Child won't go to school

[babochka]

No doubt, it’s our fault. She’s 12 and yes she is being bullied. She seems to find negativity in everyone and feels like she’s all alone.
We have been in contact with the school and in the process of seeing a therapist.
We let her on social media and now she’s hooked.

Has she always had some difficulty?

My daughter was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder at the age of 15. Sometimes kids who have “mild” autism hold it together until middle school, when the more complex demands of social interaction completely overwhelm them. This is especially common in girls.

I would be very cautious about blaming this on social media. There is an underlying cause and it is key to get to the root of it. Social media might be the only way that she feels competent interacting socially.

It sounds like rather than being addicted to social media, she is retreating to social media as a safe means of staying connected to other people.

 

[TheLittleLady]

I am a person with dwarfism. Even though there were other members of my family with dwarfism, none of them were female and there are specific challenges, heartbreaks, that come from being a very disabled girl. I wish to GOD the internet had existed back then so I could talk to other teens/women with dwarfism.

 

[Brian_K]

I think the focus should also be to let her know you’re there for her, and not trying to make her follow the rules or discipline her. Getting into the teen years and dealing with more complex issues takes on a different dynamic. Of course you’re still the parents and have final say, but if she feels like you’re all working together to find a solution, she may be more cooperative versus taking the approach of “we’re doing this, and that’s that.” Not that that’s what you’re doing. But if she feels less afraid of saying the wrong thing or breaking a rule, she may open up to the point that the substance of the problem becomes obvious and more easily solved. Just my 2 cents, and I’m surely no expert in these things!

 

[0Scarlett_nidiyilii]

Fair enough, but you did figure out social interaction even without the internet.

Also, your case and it’s challenges is more specific than anxiety and learning to relate socially.

It sounds like this young lady has hit a bump in the road to growing up, not like she has a specific diagnosis. Maybe a change of school is in order. Or an extracurricular activity away from her current school where she can shine.
Also, most people outgrow awkwardness naturally.

But unless the parent is willing (and has heaps of spare time) to sit side by side with the kid the entire time she’s on the internet, nothing but disaster is likely to result.

 

[ewohdrol]

Take her phone, internet and social media away. She won’t like it - but at 12 she is too young for this influence in her life.

She will hate you for it and I realise it is hard as a parent to do this. I would explain the situation but also make it my mission to spend quality time with her. Take her for a milkshake or movies. Try to open communication between you.

Good luck OP

 

[Allegra]

Is this a public school? If so, your child has a right to attend their school without being bullied. If the school won’t deal with the bullying issue, I would recommend going to the court. In the meantime, I would change schools (homeschool if necessary), put a reasonable cutoff on the internet, and help her select a variety of real-life social opportunities that interest her. (Sports, service, music, clubs, church groups, scouts, etc)