Child won't go to school

  • Thread starter Thread starter Sftyvlv1
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
S

Sftyvlv1

Guest
We suspect our daughter is withdrawn from school because of social media.
She only wants to talk to her online friends that live all over the country and who she’s never met face to face…
She’d rather talk to friends online than with others in person.
Having said that she doesn’t want to go to school. My wife and I think because of to much online time and now she has become socially awkward.
Any advice would be welcome.
 
Last edited:
Is she older than 16?
You prolly can’t make her go to school if she wants to drop out.
If she’s younger than 16, there are laws so she doesn’t have a choice.
 
If young enough she can be forced to go. That’s better than nothing but you still have to deal with her reluctance to take part in school.
I don’t know how you can do that, and I suggest you get advice from experts.
 
I doubt that she’s that “socially awkward” or that being online is what made her that way.

More likely she is having a hard time finding people at school who share her interests or understand her, and in the worst case she may be being excluded or bullied.

If she’s under 16 (or whatever the legal school-leaving age is in your area), simply tell her she has to go to school, it’s non-negotiable, and set limits on her social media time. Also make her use of social media contingent on her going to school and spending a certain amount of time studying before she’s allowed to get online and talk to her friends.

If she’s reached an age where you can’t force her to attend school, I would suggest you get her into some high school equivalency diploma course while setting limits on social media use.
 
Parenting does mean guidance to your kids. I’d start by removing her access from the Internet until she does well in school. Only let her use the Internet for school work and supervise her closely.
 
As someone who is still a teen, I recommend removing her access to the internet- phone, computer, etc. Just take it away. Do not allow her under any circumstances to have these things in her bedroom. I also recommend limiting TV time.
I don’t mean to sound alarmist, but social media and the like is very bad for you and yes, it is addictive.
You and your wife could also cut back on time spent on electronic devices, as a good example.
Definitely don’t give in to whining- persevere through her objections (firm parental authority is very good for teenagers).
Teens often have self-esteem issues, and social media can fuel this- she may have low self-esteem due to the very “peppy” attitude on social media.

And, of course, prayer- alone and as a family- will help. Your family will be in my prayers.
 
No doubt, it’s our fault. She’s 12 and yes she is being bullied. She seems to find negativity in everyone and feels like she’s all alone.
We have been in contact with the school and in the process of seeing a therapist.
We let her on social media and now she’s hooked.
 
Sftyvlv1 said:
No doubt, it’s our fault.
Click to expand...
For your own well being, let’s not jump to this conclusion.
Sftyvlv1 said:
We let her on social media and now she’s hooked.
Click to expand...
It could be an escape for her.
Sftyvlv1 said:
process of seeing a therapist.
Click to expand...
This can be a good thing. I would also give the therapist the authority to talk to the school if needed. You need a team of people working together with you on this.

One year ago, my daughter was having school phobia. It got so bad that when my wife dropped my daughter off at school, (she was in 4th grade at the time), the teacher or guidance counselor had to be there to meet them in the back of the school, and sometimes they had to basically drag my daughter out of the car kicking and screaming. Then the teacher would do a body clamp move on her so she didn’t bolt into traffic as my wife drove away, (crying, usually).

My daughter had to be on an IEP, and for a chunk of the day she was not in her usual classroom and did not go to music, gym, recess, lunch in the lunchroom, or art. When she was in her classroom for one of her classes, she insisted on moving her desk to the back corner of the room, and rested her head on her desktop.

I cannot say how stressful this was for my wife and I. Not to mention my daughter. We were confused as to what the hell had happened to cause this and my daughter was not the best at communicating her fears to us. Sometimes she would growl if she didn’t want to answer a question we had asked her.

At night she would escape to her room and watch videos, or play with her stuffed animals.

It was not easy for us, and I’ll pray for you.

Things are so much better now for us, and it will get back to normal for you.

It will again be like what Joe Walsh would say, “I can’t complain, but sometimes I still do…”
 
I am a special ed teacher. You can ask the school Physiologist or councilor to have her evaluated for services. That could look like a small class with other kids who have anxiety disorders. I had a class just like that for about four years. Most students were at grade level, some below. It’s a good starting point. Placement very well might be at another nearby school. It depends on your area and available programs.

Some students stayed in our class all day. Lot’s of online instruction. Others had a few classes with other regular ed students. Some were shadowed with a parapro in the back of the room, others were just on their own. It is a very flexible program.
 
LumineDiei said:
In light of the fact that she’s being bullied at school and feels like she is alone, Do NOT remove all of her access to social media.
Click to expand...
Perhaps. But due to the prevalence of bullying social media, her use of it should be tightly monitored. Just in case.

It used to be that kids could go home at the end of the day to feel safe from the bullies. Social media enables bullies to stalk victims into their own homes.
redbetta said:
Maybe change schools?
Click to expand...
Private schools are getting super-duper expensive. But those smaller classrooms can be a godsend. I was bullied relentlessly in middle school. I convinced my mom to let me attend a private school with only 6 kids in my class. There were no Catholic schools in the area, so it was Protestant. But with that tiny class, oversight was inevitable, and bullying was impossible.

If kids are bullied, they don’t learn. It defeats the purpose of school.
 
LumineDiei said:
In light of the fact that she’s being bullied at school and feels like she is alone, Do NOT remove all of her access to social media. For right now, that is where she’s probably finding like-minded friends
Click to expand...
Uhm HUGE red flag

Kids that age who feel awkward wind up on the internet with the craziest people.
The ones who will put all sorts of ideas in her head.
Crazy people prey on awkward kids with no friends.

No no no

She needs normal real life people to interact with not a bunch of weirdos on the internet.
 
LumineDiei said:
I did so because it was assumed that she was online with other kids her age with similar interests or hobbies.
Click to expand...
Kids screw up other kids all the time. Haven’t you ever heard of the concept of Bad Companions?

A kid who’s having trouble relating in real life isn’t likely to go on the internet in search of the Clean And Sober Chastity Club.
She’ll get exposed to all the rot gut the internet can dish up. And won’t have the emotiopa ability to figure it all out.
Ever been on Tumblr? Mostly teenagers.

She needs real life.
 
Sftyvlv1 said:
She’s 12 and yes she is being bullied.
Click to expand...
I get it. I was bullied. I skipped a lot in high school because of it and honestly it ruined my self esteem. But that was when I was like 17-18. How are truancy officers not knocking on your door?
 
Sftyvlv1 said:
She’s 12 and yes she is being bullied. She seems to find negativity in everyone and feels like she’s all alone.
We have been in contact with the school and in the process of seeing a therapist.
We let her on social media and now she’s hooked.
Click to expand...
At that age, her online time should be strictly limited, monitored as much as you can, and certain apps and websites should be strictly avoided (blocked). If she is hooked, you need to help her to get unhooked, and soon!
 
Sftyvlv1 said:
My wife and I think because of to much online time and now she has become socially awkward.
Click to expand...
I seriously doubt it’s just that That’s not what I would call socially awkward. Based on your title, “Child won’t go to school,” I would guess that she has probably been the victim of some kind of bullying and/or shaming. This is very hard on girls.

Talk to her and see if you can find out more. Something may have happened which she may not want to talk about it, but if you knew, you could help. Maybe someone told her secrets to the whole school. Maybe she shared someone else’s secrets with the wrong person. Could be worse though; sometimes young girls are pressured/persuaded to send indiscreet photos of themselves (so-called sexting), and that gets ugly fast.

So use all your gentleness, love, and support, try to help her with whatever predicament she’s in, reassure her that there is hope that things will get better, though it may take time, educate her on the proper and prudent use of social media, and put sensible and firm limits on her online activities.
 
Last edited:
Thanks for your replys. God bless each one of you. It’s very much appreciated.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top