Child getting Married

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Wbuttrey

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would you recomend a spouse with no job if they go to mass every day
 
Of course…having no job doesnt make somebody a bad person or unworthy of marriage…that would be like saying all the people receiving welfare benefits shouldnt marry…
 
No job and even everyday Mass doesn’t say much.

Is he looking for a job? Or sitting at home praying a job doesn’t find him?

If he is doing his best, it would be ok, but if he is coming up with excuses and blaming everyone else, then no, I wouldn’t be ok with it.
But I would hope my child could tell the difference on her own.
 
Wbuttrey said:
would you recomend a spouse with no job if they go to mass every day
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More information needed. This sounds to me like you are looking for a reason to tell your child to not get married.

My husband didn’t have a job when we were engaged…because he was a full-time student! Lots of people don’t have jobs while they are searching for the right job, but they have good prospects because they have skills or a degree that are likely to help them land a good job.

I think that in this day and age, a married couple has to have at least one good income-earner for the marriage to have a good chance of lasting. Does YOUR child have a good job?

Finally, even though the person is and always will be “your child,” it’s probably not helping matters that you are referring to them as a “child” when they are at the point of considering marriage. Hey, I’m a mom and I understand. I’m just saying that your son or daughter would probably prefer to be called something other than a “child” at this point, unless they are truly children (12 and under).
 
We are not guaranteed anything in life - if they have fallen in love and the other party is a good and decent person, the job situation is something they would have to work through together. It makes things harder, but being with the right person is more important than being with someone with a good job.

Hope it works out for them.
 
Wbuttrey said:

“would you recomend a spouse with no job if they go to mass every day”

That’s not quite enough information to go on. For instance, if the prospective spouse is a medical student, technically, they have no job, but nobody would regard them as a bad catch. Also, are they looking for a job? Are they sensible about money? Does the child have a good job? Is relocation coming up? If the child has to move for work soon anyway, then the prospective spouse’s joblessness doesn’t matter that much–they’ll probably have to find work in the new place anyway. Also, is there mental illness and if so, how serious? Are they otherwise a good match?

I think a person who goes to Mass every day could be a bad spouse, while a person who is unemployed could be a good spouse. I don’t know that one of my in-laws has ever worked a “real” job, but she followed her husband with the military, and is a really tip-top mom (and has since found some contract work in a very competitive creative field).

Personality matters so much more than employment status, as jobs come and go.
 
Do you imagine that they won’t be unemployed in their marriage?
Personally, I would rather see them attending daily mass when this is happening. When trouble comes and they need help, they are plugging in to the power of God. Good for them.
 
So to recap faith is the thing that drives everything their future how do guess a person has real faith
 
Are you now questioning whether someone’s faith is genuine? I hope not.

How old is the “child” you are referring to? Maybe you should let them decide if they think the one they love is faith filled or not. I don’t think it is your business to decide. Nor do I think it is your business to judge them.
 
I think that someone who is actively looking for work - as opposed to electively unemployed - should not get married first because a new job may require a move.
 
dconklin said:
I think that someone who is actively looking for work - as opposed to electively unemployed - should not get married first because a new job may require a move.
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That seems like a bit of an overgeneralization to me. So long as their intended would be ok with a move for the sake of being able to start a family with that person I don’t see a problem with it at all. They are likely going to have to move multiple times over the course of their marriage for work anyway, why does it matter if one of those times is near the beginning?

(For the record, I had to move away from all friends and family I knew when I got married, and we will likely have to move again pretty soon for financial reasons, there is no way I would have considered these moves as a reason to not marry my husband. He is my vocation, the fact that we have to move around a bit to get financially set-up is hardly a deal-breaker.)
 
There really isnt much information that you are sharing for any of us to really give you decent feedback.

What is the reason why they dont have a job? Are they capable of being employed?

Going to daily Mass is a great thing, a wonderful thing. Clearly they love the Lord a great deal. 👍
 
I like the comment my family is my vocation, if the husband goes to church (because he loves god) and he is a servant helping out the best he can why is our society obsessed with position before marriage.
 
Wbuttrey said:
I like the comment my family is my vocation, if the husband goes to church (because he loves god) and he is a servant helping out the best he can why is our society obsessed with position before marriage.
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Do you live somewhere else other than the United States?

In the United States, in order to survive, people have to have a JOB (or a “position,” if you prefer to use that term). In the U.S., people work and receive money for that work, and they spend that money on the things they need.

This is a GOOD thing, not a bad thing. There is nothing sinful or evil about training for, seeking, accepting, and working at an honest job. This is not “being obsessed with position.” It’s doing what’s right and proper here in the United States.

There are too many people in the United States who have learned to live off of others, and take food, shelter, transportation, education, and other things that they did not earn.

That’s fine if the person is incapable of working. We Christians should be open-handed, generous, and willing to cheerfully sacrifice to give to those who are truly not capable of holding down a job.

But we are NOT doing a good thing to hand over food, clothing, shelter, etc. to someone who prefers to “go to church” instead of training for, seeking, accepting, and working hard at a job.

You still haven’t given us any information about these “children”. It’s difficult to understand what the situation is, and why you seem to oppose it. Please clarify.
I
 
O k one side of the coin is that good people work which I like but is it possible that many don’t have safe reliable work. Why because I have been homeless and out of work-Maybe we need greenhouse work for those who are not acheivers, high tech or work in fast foods and just perhaps that would give us a fairer society.
 
OP, are you ever planning on answering anyone’s responses to you or are you just going to continue rambling away from your original post even more? 🤷
 
Wbuttrey said:
O k one side of the coin is that good people work which I like but is it possible that many don’t have safe reliable work. Why because I have been homeless and out of work-Maybe we need greenhouse work for those who are not acheivers, high tech or work in fast foods and just perhaps that would give us a fairer society.
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Am I right, then, in assuming that you are the unemployed man who goes to Church which you are asking about in your OP?
 
I am retiring in two months and don’t have any unmarried children. I have one only child who is happily married. My question was to help me get answers for the young guys i play hockey with so they will stop fooling around and get married. As a Catholic i think many are not getting married because of fear of many things like the future. We dont help their fears by stressing great jobs instead we should stress love and service including charity then we will be better building the good family foundations
 
Wbuttrey said:
I am retiring in two months and don’t have any unmarried children. I have one only child who is happily married. My question was to help me get answers for the young guys i play hockey with so they will stop fooling around and get married. As a Catholic i think many are not getting married because of fear of many things like the future. We dont help their fears by stressing great jobs instead we should stress love and service including charity then we will be better building the good family foundations
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Honestly, I guess it depends, if they are stressing about not yet earning over 100k a year and putting off marriage because of that, then I definitely think you would be right to try and make them relax about it, but if they are unemployed, or even earning only minimum wage, with no prospects of their income improving any time in the near future then you bet they should be worrying about how to earn more money if they want to get married. Unfortunately money is a key aspect of marriage and the stress caused by financial issues is one of (if not the) leading cause of divorce. Women care about marrying someone who can take care of them financially because the idea of getting pregnant, having a tough pregnancy that makes work difficult if not impossible, and not being able to pay your bills or put food on the table because you aren’t working is freaking scary. Pregnancy is stressful enough with all the uncomfortable issues it brings and the hormonal changes which prevent you from being able to be in control of your emotions (which is not pleasant) without having the added huge stress of whether you can put food on the table. Add to that that you would no longer be worrying just for yourself, but now also for your new child who you are just beginning to love with the fierce protectiveness that comes with the maternal instinct. Its no wonder women care about men having a steady source of income when considering a future mate, its programmed into us through our biology.
 
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