hopefully!), and might come back to the church. You never know what will happen when the kids come along too! : ) For us, the turning point was choosing a school for our kids. We ended up trying Catholic school, because the academic quality was better. And look what happened to us all. : )
Don’t give up hope - - a lot of things might change in the future! : ) I would just let the subject be, as much as possible.
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Thank you. Very encouraging words. You have helped bring peace to my thoughts on this topic!
 
Top 10 Reasons to Marry Catholic


  1. *]You’ll be better prepared for the daily joys and struggles of married life.
    *]You’ll be part of the world’s greatest social justice network – 1.2 billion Catholics worldwide
    *]Your love story will take on cosmic meaning – the newest chapter in God’s salvation history.
    *]Your children will know who they are, where they came from, and why they’re here.
    *]Your friends and family will thank you – no huge expense for a destination wedding.
    *]Your wedding ceremony will be beautiful and sacred, rain or shine.
    *]You’ll have an ever-present (24-7) spiritual and social support system from your parish community.
    *]You’ll both take your marriage commitment seriously – the most important job you’ll ever have.
    *]You’ll be a model for others – people will sense God’s presence in your relationship.
    *]You’ll be true soul mates – “Two Shall Become One.”
 
Why Marry Catholic?

Catholic Marriage is unique among other marital relationships because it is a sacrament that makes Christ present in our world. The relationship between husband and wife mirrors the relationship of Jesus Christ for his people.

In the Catholic tradition, husband and wife accept a role in God’s plan for humanity. They are ambassadors of God’s Love, and they collaborate with God to keep humanity alive.
The vows exchanged by the couple are a sacred pact through which the spouses embrace each other, and, together, embrace Jesus as their partner.

Through their union with Christ they participate in the unbreakable pact between God and humanity: the covenant that was sealed in the death and resurrection of Christ.
 
Benefits of Catholic Marriage

One of the many benefits of a sacramental marriage is the power of God’s grace, which helps couples keep their commitment and find happiness together.
Social scientists are finding that couples who recognize God’s presence in their relationship experience more satisfaction and are more likely to achieve lifelong marriage.
All in all, couples who choose to bring their marriage into the Church receive many gifts – peace of heart, oneness with the Church, the fullness of the sacraments, and God’s special blessing upon their marriage.
 
The Parish Church The Place for Catholic Weddings
The Sacrament of Marriage takes place in a church, not the beach, park, or other place of natural beauty. The Church is a sacred place, consecrated for the purpose of offering worship to God. Here the people of God gather for holy occasions. It is a graced space by its history, traditions and especially by the people whose faith is nourished there over the years. When the couple chooses the Church for their wedding, they are taking a step forward in faith, and they are inviting Christ into their marriage, and into the years to come as a couple and a family.

Christian marriage is a sacrament and a sign of God’s presence in our daily lives. As such, sacramental marriage is meant to be celebrated within the parish community that holds special meaning in the lives of the bride and groom. It is not just the church building that’s important, but the community of believers that it represents. Your home parish is the community of people who help prepare you for marriage and will support you as you begin your lives together. This is why the Catholic Church encourages all couples to celebrate their wedding in their own parish community, a community that will be enriched by their new marital union.

**Other resources: **
Why Does a Catholic Wedding have to Take Place in a Church
foryourmarriage.org/why-does-a-catholic-wedding-have-to-take-place-in-a-church/
 
If she is old enough to marry,she is old enough to make her own decisions. The honest truth of it is that it really isn’t any of your business. Nor is it her mother’s. If she doesn’t want a local church wedding it isn’t on anyone else but her. Either you support her or you don’t.

I’m sorry to be so blunt, but it isn’t your place to interfere.
 
JillyAnn said:
If she is old enough to marry,she is old enough to make her own decisions. The honest truth of it is that it really isn’t any of your business. Nor is it her mother’s. If she doesn’t want a local church wedding it isn’t on anyone else but her. Either you support her or you don’t.

I’m sorry to be so blunt, but it isn’t your place to interfere.
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Thank you for your response, but I disagree (sorry if that sounds blunt too).

I have to ask you, if we don’t emphasis the importance of our faith and the sacraments to our own children, why even be Catholic? Why be Christian? Why even waste time believing that Jesus is the Son of God?

Jesus taught us to insert ourselves. (even going so far to suggest dividing families in his name for the sake of the sacraments - Luke 12:50-53)

The Catholic Church is the only Church founded directly by Jesus Christ himself (Matthew 16:18). Marriage was made a permanent sacrament directly by Jesus (Matthew 5:31-32).

Christ’s Passion is applied to man through the sacraments . So in essence, the sacraments, through the power of Jesus, makes us holier. (St. Thomas Aquinas, Summa Contra Gentiles, )

Why would you not make that your business to those who you love dearly?

Peace!
" Ephesians 5, 32: “This is a great sacrament; but I speak in Christ and the Church.” The union of a man and a woman mirrors the union of Christ and the Church."
 
Even_Keal said:
Thank you for your response, but I disagree (sorry if that sounds blunt too).

I have to ask you, if we don’t emphasis the importance of our faith and the sacraments to our own children, why even be Catholic? Why be Christian? Why even waste time believing that Jesus is the Son of God?

Jesus taught us to insert ourselves. (even going so far to suggest dividing families in his name for the sake of the sacraments - Luke 12:50-53)

The Catholic Church is the only Church founded directly by Jesus Christ himself (Matthew 16:18). Marriage was made a permanent sacrament directly by Jesus (Matthew 5:31-32).

Christ’s Passion is applied to man through the sacraments . So in essence, the sacraments, through the power of Jesus, makes us holier. (St. Thomas Aquinas, Summa Contra Gentiles, )

Why would you not make that your business to those who you love dearly?

Peace!
" Ephesians 5, 32: “This is a great sacrament; but I speak in Christ and the Church.” The union of a man and a woman mirrors the union of Christ and the Church."
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You do, but the time to do that is when they are children.

If, as an adult, they make different choices there isn’t much you can do besides pray and try to provide some gently encouragement. It is a very fine line and you risk pushing them away entirely.
 
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