Childhood misconceptions about Catholicism and what you "thought" they meant. (humorous)

[patrick457]

I found Mass very boring as a kid- thus I thought “Thanks be to God” was like we were saying “Phew thank God that Mass is over!”

There were times when I thought exactly the same thing.
As a kid, I wondered how the child Jesus could grow up into an adult man all of a sudden when I looked at the statues of the crucified Jesus and the Infant Jesus of Prague. I thought that He somehow must have just used His divine power, something like:

Jesus is born by Mary and is put into a manger. He then grows up - as a kid - and starts wearing a crown and robes, at which point Pontius Pilate arrests Him and sentences Him to be executed. Jesus then turns into an adult, gets crucified, and rises again - losing His robes and crown in the process!

 

[EvelynEVF]

My kids are in an evangelical protestant Vacation Bible School this week. It’s run by the church I converted out of. So far it has been great for their faith formation, because instead of PSR teaching them stuff they think they already know, they bring home their handouts and we go over them to see what we believe differently.

The literal view of heaven is so boring to a kid that my son said he didn’t want to go! So we talked about how heaven is about being with God, and that it could never be boring, and that I would not be at all surprised to find out that if he died tonight, tomorrow he would be catching crawdads with Jesus.

We also talked about “once saved, always saved,” and that we would never accidentally fall out of God’s hand, just like they could never accidentally not be my kids anymore. But if they want to pack up and leave from either situation, and they really understood what they were doing, God and I would let them go. Which of course was horrifying to them and they would never do that!

That church figures that maybe 10% of Catholics are Christians, and many were shocked that I converted after spending my whole adult life there. I feel a bit sneaky using them for my kids’ religious education in exactly the opposite of the way they intend, but hey!

 

[NewEnglandPriest]

Growing up in New England my friends and I always thought that the INRI on the cross meant that it happened “IN Rhode Island”

 

[daeve]

There was an eldely Italian lady in our parish who spoke English with a VERY thick Italian accent. We were attending the baptism of a former Protestant neighbor and she said to her, “Oh how a nice…now you a Catholic. Once a you’re a Catholic, you’re a always a Catholic”.

Then I would hear my parents talk about all the “once a year Catholics” who came to Mass only at Christmas and I figured they must all really be Protestants the rest of the year…

I’m surprised I haven’t seen this thread before. I’ll bet your Italian lady said Cat-o-lick, like my grandparents did. I’ve been told I said Cat-lickers for several years.

My mother’s birthday was August 15, and she thought they went to Mass because it was her birthday for a very long time. Eventually she noticed they didn’t go on anyone else’s birthday and asked.

From a slightly different angle, my former mother-in-law is still convinced we’re storing arms in the basements of the churches for when we try to take over the country. She doesn’t trust Catholics or Jews, but to be fair she’s not crazy about Protestants either. She’s never mentioned anyone else.

 

[allhers]

Anyone else, when they were very small of course, think that the Holy Spirit was a Parakeet?

 

[patrick457]

Anyone else, when they were very small of course, think that the Holy Spirit was a Parakeet?

I always thought the Holy Spirit was a dove, which led me to conclude that whenever a dove shows up, the Holy Spirit is there. Which in turn disappointed me since I could rarely see doves from where I grew up - there were a lot of sparrows though.

In the Philippines, there is an image of Our Lady venerated under the title Our Lady of Peace and Good Voyage due to the fact that the image, originally created in Mexico and later shipped to the Philippines in 1630, was put into galleons during the height of the Manila-Acapulco Galleon Trade (1565-1815) as a form of intercession against the dangers of the high seas; the image saw eight successful galleon crossings from 1641 to 1748.

Now my grandmother had this image of Our Lady of Peace on a small galleon. Aside from the image’s dark color (I wondered how Mary could have dark skin on one image and light on another; perhaps a sunburn?), I was also bemused on how come Our Lady does not sink, since in that image she was bigger than the galleon she is riding in.

And, when we go to church, I was always wondering how the people in church were able to take the image out from the altar area (note back then, the altar area did not still have the golden retablo yet; it was all plain marble). I figured that there must be some hidden, narrow maze within the walls where the people would crawl in, take the image, and slide down.

 

[Nechasin]

All Priest smoke cigarettes, that is why they have to wash the nicotine from their hands at the beginning of the the Liturgy of the Eucharist.

 

[EvelynEVF]

Our local kids knew that the Holy Spirit was a dove. So once during the communal service for first reconciliation, one of the many bats from the belfry got down into the church and flew around the sanctuary. I guess most of the kids couldn’t identify a bat out of context like that, because they thought the Holy Spirit had come down to grace their confessions!

 

[almightyservant]

When I was little, I asked my step-mother, “Why don’t I ever see pregnant nuns? Why don’t any nuns have children? What if one carries a baby?”

She replied, “They would be forced to leave the convent.”

I was left with a confused emotion as to why having a nun would be punished for just having a baby. Back then, I thought that all females would have a baby naturally at some point in her life.

 

[allhers]

I always thought the Holy Spirit was a dove, which led me to conclude that whenever a dove shows up, the Holy Spirit is there. Which in turn disappointed me since I could rarely see doves from where I grew up - there were a lot of sparrows though.

In the Philippines, there is an image of Our Lady venerated under the title Our Lady of Peace and Good Voyage due to the fact that the image, originally created in Mexico and later shipped to the Philippines in 1630, was put into galleons during the height of the Manila-Acapulco Galleon Trade (1565-1815) as a form of intercession against the dangers of the high seas; the image saw eight successful galleon crossings from 1641 to 1748.

Now my grandmother had this image of Our Lady of Peace on a small galleon. Aside from the image’s dark color (I wondered how Mary could have dark skin on one image and light on another; perhaps a sunburn?), I was also bemused on how come Our Lady does not sink, since in that image she was bigger than the galleon she is riding in.

And, when we go to church, I was always wondering how the people in church were able to take the image out from the altar area (note back then, the altar area did not still have the golden retablo yet; it was all plain marble). I figured that there must be some hidden, narrow maze within the walls where the people would crawl in, take the image, and slide down.

I was thinking when the Divine Praises was being receited by all, at Benediction–this part.

Divine Praises

Blessed be God.
Blessed be His Holy Name.
Blessed be Jesus Christ, true God and true man.
Blessed be the name of Jesus.
Blessed be His Most Sacred Heart.
Blessed be His Most Precious Blood.
Blessed be Jesus in the Most Holy Sacrament of the Altar.
Blessed be the Holy Spirit, the paraclete.
Blessed be the great Mother of God, Mary most holy.
Blessed be her holy and Immaculate Conception.
Blessed be her glorious Assumption.
Blessed be the name of Mary, Virgin and Mother.
Blessed be Saint Joseph, her most chaste spouse.
Blessed be God in His angels and in His Saints.

When I was very small, I thought they were saying the parakeet instead.

 

[thevickinator16]

This thread is divine! Has kept me in almost tears.

When I was about 9, I lived in a Catholic run orphanage. We had a small church there complete with choir loft. An old (ancient, I thought) nun played the organ up there. One Sunday, just as Communion was about to begin, a bat flew from up that way. All of us kids looked up there and Sr Olymphia was gone, but there was the bat. A couple of minutes later the bat disappeared and she appeared, coming down the asile for Communion. Never saw the bat again. We simply thought from then on that she was a vampire. This was in the mid-60’s.

Also a few years earlier, my sister and I thought about walking into a church of a different faith. We had been taught that if you walked into a church of another faith you would been struck dead by lighting from God. Needless to say we never had the nerve to open the door!

God Bless!

 

[patrick457]

I just noticed that a lot of posters have some experience with bats… I guess bats are just more fervent than humans are - after all, they even go to church!